(no subject)
okay ladies and gentle men
i was asked to make another decision...well the same one but this is the last time i will have to beat myself up over it...the decision: george or keil....needless to say i picked Keil
now yesterday i totally got jealous and flipped out on numerous girls over George..leading me to beleive that i wanted him instead of Keil. false feelings but good thing it happened because this brought on George telling me to either pick or leave him alone...oh i picked alright....
i chose Keil for obvious/not so obvious reasons...anyways after my discussion with keil while waiting on jaclyn to come out of the dollar store i realized that he will always be here for me and we are tailored made for each other...
therefore upon george's call i kindly and as gently as i could, explained to him the choice i had made...
yes i cried....well i screamed and bawled too...but its okay because i do all the time anyways...george got sad as expected and asked me several times if i was sure and i answered several times with a yes...
you see, my connection with george is a great one...i was ever so in love with that boy but i felt more right with keil...those of you who have been following along in this saga know my feelings and pasts with both of these sirs so you know the extreme heartbreak involved in this final choice making process...
so i cried alot more and literally felt my heart hurting inside my chest when i hung up that phone. i finally broke inside for real this time...all the other time when i thought i was experiencing "heartbreak" shuddered in fear to the feelings i was feeling this time. i bawled into keil's arms and let him hold me though i was numb and all i felt was more pain and stupidity for feeling so much for george. i felt like keil should be mad at me for crying over him and loving him.i figured he should resent my feelings and bash them into the ground and leave me. but no. my wonderful fantastic keil held me and understood. he said it was natural for me to feel like this. i do love george with alot of me but knowing that someone just "gets" me is far better than someone wanting me for other, less important reasons...and Keil loves me he really does...and that is exactly what i need...
i have first period with george and i see him all the time at school.and i know i will want to break the legs of the first new girl he dates but i have made my bed and now i want to take a nap with keil in it. last night george said that would be the last time i ever talk to him...so maybe fate has taken him out of the picture for good...so be it. i know it'll hurt for a long while but i will get over it. i got over ricky didnt i? and everette...pssh neither of them did i EVER need though...but nonetheless time heals everything and it will heal this...
i have never had my heart actually rip into two as it did last night...i hate to say this but george is still in there carving his initials inside my heart walls and it still hurts but keil is lovingly trailing behind him filling in the holes he's leaving and tapeing up my scars *while muttering a few choice words in his direction*...keil will wait for me and stay with me no matter what i decide to do...he'll never leave just like he promised...just like i asked him to do...i know i made the right choice...and just becasue it's right doesn't mean it won't hurt...i know this now...
<3
breanna dawn davis
agent of chaos
queen of rad
captian broken heart