The Ashleigh Legacy | Gen. 1.1.
Archive | ✖ Naughty language, sexual situations/pixel nudity, and general disregard for the status quo.
Last time: Bo Ashleigh woke up in Hidden Springs after a blackout bender, and as such, her homeless ass has been living at the fire department. She met Ares Live and together they decided to be the founders of a legacy of street urchin thieving children scum, and in turn would rule the Hidden Springs criminal underground. Their opposition appears to be the paperboys and papergirls. Unsurprising. There was also a lot of skinny dipping, illegal woohooing, and of course trashcan battling. Bo had just called Ares to let him know she was pregnant. Ares became openly defiant when he declined to see her, and as such, a harsh series of events followed.
Bo stood on the cliffs next to the empty plot of land she'd woken up so long (one whole sim week) ago. She contemplated throwing herself into the waves. To let the water take her. TO DRAG HER INTO ITS COLD AND FROTHY DEPTHS (Not really.)
Ares' rejection drove her into a life of crime (where she already was, so also just kidding) and she became bolder and bolder, stealing more expensive cars. And in broad daylight, no less.
With no regard for her safety, her future, or the future of her children, Bo decided to break into and rob the shit out of this random house with no wall or gate or fence (dumbasses.) She ended up swiping their barbecue and a chair or something, but nothing could ease her pain.
AND THEN SHE BECAME JESUS CHRIST. That's how upset she was. I mean, really.
Sadly, the big man of the house came home and, well, invited her inside to hang out. Alone. Just this little boy inviting a strange woman into his house. IF YOU INSIST, SIMS. OBVIOUSLY THERE'S NOTHING SKEEZY GOING ON HERE.
Bo: Not even I'm gross enough to make a joke about this. I hope my children turn out exactly like you, but instead of being kind and ignorant, I hope they roll old dames like me.
Kid: ....what?
Bo: Nothing. Let's play video games.
It's all for the baby. Hand/eye coordination or whatever. Yeah.
Bo: (Holy shit, this is so much fun. I can totally understand now why people waste their lives gaming!)
Three minutes later.
Bo: FUCK YOU, GAME. YOU'RE RUINING MY LIFE. I HATE GAMING. WHY DOES ANYONE WASTE THEIR LIVES WITH THIS SHIT?!
Accurate.
And after ragequitting the game, Bo stole some shit to make herself feel better. And to better teach the spawn inside of her to be proficient in the art of thievery through osmosis and immersion. She stole the TV, the couch, and one of the racks of CDs. She has really big pockets, okay?
When she got back home to the fire department she ended up chatting with her boss/girl biffle Blake Grayson.
Bo: Yeah, I totally hate the day time. it's so hard to steal shit when the sun's out, right? Fuck the sun.
Bo: Uh huh, uh huh. Yeah, I definitely have high hopes for my new project. I can't wait for you to meet the next generation of thieves gestating in my womb.
After the phone call, Bo realized that she needed to solidify this unholy union in order to perpetuate her evil machinations, so she contacted her spies and tracked Ares down to the stadium, where he was just about to get off of work.
And this happened.
Bo: Fuck the police.
Ares: *strolls out of work, oblivious to his fate*
Bo: *creeps*
Co-Worker: *exists*
Ares: WHY IS THIS PLACE INFESTED WITH FLIES?!
Then he caught one. And ate it. It was amazing.
Bo: 'Sup?
Ares: You scared away my flies.
Bo: Yeah, sorry about that. So, remember that plan we talked about awhile back? With the street urchins thievery and ruling the underground and all that? Well, it's started. I'm pregnant.
Ares: ......... Does that mean I have to stop drinking?
Bo: Uh, no. I'm the one actually carrying the kids.
Ares: Cool deal.
And then this cute shit happened. Ares faces kill me with squeaky girl joy.
Bo: Okay, so I have something for you. I think you're gonna like it.
Ares: What is it? Cotton candy? A palomino? A high pressure and high heat-treated carbon deposit?
Bo: (How did he know?)
Ares: OH MY GOD I GUESSED RIGHT!
Bo: Ares Live, will you be my lifetime partner in crime?
Ares: I think I could be into that.
♥
Ares: *hypnotized by the shiny*
Bo: It looks like you have laser hands. That is so hot.
Ares: I know, right?
To celebrate their unholy union, Bo and Ares decided to go out and party. But much like any other hotspot in any Sim neighborhood, the place they went was completely empty save for the two of them.
In order to mitigate the silence, Ares decided to get into an argument with the wall speaker.
Ares: Why the hell are you playing disco?! You are a terrible, terrible DJ!
Speaker: Dude, I'm just a speaker. And don't shoot the messenger. You are in a disco.
Plumbbob: (Yo.)
Bo had about 3475349 drinks and got nice and wasted, presumably in order to make the children more resilient to poisons and truth serums in the future. However, drinking makes her mean like a snake, and as such, she got really fussy at poor Ares for arguing with nothing in public.
