The Ashleigh Legacy | Gen. 1.4.
Archive | ✖ Naughty language, sexual situations/pixel nudity, and general disregard for the status quo.
Last time: Dylan and Brigid were generally children doing childish things. Dylan developed a vampire fetish and questioned his sexuality, thanks to inheriting pink hair and being less than manly. Brigid learned how to play chess and became a fussy goody two shoes. Bo continued to steal things and peed on Finn. Ares considered sacrificing Finn and Étain to the Guardian of the Abyss, but thankfully Bo distracted him with sex. Bo and Ares took a long-overdue honeymoon to China where they learned Martial Arts, and Bo ate pancakes. Because that's all she eats.
Note: Apologies for the length of this update, but I wanted to get it all done because in the next update the Ashleigh's are moving to Ridgewater! Also, please forgive me for the disjointed feel of this update. I'm writing it in the middle of a social engagement and I'm slightly distracted. ;D Also, sadly, Bo and Ares' trip to China had to be cut short because China glitched and lagged so badly on me I was too scared to leave them there for fear they'd get stuck. So they came home after one day. Woe.
We open up on what would typically be a very normal, domestic scene. If it wasn't Bo making hot dogs. BECAUSE SERIOUSLY, THIS IS THE FIRST TIME SHE'S MADE ANYTHING OTHER THAN PANCAKES. I was seriously shocked.
Obligatory Finn and Etain shot so you remember that they're still alive, since they don't get a lot of attention this update.
Finn: (I think the dolls come alive at night and watch us sleep.)
Étain: (Oh my god, if they did I would eat all their heads LIKE THIS!)
Lucy and Ricky are doing just fine, too. I expect they'll never die, being cockroaches and all.
No on ever uses the computer. Yet it keeps breaking by itself. It must be the spirit of the house. Bo and Ares sometimes battle for who gets to repair things. It's like they're both suicidal.
Dylan got invited over to Minzi's house after school, but she wasn't there. The only person there was Minzi's dad. Which was shady.
Dylan: Hey, Mr. Cho. Will you read me a bedtime story?
Mr. Cho: Sure thing, little boy.
....yeah, no. Dylan, go home.
He rolled the want to learn how to fish, so instead of the awkward, pedophilia-laden scenario that could have happened, Dylan instead just went fishing in the lake out behind Minzi's house.
And then got a safe bedtime story from mom.
Bo: 'Once your victim is no longer breathing drag them out into the backyard. Spread a tarp on the ground, preferably a big black tarp, and plug in your industrial sized wood chipper. Vecoplan makes some nice ones. Feed the body into the chipper. Beware of flying chunks of flesh and spraying blood.'
Dylan: Mom...
Bo: No, you need to know this. It's important if you're going to be a vampire, right?
Dylan: Omg, mom.
Bo, being a little nervous about the truth behind the jokes she'd made to her son the previous night, went to visit the only vampire she was friends with. And, of course, proceeded to yell at her.
Bo: Look, I'm not saying there's anything wrong with vampires. I totally respect your evilness and potential for mayhem and awesome criminal undertakings, but I'd appreciate it if you people would stop putting ideas into my son's head.
Blake: What the hell are you talking about? I've never even met your son. You might consider taking this up with that shady babysitter of yours. Now piss off. I need to go to work.
So, naturally, this happened. We feel your rage, bb.
Bo: I think our son has gone crazy.
Ares: Hey! Insensitive!
Because really, she is.
Bo was really just in top form that day.
Ares continued to rage, but took it to the refrigerator. Because he always fumes for hours.
Ares: My son should be free to love anyone he wants to love! Men, women, vampires, various plant life, coffee cups, acute triangles painted with blue stripes, that one patch of grass in the backyard... but just that one patch. The other ones are no good for him.
Refrigerator: ...
Bo: Babe, keep it down. I can't hear the sound of my own awesome over your insane ramblings.
Dylan: Do you ever get that feeling, like someone's talking about you?
Brigid: Quit stalling and make a move before I toss you in the lake.
Working off anger.
Working off anger.
It's a shame they didn't work it off the other way. :(
Creepy Park Guy: Well, hey there, little girl. What are you doing out so late? So very far from home?
Brigid: (Oh my god, I'm going to puke and throw myself off the slide.)
Dylan: Uh... dude. Ew.
I've never been so grateful for curfew because they fled straight home to eat dinner, which was, of course, leftover pancakes.
