constellations | himdae
title: constellations
rating: pg
word count: 1341
warnings: none
summary: himchan flies among the constellations; daehyun is left in awe.
constellations
himchan has always been a dreamer. his head's stuck in the clouds, flying among the constellations. he rarely pays attention (especially in school), but no one comments on it (he aces all his tests).
daehyun thinks that’s the thing that makes himchan himchan. and he thinks it’s wonderful. sometimes he’d catch the older boy staring out a window with that starry look in his eyes. daehyun would stop and stare (usually for just a moment) before walking past him and getting to class.
he remembers seeing that look for the first time. he was only twelve, himchan fifteen. it was the beginning of a new school year and daehyun had just moved to seoul (from busan, of course). he was regarded as a country bumpkin; he didn’t mind it much. he knew it was going to happen.
that day he sat on the stairs and ate his lunch. and it was also the day he met himchan. he noticed the older boy walking somewhere (probably to lunch), but he stopped and just stared out the window. daehyun bit into his sandwich, one eyebrow raised.
himchan stated out the window, a distant expression on his face. daehyun couldn't pinpoint exactly what it was about that look that made him curious. but he knew then that he was hooked. sandwich left forgotten, all daehyun could do was stare.
himchan turned, breaking his gaze away from the window. he looked at the younger boy with an unreadable expression on his face.
"so you're the country bumpkin?"
"yeah." (he didn't know how he was even able to speak).
"ahh...hello." and before he got a reply, himchan left.
that's the only time they've ever spoken to each other. well, verbally anyway. sometimes they'd speak with their eyes or their facial expressions. and to be honest, daehyun prefers the non verbal conversations with himchan. it's like a secret code, he thinks, just between them.
today, instead of walking past himchan like he usually does, daehyun stays. the older boy's eyes, they hold a different emotion. daehyun can't actually tell, he just feels it. it's sad and melancholy and nostalgic and it makes him want to curl up in a ball and cry.
"ah, country bumpkin daehyun."
himchan hasn't spoken to him in almost three years. it surprises him, yes, but there's a gnawing feeling in his stomach.
"yes, hyung?"
himchan doesn't answer immediately. instead, he looks up at the ceiling thoughtfully, lips pouting.
"would you like to go somewhere with me tonight?"
daehyun doesn't know how to answer. of course he'd love to go with himchan (he'd go anywhere with him), but the gnawing feeling in his stomach tells him it's a bad idea.
but he's never been one to play it safe.
"yes, hyung, i'd love to go."
"see you after school then." a smile. himchan walks away.
the bell rings; daehyun doesn't move. (he doesn't really care about class right now). (his thoughts are full of himchan and that gnawing feeling in his stomach). the bell rings a second time; he's late to class.
the hours tick by slowly. his stomach starts to hurt. he can't stop thinking about himchan (more so than usual). he can't pay attention to the lecture-not that it matters, he already knows this.
himchan, himchan, himchan. his mind repeats the name like a mantra. himchan, himchan, himchan. five minutes left. pencil tapping. feet shuffling. restless. two minutes. more shuffling. he can't keep still. one. he’s ready to go. he’s half way out of his seat.
zero.
daehyun shoots out of class. he honestly doesn’t know where himchan wants to meet. but his instincts tell him, go to the place where you first met. so he does. he shifts from one foot to another awkwardly. it’s weird, being there again. he tries his hardest not to be there because it’s himchan’s special place (and it’s the place where they met; it’s sacred). he feels a bit like an intruder. his feet won’t stop moving, shaking.
(he might throw up)
it takes a moment or two of thinking before daehyun decides to sit on the stairs; the exact same spot he was in three years ago. and he waits. it doesn’t take long until himchan comes. in the exact direction he came from three years ago. it’s like they traveled back in time, a sense of deja vu. daehyun half expects him to look out the window (or even just a glance). he doesn’t and there’s a sort of disappointment settling in his stomach (the gnawing feeling’s back).
“ahh, country bumpkin. right?” himchan smiles.
he’s teasing. daehyun doesn’t mind.
