instead of binging on ice cream, I wrote this
OH GOD, everyone is thinking, ANOTHER 2PM FIC, WHY? WHYYYYY
Everyone, I'm really sorry. I'm working hard on Arashi fic right now, I swear. ;A; This was just a temporary interruption and now I will return to my regularly scheduled activities.
Title: This Right Here
Rating: PG
Pairings: none
Words: ~2,750
Summary: Hey, it's going to be okay. You know the feeling, Jay. It just takes time.
Notes: I was actually super bummed out about Jay’s scandal and everything about it, so to make myself feel better I stayed up last night and wrote this short thing. Really sappy of me, I know, SIGH. Anyway.
The netizen comments are made up, but some of them are close to stuff I've read were being written about him. Netizens can be so fucking nasty, it’s unbelievable, although I know that select angry people do not speak for Korean fans as a whole. My stance on the whole incident is that he was a young kid who said douchey things without thinking of the consequences. I'm not saying that we should just give him the benefit of the doubt for those comments he made just because he was homesick and weirded out by Korea, but he stepped up and apologized for his actions, and that has to count for something. He’s done his part, so I think it’s now up to his fans to let go of this, instead of being vindictive, immature asshats about it. Jay has obviously changed his attitude since then (lol his obsession with Wooyoung, whaaat), and I think he's very thankful to be where he is today. (And I am too, ha ha.)
Jay, I’m ballin’ wichu.
Translations of Jay's apology by sparkskey, found here.
ps. For the record, I actually really liked Junsu’s old gummy smile. ;__;
Taec's the one who sees it first. He's talking to Junsu about the rumours going around about both their recent operations, reading off his laptop screen as he browses various blog sites -- "Some chick says she wants you to bite her with your new teeth. Geez, reminds me of that Twilight movie..." -- when he abruptly goes silent.
Junsu continues, "Yeah, about that fan who wanted the male lead guy to bite her neck? Some girls, man, I'm telling you. But they like the teeth, right?" Junsu glances over at Taec. The other boy's frozen up, and the expression on his face is strangely blank. "Yo, you okay?"
Taecyeon lifts his laptop off his chest and gets out of bed. "Something's happened."
-----
"Why the hell did you not put your settings on private, is what I want to know," Taec spits, staring down at Jay. Standing at his full height, shoulders square, arms crossed, Taec looks two seconds away from punching Jay in the face.
Junsu can’t really blame him. This is bad news.
"I," Jay starts. "I didn't think it would matter. It's an English site."
"You keep on forgetting that there are plenty of Koreans who can speak English," Taec says harshly. "More than enough to be able to dig up shit about you; not that you made it any harder for them. It's the fucking internet - by tomorrow, everyone in the industry is going to know about this."
Jay slowly brings up a hand to Taec's laptop and scrolls down the window. Jun can see his eyes dart left and right as he scans the news, the comments. Wooyoung and Junho are crowded on his either side, reading over his shoulder. Chansung and Nichkhun are sitting on the other side of the table, quiet, worried. Taecyeon's looking at Jay's face. It's quiet enough in the kitchen to hear Jay's slightly panicked breathing.
"Would you like me to translate some of them for you?" Taec asks, just a bit too snidely to be comfortable. Junsu winces. He doesn’t know if Taec is angry at Jay or the netizens. But Jay doesn't even notice; he doesn't seem to have heard. His full concentration is on the computer in front of him, and Junsu wonders just how much of the Korean he can understand. Probably not some of the meaner comments: those calling for his expulsion, some even suggesting suicide. Junsu barely got through half of them before he'd had enough. He's never been so thankful for Jay's crappy Korean vocabulary in his life.
But even Jay's reading comprehension skills are adequate to give him a gist of what they're saying about him.
Junho straightens up and looks at Taecyeon. "What did Minjae hyung say when you showed him?"
Taec shrugs. "He made me explain what the words meant. Then he shook his head and took out his cell phone. I got pushed out of the room."
Junsu glances back at the door to their manager's room: closed, locked. Dealing with it. This.
"So we should wait?" Wooyoung asks, glancing around at the others. "Shouldn't we make a statement or something?"
"It might be too dangerous right now," Junho murmurs. "We don't know the position the company wants to take on this yet. Besides," he frowns, "what would you want to say?"
"I--" Wooyoung pauses. "Just something. Anything?"
