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Last Year's Resolutions
1. I resolve to make peace with friends leaving, and learn to remember them without missing them.
Managed. As hard as it might've been, I did manage it, didn't I?2. I resolve to keep being happy and hopeful as best I can, since it's what I know my friends would want.
Managed.3. I resolve to make at least one new friend this year!
Managed.4. I resolve to try wearing modern clothes at least once a week month.
Managed.5. I resolve to keep learning about magic, and to make sure I don't forget everything I've learned already.
Managed. Though I don't think I'll be trying any more magic like that again anytime soon.6. I resolve to continue beating Cain at things, because it's really quite fun when I do.
Managed.7. I resolve to be better about telling people when I need help, even if I feel as though I'm bothering them when I do.
Managed. At least, I think I managed it well enough, anyway.8. I resolve to get enough rest every night, even when it's difficult to sleep.
Managed. 9. I resolve to beat Edmund in a sparring match. At least once.
Managed. Well...er, in a verbal match, at least, which sort of counts, doesn't it?10. I resolve to stop fretting about turning twenty this spring, even if it does make me a spinster to do so.
Managed. Though, er, now it's rather worrying about being twenty-one, instead.
My, a lot has changed this year, hasn't it? I remember I was so sad at this time last year, after everyone seemed to be leaving one after another, and Sam and Duo and Blue and Penny had all left. I remember that's why I needed that resolution about sleeping properly, because it was so hard to do it, and so lonely, and all I wanted to do was keep myself busy so I wouldn't think about the loneliness so much anymore. And I had quite a few people worried about me back then, I think, even if I didn't quite realize it at the time.
But then along came Edmund, and he was...well, it wasn't the same, certainly, but he was so good at making me laugh and teasing me about things and being my friend, and in his own way it really was like having Sam back all over again. And I needed that, I think. I didn't want to let go of Sam, missing him, because I was afraid that letting go might lead to forgetting him, and I didn't want that. I wanted to shut up his room and keep all his things just so and remember what it was like when he was still here, even after he was gone.
It was a long time before I could open up his room again, and think of him, and honestly let the sadness go. I wonder sometimes if perhaps I took too long with it, but...well, it's not the sort of thing one can rush, is it? It rather goes at its own pace, I should think. And even Dr. Chase said I ought to take it in my own time, and in the end I'm glad I did. I haven't forgotten Sam, or stopped caring about him, or stopped holding him close in my memories as the best friend I've ever had. But it is nice not to miss him so terribly and so wretchedly anymore, and I'm glad for that, too. He wouldn't have wanted that.
It's strange how that's all turned on its head now. This time last year, Edmund was looking after me, and now it's my turn to see to him. This time last year, I was alone, and now I've got Miss Saya around, and Dr. Chase, and Mr. Blonde and Miss Carla, and Captain Rogers and Bucky, and of course Neil and Todd and Cain...
This time last year we were safe, and now that awful father of his is--
It's like winter turning to spring, isn't it? Even when it snows, and old flowers fade, that doesn't mean that new ones won't come back in their place.
I think that's a fine thought for the end of the year, really. Especially on a day when it seems our usual bout of summer is coming upon us again.
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[Filtered from Known DELILAH Members | Blue's Codes | Unhackable]
This Year's Resolutions
1. I resolve to keep doing my best to be happy, no matter what new tricks the City may play.
2. I resolve to find more ways to spend money helping people, since I'm sure there are plenty of better uses for it than just sitting around with me.
3. I resolve to puzzle out how in the world that one bakery manages to get little pies inside their cakes, and make them myself when I do.
4. I resolve to throw a party that Mother would be proud of. Even if it's not quite as elaborate as one of Mr. Stark's.
5. I resolve to give my blood to the hospital again, to help someone who needs it.
6. I resolve to visit Ellington at least once a week so he doesn't get lonely.
7. I resolve to stop threatening to feed certain people to Ellington when those certain people are behaving particularly insufferably, because if I keep doing it he might take me seriously again, and that would be a terrible mess. Er, again.
8. I resolve to listen to more of Sam's music. Even the ones that don't sound like music.
9. I resolve to learn a new skill, whatever it may be.
10. I resolve to stop wondering when it'll at last be my turn to go home, and simply make the best of things here for as long as it lasts.
There, that's a fine list, isn't it? Quite a few people were making them the other day, I know, so I suppose I'm a bit behind in that respect, but I did still get them all set out before the start of the New Year, which is really the most important part of it all, I think.
And to think, another year gone already! My goodness, it seems like only yesterday that we were starting this year fresh and new, and here it is coming to an end before our eyes. A dear friend of mine once told me that it's the first year here that seems to take the longest, and then all the other ones after that go faster and faster all the time. I think she must have been right, because it certainly feels as though this one went by fast. Even with all the things that happened in it.
It's strange, really. When I first started keeping this journal of mine, it was because I'd just embarked on this new adventure here in the City, and I thought I'd better write down an account of all the things I saw and did, so that when I went home again I could tell it all to our court chronicler and my family. That's what's meant to be done after adventures, in my family; we get back and we all hug each other and then we sit right down and tell the whole tale so everyone can hear it, and so Gerwain can put it in the chronicle for everyone else to read later, too. But my goodness, after almost three and a half years here, I'm certainly going to have quite a bit to retell, aren't I? And that's not even counting my adventure in Tamir, the one I had before this one that I never did get to sit down and tell everyone about. Goodness, to think that that was three and a half years ago, too, now...
Things just keep going on and on, don't they? And they always get better. I've lost count of how many times I've said that by now, after Sam first told it to me all those years ago. But I think he was right, and it's a good thing to remember at the beginning of a new year, too.