R - if your heart is nowhere in it
Title: if your heart is nowhere in it.
Author: perfumedgraces
Fandom: stargate sg-1
Pairing: pete shanahan/samantha carter/jack o'neill
Rating: PG
Spoilers: Season 8, episode "Threads".
Word Count: 1257
Prompt: Don't say you love somebody and then change your mind ... Love isn't like picking what movie you want to watch.; three-some.
Summary: doubt and romantic unraveling come in the form of three vignettes.
A/N: kind of indirectly set to Love Song by Sara Bareilles and it would be set more or less towards Pete's point of view. Slightly, tiny bit AU from "Threads" but does contain some lines from the show. Lines from the actual script belong to the show.
Pete feels a shallow bubbling in his stomach, making him feel like teenager waiting for his crush to call him back. When he sees her sitting at the table near the back, he can barely contain his smile. She's laughing at something funny, and even though he didn't hear the joke, her smile makes him want to laugh. One foot in front of the other, he finds his way to her. What he sees is enough to drop his heart into his stomach, but he recovers quickly as if nothing was the matter.
She's sitting next to Jack and her head is on his shoulder and he's holding her hand and she can't keep looking into his eyes and smiling. She had told him a million times before that they were just best friends. Best friends? He keeps reminding himself that she's told him that she loves him. She hasn't told Jack that she loves him, she told him; Peter Shanahan. He repeats it in his head a million times over and it becomes his mantra. It becomes a dull rhythm in his head that reminds him not to be jealous, that she is his and no one elses. His mind repeats the mantra over and over.
She hasn't told Jack. She hasn't told Jack.
It's like a dull paper cut over and over everytime he sees her laugh at something the other man says, and it's even deeper when he sees the look in Jack's eyes. The same look of longing he has everytime she smiles and makes him feel like the biggest man in the world. Even the dull ringing in his ears, the dulled words of the mantra, are rocks in a creek bed being run down by river of doubt, uncertainly and dawning realization.
There's a look in Jack's eyes when he leans over to press a kiss to Sam's temple. Almost wanting, longing, jealousy. She's mine, his brain reminds him proudly. He's had his chance for eight years.
He can't bring himself to believe in the power of his rock on her finger when he sees that same hand wound between the fingers of her commanding officer.
***
Jack doesn't want to feel like he's better than Pete Shanahan but he can't help feeling like if he were in the other man's place, there would be things he would do better. When Carter tries hurridedly to get her fianceé off the base phone during the meeting, he feels a twinge of confidence that he would know better than to bother her when she's trying to save the world.
Yet, it takes every inch of his willpower to make himself believe that she deserves some peace and normalcy.
God knows she's done and seen her fair share of the weird and wacky in her time at the SGC.
He reminds himself that she spends her workdays on other planets, protecting the life and freedom of Earth's people from the Goa'uld. If not a raise or promotion, she certainly deserves a normal relationship with a normal guy.
Both his heart and his mind want her to be happy. Only, there's a small part of his heart that wishes that he could be the one to make her happy. He knows deep down somewhere in the pit of his conscience that something is amiss in her relationship. Whenever he sees them together, he sees it; a slightly embarrassed smile when Pete asks a question about the 'Gate, a smile that's not quite all there.
He curses whatever forces are work and silently curses Daniel for ascending at -just- the wrong point in his life.
***
Her father's words bounce around in her head all week, like a ping pong ball. All she can keep her mind on is her father's words.
I just wanna know you’re gonna be happy. Don't let rules stand in your way. You can still have everything you want.
Was he right? Was she really, truly, happy? He kept on insisting that she could have everything, that she still had time to have everything she wanted. He had told her not to let rules stand in the way. All she can think about is the fact that her father was lying there, dying in front of her. She had insisted that the Air Force made her happy, that she had everything she wanted.
He didn't have to explain to her what he meant. He knew that if she didn't know already, she would figure it out. She can't deny the feeling that she's making the wrong decision. She can't deny the feeling that she's marrying the wrong man.