Bo: Will you please stop yelling at thin air? You are embarrassing the shit out of me! Our kids will have to live under the stigma of a crazy dad which will make it so much harder for them to steal shit from fancy, upper-middle class people!
Ares: :(((
Bo: If you're going to be like this every time we go out, I might just have to leave you at home to work on weapons training and tactical maneuvers. Tcchhh.
Ares: :((((((
Just wait until he hits level 10 martial arts, Bo. Then he'll be wearing the big kid pants.
..I hope.
Finally Ares did man up.
Ares: Damnit, woman, stop cramping my style. I'm a free spirit! And that sweater makes you look fat.
Bo: I'm pregnant, assface. *minusminus*
Ares: I AM WHO I AM! And I'm taking my ball and going home.
Bo: >|
And then he left. And that was upsetting to me. :|
In order to salvage her pride and to reaffirm to herself that she don't need no man, Bo went out to steal more cars.
And to battle more trashcans, as is one of the themes of this legacy.
Morning sickness was a cruel mistress, and whether from the evil of her spawn forcing its way out through her throat, or the anxiety of fighting with her beloved, Bo puked so much she ended up clogging the toilet. Stay classy, girl.
Bo: RAGE.
God, she's huge.
Spawn: (OOOOWWWWWWW MOMMY OOOWWWWWWWW.)
To get her mind off of the fight with Ares, Bo made plans with Blake to go see a movie. Because bitches need to bitch with other bitches.
Blake is actually surprisingly pretty. Well done for once, EA.
Blake: it's good to see you again! We've missed seeing you around the evil water cooler despite the fact that you only worked for literally one day.
Bo: Well, I got knocked up, you see. I'm spawning the next generation of evil little criminals.
Blake: Omg. What a fucking devious and underhanded way to solidify our standing in Hidden Springs!
Blake: Great job, Ashleigh! I love a good forward thinker!
Bo: Thanks! When they're old enough I'm going to use them to infiltrate the Paperkids Gang.
Blake: Perfect. Heeeey little spawn of evil, coo coo baby talk.
Bo: This little bastard won't stop dancing on my bladder. EVIL.
And then they went and saw their movie, and there was the option for Bo and Blake to make out. Which I almost took, but refrained.
After the movie, Bo decided to head over to Ares' place with the plan to finally wrangle him into permanent servitude marriage. I laughed for about five minutes at the fact that his trashcan was still laying on its side, defeated from Bo's battle with it a few days previously.
The first thing she did when she saw him was start an argument.
Bo: YELLOW IS THE BEST COLOR EVER.
Ares: What the hell are you talking about? Yellow is my favorite color, too!
Yeah, I don't even know. mean-spirited sims will argue about anything, it seems.
Ares: Hey, babe, I got a promotion at work! (Distract! Distract the pregnant, hormonal freak!)
Bo: That's great! I'm so proud of you! :D
Phew, that seemed to work.
Since Bo doesn't have a TV (or a couch... or walls or a floor), she immediately took advantage of Ares'.
Bo: Wow, I've never watched Bones in black and white before.
Ares: I HATE THIS SHOW. THE SCIENCE IS ALL WRONG.
Never change, Ares. Never stop being amazing.
Ares: You know what's great? Death! How fun is death?
Bo: I looooove death! *clapclap* +
The fondness with which he looks at her always makes a little wistful. Because she can be such a beast to him. Haha.
Bo: *tvtvtvtv*
Ares: *tvtvtvtv*
Bo: You know, Ares, I have this strange feeling, like something really interesting is about to happen.
Ares: Do you think it can wait until after my show is over?
Bo: Mm, no. Probably not.
Ares: I really need to get DVR.
Bo: HOLY SHIT BALLS.
Ares: Um, Bo, there's a bathroom right over there...
Bo: I'M IN LABOR, YOU SONOFABITCH.
Ares: OH. OH. OOOHHH.
Bo: CALL ME A FREAKIN' CAB.
Ares: I DON'T KNOW WHAT GOOD THAT'S GOING TO DO, BUT OKAY. YOU'RE A CAB.
.... Oh, Ares. ♥
Eventually they got things sorted and Bo got put into a cab to the hospital. The can which randomly kicked her out in the middle of nowhere.
Bo: (Is this because I threatened to cut his balls off and string them up on his rearview mirror like fuzzy dice if he didn't drive faster?)
About a million sim hours later she finally got to the hospital. I've never been able to have a home birth before. Just some random knowledge for you.
And shockingly, Ares was right behind her. He's awesomely attentive.
Ares: I'M COMING, BOO.
Bo: NEVER CALL ME THAT AGAIN.
Ares: ....it was just a typo. >.>
Allow me to introduce you to Dylan and Brigid Ashleigh.
But the best part is that, despite the fact that Ares was there and is clearly shown carrying Brigid out, because he isn't a member of Bo's household yet, EA spirited Brigid away and sent Ares home.
Really, EA?
So when Bo got home to her empty lot, this babysitter had spawned and Brigid was laying in the middle of the field. Alone. In the dark. I can pretty much say with authority that this will only be the beginning of Bo's magical and amazing parenting skills.
