[fic] The Things We Can't Control - Chapter 63 ~Jin's Story~
Title: The Things We Can't Control
Author:
prettyorianna
Pairing: Akame. Others to be added later.
Rating: NC-17.
Genre: crime drama au
Beta by: my cat Gemma. okay, seriously, nobody
Disclaimer: I don't own KAT-TUN, any of its members, any other JE people. I write this for fun and for other fans of these fine folks. But don't steal my plots, mmkay? I put a great deal of time into them except for when I'm randomly spastically spitting words onto a page. But I value those too...
Summary: Two criminals with vastly different styles meet by chance one day. They immediately clash but is that all they'll ever be? How much is fate and how much choice? And how will their meeting change the world around them?
Author's Note: Here you go. Jin's tale, as promised. Plus more Akakame goodness, also as promised. I know I'm posting kind of early but, well... damn it, I am not a patient woman and the chapter's done!
BANNER BY DESHISORABA!! THE MOST AWESOME BANNER EVER AND I WILL FIGHT ANYONE WHO DISAGREES!
Warning: This gets graphic often occasionally, containing at the very least foul language, character death, nefarious crimes, rape, etc etc.
The Master Posts:
On my journal - The Things We Can't Control Master Post
On the akame_ Community - The Things We Can't Control Master Post
On the akame_fanfics Community - The Things We Can't Control Master Post
On the je_kamenashi Community - The Things We Can't Control Master Post
On the kattun_fanfics Community - The Things We Can't Control Master Post
On the jin_fics Community - The Things We Can't Control Master Post
Chapter 63 ~Jin's Story~
Where to begin? “Well, my mom wasn’t… she dated a lot of guys and they were all losers. That last one was worst of all. I mean, some of them hit me now and again but he used to kick the every-living shit out of me. Beat her, too, I think. But she denied it. And when he told her he wanted me gone, that was all it took. I was ten when she kicked me out.”
“But you know, I had learned to be fast. Fast and strong. I had to be, see, to survive him before he had me booted. It served me on the street pretty good, I think. I ate whatever I could find or beg for. Mostly it came from the trash. When I got tired of that, I decided I should just steal my food. So I started shoplifting. Little stuff. Food, clothes. I got really good at it.” It was hard, Jin thought, remembering those early days. Remembering the hunger trying to claw its way out of his stomach, the fear of what lay beyond the next corner. “I squatted in whatever empty buildings I could find for maybe half a year or so.”
“After a while, I started boosting other stuff, stuff that was small but that could be sold. Portable CD players, that sort of thing? I’m pretty sure I never got nearly as much money for the stuff as it was worth, but it kept me fed. And then I met Angela. She was a thief, too, only much better than I was. But… more serious. We sort of hit it off and we started to target places together. One distracts, the other steals. It worked more times than not during the two years we ran together. But she decided living day to day like that, it wasn’t enough. She got in with this drug dealer and just disappeared. I didn’t see her again for four years.
“When I ran into her again, it was a little bit after I turned sixteen. She’d… I dunno, whatever it’s called when a girl suddenly isn’t a girl anymore but a woman and you can tell. I barely recognized her. But she recognized me and took me home with her so I didn’t have to squat in abandoned buildings anymore. She was still working for the drug dealer but not just selling drugs. She’d taken our shoplifting and upped the stakes to armed robbery. She taught me how to use a gun, what to do to take control of the situation, all that stuff you really need to know if you wanna get money by shoving a gun in a person’s face.
“I…” and the next part was the really embarrassing part. He still couldn’t believe he’d done something so stupid. “Well, we, I guess… except she already was. But anyway, I started doing drugs with her. And we were sleeping together. I thought… there was something special, you know? I’d never had sex before her. But… no, she was self-destructing, more like it. She started taking harder and harder shit than just the coke we were doing together and when she almost OD’d, I decided I’d had enough with the drugs. I stopped. But she wouldn’t stop.
“In the end, she used all the drugs her boss gave her to sell and she told him I stole it. He came after me and I barely survived it. I haven’t seen her since. Actually, I think I remember hearing she finally did OD but really, I’m not sure. I just…” and he shook his head. She really had been a pretty girl and before the drugs, a great person to be around. “Anyway, we spit when I was 20.”
“Well, I couldn’t stay there at her place, so I went back to squatting. I never stayed in one place too long. I had my ups and downs. Fighting over squatting rights. Scuffles with cops. I… have a quick temper sometimes or so I’ve been told. Sometimes I’d have more money than I knew what to do with and I’d go out and have fun. Other times, I was back to eating garbage. But… it was oddly freeing. I mean, I knew that no matter what else anyone could ever say about me, they’d at least have to say I did things the way I wanted when I wanted them.