Ares: Do you think your mom would stop yelling at me if I shoved a wad of cash in her mouth every time she opened it?
Brigid: Yes.
Dylan: Ugh, you guys.
But Ares thought he might go with seduction first, seeing as he unfortunately didn't have dozens of stacks of cash just lying around, waiting to be shoved into mean-spirited mouths.
Bo: You know, babe, I've always really liked the take-charge side of you.
Ares: Woman, stop talking and get under these covers with me.
Half the time I don't even know how I feel about their relationship. They're so hot and cold, and their relationship bar is about a hair away from being in the red right now. But I guess they're kind of realistic in that sense. Haha. No one is perfect, but they've always stuck it out.
HAHAHA. RIGHT-CLICK > CANCEL.
Ares: (Damn, I must be getting out of shape. I'm sore as hell after last night. Maybe I should hit the gym...)
Bo: Morning, babe. Last night was great... I love you.
Ares: Hey, yeah... I love you, too.
♥
Dylan: I've always been so envious of Food Network chefs, you know? To be able to be famous for doing something like cooking seems so great. It's such a passionate art, you know? And baking! It's so refined!
Brigid: Dylan, holy crap, it's already after dark. No one's going to come to our bake sale after dark.
Dylan: ...maybeavampirewill.
Brigid: What did you say?
Dylan: NOTHING. Let's just eat these inside.
Dylan: Would you ever really throw me in the lake?
Brigid: If you make muffins this dry again next time, you better believe it. *coughchoke*
Guess who else's relationship bar is almost in the red with Bo? Yeeeep. They argue all the time, too.
Bo: HOW WILL YOU BE ABLE TO HANDLE VAMPIRES WHEN YOUR OWN MOTHER SCARES THE CRAP OUT OF YOU?!
Dylan: (My god, she's right!) I hate you, mom!
Brigid: Hi, I'm responding to your ad on Craig's List? Yeah, I'm interested in purchasing a new family. Sure, I'll hold.
Dylan: Do you know why I like peek-a-boo so much, Etain?
Étain: Booo, booo!
Dylan: Because when you pull your hands away and open your eyes, you can totally pretend that you're suddenly somewhere else!
Étain: (But why would you want to be somewhere else?) ...peekboo?
Ares: Old friend, I don't know what to do. You've gone quiet on me. You don't purr anymore, and when I pet you, you bite me. What have I done? How can I mend this rift between us?
Obviously we replaced it. Oh, Ares. He should have married the cat radio instead.
Bo: Okay, sweetie. Tonight I'm going to teach you how to repair the lock on a secret desk drawer if you have to pry it open with a letter opener to get at the goods inside.
Brigid: Aw, mom, I already read that chapter. Can you skip ahead? +
Bo: You are my favorite child. ♥ +
Favorite child when she's not behaving in any way that Bo doesn't approve of.
Bo: I never should have bought you kids that damn costume chest. You are not a princess, young lady! If you expect to be treated like one, then you're out of your mind.
Brigid: *ignores* (I am totally a beautiful princess.)
Bo: Brigid Ashleigh! Take that stupid costume off right now and get your ass over here so I can talk to you about pick pocket strategies!
Brigid: *ignores* (I'm gliding on a cloud of my own perfumed glory!)
Brigid: And I shall slay the dragon with my scepter of magical brilliance! That evil, nasty, buttface dragon named Bo..Baphomet!
Typical.
Bo: *creepcreep*
Ares: *viewing somethingorother*
Bo: IT'S YOUR BIRTHDAY, BABY! YOU'RE GETTING OLD.
Ares: OH MY GOD WHY.
I really love birthday animations.
And excitable sims.
Ares: This is a sexy cake. Hmm, what should I wish for?
Randomly, he rolled this wish the exact moment I clicked for him to blow out his candles. Ares, no.
Ares: (I secretly wish for things to get better between me and Bo.) Yay!
No wrinkles at all, bb. ♥ Which I find shocking, considering who you live with.
Still alive! That play table is so cute.
Étain: (Have you tasted this one yet? It's amazing! The subtle undertones of wood glue are simply exquisite.)
Finn: (Not yet. I've been saving that one for last. It just looks so delectable.)
This entire picture is just an innuendo screaming at me to get free.
Dylan: Man, fish just don’t like me. I suck at attracting fish!
Or maybe you just don't like fish, bb. The rainbow is calling you.
Mom and dad went out for the night (not together, of course :/) so they called for a babysitter. Naturally I was hoping for Anderson because he's the shit...