Taecyeon clicks his tongue. "It better be some amazing anything, if we want to fix up this mess."
"What do the Hottests think?" Chansung asks softly.
"Disappointment, mostly," Taecyeon says, sighing. "Some of them are calling fake. But they seem very supportive so far. It's all we can hope for at this point, I suppose."
“Jinyoung hyung’s not going to be happy though,” Junsu licks his lips. It'll be trouble, no matter what. Will they have to go on a so-called break? Will their album preparations get halted? Not good.
“What’s done is done, though,” Junho says. “We have to focus on getting past it. Right, hyung?” He puts a hand on Jay’s shoulder. Jay doesn’t respond. He looks like he’s in shock.
Nichkhun gets out of his chair and walks over. He gently tugs on Jay's fingers from where they're wrapped on a death grip around the keyboard. Jay's still staring at the screen. He hasn't stopped reading the comments.
"Jay," he says. "Let go. Stop looking."
Jay blinks; he swallows. He abruptly loosens his hold on the laptop. Nichkhun pulls it away from him and closes it.
The door to Minjae hyung's room opens. He's sweating, Junsu notices. He's nervous. "Taecyeon," he calls, heading over to him. "The president's on the line. He needs some details about when you first saw the--" he frowns. "Take it," and he hands Taecyeon his cell phone.
The atmosphere is anxious as everyone listens to Taecyeon give one word answers to a muffled, tense voice calling from the other side of the Pacific Ocean. Jinyoung hyung doesn't sound pleased. At all. Junsu's frightened for what might happen. What this might mean for their group.
Out of the corner of his eye, he can see Jay cross his arms on the table and quietly lay his head down between them.
-----
Truthfully, Junsu's not as upset as he probably should be, or probably could be. About the comments, that is. He's pissed off, feels a bit betrayed, yeah, of course, and he thinks Jay was an asshole to say stuff like that, but Jay -- he's just kind of an asshole. No, well. That’s not the point. Because even with occasional asshole tendencies, Jay is a good guy. Junsu knows this. Jay's a good guy like Wooyoung is a good guy, like Chansung, like Nichkhun, like all the rest of them. He just shows it differently. He shows it in the way he encourages Junsu's composing, and helps Taecyeon practise his back flips, in the way he reminds Junho that even if he's not getting any airtime on their television shows, at least he's not looking like a royal idiot like Jay does all the time. Jay's 2PM's leader. Jay’s doing his best for them.
Jay's just a stupid, irresponsible kid, who'd been too scared and lonely when he landed in a new country with nothing but a Korean face and a Korean name to show that he belonged. Jay had left behind his family and friends, the home that he'd grown up in, his entire lifestyle, just to pursue the crazy, impossible dream of becoming a singer. Giving up everything, when he could get nothing in return.
See, that was the thing. Jay had just needed time to get used to the situation he'd thrown himself into. The first time Junsu met Park Jaebeom, he was this prickly, rude, slightly cold teenager who could sing well, rap better, and dance like he was born to do it. But because of his barriers, he was awkward around everyone. He couldn't communicate. He made faces at some of the things the rest of them would do, the food they ate, dumb stuff like that. And yet... anyone with a brain could see that he was trying. Trying to adjust, trying to fit in with them. Junsu even remembers his progress. He'd seen Jay be unfailingly polite to his elders after he got yelled at once for being disrespectful. He's seen Jay start nodding to people who approached him with smiles. He'd seen Jay sit eagerly -- back straight, eyes wide -- as they were taught about music and dance; six hours of daily training and he'd never complain of being tired.
And Junsu remembers thinking, if nothing else, the guy had a passion for music.
Junsu had understood that, so well. He still does. Jay had come to Korea on the simple wish to perform with his music, and anyone who had the same dream as Junsu couldn't be that bad of a guy.
It's been years since Junsu’s first encounter with "that one American kid," and now, Junsu doesn't think of Jay as an American anymore. Or a Korean, really. Jay's just... Jay. He's still a weirdo and still has trouble with the language and culture sometimes, but he’s spent a long time here; he's learned a lot and he's changed to accommodate that. Grown up. Junsu knows this doesn't excuse him from the derogatory comments he'd made back then, and Junsu will likely never understand the American values Jay had that made him type what he did. But what he's sure of is the Park Jaebeom he knows today will never think like that again.