“There was a guy named Wataru who saw me fighting the cops when I was about twenty-two. Turned out he was running an illegal fight ring and he recruited me. The pay was pretty good and we could bet on our own matches as long as we didn’t get too greedy. Well, until the cops busted it up. I barely made it out free and clear.” That was an understatement if ever he said one. He’d actually put one of those cops in the hospital. Oh, the man came out fine in the end, but Jin wasn’t exactly proud of it.
“But I never really met anyone I got along with like Angela. Not for many years. It was… I dunno. Lonely, I guess. I fooled around a lot with people but not really… it was empty. But I met Tatsuya three and a half years ago, when I was 24. He tried to convince me to invest some of the hard-earned money he saw me jack out of that ATM on a quick round with him but I wasn’t about to pay for it, especially not with some guy.”
Okura interjected, “Because he’s a guy? But Kame’s a g-”
Yurina slapped a hand over Okura’s mouth to shut him up. “Don’t mind him. Continue.”
“Well, I’d, you know… experimented, I guess is the word. But I’ve never… not all the way…”
Okura pried Yurina’s hand off his mouth and said, “So Kame hasn’t gotten lucky yet?”
“Hey, that’s not really your business!” Jin shrieked at him.
“Real smooth, Okura…” from both Noriko and Yurina, who rolled their eyes almost exactly at the same time.
“What? What did I say?” Okura looked puzzled.
“Do you want to hear this story or not?” Jin found himself getting angry at the interruptions. He didn’t usually tell his story. Only Tatsuya had heard it before. He hadn’t even told Kame yet but, well, he was supposed to be getting to know these people. He was supposed to be watching them, checking them out, for Kame as his just-in-case precaution to the problems Kizuna was having. If he was going to tell the story when he usually didn’t, the least they could do was listen to the damn thing!
Everyone in the room went unnaturally quiet.
That was better. “Anyway, I turned him down. But we sort of hit it off and we’ve been friends ever since. And then this whole mess happened with Papa K and you all… you… you helped me rescue him. I’ll never forget it. Never!”
It wasn’t the whole story of his life. He’d skipped out quite a lot, actually, but… well, it’s hard to accurately tell the tale of a lifetime from age ten to age twenty-eight. You end up having to skip so much, just to make the story manageable. Besides, some of it, it wasn’t even Kizuna’s business. Kame’s, maybe, but nobody else.
“Well, that’s me in a nutshell, I guess.” Jin shrugged. “So… tell me more about Kame, then?”
But Kame’s voice from behind him, “Shouldn’t you be asking me that?” followed by snickers from Noriko and Yurina. “You all are a bunch of horrible gossips. You know that, right.”
“H-how long have you been standing there?” Jin asked in surprise as he rapidly spun to face Kame.
“Since the part where you got kicked out all the way through the part where you shouldn’t be asking them but rather me.” But he looked kinda mad and kind of not. It was strange.
“Ah… right.”
“Come with me, Jin.”
Great. In the dog house. Well, so much for the hope of a kiss hello. But, head hanging low in shame, Jin walked to Kame and then followed him to the office to get yelled at.
Once they were in the office with the door closed, Kame laughed. “Oh, don’t be like that, Jin. You look like you’re expecting to get chewed out but as far as I know, you’ve not done anything to warrant it.”
He hadn’t? Suddenly everything seemed much better and brighter. “Oh thank god. I mean, well, you know… I hadn’t told you any of that yet really and I should have told you before I told them. And I wanted to know about you from you but I was trying to, you know, get them comfortable around me so I could keep an eye on them like you asked!”
“It’s fine, Jin. Really. It’s good that you’re getting along with them. As for myself, I’d have told you if you’d just asked me. But I guess there hasn’t been time so I can’t blame you asking them about me instead.” He looked thoughtful. “It’s just, when I heard you telling them about your life and I realized how little I knew about your life, it occurred to me that everyone else here knows more about me than you do and somehow that doesn’t seem fair. So… I figured… Well…” and now Kame was blushing and it was adorable but Jin at least had the common sense not to say that. “I’ve reached a snag in my investigation and I just need to clear my head of the whole mess for a while. So we can have some alone time and talk about our lives and… well, I mean, if you want… hold each other. Relax. Everyone tells me I need to relax and…” and Kame’s babbling was even more adorable.
“Aw, did you miss your Jinjin?”
