(no subject)
So, a while back when I was still working at Options, one of the ways I finally convinced myself to quit was by deciding to do career counseling. It was okay to leave a job without another one lined up because I was going to get some professional help in deciding where to go next and figuring out how to get there.
Back then, Paul even called a bunch of places that offer counseling services, as well as talking to his Dad about it (his Dad used work in adult education services for the state, so he'd had some dealings with career counselors). The place his Dad recommended and which, to Paul, seemed to have the best services seemed like our best bet. We were told back then that the cost was around $300, and that you took all kinds of tests, had one on one talks with a counselor, and even got help with job placement.
So maybe there was some miscommunication about the placement thing when he talked to them the last time, because apparently they don't do that. It was the part I was most excited about, actually. Because last time I looked for a job, it was awful. It made me feel completely worthless. I barely got to feel nervous about interviews, because I never got any. I took the first job I was offered, even though I had reservations about it, because I just couldn't stand to look anymore. As I found out when I went to work there, I probably had so little trouble getting hired because no one in their right mind wanted to work there.
So, they didn't have any job placement. I thought about that for a while, and figured that made sense- why would they have access to a magic list of jobs somewhere that no one else knew about? It would have been nice to have someone else do some of the work at looking at listings and such, but I figured I was expecting too much. And if I did the counseling anyway, maybe it would help me decide whether or not to go back to school, and if I did, what degree to get, and if that degree would give me a possibility of finding work. So we decided to do it anyway.
Only to find out that it actually costs $750. Which makes me really angry. How can they get away with charging that much to someone who isn't working, when all they do is give you tests and talk to you for a little while? They offer no concrete end product, as far as I can tell. I have no real idea what I want to do now, why would they have some magic answer if I can't come up with anything on my own? And even if they did, I still probably wouldn't be able to find a job, and they don't even help you with that, apparently. So what exactly are you paying for?
So I guess it's back to just looking randomly again. Which just sucks. I'm not sure I can handle it. Everyone tells me that with Paul's money, to take my time, enjoy not working, and hold out for something I actually want. Well, how can I be picky when it's impossible to find anything to be picky about? And what do I do about the alternating guilty and lazy feelings I have when Paul goes off to work every day and I stay home?
I'm to the point where I'm just angry. The jobs I've had are bullshit. Let's see, there was the one where my boss wouldn't run the heat in our bathrooms during the winter because gas was expensive, and where I got weird problems with my hands that still won't go away. And the one where I got punched and shoved and could do nothing about it. People bitch about boring jobs, hell, I'd love to try a boring job for a while, I think I might appreciate it. And when Paul talks about the people he works with who do nothing all day, it makes me want to punch someone. How do people like that get hired and I can't find shit? Maybe they interview well, but I've hardly had a chance to interview well or poorly.
It just pisses me off. And so does the great lie that a college degree will do something for you. Maybe certain degrees are useful, but what did my two do for me? They got me a job where I made less than what I made without them, and where I got hit when I went to work. Yay for college!
To top it off, I'm nervous about making any out of town plans in the foreseeable future. We've already got our annual Smokies trip in May, and my stepbrother is getting married in August in northern Michigan and I want to go. Plus, my aunt has invited us to the Cape this summer and Paul is pressuring me to call and talk to her about when we'd go so he can request the time off. What am I going to do if I get a job and don't have any time off for these things? I don't care about getting paid vacation, I've never had it, but I don't want to be unreasonable about unpaid time off either. But then I think, why should I put my plans on hold and miss a one time thing like my stepbrothers wedding just for a job I may or may not find where they may or may not care?
It's just so frustrating. I really thought that career counseling could be a potential solution, but now I'll never know because I can't justify spending that kind of money on it. I have no idea what to do.
Back then, Paul even called a bunch of places that offer counseling services, as well as talking to his Dad about it (his Dad used work in adult education services for the state, so he'd had some dealings with career counselors). The place his Dad recommended and which, to Paul, seemed to have the best services seemed like our best bet. We were told back then that the cost was around $300, and that you took all kinds of tests, had one on one talks with a counselor, and even got help with job placement.
So maybe there was some miscommunication about the placement thing when he talked to them the last time, because apparently they don't do that. It was the part I was most excited about, actually. Because last time I looked for a job, it was awful. It made me feel completely worthless. I barely got to feel nervous about interviews, because I never got any. I took the first job I was offered, even though I had reservations about it, because I just couldn't stand to look anymore. As I found out when I went to work there, I probably had so little trouble getting hired because no one in their right mind wanted to work there.
So, they didn't have any job placement. I thought about that for a while, and figured that made sense- why would they have access to a magic list of jobs somewhere that no one else knew about? It would have been nice to have someone else do some of the work at looking at listings and such, but I figured I was expecting too much. And if I did the counseling anyway, maybe it would help me decide whether or not to go back to school, and if I did, what degree to get, and if that degree would give me a possibility of finding work. So we decided to do it anyway.
Only to find out that it actually costs $750. Which makes me really angry. How can they get away with charging that much to someone who isn't working, when all they do is give you tests and talk to you for a little while? They offer no concrete end product, as far as I can tell. I have no real idea what I want to do now, why would they have some magic answer if I can't come up with anything on my own? And even if they did, I still probably wouldn't be able to find a job, and they don't even help you with that, apparently. So what exactly are you paying for?
So I guess it's back to just looking randomly again. Which just sucks. I'm not sure I can handle it. Everyone tells me that with Paul's money, to take my time, enjoy not working, and hold out for something I actually want. Well, how can I be picky when it's impossible to find anything to be picky about? And what do I do about the alternating guilty and lazy feelings I have when Paul goes off to work every day and I stay home?
I'm to the point where I'm just angry. The jobs I've had are bullshit. Let's see, there was the one where my boss wouldn't run the heat in our bathrooms during the winter because gas was expensive, and where I got weird problems with my hands that still won't go away. And the one where I got punched and shoved and could do nothing about it. People bitch about boring jobs, hell, I'd love to try a boring job for a while, I think I might appreciate it. And when Paul talks about the people he works with who do nothing all day, it makes me want to punch someone. How do people like that get hired and I can't find shit? Maybe they interview well, but I've hardly had a chance to interview well or poorly.
It just pisses me off. And so does the great lie that a college degree will do something for you. Maybe certain degrees are useful, but what did my two do for me? They got me a job where I made less than what I made without them, and where I got hit when I went to work. Yay for college!
To top it off, I'm nervous about making any out of town plans in the foreseeable future. We've already got our annual Smokies trip in May, and my stepbrother is getting married in August in northern Michigan and I want to go. Plus, my aunt has invited us to the Cape this summer and Paul is pressuring me to call and talk to her about when we'd go so he can request the time off. What am I going to do if I get a job and don't have any time off for these things? I don't care about getting paid vacation, I've never had it, but I don't want to be unreasonable about unpaid time off either. But then I think, why should I put my plans on hold and miss a one time thing like my stepbrothers wedding just for a job I may or may not find where they may or may not care?
It's just so frustrating. I really thought that career counseling could be a potential solution, but now I'll never know because I can't justify spending that kind of money on it. I have no idea what to do.