For Junsu, that's enough to earn forgiveness.
-----
There's a knock on Junsu's door. Junsu puts down his pencil. When he gets emotional, he tends to write, in the hopes that he might create good lyrics out of the jumble of his feelings. "Come in," he calls.
It's Jay.
Junsu hasn't seen him look this dispirited in a long time. His entire body is slumped, like it’s being pulled down towards the ground, burdened by the weight of his own actions. He's pale and the bags under his eyes are painfully stark against his skin. He tries to smile briefly, but it falls apart.
"Hey," Jay says softly.
"Yo," Junsu returns.
"You're doing music?" Jay asks, eyes flitting to Junsu's notepad and his keyboard, still pulled out from that afternoon.
Junsu fakes a laugh. "Trying to." He pulls off the headphones he’s wearing. "What's up?"
Jay holds out a sheet of paper. "It's my official apology," he explains, as Junsu takes it. "I'm gonna post it on our fancafe. Can you look it over for me?"
The entire thing is already covered with arrows and scribbles, in various colours of pen. Junsu recognizes Junho's neat writing, Taecyeon's scrawl, a small happy face in the corner left by Nichkhun.
"You're showing this to everyone?" Junsu asks, eyebrows rising. "Isn't one person enough?"
Jay shrugs uncomfortably, shifting on his feet. "Yeah, probably. But I wanted to be sure."
"You need six people to be sure?" Junsu says, a bit baffled. "Sure of what?"
Jay looks away, eyebrows furrowing. "Of stuff, okay. Are you going to read it or not? I'm kinda in a hurry here."
"Sure," Junsu says quickly.
He reads it. Adds a few notes here and there, crosses out some stuff that Taecyeon added (just why was the guy so callous towards the more "passionate" netizens? This was an apology, not a declaration of war), and in a moment of sentimentality, draws a heart next to Nichkhun's happy face. Jay lies on Taecyeon's bed in the meantime, and stares up at the bottom of the Junsu's bunk, saying nothing, just waiting.
"Here," Junsu says finally, spinning around in his chair and handing the paper back to Jay. "It's good. You did a good job on such short notice."
"Minjae hyung helped," Jay says, deferring the compliment. He doesn't move to take the paper.
Junsu flaps it a little. "Here," he says again. "Wooyoung or Chansung next? Don't know if either of them can do much to it anymore, but you're right, it probably won't hurt to ask them."
Jay sits up. "Did you read it carefully?"
"Yeah. I wrote some comments about--"
He's interrupted. "No," Jay says. "Did you read it carefully? Do you understand what I'm trying to say?"
"Er. Yes. Wait. Pardon?"
Jay takes back the paper. "It wasn't hard to write, surprisingly," he mutters sheepishly. “It just came out as I thought about it.” He starts reading aloud, “’I would like to apologize for the words I typed on myspace a few years ago.’" He looks up at Junsu.
"Nice sentence," Junsu says. "Uh, gets the point across." He doesn't really know what he's saying. He doesn't know what Jay wants to hear.
"’And as time passed I forgot that I had ever posted such things. Looking back, I’m really sorry and embarrassed for writing such things,’" Jay continues.
Junsu nods.
Jay frowns. "Junsu, are you fucking listening?"
"What?" Junsu blinks, pointing at himself. "I'm sitting right here, listening to you. And I know what you wrote, I just read it."
"Geez, you really are stupider than Khun sometimes," Jay tsks, sounding aggravated. "He got it right away."
"I have absolutely no idea what you're talking about."
"Junsu!" Jay says sharply. "Listen. 'Our family, Hottest and our 2PM members, I’m really sorry to everyone as well as everyone who loves 2PM.'"
Oh.
He was apologizing. To Junsu. To 2PM. Them first, then the rest of the world.
Looking like his life will crash down around him if Junsu doesn’t get it, won’t accept it.
See, this is the Jay that Junsu knows now: a stupid, irresponsible kid who's trying his best to do the mature thing and own up for the stupid, irresponsible comments he made a lifetime ago. A guy who's sure and yet not sure of his own talent and appeal, despite making it this far, despite having fans supporting him from all over the globe. This guy, who finds a roundabout way to show each of them that he's sorry for saying those things, asking for his friends' approval for a message that doesn't require it, because he knows it'll affect them all -- this Park Jaebeom, who's as still and tense, eyes unblinkingly set on Junsu, waiting for Junsu's reaction to his apology. Like he's put his heart on the line. He's trying to hide how uncertain he is, but Junsu's known him for too long: just from the jittery way Jay brings up his hand to scratch at his neck, Junsu knows that Jay's nervous and is really hurting from this whole thing.
