[fic] The Things We Can't Control - Chapter 91 ~The Penalty for Honesty~
Title: The Things We Can't Control
Author:
prettyorianna
Pairing: Akame. Others to be added later.
Rating: NC-17.
Genre: crime drama au
Beta by: my cat Gemma. okay, seriously, nobody
Disclaimer: I don't own KAT-TUN, any of its members, any other JE people. I write this for fun and for other fans of these fine folks. But don't steal my
plots, mmkay? I put a great deal of time into them except for when I'm randomly spastically spitting words onto a page. But I value those too...
Summary: Two criminals with vastly different styles meet by chance one day. They immediately clash but is that all they'll ever be? How much is fate and how much choice? And how will their meeting change the world around them?
Author's Note: Okay, none of this was planned in even the smallest degree. And that means I'm left to sort the fallout. But I just have to hope that like every time they hijack my scenes, more good comes of it than bad and in ways I wouldn't otherwise have thought of.
BANNER BY DESHISORABA!! THE MOST AWESOME BANNER EVER AND I WILL FIGHT ANYONE WHO DISAGREES!
Warning: This gets graphic often occasionally, containing at the very least foul language, character death, nefarious crimes, rape, etc etc.
The Master Posts:
On my journal - The Things We Can't Control Master Post
On the akame_ Community - The Things We Can't Control Master Post
On the akame_fanfics Community - The Things We Can't Control Master Post
On the je_kamenashi Community - The Things We Can't Control Master Post
On the kattun_fanfics Community - The Things We Can't Control Master Post
On the jin_fics Community - The Things We Can't Control Master Post
Chapter 91 ~The Penalty for Honesty~
So, it wasn’t the scars after all. So much for that theory. Kazuya could be lying to him but it really didn’t feel like that. He was being evasive as hell but he didn’t seem to be lying.
But to Kazuya, Papa K was more than just some man who hurt people he cared about. Jin didn’t know how he knew that; he just… he knew. Something happened involving Papa K and Kame together directly.
“Kazu, he didn’t give you those scars but…” Oh, how should he put it? He didn’t want to seem like he was being confrontation, demanding answers. “He… he’s… uh… had you, hasn’t he?”
Kazuya didn’t say anything. He just nodded, eyes unreadable.
“He’s hurt you?” He said it like a question but really, it was more of a statement. “Not just people you love. You. He’s hurt you, hasn’t he?”
Kazuya wouldn’t meet his eyes anymore. He was breathing very hard and he looked so conflicted, like he wanted to talk and didn’t want to talk and was completely at a loss as to what to do and he stayed like that for what felt like an eternity. Jin was about to just say he was sorry he even asked but before he got the chance, Kazuya whispered, “M-my pimp.”
Oh, god… but, wait… “I thought it was your father that…”
“B-Both.”
“So your family knew him, then.”
“V-very well. It wasn’t… I wasn’t on the street like the others. I didn’t even know about them. I was special, I guess.” Despite the fact that Kazuya was still whispering and very softly at that, there was a lot of venom in that word. But he still wouldn’t meet Jin’s eyes. He seemed ashamed and very, very afraid.
“Kizuna doesn’t know.” Again, it wasn’t really a question. Everything about Kazuya from the way he was sitting to the softness of his voice and his inability to look Jin in the face screamed that.
Kazuya nodded, crossing his arm over his chest and closing his eyes. He was pulling back into himself and it broke Jin’s heart.
“You told them about people you’ve killed. You told them about your father. I can understand about the scars but why not this? Don’t you think they’d understand? I know Tatsuya and Koki would.”
Kame just shook his head and whispered, “Please, don’t…”
“I won’t tell them, Kazu-love. You know I won’t…” but then the Aha Moment hit and Jin understood. “It’s because your family knew him. You blame yourself for what he does. You ran away and you think that makes you responsible for everything he did since!”
The way Kazuya flinched at the words was confirmation enough.
“It’s not true, Kazu! It’s not! He was a horrible human being before you even existed, I’m sure of it!”
“It’s not just…” but Kame stopped himself.
He might not want to talk about it but Jin just couldn’t leave it like this. This… this was why Kazuya was punishing himself. But Kazuya needed to understand. These things, they weren’t his fault. Not one bit. “Then what?”