Her hands are laid on her thighs, her fingernails becoming increasingly interesting in nature. She had felt the whole time she was dating Pete that she was doing something wrong, that the other shoe was going to drop. She almost laughs out loud when she realizes she's the one dropping the other shoe.
"You ... want to break off the wedding?"
She bites the inside of her lip. She had thought up a million different excuses on the car ride. Suddenly, they all feel so small and inconsequential. So wrong. "Yeah." He doesn't say anything, and she almost feels like she would rather have him scream and rant at her in anger than ...this. This silence. She looks up, almost afraid of what she might see in his eyes. Pain? Anger? Sadness?
He's staring at her, as if seeing straight past her eyes and into her soul. She recalls, ironically, that the windows are the eyes into the soul.
"I knew from the beginning. Guess I just thought when you said yes that ..." He laughs in a burst of nervous energy, tapping his foot against the soft green grass. Neither of them really knew what to say, exactly. "I mean, I knew that you were always going to be running off and saving the world from the next alien threat but I never thought ... I wish I could believe this had something to do with your father - you needed some time to just work things out. I just ... "
He knows the main reason she couldn't marry him, didn't want to marry him. She didn't want to accept the facts herself. She couldn't marry him when she felt like it was so wrong. All the stories and all the romantic comedies she had ever watched told her never to settle for less than your one true love.
It was what her father had been trying to tell her. He wanted her not to have to marry someone she didn't love. Someone she didn't want to commit fully completely to. Someone who wasn't Jack O'Neill. She just wants to stop being alone. She's sick of coming home on a Friday night to a full sized bed for one twin sized woman. Pete's a warm pair of arms around her waist at night and a breakfast companion.
He stands up, turning to face her. "Don't say you love somebody and then change your mind, Sam ... Love isn't like picking what movie you want to watch." She opens her mouth, then closes it again like a fish out of water. Before she time to say anything, he starts to walk away. Stopping at the door, he turns to her. His face is contorted in a twisted mixture of pain, sadness and resignation and it's all she can do to not to sit there and cry.
"I just hope the two of you are happy."
fini.
Author: perfumedgraces
Fandom: stargate sg-1
Pairing: pete shanahan/samantha carter/jack o'neill
Rating: PG
Spoilers: Season 8, episode "Threads".
Word Count: 1257
Prompt: Don't say you love somebody and then change your mind ... Love isn't like picking what movie you want to watch.; three-some.
Summary: doubt and romantic unraveling come in the form of three vignettes.
A/N: kind of indirectly set to Love Song by Sara Bareilles and it would be set more or less towards Pete's point of view. Slightly, tiny bit AU from "Threads" but does contain some lines from the show. Lines from the actual script belong to the show.
Pete feels a shallow bubbling in his stomach, making him feel like teenager waiting for his crush to call him back. When he sees her sitting at the table near the back, he can barely contain his smile. She's laughing at something funny, and even though he didn't hear the joke, her smile makes him want to laugh. One foot in front of the other, he finds his way to her. What he sees is enough to drop his heart into his stomach, but he recovers quickly as if nothing was the matter.
She's sitting next to Jack and her head is on his shoulder and he's holding her hand and she can't keep looking into his eyes and smiling. She had told him a million times before that they were just best friends. Best friends? He keeps reminding himself that she's told him that she loves him. She hasn't told Jack that she loves him, she told him; Peter Shanahan. He repeats it in his head a million times over and it becomes his mantra. It becomes a dull rhythm in his head that reminds him not to be jealous, that she is his and no one elses. His mind repeats the mantra over and over.
She hasn't told Jack. She hasn't told Jack.
It's like a dull paper cut over and over everytime he sees her laugh at something the other man says, and it's even deeper when he sees the look in Jack's eyes. The same look of longing he has everytime she smiles and makes him feel like the biggest man in the world. Even the dull ringing in his ears, the dulled words of the mantra, are rocks in a creek bed being run down by river of doubt, uncertainly and dawning realization.
