Quest 122
[Private//Hackable by Friends]
All right. I can't keep carrying on this way anymore.
I may not know what to do, but I know I have to do something. That curse the other day...it's not exactly how I might've wanted to make my thoughts known, but it happened and it's done with and that's all there is to it. I can't take it back, and I can't change what I did--or didn't do--a week ago, and nothing will change if I only sit still.
And they do--need to change, that is. I can't keep going on this way, trying to listen to everyone all at once and searching for a way to balance it out somehow in order to make everyone happy. I can't. I could try, of course, and I'm sure I could even manage for a while. But if listening to everyone else means not listening to myself...well.
Maybe I am different. But if I am, then who could possibly know me better than me? I wish this City were more like Daventry, more like everything I'm used to; it'd make things so much easier, trying to decide the right thing to do, whatever the situation. But it's not, and so I'm different, and that's something I just have to get used to. And I'm getting better at it, I suppose, with time. I'm getting in lots of practice at being a modern girl, anyway. But I'm not. I'm Princess Rosella of Daventry, daughter of King Graham and Queen Valanice, and nothing can ever change that. And I wouldn't want anything to change that, either.
So I have to listen to myself, now. I know what everyone else wants, and now I know what I want, too. I want to never be that helpless and that upset and that wretched ever again. I want to do everything I can to prevent something like that from happening in the future. I want to be myself. I want to do what's right, and I have to be the one that decides, in the end, what's right and what's not.
And my friends...they'll decide what's right for each of themselves, too. And if it's as Kurama said, and the right thing for them is to try to stop me from doing what I think is right...well. Then everyone's trying to do what they think is best, aren't they? And maybe that's the best that any of us can do.
And if that's selfish of me...well, then, perhaps it's as Megumi said after all, and sometimes we have to be selfish to be happy. And right now, I want more than anything to be happy again.
So I have to try. I'll try everything I can, everything I can think of. I'll try to prepare myself, and learn from my mistakes, and be ready for the next time. And perhaps there won't be a next time at all, and it'll be something different entirely, but I have to learn. I made my mistakes. Now I have to learn from them. One foot in front of the other, and keep going on.
I can't snap my fingers and forget it. Perhaps I'll never forget it.
But I won't let that stop me from doing something about this any longer.
I'm so sorry. I'll do better, I promise. I'll do everything I can.
--Rose petal essence
--Saffron
--Feather (eagle)
--Wings (fly)
[/Private]
So there's beer coming out of all the faucets, and the City has seen fit to dress me up like a barmaid to match. It seems as though things really are getting back to normal around here, aren't they? Well, if the usual workings of the City can really be called normal, anyway. I suppose it's a bit sad, when I can wake up to no water in the morning--and looking like I ought to be serving up tankards in a tavern, besides--and think, "oh, what a relief, things are getting back to normal."
I'm...starting to feel a little better, at least. My arm still hurts a bit from having the blood taken out of it, but the whole thing wasn't so horribly bad, really. Certainly not as bad as I'd been imagining. Everyone at the hospital seems very kind and pleasant; I'm still not eager at all to pay any extended visits to any hospitals, and being carried there is still out of the question, of course, but the doctors I've met all seem very nice.
...Come to think of it, I've been meeting quite a few doctors lately, haven't I? I wonder how many I know, all told. There's Dr. Pierce and Dr. Chase and of course Dr. Horrible, but that's not quite the same thing, and Megumi's rather like a doctor, too, and I'm sure there's a few I'm forgetting at the moment. And then of course there's all the doctors at the hospital that I haven't been introduced to yet, as well. But I suppose it's about time I made the acquaintance of a few doctors, anyway; the ones I've met so far seem to be considerably more knowledgeable than the ones I knew at home, and it's not as though there are any trees bearing magic fruit around here, either. And even if there were, I don't have a hundred years to wait.
...Does anyone happen to know if there are eagles in the zoo?
All right. I can't keep carrying on this way anymore.
I may not know what to do, but I know I have to do something. That curse the other day...it's not exactly how I might've wanted to make my thoughts known, but it happened and it's done with and that's all there is to it. I can't take it back, and I can't change what I did--or didn't do--a week ago, and nothing will change if I only sit still.
And they do--need to change, that is. I can't keep going on this way, trying to listen to everyone all at once and searching for a way to balance it out somehow in order to make everyone happy. I can't. I could try, of course, and I'm sure I could even manage for a while. But if listening to everyone else means not listening to myself...well.
Maybe I am different. But if I am, then who could possibly know me better than me? I wish this City were more like Daventry, more like everything I'm used to; it'd make things so much easier, trying to decide the right thing to do, whatever the situation. But it's not, and so I'm different, and that's something I just have to get used to. And I'm getting better at it, I suppose, with time. I'm getting in lots of practice at being a modern girl, anyway. But I'm not. I'm Princess Rosella of Daventry, daughter of King Graham and Queen Valanice, and nothing can ever change that. And I wouldn't want anything to change that, either.
So I have to listen to myself, now. I know what everyone else wants, and now I know what I want, too. I want to never be that helpless and that upset and that wretched ever again. I want to do everything I can to prevent something like that from happening in the future. I want to be myself. I want to do what's right, and I have to be the one that decides, in the end, what's right and what's not.
And my friends...they'll decide what's right for each of themselves, too. And if it's as Kurama said, and the right thing for them is to try to stop me from doing what I think is right...well. Then everyone's trying to do what they think is best, aren't they? And maybe that's the best that any of us can do.
And if that's selfish of me...well, then, perhaps it's as Megumi said after all, and sometimes we have to be selfish to be happy. And right now, I want more than anything to be happy again.
So I have to try. I'll try everything I can, everything I can think of. I'll try to prepare myself, and learn from my mistakes, and be ready for the next time. And perhaps there won't be a next time at all, and it'll be something different entirely, but I have to learn. I made my mistakes. Now I have to learn from them. One foot in front of the other, and keep going on.
I can't snap my fingers and forget it. Perhaps I'll never forget it.
But I won't let that stop me from doing something about this any longer.
I'm so sorry. I'll do better, I promise. I'll do everything I can.
--Rose petal essence
--Saffron
--Feather (eagle)
--Wings (fly)
[/Private]
So there's beer coming out of all the faucets, and the City has seen fit to dress me up like a barmaid to match. It seems as though things really are getting back to normal around here, aren't they? Well, if the usual workings of the City can really be called normal, anyway. I suppose it's a bit sad, when I can wake up to no water in the morning--and looking like I ought to be serving up tankards in a tavern, besides--and think, "oh, what a relief, things are getting back to normal."
I'm...starting to feel a little better, at least. My arm still hurts a bit from having the blood taken out of it, but the whole thing wasn't so horribly bad, really. Certainly not as bad as I'd been imagining. Everyone at the hospital seems very kind and pleasant; I'm still not eager at all to pay any extended visits to any hospitals, and being carried there is still out of the question, of course, but the doctors I've met all seem very nice.
...Come to think of it, I've been meeting quite a few doctors lately, haven't I? I wonder how many I know, all told. There's Dr. Pierce and Dr. Chase and of course Dr. Horrible, but that's not quite the same thing, and Megumi's rather like a doctor, too, and I'm sure there's a few I'm forgetting at the moment. And then of course there's all the doctors at the hospital that I haven't been introduced to yet, as well. But I suppose it's about time I made the acquaintance of a few doctors, anyway; the ones I've met so far seem to be considerably more knowledgeable than the ones I knew at home, and it's not as though there are any trees bearing magic fruit around here, either. And even if there were, I don't have a hundred years to wait.
...Does anyone happen to know if there are eagles in the zoo?