He must feel guilty, being in this situation. It's definitely going to have a negative backlash on their group’s image. Jay knows this. He’s probably more worried about 2PM’s reputation than his own, and Junsu has no trouble believing that if any one of the them told Jay that they were angry at him, that they might not forgive him for the things he’d written, Jay would voluntarily step down as leader.
It's a good thing no one's going to do that.
"It's great, really," Junsu says sincerely. "The message comes through loud and clear."
Jay's mouth cracks open and he breaks into a smile. Junsu smiles too. There he is, back again -- their one and only leadja.
"I heard that the netizens like your new teeth," Jay says abruptly.
"Oh really? I heard that pretty soon, this whole scandal is going to blow over and we'll be a stronger group for it."
Jay laughs weakly. "Where did you hear that?"
Junsu holds up two fingers and draws a stripe across his eyes. "I'm from the future, remember? And the future's going to be fine."
Jay's smile freezes. He looks at his paper again, and takes a deep breath. "What if it doesn't work out?"
"Well," Junsu says. "All we can do is wait, right? Which probably means business as usual. Don't worry Jay, we're all here with you. We'll show everyone we can pull through."
Jay bows his head. When he speaks again, his voice is light and too controlled to be casual. He swipes quickly at his eyes and laughs once, sounding embarrassed. “Minjae hyung said it’ll take time.”
That's right. Adjusting takes time.
Junsu holds out his hand, three fingers pointing down. "We've got it," he grins. "2PM, baby.”
ETA as of September 8, 2009: I'm so sorry that it had to end like this. I am upset and worried as hell for both Jay and 2PM, but I hope Jay will be happier, whatever he now chooses to do. I want to remain optimistic and hope that he'll come back and rejoin 2PM, but idk guys, do you think that's too selfish of me? This whole mess was a disgusting shame and I hope something like this never happens again, to anyone. I'll miss Jay so much. 2PM will never be the same without him.
Everyone, I'm really sorry. I'm working hard on Arashi fic right now, I swear. ;A; This was just a temporary interruption and now I will return to my regularly scheduled activities.
Title: This Right Here
Rating: PG
Pairings: none
Words: ~2,750
Summary: Hey, it's going to be okay. You know the feeling, Jay. It just takes time.
Notes: I was actually super bummed out about Jay’s scandal and everything about it, so to make myself feel better I stayed up last night and wrote this short thing. Really sappy of me, I know, SIGH. Anyway.
The netizen comments are made up, but some of them are close to stuff I've read were being written about him. Netizens can be so fucking nasty, it’s unbelievable, although I know that select angry people do not speak for Korean fans as a whole. My stance on the whole incident is that he was a young kid who said douchey things without thinking of the consequences. I'm not saying that we should just give him the benefit of the doubt for those comments he made just because he was homesick and weirded out by Korea, but he stepped up and apologized for his actions, and that has to count for something. He’s done his part, so I think it’s now up to his fans to let go of this, instead of being vindictive, immature asshats about it. Jay has obviously changed his attitude since then (lol his obsession with Wooyoung, whaaat), and I think he's very thankful to be where he is today. (And I am too, ha ha.)
Jay, I’m ballin’ wichu.
Translations of Jay's apology by sparkskey, found here.
ps. For the record, I actually really liked Junsu’s old gummy smile. ;__;
Taec's the one who sees it first. He's talking to Junsu about the rumours going around about both their recent operations, reading off his laptop screen as he browses various blog sites -- "Some chick says she wants you to bite her with your new teeth. Geez, reminds me of that Twilight movie..." -- when he abruptly goes silent.
Junsu continues, "Yeah, about that fan who wanted the male lead guy to bite her neck? Some girls, man, I'm telling you. But they like the teeth, right?" Junsu glances over at Taec. The other boy's frozen up, and the expression on his face is strangely blank. "Yo, you okay?"
Taecyeon lifts his laptop off his chest and gets out of bed. "Something's happened."