BUT NO. We got this little lady. She was not awesome, nor is she a vampire. The children were so disappointed. Later found out that Anderson had a birthday and was no longer babysitting. WEEP.
Finn: (What the hell are these shenanigans?)
Étain: (I don't even know. Just keep gnawing on blocks and maybe she'll ignore us.)
Ares went out for a birthday drink with his buddy, and boss, Ian.
Ian: You're really an excellent athlete, Ares. If you keep up your performance and we keep winning games, I'm seeing an incredibly bright future for you, man!
Ares: Thanks, thanks. (I need a drink..)
Ian: I'm thinking tomorrow we can work on some base-running drills-
Ares: You know, Ian... I'm actually thinking of quitting sports.
Ian: ...........say what?
And he did. The next day he called the stadium and quit his career as a level 7 athlete. I both love and hate his mid-life crises.
Feeling that he needed a little discipline and structure in his life, Ares decided to pursue a career in the military. (I also wasn't about to let his levels in Athletics go to waste, and I had the Criminal career earmarked for Bo.)
Ares: Reality has changed. It's snapped. I see you, seams. Paradigm seams. Weave yourselves back together! This is a good change. This is a new start. Things will be better now.
This is all Bo does with her free time now.
Bo: I'm not scared of you, Paperkids gang. The next time I catch one of you little shits on my lawn, prepare to have your life ended by the mighty feet and fists of Bo Ashleigh!
Random love for autonomously-cleaning children.
Brigid: Want to run away to Hawaii with me? Dad's gone totally off the deep end, and I don't think mom's far behind.
Dylan: Stop trying to distract me! Ugh, chess is haaaard.
Bo: (tryingtobecalm, tryingtobecalm, tryingtobecalm... /mantra)
This happened. Naturally he came in through the back because I forgot to put an alarm on the back door. I was like, no big deal. Both Bo and Ares have pretty high martial arts scores, so I was confident that burglar wouldn't get away.
He completely ignored all the good shit on the ground floor and decided to go upstairs. Because yeah, it's a really good idea to bottleneck yourself when you're stealing from people.
He stole the upstairs gaming console and their computer. And Ares did nothing to stop him.
Ares: OH MY GOD! WE'RE BEING ROBBED! D8 I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO. My one day in the military hasn't prepared me for direct conflict!
Burglar: Shiiiiiit. I think it's time to bail.
And there he goes. Got away scot free and no one did anything. My sims are useless.
Ares: Cake will make me feel better. I understand now why people eat their feelings. :(
Ares: Well played, Guardian. Sending that robber around to test me. To get my measure. I'M ONTO YOU. Things are going to be different from now on. I will keep my family safe!
Ares: Let's do this.
That's Ares' manly, 'no more games, I'm a badass now' face. Not his 'I can't believe I have to leave for work at 7:00am' face. I promise.
I SEE YOU, PAPERKID GANG MEMBER. 8[
Completely out of nowhere, Liam O'Dourke stopped by. Which was completely random since he doesn't know anyone in the house.
Bo: Hi, strange man. Who the hell are you and why were you lurking around on my front lawn?
Liam: Hey, Mrs. Ashleigh. My name's Liam. I know this is a bit weird, but I'm a big fan of your husband's. I heard he just quit sports, and I wanted to stop by and tell him I'm a fan.
Bo: Oh. Well, that's really nice of you, but probably not the best idea. He's still a little upset about leaving the team, so maybe you should wait a few more days. Things have been kind of tense around here.
Liam: Tense, huh? Well... I noticed that you're home alone, so... maybe there's something I can do to help with that. *smirksmirk*
Bo: Oh hell no, you did not just say that. Me and Ares might not have the most perfect relationship, but at least we're honest with each other. I'd never do anything like this to him behind his back. You better get the fuck out of here, and if I ever see you hanging around here again, I'll stab you in the face with the neighbor's garden gnome!
Liam: Jesus, why do you have to drag that poor gnome into this?! Fine, you crazy bitch. I'm leaving!
Bo: (Disgusting little shit, coming over and propositioning me? Fuck that. Ugh, if I ever see him again I'm putting my foot through his sternum.)
You go, girl. Female empowerment and all that. Don't get a splinter.
This picture is totally filler because the face every sim makes right before they go up stairs is priceless.
My poor bb. He didn't get any sleep because of the burglar, and his sleep bar was in the red for nearly half his work day. He passed out the moment he walked in the door. ♥
Bo: I found that pornography under your mattress, Dylan Ashleigh.
