Changes
I got a job last week- NOT the job I wanted or expected!
In January, there was a job posted for a secretary at my daughter's high school. I felt very strongly that I should apply. My oldest daughter is seventeen and a junior. My youngest is thirteen and in the 8th grade. When they were little, I was the Mom who was always room mother, volunteered for all the PTA things, and was pretty much involved in all aspects of their lives. Last year, my youngest was too embarrassed to have me come to her school, and my oldest is at the age where she needs me to not be a part of her life, so thus ended my volunteer days. But, staying home all day without those things was starting to get very hard. I'd keep busy, but with nothing that really mattered, so that even the things that did matter weren't really getting done. Thus, the job. I knew it was time for more. I filled out an application for the school district. It was a general application that goes into a pool for any other part time jobs available in the district. They have boxes to check for where you want to work. I checked the box next to my town so I wouldn't have to travel far. They have boxes to check what work you want to do. I checked office work, ignoring the aides, and cafeteria lady positions. I had visions of being one of the cute ladies in the school offices who type in names for attendance reports and go to lunch with the other office ladies. That kind of job. I didn't even get an interview.
I waited, looking for the next opportunity. The school district was really where I wanted to work because it meant I was home when my girls were home. A few things came up, but not the right things at all. Two weeks ago, I got a call from the school district, asking me to interview. "um...for what?" I asked with surprise. They told me that it was a part time teacher's aide job. It would involve filing, and grading papers, and maybe some teaching. This was the first time I've ever been contacted, so, okay, sure I was game for an interview. I went to the interview the very next day, and found out what the job was. It was in a nearby town, at the high school, working as an aide for a special self-contained classroom out in a portable out back of the school. It was for high school boys who were wards of the state. They had been removed from their homes because of criminal record, abuse, bad behavior, whatever. They are all different levels, and come from very bad backgrounds. Because the teacher needed to go into the building to coordinate with other teachers, she needed an aide to handle the classroom while she was gone, and teach high school science. High. School. Science. To Juvenile Delinquents. I have a degree in elementary and special education, and am really good at English. I took high school science...when I was in high school. I left the interview absolutely certain that this was NOT THE JOB FOR ME!
My mistake was that I prayed about it. I got down on my knees and told God my situation, and intended to tell him that I was going to turn down the job. Except that I couldn't even say the words. I started hoping that I had botched the interview. No way would they take me over ANY ONE with experience. The call came asking me to go meet with the teacher, and see the boys. They pretty much just looked like regular boys. No big sign that said "criminal" or anything. They were very polite. The teacher seemed nice. She's no-nonsense and tough and knows what she's doing. She is NOT the chit chatty go to lunch with the girls type. I still had a good time talking with her. My friend Leslie the Librarian who has hired me to tell stories was one of my references. She e-mailed me to tell me that she had gotten called and said wonderful things about me. She didn't know what the job was but she hoped I got it. I e-mailed her back, and told her what was going on. She responded with "How interesting. I felt really strongly that I should tell him how gifted you are at loving people who are hardest to love." WHY WOULD SHE SAY THAT??? When I list my best traits, that isn't even on the list!
Two days ago, I was offered the job and I said yes. I've cried all weekend. Not because this is a bad job, or a job I can't do. It's because I'm officially no longer a stay-at-home Mom. It's a job I've had for seventeen years, and I really REALLY loved my job, and it's ending because my girls are growing up and are off soon to be people. Yes, this is just a part time job, and it's just a teacher's aide, but it's a big huge colossal identity change, and I'm very emotional about it. I'm not going to work in a cute little school office with cute little ladies who work out by walking the school hallways and who go out to Cafe Rio every Friday. I'm going to work with some kids who are the hardest to love. I'm going to teach them science with no science materials available, and I'm going to take every chance I can to tell them stories because I'm pretty sure no one ever did. It's going to be hard. Some days are going to be awful, I'm pretty sure. It's not the job I wanted at all.