-----
"Why the hell did you not put your settings on private, is what I want to know," Taec spits, staring down at Jay. Standing at his full height, shoulders square, arms crossed, Taec looks two seconds away from punching Jay in the face.
Junsu can’t really blame him. This is bad news.
"I," Jay starts. "I didn't think it would matter. It's an English site."
"You keep on forgetting that there are plenty of Koreans who can speak English," Taec says harshly. "More than enough to be able to dig up shit about you; not that you made it any harder for them. It's the fucking internet - by tomorrow, everyone in the industry is going to know about this."
Jay slowly brings up a hand to Taec's laptop and scrolls down the window. Jun can see his eyes dart left and right as he scans the news, the comments. Wooyoung and Junho are crowded on his either side, reading over his shoulder. Chansung and Nichkhun are sitting on the other side of the table, quiet, worried. Taecyeon's looking at Jay's face. It's quiet enough in the kitchen to hear Jay's slightly panicked breathing.
"Would you like me to translate some of them for you?" Taec asks, just a bit too snidely to be comfortable. Junsu winces. He doesn’t know if Taec is angry at Jay or the netizens. But Jay doesn't even notice; he doesn't seem to have heard. His full concentration is on the computer in front of him, and Junsu wonders just how much of the Korean he can understand. Probably not some of the meaner comments: those calling for his expulsion, some even suggesting suicide. Junsu barely got through half of them before he'd had enough. He's never been so thankful for Jay's crappy Korean vocabulary in his life.
But even Jay's reading comprehension skills are adequate to give him a gist of what they're saying about him.
Junho straightens up and looks at Taecyeon. "What did Minjae hyung say when you showed him?"
Taec shrugs. "He made me explain what the words meant. Then he shook his head and took out his cell phone. I got pushed out of the room."
Junsu glances back at the door to their manager's room: closed, locked. Dealing with it. This.
"So we should wait?" Wooyoung asks, glancing around at the others. "Shouldn't we make a statement or something?"
"It might be too dangerous right now," Junho murmurs. "We don't know the position the company wants to take on this yet. Besides," he frowns, "what would you want to say?"
"I--" Wooyoung pauses. "Just something. Anything?"
Taecyeon clicks his tongue. "It better be some amazing anything, if we want to fix up this mess."
"What do the Hottests think?" Chansung asks softly.
"Disappointment, mostly," Taecyeon says, sighing. "Some of them are calling fake. But they seem very supportive so far. It's all we can hope for at this point, I suppose."
“Jinyoung hyung’s not going to be happy though,” Junsu licks his lips. It'll be trouble, no matter what. Will they have to go on a so-called break? Will their album preparations get halted? Not good.
“What’s done is done, though,” Junho says. “We have to focus on getting past it. Right, hyung?” He puts a hand on Jay’s shoulder. Jay doesn’t respond. He looks like he’s in shock.
Nichkhun gets out of his chair and walks over. He gently tugs on Jay's fingers from where they're wrapped on a death grip around the keyboard. Jay's still staring at the screen. He hasn't stopped reading the comments.
"Jay," he says. "Let go. Stop looking."
Jay blinks; he swallows. He abruptly loosens his hold on the laptop. Nichkhun pulls it away from him and closes it.
The door to Minjae hyung's room opens. He's sweating, Junsu notices. He's nervous. "Taecyeon," he calls, heading over to him. "The president's on the line. He needs some details about when you first saw the--" he frowns. "Take it," and he hands Taecyeon his cell phone.
The atmosphere is anxious as everyone listens to Taecyeon give one word answers to a muffled, tense voice calling from the other side of the Pacific Ocean. Jinyoung hyung doesn't sound pleased. At all. Junsu's frightened for what might happen. What this might mean for their group.
Out of the corner of his eye, he can see Jay cross his arms on the table and quietly lay his head down between them.
-----
Truthfully, Junsu's not as upset as he probably should be, or probably could be. About the comments, that is. He's pissed off, feels a bit betrayed, yeah, of course, and he thinks Jay was an asshole to say stuff like that, but Jay -- he's just kind of an asshole. No, well. That’s not the point. Because even with occasional asshole tendencies, Jay is a good guy. Junsu knows this. Jay's a good guy like Wooyoung is a good guy, like Chansung, like Nichkhun, like all the rest of them. He just shows it differently. He shows it in the way he encourages Junsu's composing, and helps Taecyeon practise his back flips, in the way he reminds Junho that even if he's not getting any airtime on their television shows, at least he's not looking like a royal idiot like Jay does all the time. Jay's 2PM's leader. Jay’s doing his best for them.