“yes, hyung, i’m the country bumpkin.”
himchan walks on. no gestures are made for daehyun to follow. but he does anyway (because his gut tells him to do so).
they pass through the parking lot. sorry i don’t have a car, himchan says. daehyun shakes his head. it’s fine, i don’t mind walking. thankfully, it’s a nice spring day.
daehyun’s scared to ask. the question is at the tip of his tongue. but he doesn’t know whether or not he should ask. the moment might be ruin. so they walk on, in complete but comfortable silence. the kind of silence daehyun almost never gets to enjoy. he likes it (he likes being around himchan). they walk farther and farther away from school (it’s starting to get dark out).
“hyung-”
“we’re almost there, country bumpkin,” himchan says.
country bumpkin. it’s always country bumpkin, never daehyun. he wonders if the older boy even knows his name.
they walk up a hill, god knows where. it’s darker out now. the sun’s about to set soon. red rays of light hit himchan’s face softly, highlighting all his features. his nose, his jaw, his eyes. everything that mesmerized daehyun about him.
(but he’s so, so, so red)
“hyung,” he starts, “are we almost there?”
he doesn’t get a reply. he really isn’t expecting one. they go farther up the hill (it’s nice and grassy and there’s a clear view of the sky). himchan plops down on the grass, legs spread out. daehyun sits down next to him. no words are exchanged. just the comfortable silence between them again.
“the stars.” himchan points to the sky, almost dark now.
daehyun can see the soft glows of stars, the oncoming darkness (the sky’s and what’s about to come). his stomach’s churning because everything is so beautiful and so finite, just like himself, just like himchan.
(but maybe himchan’s not so finite, maybe he’s some sort of unearthly being)
“aren’t the stars beautiful? they kinda remind me of you.”
the younger boy blushes. beautiful? him? it’s a little weird hearing that from someone he’s barely spoken to, but it means the world to him. he whispers a thank you.
they sit in silence once more. it’s dark enough to see the stars now. they twinkle in the sky, giving himchan a sort of angelic (maybe even ghostly) kind of glow. daehyun stares. himchan doesn’t seem fazed by it.
“this is the last time we’ll see each other,” the dark haired boy says.
it’s a bit sudden; daehyun was expecting something like this, but the pain hits him like a truck. the gnawing’s gone, but it’s replaced with some kind of pain (daehyun doesn’t know what to call it).
“but we still have two more months of school left,” daehyun replies (hope is telling him to say so).
“i love you, daehyun-ah.”
daehyun. his name. not country bumpkin. before he can react, himchan pulls him closer; their lips meet. it’s messy, it’s sloppy, it’s filled with inexperience, but daehyun loves it. he loves every second of it.
(because himchan said his name and they’re kissing)
they pull away; daehyun’s eyes still closed. himchan’s presence is gone; a cool breeze brushes past his face, hair. daehyun opens his eyes.
himchan’s gone and he left an emptiness in his wake. daehyun curls up on the grass and cries because himchan isn’t there.
he was never there.
i love you too, himchan hyung.
-
i was going for sad and angsty. i don’t think it worked out very well. and the title doesn’t even make sense, oh god this is terrible.
web counter
rating: pg
word count: 1341
warnings: none
summary: himchan flies among the constellations; daehyun is left in awe.
constellations
himchan has always been a dreamer. his head's stuck in the clouds, flying among the constellations. he rarely pays attention (especially in school), but no one comments on it (he aces all his tests).
daehyun thinks that’s the thing that makes himchan himchan. and he thinks it’s wonderful. sometimes he’d catch the older boy staring out a window with that starry look in his eyes. daehyun would stop and stare (usually for just a moment) before walking past him and getting to class.
he remembers seeing that look for the first time. he was only twelve, himchan fifteen. it was the beginning of a new school year and daehyun had just moved to seoul (from busan, of course). he was regarded as a country bumpkin; he didn’t mind it much. he knew it was going to happen.
that day he sat on the stairs and ate his lunch. and it was also the day he met himchan. he noticed the older boy walking somewhere (probably to lunch), but he stopped and just stared out the window. daehyun bit into his sandwich, one eyebrow raised.
himchan stated out the window, a distant expression on his face. daehyun couldn't pinpoint exactly what it was about that look that made him curious. but he knew then that he was hooked. sandwich left forgotten, all daehyun could do was stare.
himchan turned, breaking his gaze away from the window. he looked at the younger boy with an unreadable expression on his face.
