(Untitled)

[primordiallogus]

Some people make you feel horrible about yourself. All the time. All the time. You think you were trying to make a point. They think you were patronising them. When, this is how you've argued all your life with everyone. One states his point. You state yours in retaliation to what you understand his point to be. They he tells you that you're

Comments

[sillahestian]

You're willing to change for the worse just because being challenged for the purpose of understanding upsets people? Most people don't want to justify their beliefs with a rational argument. I do it, too, sometimes. Even when they let you challenge their beliefs, they want the argument to end with one side being wrong and another being right and the distinction isn't always that clear.

You're fine the way you are. If you argue for the purpose of argument and not for clarification or understanding, that's when you go wrong. Or you can screw up and be a conciliatory little turnip like me and stop arguing altogether, because it's too much trouble.

[thedilettante]

He's talking about me. Read comments in my blog.

[sillahestian]

WUPS. I thought he was, considering he posted it here and not on myspace etc...but then I though naah, it couldn't be.

But I'm still a little foggy on what this is all about. The yak or you deleted the starting comment.

[thedilettante]

You know, you actually can use my name on this thing.

All I ask is that ypu try to understand what I'm saying before telling me that it's wrong.
All I ask is that if you don't understand what I'm saying you ask me to clarify, instead of telling me what I do or do not believe.

I'm sorry if you think these requests are stifling and I make you uncomfortable. If it's any consolation, being made to feel guilty for being honest with you doesn't exactly make me feel comfortable either.

And comments are hard. Can we talk about this in person?

[primordiallogus]

Sigh. You still haven't got my point. My request is for you not to think I'm trying to insult/belittle you if/when I misconstrue your argument. My request is, do not automatically assume that I'm trying to hurt you. When you think I'm telling you what you do or do not believe, that's me telling you what I think you believe. This is the way I speak. When I tell you what I think, you clarify. This is what I have always done. Sigh. Never mind.

Understand this. You can be completely honest with me. I know you'll never try to hurt me. Even if you insult my intelligence, I'll know that you don't think I'm a 2 year-old, I'll know you respect me and you're either joking or have misconstrued what I have said. This is the trust and faith I have in you. This the kind of trust I ask you to give me. If you can't, that's fine too. We'll work around that.

And yes, next time I'll try to fully understand what you're saying and I shall certainly ask you to clarify instead of telling you what you think.