Where have I gone?
"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn't serve the world. There'
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I don't think that you're quite right that liberation would be from yourself. What's happening is that you're so consumed by your eating disorder that you confuse your eating disorder with yourself. And you, my dear, are not something that tortures people into starvation, panicked binging, and suicide. :)
You'll know when you're free from it because that little hum of dissatisfaction with yourself, that small, niggling undercurrent of self-doubt and self-hatred - you'll know you've begun to recover when that's started to fade. You'll know you're stable in recovery when it's gone. And you will experience happiness, true happiness instead of temporary elation - and you will remember what it's like to feel whole.
That came out kind of sappy. Sorry. But it's true. You reach towards yourself, your true self, and you find that... hey, maybe life is worth living. Because you can be happy.
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All my love.
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