The Ashleigh Legacy | Gen. 1.2. pt. 1.
Archive | ✖ Naughty language, sexual situations/pixel nudity, and general disregard for the status quo.
Last time: Bo stole stuff to ease her loneliness because Ares was too busy collecting bugs and rocks and gems to take her calls. She finally entrapped him in her web of larceny asked him to marry her, and he accepted. They got into a fight, she battled a trashcan, almost had a lesbian tryst, and then popped out twins. The repoman didn't take the babies and Bo and Ares finally got married.
This update was pretty big so I split it into two posts. So, on to part one!
As soon as Ares and Bo got hitched and Ares moved in, they took all the money they had combined (which was nearly 50,000 due to Bo's propensity for going out at least twice a week and stealing the most expensive cars she can find) and had a lovely house built. The house is yellow. Because it's both of their favorite colors.
Bo: We are so excited.
Ares: Yes. How exciting.
Ares wandered into the house to stand around in the foyer for, like, an hour. Preventing everyone else from getting inside.
Ares: What is this sorcery?! This house wasn't here five minutes ago. What if it's evil? What if it possesses me and tries to make me kill myself?!
Meanwhile, to express her displeasure at being denied the front door, Bo decides to creep around through the back in order to scare the shit out of her new and ever-tolerant and loving husband.
Bo: Muahahahaha!
Brigid: (What does a girl gotta do around here to get to the damn toys?)
I laughed. So hard.
Ares: I'm not worried about evil possessing house ghosts. I'm married! Bo will keep me safe!
Guess again.
Bo: THE HOUSE IS GONNA POSSESS YOU AND TRY TO MAKE YOU KILL YOURSELF!
Ares: OH SWEET IRONY.
And then they autonomously started watching the stars together because seriously, that's all these two do. The stars aren't going anywhere, guys.
Bo: (Oh my god, I can't believe we actually got married. MY PLAN IS WORKING.)
Ares: (I think I need to go to China. If I know martial arts I'll be able to kick Bo in the neck the next time she scares me and then I can just blame it on instincts!)
So much love in this family. ♥
Seriously, game? Please pay attention.
Meanwhile, adorable children.
Dylan: (Toys! Toys! Toys! The good stuff's always at the bottom!)
Brigid: (I'm gonna laugh when that toy box eats you, dumbass.)
So, naturally, right when they come back inside they start arguing.
Bo: Dylan is your son, too. You need to start paying more attention to these kids, Ares. I don't want them growing up badly just because you can't be bothered to talk to them more than you talk to the TV or the microwave.
Ares: But the kids aren't as intelligent as the TV or microwave yet! Our conversations are so stunted! I feel stifled! Besides, they smell weird and they're funny-shaped.
Bo: Babe, seriously! If you want this street urchin franchise to work then you need to be on board, 100%! We need to raise smart, canny kids!
Ares: Okay, okay! I'll... try and make more of an effort.
Bo: ...and don't call them funny-shaped to their faces. That's messed up.
Ares: Right.
And then they made out/up. Which they always do after an argument. Every time.
Mocking argument.
Make up.
This seriously happened like ten minutes after the first fight. Another argument, and then shower woohoo. But hey, at least they do always make up.
Meanwhile, Dylan is being possessed by the house.
Brigid: (I always knew there was something wrong with you.)
Dylan: (I know and see all things.)
Ares: Hey, kiddo. Your mom says I need to start spending more time with you kids, but I'm scared of the girl-shaped one because she's a girl, so I'll start with you first, okay?
Dylan: (Sweet! We can talk about how this place is totally like House of Leaves, am I right?)
Dylan is always so happy to see Ares ajdhkd
Ares: (This bonding thing isn't too hard. In fact, it's kind of fun, as long as I stand perfectly still, right next to the pink-haired boy's bed. That way if the abyss opens up and I drop him, he might just fall back on the bed and Bo won't realize what happened.)
Dylan: (Is there something on the ceiling..?)
Bo: (don'tdrophimdon'tdrophimdon'tdrophim)
Brigid: (...)
This expression pretty much sums up Bo's stress level these days. She's always in the orange, poor thing.
Randomly, I'm pretty sure this is the most racist thing the game has ever said to me. Minority owner? Ide.
Because Bo is fussy and high maintenance, she made Ares stay home with the kids and went out to work off some aggression through her one and only outlet:
Grand theft auto.
Bo: (Too bad there aren't any hookers around to kill.)
And then. Well. it wouldn't be the Ashleigh's without a trashcan battle.
After a scintillating night of thievery, Bo returns home invigorated and anxious to get moving forward with their plan. Meaning, of course, that two kids just aren't enough for her big plans.
Bo: Soooo...
Ares: Hell yeah.
♥
This happens at least once a night. Ares chats more with his friend the TV than he does with any other living soul in the house.
Ares: No, she didn't get hit in the head by a football. That's her hair color, okay? I know it looks like a giant bruise, but you're not allowed to make fun of my wife. (...) Don't compare her to a clown! Her nose isn't that red!
Ares: Why do I even talk to you? You're so argumentative! All we do is fight, TV! I just need a friend right now, okay? I'm going through things!
Ares: Yeah, yeah, I know. *squeaky voice* 'Stupid Ares can't even pick up his own kids without worrying that an abyss is going to open up under his feet and suck them all down into the underworld.'
Ares: Well, that's not gonna happen because I've been feeding the abyss rocks and gems and bugs and stuff, just like you told me to. I'm paying tribute, damnit!
