Married with Careers and Kids - Why Moms Stay Home or Just Have Jobs
A lot is written about two-income families. What gets left out is the fact that many of these are one job, one career families. It is very hard to raise children and build a career without a fellow parent whose primary responsibility is the children. She may have a job, but it won't be a career, because the children always come first.
The reality is at some point both employers will critically need their respective employee-parents at the same time the children do. After all the juggling (Dad can cover the Strep while Mom works a migration, maybe Grandma can drive son to the dentist, Mom will get the broken arm) eventually the perfect storm arises, both workplaces have crises, and something is happening with a child for which there is no parent substitute. When a seven-month-old has to go to a pediatric hospital and drink milk with radioactive stuff in it, Mom or Dad really has to be there. So you make the decision - whose work is more critical? There may be sound reasoning behind it - Dad knows this application really well, Mom's customer might suffer loss of life if his system isn't restored ASAP. But whoever didn't get prioritized is going to realize it, and remember it, and rely less on that employee in the future. And that will put a dent in that parent's career.
What to do? If there's a good answer, I sure would like to hear it. I think lesson number one is to try to get close to living on one income, since the less critical employee is more likely to be considered expendable by her employer. And yes, it's usually Mom, either because she already slowed down for breastfeeding, or because she earns less in the first place, or because her employer sees her just a little differently. It also helps if one parent isn't as emotionally invested in having an external career. That's a bit harder - what if the most driven parent is also the less highly paid, less "successful" parent? Oh, and you don't think breastfeeding slows Mom down? Just try deciding which parts of an important training to miss while you go off to the Mommy room. Not to mention the impression it makes on everyone to see Mom sneaking off and back during the training. And how about that long working group meeting that eats up most of the morning? For those of you who don't know, expressing milk in the morning is critical because it is the most productive time of day. Production drops off in the afternoon and evening.
In spite of all the "family friendly" talk, it is hard to be a working parent, particularly a working Mom, and just about murder to be a parent with a career. That includes Dads; Dad can be much more available for his employer if Mom is taking care of homework, school visits, after school activities, doctor and dentist appointments, baths, laundry, etc. If he has to pick up half the slack, his career will have a dent in it, too.
The reality is at some point both employers will critically need their respective employee-parents at the same time the children do. After all the juggling (Dad can cover the Strep while Mom works a migration, maybe Grandma can drive son to the dentist, Mom will get the broken arm) eventually the perfect storm arises, both workplaces have crises, and something is happening with a child for which there is no parent substitute. When a seven-month-old has to go to a pediatric hospital and drink milk with radioactive stuff in it, Mom or Dad really has to be there. So you make the decision - whose work is more critical? There may be sound reasoning behind it - Dad knows this application really well, Mom's customer might suffer loss of life if his system isn't restored ASAP. But whoever didn't get prioritized is going to realize it, and remember it, and rely less on that employee in the future. And that will put a dent in that parent's career.
What to do? If there's a good answer, I sure would like to hear it. I think lesson number one is to try to get close to living on one income, since the less critical employee is more likely to be considered expendable by her employer. And yes, it's usually Mom, either because she already slowed down for breastfeeding, or because she earns less in the first place, or because her employer sees her just a little differently. It also helps if one parent isn't as emotionally invested in having an external career. That's a bit harder - what if the most driven parent is also the less highly paid, less "successful" parent? Oh, and you don't think breastfeeding slows Mom down? Just try deciding which parts of an important training to miss while you go off to the Mommy room. Not to mention the impression it makes on everyone to see Mom sneaking off and back during the training. And how about that long working group meeting that eats up most of the morning? For those of you who don't know, expressing milk in the morning is critical because it is the most productive time of day. Production drops off in the afternoon and evening.
In spite of all the "family friendly" talk, it is hard to be a working parent, particularly a working Mom, and just about murder to be a parent with a career. That includes Dads; Dad can be much more available for his employer if Mom is taking care of homework, school visits, after school activities, doctor and dentist appointments, baths, laundry, etc. If he has to pick up half the slack, his career will have a dent in it, too.