Dylan: Mom, Twilight isn't porn.
Bo: It is for you!
Bo: I don't like what it's doing to your head. - -
Dylan: Like you're one to talk about a level head. - -
Bo: And what exactly is that supposed to mean, young man?
Dylan: Everyone knows you and dad are nuts!
Bo: ....! Oh, you are so grounded.
Dylan: Just letting you know, Brig; I've decided to make mom my mortal enemy.
Brigid: What is it with you two, anyway? What's the problem? You're always fighting.
Dylan: She just doesn't get me. And I don't think she wants to.
The next day, this lovely young lady asked Dylan if she could come over to his house after school. But as you can see, things didn't quite work out that way.
Dylan: (girlsarescarygirlsarescarygirlsarescary)
Brigid: (girlsareprettygirlsareprettygirlsarepretty)
Antoinette: *oblivious*
As soon as they got home, Dylan ran off to hide in the backyard, much in the same way he did the last time Minzi was over. This was good for Brigid.
Brigid: Hi. I know you came home with Dylan, but he's... inspecting the back yard for insect infestations. So do you want to maybe hang out with me instead?
Antoinette: Yeah, I guess that could be cool.
Brigid: Cool. So, I guess first things first; what's your stance on meat in your mouth? Personally, I'm a fish girl myself.
Antoinette: (Oh my god, is it just me or does this girl's mind need a thorough cleaning?)
Brigid: Sorry. I just get a little nervous around girls I think are cool.
Antoinette: No big deal. I think you're cool, too.
Dylan: (The sunset is so dramatic and romantic. It's the death of the day, making way for the life of night. Siiiiiiigh, I just want to be lovingly stalked by a vampire.)
But Dylan was rudely snapped out of his mournful repose by Brigid, who slam-tackled him into the pool with her. Because she's horrible and likes t see him cry. Poor Dylan whimpered the entire time he was in the pool, yet he stayed in there for like two hours. Oh, my little masochist.
Brigid: (I wonder if she thinks I look cute in my bathing suit. Oh god, I hope I didn't get fat from living on a diet consisting solely of pancakes, ice cream, and cake.)
Antoinette: (What even are words? I don't understand math. Homework is no bueno.)
Brigid: (I have a great idea...) Ahahahaha yeah, hi Katie. (...) Oh, I'm totally booked this weekend. I'm super popular and I'm going to have this amazing pool party. (...) I'll think about it. I'll let you know later... (Is she listening? Does she think I'm cool?)
Antoinette: (Uuuuugh, I suck at math.)
Sorry, Brigid. She wasn't listening.
Dylan: I just love the radio stations in this game. It's so awesome how you can program them yourself.
Brigid: Shut up and get that hooker!
Antoinette: I can't believe your parents let you guys play GTA. Every time I try to get my mom to let me have it, she tells me I'm too young and it's so embarrassing.
Brigid: You can come over here any time you want to play. I'd really like that.
Antoinette: That sounds like fun!
Oh my god, this girl is a keeper.
Bo: Watch out, space rock. I'm going to kung-fu chop the hell out of you!
Bo: OW! OW! HOLY SHIT, THAT'S THE OPPOSITE OF WHAT I WANTED!
Just a shot to show you how handsome Ares looks all military'd up. He can pull off the shaved head look pretty well.
Dylan ended up going home with Martin Vanderburg, the son of one of Brigid's old "friends," Sebastian.
Dylan: Wow, Martin. My mom said you guys were rich, but I've never been in a house this nice before.
Martin: Yeah, it's okay. I think it's kind of ostentatious, though. It's hard to concentrate when I'm constantly being blinded by all the gold. #firstworldproblems #whitewhine
You poor thing.
Dylan: So, today's my birthday, did you know that? Me, my twin sister, my little brother and sister, and my mom, too. We all sort of celebrate on the same day since our birthdays are so close together. Do you maybe want to come over for cake?
Martin: I wish I could, but it's kind of late. My dad doesn't like me going out after dark. He says there are scary people around here at night.
Dylan: They're not scary! They're just misunderstood. Misunderstood and beautiful and lonely...
Yeah, you keep telling yourself that, kid.
So, five birthdays happened today. Because when I reset the aging in Options it clumped all of the kid's birthdays together on the same day, and Bo's was just one day after, so I decided to let them all age up on the same day for the sake of my sanity.
Hence all the damn cakes.
