Almost time
I've been preparing for our trip to Mexico. I can't believe we're leaving eeeaaaarrrrlllyyy Thursday morning. There's so much to get done to prepare -_-
I've gotta pick my luggage up from the storage unit so I can pack, get my nails done (they are currently going too long without a fill and I am missing a nail on top of it so it's desperate), get my eyebrows done (I look like Oscar the Grouch - but I wanted to wait until my period passed because my hair grows so fast during that time), pick up last minute toiletries and also pet supplies so my mom has everything she needs to take care of my dogs for the 6 days, clean the apartment (I have been trying to tackle my areas of clutter the past few days, but the whole apartment needs to be cleaned), I also wanted to see about getting my hair trimmed (at this point it's either a crappy mall hair cut or nothing, though - so that's a hard maybe). I have to make some returns on clothes I bought online that I don't like. I have to mail out the phones I am trading in, since I got a new one. On top of that, I have to give myself a pedicure. I get a bad reaction to normal nail polish on my toes for some reason. It started a few years ago and I'm not sure why, but my toe nails get very painful and irritated underneath. So I buy the breathable nail polishes for my feet. Those don't completely work either, but they are much better than the regular polish. Sure, I could go to the nail salon and just give them my own polish to use, but I try to save a little money and do it myself. Granted, I am awful at it, but it gets the job somewhat done. I also have to wax parts of me that I frequently have to shave. Again, I am not good at it, and I get frustrated when the hair doesn't come off of some spots no matter how many strips I use, but it generally gets the job done. My hair grows very quickly and typically armpits are every day and legs can be every other day. So the wax should last a few more days.
I think my "I had a nose job" social media post will have to happen soon. I haven't posted a picture of my face since our trip in September, but if I take photos in Mexico, people might notice. Sure, I don't owe anyone an explanation, but at the same time, I'm not going to act like my nose changed overnight. Idk. Maybe a quick before and after and a brief caption explaining some of it. There's a stigma regarding plastic surgery and not being "natural" and I know people will judge me. Just like people judged my nose to begin with sooo you can't really win with people. You'd think the stigma regarding divorce has gone away, but people judged me for that too. All in all, I am used to being judged, so whatever.
I've felt kind of bothered the past few days. I've tried on clothes and bikinis for the trip. I asked Andy about how things looked and he'd just mumble "it's nice" or something. As if I'd just shown him paint swatches or something. I don't get told that I look pretty or beautiful a whole lot. And I know he'd say something like he calls me sexy during sex or something, but what about me fully clothed? I don't remember why, but the other day he called me his sexy potato and I was a bit offended. Like potatoes are fat, lumpy, ugly, and live in the dirt. When I think of potato people, I think of like Bobby Hill from King of the Hill. Idk. It just bothered me. Instead of calling me something sweet, I literally get "potato". When I've mentioned it bothered me, he just reinforced the potato name by saying potatoes are delicious. LIKE WHO IN THE BLUE HELL WANTS TO BE CALLED A POTATO BY THEIR PARTNER UNLESS IT'S SOME LIKE INSIDE JOKE THING?? Other names I go by daily: weenie, stinky, doofus, dork.... He says they are out of love but like...I'm a lady, you have to say nice things too. Plus, what if I weren't me? What if I looked like one of those instagram models? I feel like I wouldn't be a weenie then...would I...? Idk. Like I know he doesn't mean harm, but there has to be compliments sometimes. I have to feel wanted and admired and beautiful. I have indeed said this before, but it gets lost sometimes. Still "potato" definitely irks me.
It's so close to the trip, I don't want to rock the boat by getting upset about anything. He got mandated again tonight, which makes like the -I lost count- consecutive Saturday to Sunday to get mandated (I have gotten an explanation as to why this keeps happening, but truthfully, I still don't understand it. The explanation doesn't make sense to me either). If it were to save money for a ring, I guess I'd get it, but he could easily pick up any day overtime for that. Anyways, I want us to have a good trip, so I am not trying to say anything about anything at the moment.
Speaking of rings, I don't think I will be getting one on this trip. It's a nice opportunity, but I definitely don't get a vibe that it will happen. He could have gotten a ring by now theoretically, but I don't think he has. Besides, I learned my lesson about getting my hopes up. I just think trips are good opportunities. But that's just me.
Anyways, here's to getting stuff done for a good trip!