+++
That was the second time Jin had referred to himself like that. Kame couldn’t help but laugh. “Seriously? Jinjin?” Kame shook his head but he was still sort of giggling. He was trying not to, though. He didn’t want to encourage Jin, after all. What if someone heard him say it? So embarrassing. But, Kame had to admit, it was sort of adorable. Not that he’d say that.
“Aw, don’t be like that…” Jin pouted.
“Fine. Yes, I missed my… Jinjin.”
Jin lost the playful pout immediately and something else filled his eyes. Desire… but not just desire. That something else, the thing that told Kame every time that it wasn’t just lust Jin felt for him. That there was something else guiding him onward.
Was it love?
Was that what he was seeing in Jin’s eyes?
But he wanted Jin, too. He wanted him in so many ways. Maybe it was love? Idly he wondered if Jin saw his own feelings and his desire in his eyes just like what he could see in Jin’s?
He didn’t know. He didn’t have an answer to any of those questions. But there was one thing he was sure of. He took that last step towards Jin and slid his arms around his waist. “Kiss me…” he whispered and, suiting action to word, he met Jin’s lips in a slow, delicious way that caused him to moan into Jin’s mouth.
Jin’s body reacted to the sound; Kame could feel him grow hard against him and that was enough to pull Kame back to himself. He… he wasn’t ready. If he didn’t stop now, he’d lose him in the storm that was threatening to rise once more. So, panting heavily, he pulled away from the kiss.
“Jin, I…” but he wasn’t exactly sure what he was trying to say. Or, rather, he was, but he didn’t want to say it. Didn’t want to admit it out loud. But finally, he said, “I’m scared.”
All the playfulness left Jin’s eyes as he cautiously asked, “You’re scared of me?”
“No, no. Not of you. Of… of… Of me. Of what I want because I want it so badly and I’m scared that if I give in, I won’t be able to handle it.” He sighed. “And it seems so unfair to me, putting you through that. Making you, you know, wait… when you’re obviously feeling it too. But what if I am ready and it’s just my fear getting in the way? How would I know? If I give in to what I want and I’m wrong, I’ll lose you. I know I will. And it will be my fault but you’ll be just as gone…”
Kame hadn’t meant to get all emotional. He was just so stressed out with everything going on. He had no idea what his father was up to and, despite the years that had passed since they’d had any direct contact, he was still terrified of the man. But his family Kizuna was being threatened in some way he hadn’t quite put together that his father was directly involved in and when you added to that the newness of everything he was feeling for Jin, emotionally and physically…
It was almost too much.
“Just trust in me,” Jin said with a soft smile. “I won’t push you harder than what you can take. I’ll watch over you, no matter what!”
Jin voice was so sure…
“I do trust you. It’s me I don’t trust.”
“Well, I doubt you can make me do anything I don’t want to. You’re just so scrawny. I’m pretty sure I could kick your ass if you tried anything, just like I did in the bank.” Jin nodded like he was imparting some simple universal truth.
“Kicked my ass? Kicked MY ass?” Kame snorted incredulously, fully prepared to argue… but he stopped when he realized Jin was only joking with him, to ease the tension in the room. Kame started laughing, hard, and then Jin was as well. Once Kame finally stopped laughing enough to get words out, he said, “Thanks for that. I think I needed a good laugh.”
“Hmm… I know a better way you can thank me…” and Jin pulled him very suddenly back against him once more and kissed him, wasting no time parting his lips. Kame could feel Jin’s fingers on the buttons of his shirt, traveling downward, unfastening them as he went. That fear threatened to rise in him again but Jin apparently realized it and went at the kiss with renewed vigor.
It was hard to be afraid with that wonderful taste of Jin filling practically every corner of his mouth and he felt that storm rising again.
But then Jin pulled back and Kame whimpered at the sudden loss of the kiss.
Jin slid Kame’s shirt off of his shoulders, letting it flutter to the ground and then pulled his own off over his head, tossing it to the side. “Just lay here with me…” Jin whispered, showering him with many smaller kisses.
So the two of them laid down on Kame’s sleeping mat holding each other. Kame couldn’t stop his hands from wandering the broad expanse of Jin’s bare chest. It was like his fingertips and palms just couldn’t get enough. Like he couldn’t get enough. And the moans it pulled from Jin wound their way down into him, driving him mad just like last night.
But Jin grabbed his hand suddenly, stopping him. “Kame…” and Jin was breathing so hard and heavy, just like he was. “Give me a minute, please… You just… you don’t know what you do to me…”
“Sorry…” Kame panted, shifting in Jin’s arms.