I will say, however; this guy is the best babysitter I have ever encountered in EA. He was madly attentive to both the kids and actually had to be dismissed instead of running like his ass was on fire the moment Bo entered the lot.
Naturally. He was just at the hospital to witness the birth of his children, but when she tries to get him back over it's much too late. Oh EA.
Yeah, don't judge me. I didn't want to build a house until Bo and Ares were married so his money could be contributed to the building of said house.
Bo: Hey, babe! Soooo... remember last night when I forced two of your children out of my uterus and you ran home and ignored my calls? Yeah, you think you might want to come over today?
Ares: Sure! I'll be over soon.
Bo: Great! I'll see yo-
Ares: Actually, something came up and I can't make it right now! Bye!
And that happened. For like six sim hours. She called him about a dozen times, and every time he said he'd come over, but them cancelled saying something came up.
And do you know where he was?
He was up in the hills. Collecting rocks and gems. All. Fucking. Day.
I'm pretty sure this is her 'if I don't smile, I'll weep' face.
Bo: What the hell am I supposed to do with these things all by myself?!
Bo: They are awfully cute, though. And so delicious!
GUESS WHO'S BACK! 8D Trololol.
Repoman: Yeah, that's right! It's me again! I've come to steal all of your bugs and fallen leaves and random detritus that accumulates in an EMPTY LOT OF GRASS. FEAR ME.
Repoman: MUAHAHAHAHAHA!
The rainbow is pretty, though.
Bo: Oh, shit. I hope he doesn't take the kids! ...can he take the kids?
After that traumatizing incident, Bo and the children stood and waited for Ares in that empty lot FOR ONE ENTIRE YEAR.
Bo: *sighs wistfully*
Brigid: * yearns for daddy*
Dylan: *drools on Bo's shoulder*
Bo: *dramatically* Oh, Dylan! Will your daddy ever come to us?
Brigid: (I'm so hungry I've been eating dirt. YAY PICA.)
She has Bo's ears, by the way. ♥ Bo's hair always covers her pointy ears; I wanted them to be a surprise. ;D
Brigid: AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH DAAAAAAAAAAAAADDYYYYYYYYYYYYYY.
Seriously. Let me stress this. For the entire day he would not come over and would not stop collecting rocks and gems. Lmao. It was hilarious but so frustrating.
Bo finally got so fed up she called over Awesome Babysitter to watch the kids while she hunted down her man.
Bo: This shouldn't take long. My spies have zeroed in on his location. I'm being sent in for pick-up.
Awesome Babysitter: Take your time, Miss. Ashleigh. I'm sure me and the kids will have a great day talking about how awesome I am.
Dylan: (I have feets!)
Brigid: (This dirt and grass doesn't taste any better than it did earlier.)
So this bitch ran all over Hidden Springs until she finally found Ares, who was fucking lucky he'd been collecting shit they could sell all day, because at least then his avoidance would end up being profitable.
Bo: Ares, it's time to get hitched. The kids are starving and have aged and I'm in dire need of lots of money.
Ares: Hm. Hmm.
Ares: IT'S TIME TO MARRIAGE.
She marched him back to the lot, staying behind him the entire time so he couldn't bail on her again. Look at their faces. Oh my god.
Bo: >|
Ares: >/
The moment they got to the lot, Ares got a phone call. Of course. Because more things needed to happen to delay this wedding.
Ares: Yeah, I should probably work on my double-lunge. It's definitely my weakest move, and after that promotion I got I want to stay in the limelight for a little while, you know?
Bo. Ares. Ares. Ares.
Ares: You think so? China? Yeah, I mean, I guess that would definitely be something interesting to look into. I've totally considered martial arts in the past.
Bo: Ares. Ares. Ares.
Ares: Yeah, man! *nonchalant nose-picking* I'll definitely talk to the little woman about maybe hitting up China for a honeymoon, or something. If I can improve my kick strength then the martial arts training will boost my game performance, too.
Bo: ARES. ARES. ARES.
Ares: OKAY, I'M SORRY. HAVE A RING, GEEZE.
Bo: Yaaaaaaay! ♥
Bo: Sorry for being so annoying, but I just like you so much I wanted you to be mine as soon as possible.
Ares: Just 'like'?
Bo: Oh, come on... are you gonna make me say it?
Ares: I want to hear you say it.
Bo: Fine. You drive a hard bargain. I love you, Ares.
Ares: I love you, too, Boo.
Bo: DON'T CALL ME THAT.
Trololol.
Ares. You could have been richer.
Cue grand, sweeping, romantic music.
PHEW. FINALLY.
I'd originally planned to have their house built for the end of this update, but I couldn't build before patching to 1.36 because my game kept crashing, so I figured I'd just pump this update out and build their house next time I played.
Next time there will be... a new house! And other than that, I have no idea. Haha. I haven't played ahead at all, obviously.
As always, thanks so much for reading! ♥
Guest Sims:
Ares Live by emalso