Friggin' in the Riggin'!
I went to see Pirates on Thursday night at the Wimbledon Odeon. I went out with my lovely dressed up pirate boyfriend Mike, giggling and squealing all the way there, ecstatic to the last, to see the sequel to one of my favourite films of the last five years. Mike is just as big a fan as I am, if not bigger and he can even pull off a fantastic Jack Sparrow impression. Plus, he’s like the bastard offspring of Ed Norton and Johnny Depp, an absolute gentleman and looks damned good in an eye patch; I am officially the luckiest bitch on the planet.
I was delighted to watch Mike ‘Arrring’ the cashiers at the Wimbledon Morrisons, rearrange his eye-patch when ever he needed his depth perception back and bounding up the stairs of the Odeon like the handsome buccaneer that he is.
I was excited and rather cautious, with very good reason.
So many times have my expectations been hampered, so many times I have felt my eternal optimism battered by rubbish sequels and a lack of care which ruins a perfectly good franchise.
Case in point; the Matrix. The first one was a cultural milestone, a revolution in special effects, sci-fi cinema and just so damned cool I could hardly believe my eyes. I fell in love with the franchise and to this day I will not breathe a bad word about the first Matrix film.
The sequel… well, it was disappointing to say the least. I mean, what the bloody hell? Was it the fact that Keanu Reeves’ wooden acting isn’t even propped up by the charismatic presence of Lawrence Fishbourne? The fact that brilliant characters and actors where wasted within the first few minutes? Was it that the first one was so good that it effectively killed any potential success for the second one? Yeah, that’ll be it then. The third was a wash out, which was a shame.
And Christ don’t get me started on the crushing defeat that was the new Star Wars trilogy.
And yet… a few rather luke-warm reviews for DMC I still held my breath for a possibility that the second one wouldn’t be another Matrix reloaded. Oh please God, I prayed, I know you’re busy what with the world cup and all, but just let DMC be half-decent, please let it at least be a decent continuation. Let it not get too bogged down with it’s own success, Oh Lord just let me remember how good Sparrow was the first time around! You got a Finnish metal and to win Eurovision, just let this sequel be good!
Okay, bad stuff out of the way first.
As some critics (mainly Mark Kermode, whose opinions I generally trust, but have often disagreed with) have pointed out; the plot is convoluted to say the least. A lot of stuff happens at once and only one such as myself who is able to immerse herself so totally in a film could have any hope of grasping the nature of what was going on. But even I had trouble at some point. I made the mistake of not taking a leak before going in. As a result I had to hold it in even beyond the credits because my beau wanted to wait for a post-credit sequence (which it has, if you are up to it, wait around after the credits!). It is a problem, make no mistake, but to be honest, for once, I couldn’t care less. It was still a marvellous film to behold.
I smiled, grinned, laughed, giggled, gagged, winced and gasped at every minute (except the few when I was shifting in my seat). I witnessed a movie entrance so brilliant that it was an almost religious experience and convinced me once and for all that Johnny Depp is one of the best actors of our age (and that exploding animals are comedy gold). It takes a hard human being indeed not to love Jack Sparrow, not to love Depp’s approach to character acting, not to inwardly cheer at every swing of his sword or heroic entrance. And not just that, the rest of the cast are clearly having the time of their lives. I even felt a warm stroke of affection for Orli, even if he is blander than day old chicken. It’s pretty much the same case as in Beetlejuice, you need bland characters to give the more interesting ones some arses to kick… or in this case, girlfriends to steal.
Although, people were a little annoyed at that seemingly random kiss, here’s my theory; the reason that the compass points at Jack when Elizabeth holds it is not because she loves him. It’s because she suddenly sees that what she really wants is to be more like him. To be more like a pirate to get at what she really wants; her own freedom and to save the man she really loves (that’s Will by the way). She kisses him to distract him, tie him to the ship and make sure he gives them a fighting chance to get away. To be fair Jack had done stuff far worse by this point in the film.
The reason she effectively kills him is to get what she wants, having done that, she feels guilt and has to join the mission to bring him back some how. It’s a little bit cruel, but hey, PIRATES! It’s what they do!
Having said that, if she did want Jack over Will, I can hardly blame her really.
And the bitching about not finishing off the plot at the end? Uh, hello? To be continued! It means it’ll be solved next episode! D’uh! (Sorry, no more valley girl moments, they don’t suit me). It’s like saying at the end of Empire Strikes Back ‘But he had his hand cut off! What about that bloke who’s been frozen?’. It. Will. Be. In. The. Next. Film. And what a cliff-hanger! Jack dead (?), Davy Jones’ heart in the hands of the East India Trading Company, Davy himself not to happy, the crew whittled down to six once more… and the surprise return of… well, remember who owned that monkey? Yeah. That’ll be him then.
Actually, using Empire as a comparison isn’t a bad idea. Everyone’s favourite character is now gone, but needs to be rescued some how, a father/son relationship has been unearthed and needs resolving, someone kisses someone they shouldn’t have (except I’m rather hoping that Elizabeth and Jack aren’t related)… Okay, I’m just grabbing at straws now.
The point is; Pirates 2 is damned good. Really. Screw the critics, for once, they are wrong. It is amazing. It’s fantastic, it’s worth every minute. Even the saggy plot bits are full of fantastic shots so, really, you don’t notice. If you are a Pirates fan then you will not be disappointed, if anything you’ll be grinning from ear to ear. It’s a joy. A flawed one, but a joy none the less. Go see it. If you’re not… well, chances are you won’t be entertained, so perhaps avoid, but give it a chance and you might at least get a laugh out of it.
But I’d recommend a toilet break before hand ’kay? Oh, and dress up.