“No, it’s not… you don’t apologize for something like that, Kame!” Jin gave a small laugh. “You just… well, I thought the plan was to talk. This… is not talk. This is ‘make Jin stupid with desire’ and for the both of us, I can’t be stupid. Not yet.”
Oh, right. Talk. That had been the original goal, hadn’t it… He’d quite forgotten it. They were going to tell each other about themselves.
“What do you want to know about me, then?” Kame finally asked, a bit embarrassed he’d let himself get overwhelmed yet again. As it stood, his body was still yelling at him for stopping and he was trying to ignore it but Jin just smelled so good…
“I’m a bit afraid to ask,” Jin admitted.
Turning in Jin’s arm to look him face to face, Kame’s surprised response, “Afraid? Why?”
“Well, the bits I got out of the others, it all sounds so…” but Jin seemed at a loss for words, though he finally continued with, “Just horrible. Bad memories. I don’t want to remind you of things you’d rather forget.”
Oh. Well, it was a good point, but still… “Don’t you think you deserve to know? Don’t you think you should know?”
“Well, yeah…” and Jin sighed. “I just don’t want to hurt you.”
“The hurt’s done. I can’t change it.”
“Did you really beat a guy to death with a lamp?” Jin asked hesitantly.
The Kizuna gossip wheel had been busy, it seemed. “Yes. It was a man named Komatsu. He attacked me at the club I was waiting tables at and got thrown out. But he came back on my seventeenth birthday with cops and they arrested Akira and Aoi for false charges. I made it outside okay - see, Komatsu told the cops the twins had been pimping me out - but it turned out Komatsu hadn’t actually left like I thought. He caught up to me and threatened to call the cops over if I didn’t… you know…”
“Oh, Kame…” Jin whispered.
“Anyway, we went to a hotel and when he was done I was just going to get dressed and go home. But he said something about my pimp wanting me back and that it was no wonder. That he could understand now that he’d had me. I think… he said it was sick, my father being my pimp. It’s kind of fuzzy, to be honest.” He still didn’t remember how he got home that night. He knew he’d had a car wreck but he just didn’t remember. “But I snapped and I snatched up the nearest thing and I just kept hitting him, even after he was down. And then I just stood there laughing.”
“I know there’s nothing that could possible excuse doing something like that. I just… I’d had the happiest year of my life - my only happy year ever at that point! - and he swooped in with his lies after trying to assault me once already and destroyed everything and then had the gall to tell me I’m the sick one. They’re still in jail, Aoi and Akira… They’ve told me again and again it’s not my fault, but I can’t shake the feeling that if I’d just let Komatsu have me that first time, it wouldn’t have happened.”
Kame shook his head. “Anyway, I’m not proud of it. And I know I wouldn’t have started walking the path I have if it hadn’t happened. All of the bad memories like these, Jin, they brought me here. I miss what I had with the twins when we were all living together but I look at my Kizuna family and I can’t feel too bad. And that thought helps me deal with it. So I’ve dealt with it and I know that these things can only hurt me now if I let them.”
Running a hand over the scars on Kame’s chest, Jin softly said, “Not this. You haven’t dealt with this.”
“I faced it enough to stop the nightmares. I…” but he couldn’t continue. His mind flashed back and he could see those empty, eager eyes and he could hear his own voice, screaming, begging… “That’s… enough, isn’t it? I’ll never see him again so I don’t need…”
Kame’s closed his eyes and took slow, even breaths in an attempt to keep the panic at bay. He didn’t like to think back on those three days because it almost invariably led to a total breakdown. But then he felt Jin’s palm on the side of his face, his thumb brushing away a tear Kame hadn’t realized he was crying.
Jin’s lips on his, so soft and warm and inviting… coaxing him back from the walls he’d started to throw up at the memory of those three days. “Oh, no, you don’t. Stay here with me, Kame. Not back there with the man that did that. Stay here with me. Your past may belong to your memories but I won’t have them steal your future from me!”
“Oh, Jin!” Kame exclaimed, touched at the tenderness and fierceness in Jin’s voice. “Everything’s such a mess right now. I don’t know what to do.”
“Talk to me,” Jin whispered. “Let it out for now and maybe tomorrow it will sort itself out.”
“Papa K’s the one behind the drug dealers and I bet he’s behind Junno’s robbery as well. But it’s a smokescreen. It’s all a distraction. I can see it clear as day and I still don’t know what he’s up to. I should know! I should be able to tell!” It was his father, after all. He knew the man, knew what he was like. But he couldn’t figure this out.
