Never Again
“What?” Kari asked looking up at whatever disturbed her from her reading time.
“Wanna do… something?” The dirty blonde man standing before her asked.
“No, Levi. I want to read my book in peace, please” She looked back down with a slightly annoyed look on her face. Her boyfriend Chris had left the house to get some groceries, thus letting her have time to read her book in peace and quiet… or so she thought.
“Please? We could have some fun” He suggested again.
“No” She said, nose firmly still in her book. “Besides, I don’t like that tone. Last time you used that, it meant you wanted something else and last time we ‘had some fun’ of the non perverse nature, you ended up breaking your ankle on a garden hose and knocked yourself unconscious from the metal bucket on your head”.
“Oh, come on. One time-”
“Many times you have injured yourself, actually”
“Okay, point taken. But I want to do something anyway”
“Put a bag on your head, any kind. Total entertainment for both you and me” She laughed.
“You are so cruel” He glared, sitting on the floor in front of her.
“I know I am” She smirked.
“What are you doing?” She peered over her book to the man staring at her from the floor.
“Nothing” He blinked.
“Bullshit” She stated, but went back to her book. Every now and then she would peer back over cause of the random noises he was making, to see him still staring, only to roll her eyes in return and go back to her book.
“Okay, FINE!” She closed her book and threw it onto the table next to her as she cracked to get him to stop his stalkerish staring.
“YAY!” He jumped up, clapping.
“Don’t hurt yourself there, Hick Boy Wonder” Kari rolled her eyes, placing her hands on her hips. “So what do you want to do?”
“Hmm… Cook something, I’m sure hungry”
“You’re always hungry”
“Hey, that’s what my cousin Chris said about you last night” He winked, walking towards the kitchen.
“Fuck Off” She kicked him in the ass and walked towards the same place.
“Okay, what do you want to make?”
“Corn Fritters!” His eyes lit up.
“You and your damn corn” She rolled her eyes. Going into the pantry for a can. “You are lucky I don’t throw this at your head” She set it down on the counter.
Chris walked into his home, his ears to be met with a barrage of screaming and yelling.
Finding out the direction the noise was coming from, he found the source quickly.
“THIS PLACE IS BURNING DOWN. FUCK ME, KARI!” Levi yelled, holding out his arms.
“It’s already out, you idiot” Kari smacked him in the head.
“Ow, You know that can cause brain damage”
“Saying you have one?”
“Whoa, what’s the problemo here? I leave for 20 minutes…” Chris shook his head, trailing off.
“He wouldn’t leave me the hell alone so I could read my damn book in silence!” Kari practically yelled.
“I was hungry! You never let me touch the stove without a guardian”
“Yeah, because the first time you ever got to cook on a stove alone, was your last. You burned your damn pubes off and had to be rushed to the hospital. That was a damn jolly time explaining that one and trying to get the burnt pubic hair smell out of the house and off our stove” Kari ranted on.
“It wasn’t my fault the flame was attracted to me”
“You think everything is attracted to you”
“Well, it was” Levi crossed his arms.
“Okay, Miss Diva. You were working on the car before that, remember? … wait, how in the hell did you get gasoline on your dick?” Kari raised an eyebrow that Chris was sure that was going to merge into her hairline soon, by how raised it was.
“We’ll save that for another time!” Levi waved his arms about, getting a disgusted noise from Kari.
“Okay! Calm down, children” Chris butted in. “Now, what happened?”
“We were making Corn Fritters cause Mr. Corn-A-Lot over here begged for them. I turn away for one damn second and tell him to pour the oil carefully into the deep fryer- Mind you, I was right damn behind him, getting something out of the fridge- He was pouring it, but decided to start the burner next to him, like an idiot”
“Hey! I ran out of lighters and I didn’t get out to get more yet” Levi said in his defense.
“Then stop smoking! But, anyway. He lit the burner next to him while he was pouring the oil and tried digging his cigarette pack out at the same time and split the damn oil on the burner, which of course - had the damn flame going. Thus started an grease fire and I had to put it out cause Dumbo the Clown here tried putting it out with water.”
“So, that explains the flour all over the stove” Chris said out loud in thought.
“Unfortunately” Kari said, grabbing a handful of flour from the bag and throwing it in Levi’s face. “You are never cooking with me again. I do missions alone from now on” She stated to Levi and walked out of the room in a huff.
“Damn. I am never leaving you two alone again. You nearly start the house on fire and she turns into the Terminator. Looks like I’m not getting any tonight, I see.” Chris shook his head as he unpacked the groceries.