Jay's just a stupid, irresponsible kid, who'd been too scared and lonely when he landed in a new country with nothing but a Korean face and a Korean name to show that he belonged. Jay had left behind his family and friends, the home that he'd grown up in, his entire lifestyle, just to pursue the crazy, impossible dream of becoming a singer. Giving up everything, when he could get nothing in return.
See, that was the thing. Jay had just needed time to get used to the situation he'd thrown himself into. The first time Junsu met Park Jaebeom, he was this prickly, rude, slightly cold teenager who could sing well, rap better, and dance like he was born to do it. But because of his barriers, he was awkward around everyone. He couldn't communicate. He made faces at some of the things the rest of them would do, the food they ate, dumb stuff like that. And yet... anyone with a brain could see that he was trying. Trying to adjust, trying to fit in with them. Junsu even remembers his progress. He'd seen Jay be unfailingly polite to his elders after he got yelled at once for being disrespectful. He's seen Jay start nodding to people who approached him with smiles. He'd seen Jay sit eagerly -- back straight, eyes wide -- as they were taught about music and dance; six hours of daily training and he'd never complain of being tired.
And Junsu remembers thinking, if nothing else, the guy had a passion for music.
Junsu had understood that, so well. He still does. Jay had come to Korea on the simple wish to perform with his music, and anyone who had the same dream as Junsu couldn't be that bad of a guy.
It's been years since Junsu’s first encounter with "that one American kid," and now, Junsu doesn't think of Jay as an American anymore. Or a Korean, really. Jay's just... Jay. He's still a weirdo and still has trouble with the language and culture sometimes, but he’s spent a long time here; he's learned a lot and he's changed to accommodate that. Grown up. Junsu knows this doesn't excuse him from the derogatory comments he'd made back then, and Junsu will likely never understand the American values Jay had that made him type what he did. But what he's sure of is the Park Jaebeom he knows today will never think like that again.
For Junsu, that's enough to earn forgiveness.
-----
There's a knock on Junsu's door. Junsu puts down his pencil. When he gets emotional, he tends to write, in the hopes that he might create good lyrics out of the jumble of his feelings. "Come in," he calls.
It's Jay.
Junsu hasn't seen him look this dispirited in a long time. His entire body is slumped, like it’s being pulled down towards the ground, burdened by the weight of his own actions. He's pale and the bags under his eyes are painfully stark against his skin. He tries to smile briefly, but it falls apart.
"Hey," Jay says softly.
"Yo," Junsu returns.
"You're doing music?" Jay asks, eyes flitting to Junsu's notepad and his keyboard, still pulled out from that afternoon.
Junsu fakes a laugh. "Trying to." He pulls off the headphones he’s wearing. "What's up?"
Jay holds out a sheet of paper. "It's my official apology," he explains, as Junsu takes it. "I'm gonna post it on our fancafe. Can you look it over for me?"
The entire thing is already covered with arrows and scribbles, in various colours of pen. Junsu recognizes Junho's neat writing, Taecyeon's scrawl, a small happy face in the corner left by Nichkhun.
"You're showing this to everyone?" Junsu asks, eyebrows rising. "Isn't one person enough?"
Jay shrugs uncomfortably, shifting on his feet. "Yeah, probably. But I wanted to be sure."
"You need six people to be sure?" Junsu says, a bit baffled. "Sure of what?"
Jay looks away, eyebrows furrowing. "Of stuff, okay. Are you going to read it or not? I'm kinda in a hurry here."
"Sure," Junsu says quickly.
He reads it. Adds a few notes here and there, crosses out some stuff that Taecyeon added (just why was the guy so callous towards the more "passionate" netizens? This was an apology, not a declaration of war), and in a moment of sentimentality, draws a heart next to Nichkhun's happy face. Jay lies on Taecyeon's bed in the meantime, and stares up at the bottom of the Junsu's bunk, saying nothing, just waiting.
"Here," Junsu says finally, spinning around in his chair and handing the paper back to Jay. "It's good. You did a good job on such short notice."
"Minjae hyung helped," Jay says, deferring the compliment. He doesn't move to take the paper.