Jin shook his head stubbornly. “Nobody knows the mind of that man, Kame. Just because you’ve tangled with him before and won doesn’t mean you are accountable for him or what he does.”
“I’m so tired, Jin. I’m tired of fighting him. Of fighting all of them.”
Pressing more kisses, some on the lips, some on the forehead, Jin asked him, “How long have you carried that? This isn’t the first time you’ve said it to me…”
“A long time…” Kame had to admit. “But I can’t stop. Kizuna needs me. And there are so many people out there suffering!”
“Okay. New rule. On this sleeping mat, those people don’t exist.” Jin’s expression became very stubborn. “Not the bad guys, not the suffering people, nobody. Nothing exists except you and me. When you’re here, you don’t have to worry about any of it, not one bit, and if I catch you even maybe considering worrying about anyone else, I’ll bring you back to me.”
Kame laughed. “You can’t just say something and expect it to be miraculously tr-”
But Jin’s hand traveling down his chest and the passionate kiss that came with it interrupted him. Kame moaned a lot more loudly than he wished he had, but he couldn’t help it. He felt his body responding again even though it had quieted from earlier.
“I think I can. I think you’re hungry enough for me that I can pull you back from anywhere with a few soft touches.”
“God, you’re arrogant. You know that, right? So fucking arrogant.”
Another moan as Jin’s fingers went lower, down his chest, tracing circles. “It’s not arrogance if it’s true.”
“Oh yeah?” Well, two could play at that game. Jin wasn’t the only one with skills. Kame grabbed Jin’s wrist to stop him, pinning it above Jin’s head with one hand. But he released it in favor of nibbling his way down Jin’s jawline, laying kiss after kiss down his throat, sucking just softly enough to not leave marks.
“Kame…” Jin moaned, his back arching in response to the pleasure. “Kame… you need… need… stop… I…”
But Kame’s own stubbornness had awakened and he didn’t stop. He swept a tongue along Jin’s collarbone, pulling several more loud moans from Jin and oh, god, he wanted him. The storm was back in force, this desperate need battering him every which way until he was just lost.
It wasn’t fair. He was supposed to be driving Jin mad, not the other way around!
“Kame…” Jin’s voice, dripping with desire, “Stop! I don’t… want… hurt you! I promised… not too far…”
“You won’t hurt me…” Kame purred, continuing downward with teasing kisses and nibbles. Having Jin writhe beneath him like that made him feel incredibly powerful and yet at the same time it only intensified his need for Jin. Made him want more.
Jin growled and grabbed Kame roughly by the upper arms, pulling him back up in one sudden jerk. Rolling the two of them over, Jin topped Kame and hungrily attacked his mouth. One hand wandered down Kame’s chest and stomach to the button of Kame’s jeans but Kame didn’t stop him. Kame didn’t want to stop him.
Koki’s voice coming from the suddenly open door, “Hey, Kame? You wanted me to tell you when-”
First came the frustrated groan from both Kame and Jin. Second came the instant panic which chased away every last hint of the desire he was feeling. He wasn’t wearing his shirt! Koki would see the scars! He would see them! Fearfully, Kame dug his nails into Jin’s arms, looking up at him with wide eyes.
“-Takeshi and Shuta got… Oh my god, I should have knocked…”
Kame was too panicked to answer, so Jin answered for him while also shifted his position above Kame. “Give him a minute. Close the door behind you. I’ll send him along directly.”
“Right…” Koki mumbled. As he left, Kame could have sworn he said, “Oh, my poor eyes…” But then the door was shut once more.
Did that mean he’d seen them?
Oh, god, how was he going to explain…
But it was like Jin could read his mind. “Shh. It’s okay, Kame. He didn’t see. I blocked his view. You’re okay. Shh…”
Still, Kame couldn’t stop shaking. He pushed Jin off of him rather forcefully and snatched his shirt back up, getting it on and buttoned in record time. He should have locked the door! He should have… he…
“Kame, it’s okay! Come here,” and Jin pulled him in for a tight hug. “He didn’t see. I promise. He didn’t see.”
++++++++++++++++++++++++
The story continues:
Chapter 64 ~The First Rescue~
A/N: Well, at least Kame has Jin watching out for him (^_^)
But, yeah, there you go. Jin's story. A good bit of that has already been referenced before here and there but I figured you'd want me to flesh it out. Plus there's some stuff you didn't know, like the illegal fights. Seriously, I need to come up with more of Jin's life LOL. I have this timeline drawn out but there's a lot of blank chunks.