(Randomly, this is the best mod ever for insane sims. ♥)
Guess what?
8D
Bo: Now that we have a stove, I'm going to make some damn waffles.
DON'TSTARTAFIREDON'TSTARTAFIREDON'TSTARTAFIREDON'TSTARTAFIREDON'TSTARTAFIRE
OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG NOFIRENOFIRENOFIRENOFIRENOFIRE
I was seriously chanting that shit the entire time she was cooking sdghj
HELLO MIRACLE.
Bo: Oh my god. I did it. I'm fucking shocked. And look; they're normal quality, and I still don't even have one level in cooking skill.
I'm, like, beyond confused by how this happened, but it did. And I have proof. And they'll never have to go through that again because immediately afterwards Bo bought Fireproof Homested.
Poor Brigid. Ares only ever rolls wishes for Dylan.
Ares: Okay, small person, today I'm going to teach you how to poop properly.
Dylan: (This would be a lot less gross and awkward if I wasn't pooping through my onesie.)
Dylan: *eye-twitch*
Bo: Come on, Brigid. If you can't even walk yet, how can you expect to run from the cops?
Ares: Those spoiled waffles stink so bad!
Maybe you could, I don't know, clean them up?
Dylan: (But... I have a block. Isn't this a block table? Am I imagining all this painting stuff?!)
Yeah, I got rid of that painting table because, well, it was a block table in disguise. Which made no sense.
Ares bought a cat radio, convinced it was actually a real cat in hiding. He expects it to curl up in bed with him any day now.
Ares: You're the most useful cat in existence! Not only are you soft and fuzzy, but you help me advance my career!
Cat Radio: Meow meow music meow music meow meow music meow.
And the obligatory toddler spam.
Bo: (Just gonna sneak a cigarette... I'm all alone...)
Bo: Oh my god, why are you always watching me?
That can't be good for the baby, Bo.
Bo: ...don't judge me. I'm a legacy founder, damnit. This is stressful.
Bo: NO ONE UNDERSTANDS MY PAIN.
Ares: My wife's pain is so beautiful and delicious. ♥
This is just a random shot to show you guys how often his autonomous need to go out collecting happens. At least once every other night. I have no idea where it comes from. I've had other sims with Love the Outdoors before, but this has never happened. Did he do this with you, emalso?)
Ares: Come to me, my little bug friends. No, I promise nothing bad will happen to you. I'm certainly not going to sacrifice you to the guardian of the abyss gate in order to assure my family's safety in our new possessed house.
Ares: A cockroach nest. SCORE!
Ew.
The kids now have two pet cockroaches named Lucy and Ricky.
Bo: Oh my god oh my god, I can feel it happening. IT'S HAPPENING AGAIN.
Pop! ♥
Because sometimes they're cute.
And sometimes they're not. Also, these beds still use the crib animations so it always looks like the kids are possessed whenever they hang on the non-existent railing. Which is appropriate for this house.
I swear I don't play favorites omg look at that adorable face.
Bo: Babe, I'm so happy you like my waffles! *home-maker sparkle*
Ares: *stuffs face*
Ares: I know you can hear me through the mirror, guardian of the abyss. I brought home two of your sacrifices and I'm keeping them in the room of my spawn in order to protect them, so don't even think about doing anything funny, okay?
Ares: Oh. I see. This is war, then.
Ares: So I told the guardian that I was taking a preemptive strike to protect the kids and he just back-talked me! I wasn't even trying to be mean about it, but he's just taking things too far!
Bo: Babe... I'm a little busy here.
Ares: No, I can't stab him. He lives in the mirror, duh.
Bo: (Just keep doing jumping jacks. Just keeeeeeep out of it.)
Ares: No, the mirror not the Matrix.
Bo: Uuuugh.
Ares: I'm watching you. I'm getting this feeling... like you're in on this, too.
Bo: ...right, I have to pee.
Bo: NOT EVEN PEEING CAN BE SIMPLE IN THIS HOUSE.
Bo: I blame the guardian of the abyss.
Brigid: (Crap, you caught me. Don't tell my brother.)
Ares decided that bathing was a bad idea because if he stank so much then maybe the evil in the house wouldn't want him. But judging from that picture, it looks like the evil is just wafting off of him.
Ares: I have to clean up all the clothes so nothing can possess them. Clothing golems are the worst, you know.
We know, bb.
Give me a break. She doesn't have a job, okay?
Bo: Ares, what? I can't hear you. What the hell is that demonic wailing in the background?
Oh.
Ares: Thanks for coming home so fast, Boo.
Bo: Don't call me that.
Ares: I didn't know what to do! They wouldn't stop trying to summon the outer gods through their high-pitched wailing song.
Bo: Well, now you know what to do for next time. Tylenol PM in their bottles.
Ares: I'm so excited for the next one. This one will be our champion.
Bo: You're my champion, babe.
Bo: I know we fight a lot, but I love you. ♥
Bo and Ares bought the kids a little playhouse so they could start learning tactics for home invasion early on.
Dylan: (It's a house within a house. It's like Inception!)
Brigid: (I hated that movie. It was so pretentious.)
Bo: I refuse to believe that there's something evil in this house! It's all in Ares' head, it has to be!
Bo: ...but what if it's a yeti?! dfklsfdsl
And that brings us to the end of part one. Now on to part two!
Guest Sims:
Ares Live by emalso