Kazuya mumbled something but Jin couldn’t make out the words.
“Kazuya, please talk to me.”
“He hates me. I stabbed him in the eye.” So that was how Papa K lost the eye? Kazuya did it? But even so…
“Oh, Kazu-love…” and Jin crossed the distance from the door to the mat where Kazuya was sitting. He knelt down and pulled his lover into a warm, protective embrace. “That still doesn’t make you responsible for what he does!”
“Doesn’t it?” Kazuya laughed, but it was definitely not a good laugh. It was hard and bitter. “He promised, you know? Promised to destroy anything or anyone I ever cared about. And now he’s got his sights on Kizuna. He found me, Jin. He may not know where the church is but it’s only a matter of time.”
“Kazuya…”
“I keep wondering… if the only way to protect Kizuna is to turn myself over to him. Would he leave them alone if I did that or would he punish them anyway, to make me suffer more…?”
“No!”
+++
Jin grip on him tightened. Kame had to admit, being able to talk about this to someone was almost a relief. All this guilt… it was tearing him apart. But he also felt bad that he was misleading Jin. He hadn’t actually lied, but…
He knew he should take the last little step and tell Jin. Kame already thought (more than once) that Jin deserved to know.
And Jin’s next words - so fierce! - didn’t help that. “I promised to protect you and I will. I’ll protect you from your father and I’ll protect you from Papa K-” and there was that twinge guilt as he let Jin continue to believe they were not the same person, “- and I absolutely won’t let you do that. You are not sacrificing yourself like that. I swear to god, if I have to lock you in this office then I will. So get that foolish shit out of your head, okay?”
“But…”
“Promise me.”
“But, Jin…”
“Damn it, Kazuya, you promise me this! I will find another way for you to keep them safe.”
But Kame couldn’t make that promise. “I can’t, Jin. Don’t you see that I can’t? I don’t want to lie to you but I can’t promise that. I just… I can’t. I can’t.”
“I don’t see that at all. I don’t understand that at all.”
Kame pulled back a bit at those words, looking up at Jin’s face. “What would you do to protect me?”
It seemed Jin didn’t even have to think about that one. “Anything. I’d do anything. I’d give anything.”
“Yet you expect me to make this promise? You wouldn’t make it. You know you wouldn’t.” Why did Jin have to be so stubborn?
“I don’t care. That’s beside the point. Please, Kazu-love… please, I’m begging you… promise you won’t do this. Promise you won’t trade yourself to him, not even for Kizuna’s sake.”
“No.” Kame pushed Jin away. “And if you can’t understand that, then you can just go…”
“What…?” It came out barely louder than a whisper and Jin’s eyes widened and Kame could see so many emotions flood the depths of those eyes. “Kazuya…?”
“GO!” and Kame pushed him again and when Jin didn’t move, Kame shot to his feet and jerked Jin up, dragging him across the office. He unlocked the door with his free hand and pulled it open, shoving Jin out into the hall. “GO!”
And then Kame shut the door once more and relocked it. He sank to the ground, back against the door, and cried.
Why did Jin have to be so stubborn?
Why did Kame tell him so much?
If this is what love did, if it took away your walls and made you say too much and demanded things you couldn’t give and… and…
Loving was just selfish of him. He had responsibilities to Kizuna and if loving Jin got in the way of that, then it was just selfish of him and he couldn’t do it.
And Jin would never understand that.
And that’s why it was better if Jin just left…
Because he wanted to be selfish like that. God, he wanted Jin so much. Wanted to be with him so much. He was kidding himself, though. It never would have worked. Jin deserved someone who could give him everything. Tell him everything. Put him above everyone and everything else.
And Kame just couldn’t do that.
This was just how it had to be.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
The story continues:
Chapter 92 ~Saving Shuta~
A/N: See what I mean? First Jin is too clever, getting too close to Kame's secret when I already know exactly when he gets that knowledge and how (absolutely no hints on this one, guys LOL) and second, Kame says much more than he feels he should have and then overreacts and tells Jin to leave.
Stupid Kame. It's not just your choice there. Everything you thought there at the end, you should TELL JIN.
Grr.
I hope Jin doesn't leave.