I think, however, it might be the job I actually need.
In January, there was a job posted for a secretary at my daughter's high school. I felt very strongly that I should apply. My oldest daughter is seventeen and a junior. My youngest is thirteen and in the 8th grade. When they were little, I was the Mom who was always room mother, volunteered for all the PTA things, and was pretty much involved in all aspects of their lives. Last year, my youngest was too embarrassed to have me come to her school, and my oldest is at the age where she needs me to not be a part of her life, so thus ended my volunteer days. But, staying home all day without those things was starting to get very hard. I'd keep busy, but with nothing that really mattered, so that even the things that did matter weren't really getting done. Thus, the job. I knew it was time for more. I filled out an application for the school district. It was a general application that goes into a pool for any other part time jobs available in the district. They have boxes to check for where you want to work. I checked the box next to my town so I wouldn't have to travel far. They have boxes to check what work you want to do. I checked office work, ignoring the aides, and cafeteria lady positions. I had visions of being one of the cute ladies in the school offices who type in names for attendance reports and go to lunch with the other office ladies. That kind of job. I didn't even get an interview.
I waited, looking for the next opportunity. The school district was really where I wanted to work because it meant I was home when my girls were home. A few things came up, but not the right things at all. Two weeks ago, I got a call from the school district, asking me to interview. "um...for what?" I asked with surprise. They told me that it was a part time teacher's aide job. It would involve filing, and grading papers, and maybe some teaching. This was the first time I've ever been contacted, so, okay, sure I was game for an interview. I went to the interview the very next day, and found out what the job was. It was in a nearby town, at the high school, working as an aide for a special self-contained classroom out in a portable out back of the school. It was for high school boys who were wards of the state. They had been removed from their homes because of criminal record, abuse, bad behavior, whatever. They are all different levels, and come from very bad backgrounds. Because the teacher needed to go into the building to coordinate with other teachers, she needed an aide to handle the classroom while she was gone, and teach high school science. High. School. Science. To Juvenile Delinquents. I have a degree in elementary and special education, and am really good at English. I took high school science...when I was in high school. I left the interview absolutely certain that this was NOT THE JOB FOR ME!
My mistake was that I prayed about it. I got down on my knees and told God my situation, and intended to tell him that I was going to turn down the job. Except that I couldn't even say the words. I started hoping that I had botched the interview. No way would they take me over ANY ONE with experience. The call came asking me to go meet with the teacher, and see the boys. They pretty much just looked like regular boys. No big sign that said "criminal" or anything. They were very polite. The teacher seemed nice. She's no-nonsense and tough and knows what she's doing. She is NOT the chit chatty go to lunch with the girls type. I still had a good time talking with her. My friend Leslie the Librarian who has hired me to tell stories was one of my references. She e-mailed me to tell me that she had gotten called and said wonderful things about me. She didn't know what the job was but she hoped I got it. I e-mailed her back, and told her what was going on. She responded with "How interesting. I felt really strongly that I should tell him how gifted you are at loving people who are hardest to love." WHY WOULD SHE SAY THAT??? When I list my best traits, that isn't even on the list!
Two days ago, I was offered the job and I said yes. I've cried all weekend. Not because this is a bad job, or a job I can't do. It's because I'm officially no longer a stay-at-home Mom. It's a job I've had for seventeen years, and I really REALLY loved my job, and it's ending because my girls are growing up and are off soon to be people. Yes, this is just a part time job, and it's just a teacher's aide, but it's a big huge colossal identity change, and I'm very emotional about it. I'm not going to work in a cute little school office with cute little ladies who work out by walking the school hallways and who go out to Cafe Rio every Friday. I'm going to work with some kids who are the hardest to love. I'm going to teach them science with no science materials available, and I'm going to take every chance I can to tell them stories because I'm pretty sure no one ever did. It's going to be hard. Some days are going to be awful, I'm pretty sure. It's not the job I wanted at all.
I think, however, it might be the job I actually need.