“Wanna do… something?” The dirty blonde man standing before her asked.
“No, Levi. I want to read my book in peace, please” She looked back down with a slightly annoyed look on her face. Her boyfriend Chris had left the house to get some groceries, thus letting her have time to read her book in peace and quiet… or so she thought.
“Please? We could have some fun” He suggested again.
“No” She said, nose firmly still in her book. “Besides, I don’t like that tone. Last time you used that, it meant you wanted something else and last time we ‘had some fun’ of the non perverse nature, you ended up breaking your ankle on a garden hose and knocked yourself unconscious from the metal bucket on your head”.
“Oh, come on. One time-”
“Many times you have injured yourself, actually”
“Okay, point taken. But I want to do something anyway”
“Put a bag on your head, any kind. Total entertainment for both you and me” She laughed.
“You are so cruel” He glared, sitting on the floor in front of her.
“I know I am” She smirked.
“What are you doing?” She peered over her book to the man staring at her from the floor.
“Nothing” He blinked.
“Bullshit” She stated, but went back to her book. Every now and then she would peer back over cause of the random noises he was making, to see him still staring, only to roll her eyes in return and go back to her book.
“Okay, FINE!” She closed her book and threw it onto the table next to her as she cracked to get him to stop his stalkerish staring.
“YAY!” He jumped up, clapping.
“Don’t hurt yourself there, Hick Boy Wonder” Kari rolled her eyes, placing her hands on her hips. “So what do you want to do?”
“Hmm… Cook something, I’m sure hungry”
“You’re always hungry”
“Hey, that’s what my cousin Chris said about you last night” He winked, walking towards the kitchen.
“Fuck Off” She kicked him in the ass and walked towards the same place.
“Okay, what do you want to make?”
“Corn Fritters!” His eyes lit up.
“You and your damn corn” She rolled her eyes. Going into the pantry for a can. “You are lucky I don’t throw this at your head” She set it down on the counter.
Chris walked into his home, his ears to be met with a barrage of screaming and yelling.
Finding out the direction the noise was coming from, he found the source quickly.
“THIS PLACE IS BURNING DOWN. FUCK ME, KARI!” Levi yelled, holding out his arms.
“It’s already out, you idiot” Kari smacked him in the head.
“Ow, You know that can cause brain damage”
“Saying you have one?”
“Whoa, what’s the problemo here? I leave for 20 minutes…” Chris shook his head, trailing off.
“He wouldn’t leave me the hell alone so I could read my damn book in silence!” Kari practically yelled.
“I was hungry! You never let me touch the stove without a guardian”
“Yeah, because the first time you ever got to cook on a stove alone, was your last. You burned your damn pubes off and had to be rushed to the hospital. That was a damn jolly time explaining that one and trying to get the burnt pubic hair smell out of the house and off our stove” Kari ranted on.
“It wasn’t my fault the flame was attracted to me”
“You think everything is attracted to you”
“Well, it was” Levi crossed his arms.
“Okay, Miss Diva. You were working on the car before that, remember? … wait, how in the hell did you get gasoline on your dick?” Kari raised an eyebrow that Chris was sure that was going to merge into her hairline soon, by how raised it was.
“We’ll save that for another time!” Levi waved his arms about, getting a disgusted noise from Kari.
“Okay! Calm down, children” Chris butted in. “Now, what happened?”
“We were making Corn Fritters cause Mr. Corn-A-Lot over here begged for them. I turn away for one damn second and tell him to pour the oil carefully into the deep fryer- Mind you, I was right damn behind him, getting something out of the fridge- He was pouring it, but decided to start the burner next to him, like an idiot”
“Hey! I ran out of lighters and I didn’t get out to get more yet” Levi said in his defense.
“Then stop smoking! But, anyway. He lit the burner next to him while he was pouring the oil and tried digging his cigarette pack out at the same time and split the damn oil on the burner, which of course - had the damn flame going. Thus started an grease fire and I had to put it out cause Dumbo the Clown here tried putting it out with water.”
“So, that explains the flour all over the stove” Chris said out loud in thought.
“Unfortunately” Kari said, grabbing a handful of flour from the bag and throwing it in Levi’s face. “You are never cooking with me again. I do missions alone from now on” She stated to Levi and walked out of the room in a huff.
“Damn. I am never leaving you two alone again. You nearly start the house on fire and she turns into the Terminator. Looks like I’m not getting any tonight, I see.” Chris shook his head as he unpacked the groceries.