you were wrong when you said everything's gonna be all right
so, OUA qualifiers were yesterday at u of t. i fenced well enough in my first round of pools. i won 3 soundly, lost 1 that i shouldn't have, and 1 to the u of t captain, who is a very good fencer. i moved on to the second round in 8th place.
at that point, i lost my first bout to the western captain, 5-3, mainly because i was intimidated, i think. i won the next, against a ryerson leftie, 5-3. the next bout was against a u of t fencer, who i've beaten several times before (although i think she's beaten me, too). i went in really nervous, thinking that the bout would make or break the day. i fenced only OK and she fenced well; i lost 5-3.
i then fenced my brock doppelganger, who has gotten a lot better, but i think i should be able to beat her if i fence well. stupidly, i got down 4-1. i managed to come back to 4-4, only to lose. i was really, really upset, vented my anger a little bit (i actually stomped on an orange. which felt surprisingly satisfying), and basically realized that i wasn't going to be moving on. i came back and fenced my last bout, against the u of t anchor again, the same girl who beat me 5-1 in the morning. i went in not caring, only to get a surprise 2-0 lead. then it was 3-1, 3-2, 4-2, 4-3--for me. i realized that the day wasn't over, and decided that i could win it. then i gave up a point to 4-4... and then lost 5-4. it was heartbreaking, especially because it was like being eliminated twice--first against my brock twin, and then against claire. i should be proud for doing my best ever against claire and for almost giving myself a chance to qualify, and today i am feeling a little better about it. but it's still really hard not to think back over the fact that i was so close.
it's funny, actually -- after my first two bouts, darryl told me it was going to be really close, and that i should try to get every point possible. as though my goal was 15, and i was going to get as close to 15 as i could. after he told me that, i got 11 of those 15, and it still wasn't enough! it makes me hate the fencing system. why victories? ugh. in my whole second pool, i got 19 of 25 possible points, but i lost those 6 at the worst possible times.
moving into teams was really hard since i felt so let down. i think i was so sure that our team would move on that i focused all my energy on wanting individuals, since it seemed like more of a challenge. going into the brock match, i think we were all a little out of it from lunch time, while the brock team had been running around and getting ready. our mistake, and one that we won't make again. i lost to their anchor 5-2 in the first bout, which sucked, but it remained close throughout (closer than it should have been, admittedly). i did a lot better against their weird leftie than i ever had before, so that was good. we went into the last bout down 40-39, and lost (45-41, i think). that was a really hard blow for everyone, since i know we could have won it.
after brock, they moved me into third and diana into second, which took a bit of pressure off. still, the u of t match was brutal. they have gotten a lot better, and they were all fencing pretty well. we just looked shell shocked. we lost by at least 20 points; i don't think i've ever been on a team doing so badly against another university team. it was embarrassing and awful.
at that point, when it looked like our team might not even move on, the individuals from the morning started looking a lot less important. i just wanted to make it to qualifiers somehow. we went into the western match knowing that it was a must-win, and with brock and western each having 1 victory, indicator was going to matter more than ever. THAT was when we finally pulled it together and fenced well, as a team. it was probably my best fencing of the day. i managed to beat the anchor who had beaten me in the morning, which felt great. we eventually beat them by about 15 points.
waiting to find out the result of the brock vs. u of t match was so hard, because we calculated that if brock scored any more than 36 points, we weren't going to move on. they went into the last bout 40-34, and it went 41-35, then eventually 44-36. SO stressful. claire got the last hit and we were told we were in. i've never been so happy that claire is a good fencer.
after our celebration, we found out that we actually made it through in second place, brock was third by one point, and western was eliminated by just a few more. way too close for comfort. i'm still really excited that we will get to fence at finals, especially since they're at mac. if we pull it together and fence more like we did in the western match, i think we can do a lot better. it was still a horrible day, and i feel bad that susan's feelings were hurt for the way it turned out. that was a big mistake on my part. BUT i can't help but be happy that after all the things that went wrong, it worked out for the best and we're going to have a chance to do better. that's all we need.
now, we have a couple of weeks to improve. i'm more bruised than i think i ever have been before; i look like i suffered a severe beating (and feel like it, too!). i need to take this week lightly, i think, to let my poor blistered foot have a chance to recuperate. there is plenty of non-moving work to be done so i guess that's where i can focus. maybe some wrist exercises? i will ask for suggestions. i'm also excited because this crazy romanian judge from the tournament who loved our team (because diana and ilinca are both romanian) and even named us the "romanian mafia" is going to come out to practice and help us out! very cool. i just want us to make a final push in the next couple of weeks and do our best at finals.
finally: thanks to margo and susan and everybody else who helped me out/absorbed my rage yesterday... i really, really appreciate it. i still don't know whether i am going to keep fencing after this year, since i'm not sure i like what competition does to me, but i will see. and sorry to the poor orange (and the u of t floor that took that one on). oops.