There's a look in Jack's eyes when he leans over to press a kiss to Sam's temple. Almost wanting, longing, jealousy. She's mine, his brain reminds him proudly. He's had his chance for eight years.
He can't bring himself to believe in the power of his rock on her finger when he sees that same hand wound between the fingers of her commanding officer.
***
Jack doesn't want to feel like he's better than Pete Shanahan but he can't help feeling like if he were in the other man's place, there would be things he would do better. When Carter tries hurridedly to get her fianceé off the base phone during the meeting, he feels a twinge of confidence that he would know better than to bother her when she's trying to save the world.
Yet, it takes every inch of his willpower to make himself believe that she deserves some peace and normalcy.
God knows she's done and seen her fair share of the weird and wacky in her time at the SGC.
He reminds himself that she spends her workdays on other planets, protecting the life and freedom of Earth's people from the Goa'uld. If not a raise or promotion, she certainly deserves a normal relationship with a normal guy.
Both his heart and his mind want her to be happy. Only, there's a small part of his heart that wishes that he could be the one to make her happy. He knows deep down somewhere in the pit of his conscience that something is amiss in her relationship. Whenever he sees them together, he sees it; a slightly embarrassed smile when Pete asks a question about the 'Gate, a smile that's not quite all there.
He curses whatever forces are work and silently curses Daniel for ascending at -just- the wrong point in his life.
***
Her father's words bounce around in her head all week, like a ping pong ball. All she can keep her mind on is her father's words.
I just wanna know you’re gonna be happy. Don't let rules stand in your way. You can still have everything you want.
Was he right? Was she really, truly, happy? He kept on insisting that she could have everything, that she still had time to have everything she wanted. He had told her not to let rules stand in the way. All she can think about is the fact that her father was lying there, dying in front of her. She had insisted that the Air Force made her happy, that she had everything she wanted.
He didn't have to explain to her what he meant. He knew that if she didn't know already, she would figure it out. She can't deny the feeling that she's making the wrong decision. She can't deny the feeling that she's marrying the wrong man.
Her hands are laid on her thighs, her fingernails becoming increasingly interesting in nature. She had felt the whole time she was dating Pete that she was doing something wrong, that the other shoe was going to drop. She almost laughs out loud when she realizes she's the one dropping the other shoe.
"You ... want to break off the wedding?"
She bites the inside of her lip. She had thought up a million different excuses on the car ride. Suddenly, they all feel so small and inconsequential. So wrong. "Yeah." He doesn't say anything, and she almost feels like she would rather have him scream and rant at her in anger than ...this. This silence. She looks up, almost afraid of what she might see in his eyes. Pain? Anger? Sadness?
He's staring at her, as if seeing straight past her eyes and into her soul. She recalls, ironically, that the windows are the eyes into the soul.
"I knew from the beginning. Guess I just thought when you said yes that ..." He laughs in a burst of nervous energy, tapping his foot against the soft green grass. Neither of them really knew what to say, exactly. "I mean, I knew that you were always going to be running off and saving the world from the next alien threat but I never thought ... I wish I could believe this had something to do with your father - you needed some time to just work things out. I just ... "
He knows the main reason she couldn't marry him, didn't want to marry him. She didn't want to accept the facts herself. She couldn't marry him when she felt like it was so wrong. All the stories and all the romantic comedies she had ever watched told her never to settle for less than your one true love.
It was what her father had been trying to tell her. He wanted her not to have to marry someone she didn't love. Someone she didn't want to commit fully completely to. Someone who wasn't Jack O'Neill. She just wants to stop being alone. She's sick of coming home on a Friday night to a full sized bed for one twin sized woman. Pete's a warm pair of arms around her waist at night and a breakfast companion.
He stands up, turning to face her. "Don't say you love somebody and then change your mind, Sam ... Love isn't like picking what movie you want to watch." She opens her mouth, then closes it again like a fish out of water. Before she time to say anything, he starts to walk away. Stopping at the door, he turns to her. His face is contorted in a twisted mixture of pain, sadness and resignation and it's all she can do to not to sit there and cry.
"I just hope the two of you are happy."
fini.