Junsu flaps it a little. "Here," he says again. "Wooyoung or Chansung next? Don't know if either of them can do much to it anymore, but you're right, it probably won't hurt to ask them."
Jay sits up. "Did you read it carefully?"
"Yeah. I wrote some comments about--"
He's interrupted. "No," Jay says. "Did you read it carefully? Do you understand what I'm trying to say?"
"Er. Yes. Wait. Pardon?"
Jay takes back the paper. "It wasn't hard to write, surprisingly," he mutters sheepishly. “It just came out as I thought about it.” He starts reading aloud, “’I would like to apologize for the words I typed on myspace a few years ago.’" He looks up at Junsu.
"Nice sentence," Junsu says. "Uh, gets the point across." He doesn't really know what he's saying. He doesn't know what Jay wants to hear.
"’And as time passed I forgot that I had ever posted such things. Looking back, I’m really sorry and embarrassed for writing such things,’" Jay continues.
Junsu nods.
Jay frowns. "Junsu, are you fucking listening?"
"What?" Junsu blinks, pointing at himself. "I'm sitting right here, listening to you. And I know what you wrote, I just read it."
"Geez, you really are stupider than Khun sometimes," Jay tsks, sounding aggravated. "He got it right away."
"I have absolutely no idea what you're talking about."
"Junsu!" Jay says sharply. "Listen. 'Our family, Hottest and our 2PM members, I’m really sorry to everyone as well as everyone who loves 2PM.'"
Oh.
He was apologizing. To Junsu. To 2PM. Them first, then the rest of the world.
Looking like his life will crash down around him if Junsu doesn’t get it, won’t accept it.
See, this is the Jay that Junsu knows now: a stupid, irresponsible kid who's trying his best to do the mature thing and own up for the stupid, irresponsible comments he made a lifetime ago. A guy who's sure and yet not sure of his own talent and appeal, despite making it this far, despite having fans supporting him from all over the globe. This guy, who finds a roundabout way to show each of them that he's sorry for saying those things, asking for his friends' approval for a message that doesn't require it, because he knows it'll affect them all -- this Park Jaebeom, who's as still and tense, eyes unblinkingly set on Junsu, waiting for Junsu's reaction to his apology. Like he's put his heart on the line. He's trying to hide how uncertain he is, but Junsu's known him for too long: just from the jittery way Jay brings up his hand to scratch at his neck, Junsu knows that Jay's nervous and is really hurting from this whole thing.
He must feel guilty, being in this situation. It's definitely going to have a negative backlash on their group’s image. Jay knows this. He’s probably more worried about 2PM’s reputation than his own, and Junsu has no trouble believing that if any one of the them told Jay that they were angry at him, that they might not forgive him for the things he’d written, Jay would voluntarily step down as leader.
It's a good thing no one's going to do that.
"It's great, really," Junsu says sincerely. "The message comes through loud and clear."
Jay's mouth cracks open and he breaks into a smile. Junsu smiles too. There he is, back again -- their one and only leadja.
"I heard that the netizens like your new teeth," Jay says abruptly.
"Oh really? I heard that pretty soon, this whole scandal is going to blow over and we'll be a stronger group for it."
Jay laughs weakly. "Where did you hear that?"
Junsu holds up two fingers and draws a stripe across his eyes. "I'm from the future, remember? And the future's going to be fine."
Jay's smile freezes. He looks at his paper again, and takes a deep breath. "What if it doesn't work out?"
"Well," Junsu says. "All we can do is wait, right? Which probably means business as usual. Don't worry Jay, we're all here with you. We'll show everyone we can pull through."
Jay bows his head. When he speaks again, his voice is light and too controlled to be casual. He swipes quickly at his eyes and laughs once, sounding embarrassed. “Minjae hyung said it’ll take time.”
That's right. Adjusting takes time.
Junsu holds out his hand, three fingers pointing down. "We've got it," he grins. "2PM, baby.”
ETA as of September 8, 2009: I'm so sorry that it had to end like this. I am upset and worried as hell for both Jay and 2PM, but I hope Jay will be happier, whatever he now chooses to do. I want to remain optimistic and hope that he'll come back and rejoin 2PM, but idk guys, do you think that's too selfish of me? This whole mess was a disgusting shame and I hope something like this never happens again, to anyone. I'll miss Jay so much. 2PM will never be the same without him.