at that point, i lost my first bout to the western captain, 5-3, mainly because i was intimidated, i think. i won the next, against a ryerson leftie, 5-3. the next bout was against a u of t fencer, who i've beaten several times before (although i think she's beaten me, too). i went in really nervous, thinking that the bout would make or break the day. i fenced only OK and she fenced well; i lost 5-3.
i then fenced my brock doppelganger, who has gotten a lot better, but i think i should be able to beat her if i fence well. stupidly, i got down 4-1. i managed to come back to 4-4, only to lose. i was really, really upset, vented my anger a little bit (i actually stomped on an orange. which felt surprisingly satisfying), and basically realized that i wasn't going to be moving on. i came back and fenced my last bout, against the u of t anchor again, the same girl who beat me 5-1 in the morning. i went in not caring, only to get a surprise 2-0 lead. then it was 3-1, 3-2, 4-2, 4-3--for me. i realized that the day wasn't over, and decided that i could win it. then i gave up a point to 4-4... and then lost 5-4. it was heartbreaking, especially because it was like being eliminated twice--first against my brock twin, and then against claire. i should be proud for doing my best ever against claire and for almost giving myself a chance to qualify, and today i am feeling a little better about it. but it's still really hard not to think back over the fact that i was so close.
it's funny, actually -- after my first two bouts, darryl told me it was going to be really close, and that i should try to get every point possible. as though my goal was 15, and i was going to get as close to 15 as i could. after he told me that, i got 11 of those 15, and it still wasn't enough! it makes me hate the fencing system. why victories? ugh. in my whole second pool, i got 19 of 25 possible points, but i lost those 6 at the worst possible times.
moving into teams was really hard since i felt so let down. i think i was so sure that our team would move on that i focused all my energy on wanting individuals, since it seemed like more of a challenge. going into the brock match, i think we were all a little out of it from lunch time, while the brock team had been running around and getting ready. our mistake, and one that we won't make again. i lost to their anchor 5-2 in the first bout, which sucked, but it remained close throughout (closer than it should have been, admittedly). i did a lot better against their weird leftie than i ever had before, so that was good. we went into the last bout down 40-39, and lost (45-41, i think). that was a really hard blow for everyone, since i know we could have won it.
after brock, they moved me into third and diana into second, which took a bit of pressure off. still, the u of t match was brutal. they have gotten a lot better, and they were all fencing pretty well. we just looked shell shocked. we lost by at least 20 points; i don't think i've ever been on a team doing so badly against another university team. it was embarrassing and awful.
at that point, when it looked like our team might not even move on, the individuals from the morning started looking a lot less important. i just wanted to make it to qualifiers somehow. we went into the western match knowing that it was a must-win, and with brock and western each having 1 victory, indicator was going to matter more than ever. THAT was when we finally pulled it together and fenced well, as a team. it was probably my best fencing of the day. i managed to beat the anchor who had beaten me in the morning, which felt great. we eventually beat them by about 15 points.
waiting to find out the result of the brock vs. u of t match was so hard, because we calculated that if brock scored any more than 36 points, we weren't going to move on. they went into the last bout 40-34, and it went 41-35, then eventually 44-36. SO stressful. claire got the last hit and we were told we were in. i've never been so happy that claire is a good fencer.
after our celebration, we found out that we actually made it through in second place, brock was third by one point, and western was eliminated by just a few more. way too close for comfort. i'm still really excited that we will get to fence at finals, especially since they're at mac. if we pull it together and fence more like we did in the western match, i think we can do a lot better. it was still a horrible day, and i feel bad that susan's feelings were hurt for the way it turned out. that was a big mistake on my part. BUT i can't help but be happy that after all the things that went wrong, it worked out for the best and we're going to have a chance to do better. that's all we need.
now, we have a couple of weeks to improve. i'm more bruised than i think i ever have been before; i look like i suffered a severe beating (and feel like it, too!). i need to take this week lightly, i think, to let my poor blistered foot have a chance to recuperate. there is plenty of non-moving work to be done so i guess that's where i can focus. maybe some wrist exercises? i will ask for suggestions. i'm also excited because this crazy romanian judge from the tournament who loved our team (because diana and ilinca are both romanian) and even named us the "romanian mafia" is going to come out to practice and help us out! very cool. i just want us to make a final push in the next couple of weeks and do our best at finals.
finally: thanks to margo and susan and everybody else who helped me out/absorbed my rage yesterday... i really, really appreciate it. i still don't know whether i am going to keep fencing after this year, since i'm not sure i like what competition does to me, but i will see. and sorry to the poor orange (and the u of t floor that took that one on). oops.