But I didn't catch any of them in time. sdkjfls And before I even had a chance to get anyone over to blow out the candles, Finn, Etain, and Dylan all aged up on their own.
I knew you'd grow up to be a metalhead.
All of Finn's traits are game-forced, since he had such a bad childhood (oops). Look at those traits. He's going to be a freaking pleasure, I'm sure.
Étain: *not amused*
And Etain inherited mean-spirited from Bo. Way to negatively influence your kids, mom.
Nice adventuring gear, bb. And what even are those eyebrows? They are amazing.
Dylan rolled flirty, because I would expect nothing less with those eyebrows.
I got to Brigid in time for her to blow out her candles.
Brigid: (I wish for perfect grades and an amazing job that will let me move out as soon as I'm old enough. And for Antoinette to jump out of my cake.)
Yeah, maybe you'll get two of those wishes, tops.
Oh, legacy hair.
She rolled genius; no surprise there. And she turned into such a little hottie, just like her brother.
I'm really happy with Dylan and Brigid. Neither one seems to be a clone of either Bo or Ares, which was what I was worried about happening.
Bo: My turn! (I wish for the patience to deal with these kids, and to stop biting my husband's head off every time I get stressed. And to not look too old after I age up.)
Not too bad! But that flower needs to go.
Bo: So very agreed.
Unlike Ares, Bo aged up with wrinkles. But hey, she deserves them. Try being nicer, bb. Maybe you'll look less stressed.
Brigid: Happy birthday to me. I'm eating mom's pancakes just to spite her, because all I wanted for my birthday was a teenage moodswing.
Brigid: Oh my god, Etain! What are you doing in my bed?! Get oooout!
Étain: No! Daddy's gonna read me a bedtime story! You can sleep in my bed.
Brigid: Uuugghh! I hate everyone.
Bitch be fussy. But she did end up sleeping in Etain's bed that night, regardless.
Étain: Daddy? Is Brigid going to slay me in my sleep?
Ares: It's possible, sweetheart. Just tell the Guardian that she's in here to squash Lucy and Ricky and he'll take care of her.
Étain: ...right.
As soon as Ares went to sleep, he rolled these wishes:
Guess we know who his favorite is. Or maybe he just knows something we don't. He probably has insider information from the Guardian and the house spirit. Too bad, Ares; the kids are staying put.
Good morning from the Ashleigh household.
Dylan: Hey, Brig? Can I just copy off of you?
Brigid: Yeah, like anyone would believe that you know the words that I know.
Dylan: ...fair enough.
Étain: 'If Mr. Farmer has 2 oranges, 3 apples, 1 banana, and 10 pears, then how many pieces of fruit does Mr. Farmer have?' Um, doesn't Mr. Farmer know how to count? Dumbass.
Finn's got it right.
Finn: Homework is stupid. Playing is fun!
Dylan: Uh, hey, Finn. Where's Etain?
Finn: She's under the seat. I think the bus is eating her.
And so it begins.
Ares ended up coming home early from work that day. He had big news.
Ares: Hey, babe. You know how I got those two promotions in just my first four days of work because my athletics skills were so above par?
Bo: Yeah, I was really proud of you.
Ares: Well, I was offered an opportunity today due to my accelerated position.
Bo: Oh, really? What's that?
Ares: I'm being transferred. We're moving to Ridgewater.
Bo: ........
Bo: ....what?
Ares: I know this is sudden, and we never once talked about the idea of moving, but this is going to be really good for my career. I also think it'll be good for you, too.
Bo: How could being uprooted from the only place I've ever known, being forced to pull the kids out of school, and then having to move all of us to a completely new and strange city possibly be good for me?!
Ares: Crime is a lot more rampant in Ridgewater. You could get back into the game.
Bo: Oh my god, you're right! 8D I didn't even think about that!
Bo: Oh, babe, I'm so excited about being about to go back to work. And now that Dylan and Brigid are old enough, they can watch the kids while I get back into the swing of things.
Ares: So you're happy, then?
Bo: I definitely think this is doable.
Ares: I'm really glad to hear that. I think a change will be really good for all of us.
Bo: I hope so, Ares. I love you.
Ares: I love you, too.
And that's that! I got tired of Hidden Springs. Now that the kids are getting older, and Dylan's obsession was spreading to the other kids (all of them want to meet vampires now), I figured I'd move them to the city.
As always, thank you guys so much for reading! ♥
Guest Sims:
Ares Live by emalso