So I haven't posted in a while. Ball me.
Today, I'm going to go over some things that piss me off. If stuff that you do makes it onto this list, change. You will be infinately cooler for it. If you aren't interested, than go to hell.
- First and most importantly, I hate people that come into my restaurant and don't give me a good tip. Or any tip. Just so everyone understands, 10% does not cut it. If I asked you to spend an hour of your time doing everything I said without question including bringing me drinks, making me salads, burning your hands while handing me plates, taking my dirty plates away from me so they don't bother me, making me desesrts, bringing the desserts to me, and cleaning up after me when it was all said and done, would you do it for $5.00? I suspect not. I'd make someone a sandwich for 5 dollars, and hell, I might even bring them a drink, but after that, I would tell you to shut up. 15% is acceptable. If I do a great job, and provide outstanding service with a great smile and great conversation, 20%-30% is in order in my book.
- I am tired of people that tell me what a wonderful job I did, compliment me on my excellent timliness and thoughtfullness, GO TO MY MANAGER TO SAY WHAT A WONDERFUL SERVER I AM, and leave me three bucks. UTA does not accept guest compliments for payment of tuition, housing, board fees, or any other such things. Don't compliment me with your words. Your thanks will be more appreciated in cash values.
- The fastest way to go to hell is to ask for your salad with the dressing on the side. I hate that. Those cowardly twats are afraid that I am going to put either to little or too much dressing on their salad. Just tell me, fucker! I'll do it. I'm afraid that if I don't do it the way you want, you won't tip me. By the way, people that order their salad with two different dressings on the side actually get to meet Satan himself.
- People seriously piss me off when they cut me off when I'm introducing myslef to them. Hey, I need to tell you my name and try to sell you some overpriced appetizers, or I could get fired. Don't be a douche and cut me off.
- I hate babies. Even more than that, I hate their parents. The next fuck faced mother that asks me for some saltine crackers for their baby gets punched in the crotch. All the baby does is chew on the crackers for a little and spit them up all over the place, and the parents just leave the crumbs and saltine mush for me to clean up. Fuck you. Oh yeah, and the next baby that reaches for my server book and touches my wang gets shaken.
- I hate people that ask for vinegarette dressing and then look back at me like I'm a moron when I ask them if they would like red wine or baslamic vinegarette dressing. "Our waiter last time just wrote it down, and it came out right." "Well," I ask them, "what color was it?" "Red." That's when I grab the dumb bitch by the hair, bend her over the railing and slug her in the back of the head, and then kick her dumbass husband in the nuts for procreating with her and making more dumb bitches like her.
- I hate people that sit in tables that aren't even mine and ask me to do shit for them. And not just stuff like extra napkins, or more sweet-n-low. I can handle that. "I'm sorry, could you go get me a cup of coffee?" "I'm sorry, no." Lick my ball hair, prick.
- I hate people that ask me what religion I belong to/where I go to church. I would get fired if I asked a guest a question like that, but they can do it and it's cool. In fact, if I don't answer, they'll probably think I'm a devil worshipper and leave. Honestly, what kind of positve response could come from me telling the truth? "I am an athiest. I think that your god isn't real, as he has never done me one favor. Ever." If the person even cares enough to ask such an intrusive question, one can assume that that would not be a favorable response.
- I hate people
- I want to bust my own nut when I see one of those "FREEDOM ISN'T FREE" bumper stickers. Shut your cake hole, you stupid redneck shit kicker. What the hell does that mean anyway? Yes, I know that this country has been under fire, and we would not exist if we hadn't defended ourselves, but that does not apply here. One can assume that these people have put these stickers on display in response to anti-war sentiment (read: anti-Bush sentiment,) as they are new looking and Iraq is the only major conflict we are involved in right now. Exactly how was our freedom being threatened? Our president makes me fear for my rights and freedom far more than Saddam ever did. Are the stickers referring to Iraq's freedom? If so, sell them your bumper stickers and let them fight their own god damn battles. The response I hear most often to that now is a carbon copy of the most recent Bush excuse as to why we are in Iraq now: "We are spreading democracy and trying to make others lives better." First, those people do not want a democracy, they want a theocracy; Bush want's lower oil prices from them. Second, this is coming from the same people that said "Get us out of the U.N.!" Go fuck yourself.
- I hate it when women act like their tough and they could put up a fight against a male attacker if they had to. No you couldn't. Your a stupid vagina. You're weak. You're small. You can't do shit. Embrace your role: making men happy.
- I am getting god damn sick of white chicks listening to hip hop/rap/urban bull shit. Here is an example of lyrics from a popular hip hop artist:
I need a girl who is gonna be down with me
And won't clown when I ask you go down on me
About a bitch that ain't quick to clown on me
She shake her ass then she bring me my money
Yeah, I can totally see how teenage white girls can identify with this kind of music and think it's cool. My sister's friends were singing some song about getting cum on their tounge this one time. What the fuck? Cracker girls need to stop listening to black music! It isn't even real music. It takes little real talent to make "music" in this bullshit genre. Just have a tough, ghetto image and talk over a two bar phrase that repeats over and over about how tough you are, talk about how many nigger sluts you banged last night, and how much money you make doing absolutely nothing. No wonder black people end up in jail and without jobs than other ethnicities. Look what their music promotes. Jizzy Jazzy Jabba J. checkin out, nigga! It's bad enough that they scream their nappy heads off in the movie theater, but then they pollute gyms with this shit, too.
Finally, I'm done. That's all the stuff I hate for now. It has to be said, however, that every time someone at Red Lobster orders the "Salmon New Orleans," I want to tell them that that dish is under water and too soggy to eat.
- Manus celer dei -