"so you're the country bumpkin?"
"yeah." (he didn't know how he was even able to speak).
"ahh...hello." and before he got a reply, himchan left.
that's the only time they've ever spoken to each other. well, verbally anyway. sometimes they'd speak with their eyes or their facial expressions. and to be honest, daehyun prefers the non verbal conversations with himchan. it's like a secret code, he thinks, just between them.
today, instead of walking past himchan like he usually does, daehyun stays. the older boy's eyes, they hold a different emotion. daehyun can't actually tell, he just feels it. it's sad and melancholy and nostalgic and it makes him want to curl up in a ball and cry.
"ah, country bumpkin daehyun."
himchan hasn't spoken to him in almost three years. it surprises him, yes, but there's a gnawing feeling in his stomach.
"yes, hyung?"
himchan doesn't answer immediately. instead, he looks up at the ceiling thoughtfully, lips pouting.
"would you like to go somewhere with me tonight?"
daehyun doesn't know how to answer. of course he'd love to go with himchan (he'd go anywhere with him), but the gnawing feeling in his stomach tells him it's a bad idea.
but he's never been one to play it safe.
"yes, hyung, i'd love to go."
"see you after school then." a smile. himchan walks away.
the bell rings; daehyun doesn't move. (he doesn't really care about class right now). (his thoughts are full of himchan and that gnawing feeling in his stomach). the bell rings a second time; he's late to class.
the hours tick by slowly. his stomach starts to hurt. he can't stop thinking about himchan (more so than usual). he can't pay attention to the lecture-not that it matters, he already knows this.
himchan, himchan, himchan. his mind repeats the name like a mantra. himchan, himchan, himchan. five minutes left. pencil tapping. feet shuffling. restless. two minutes. more shuffling. he can't keep still. one. he’s ready to go. he’s half way out of his seat.
zero.
daehyun shoots out of class. he honestly doesn’t know where himchan wants to meet. but his instincts tell him, go to the place where you first met. so he does. he shifts from one foot to another awkwardly. it’s weird, being there again. he tries his hardest not to be there because it’s himchan’s special place (and it’s the place where they met; it’s sacred). he feels a bit like an intruder. his feet won’t stop moving, shaking.
(he might throw up)
it takes a moment or two of thinking before daehyun decides to sit on the stairs; the exact same spot he was in three years ago. and he waits. it doesn’t take long until himchan comes. in the exact direction he came from three years ago. it’s like they traveled back in time, a sense of deja vu. daehyun half expects him to look out the window (or even just a glance). he doesn’t and there’s a sort of disappointment settling in his stomach (the gnawing feeling’s back).
“ahh, country bumpkin. right?” himchan smiles.
he’s teasing. daehyun doesn’t mind.
“yes, hyung, i’m the country bumpkin.”
himchan walks on. no gestures are made for daehyun to follow. but he does anyway (because his gut tells him to do so).
they pass through the parking lot. sorry i don’t have a car, himchan says. daehyun shakes his head. it’s fine, i don’t mind walking. thankfully, it’s a nice spring day.
daehyun’s scared to ask. the question is at the tip of his tongue. but he doesn’t know whether or not he should ask. the moment might be ruin. so they walk on, in complete but comfortable silence. the kind of silence daehyun almost never gets to enjoy. he likes it (he likes being around himchan). they walk farther and farther away from school (it’s starting to get dark out).
“hyung-”
“we’re almost there, country bumpkin,” himchan says.
country bumpkin. it’s always country bumpkin, never daehyun. he wonders if the older boy even knows his name.
they walk up a hill, god knows where. it’s darker out now. the sun’s about to set soon. red rays of light hit himchan’s face softly, highlighting all his features. his nose, his jaw, his eyes. everything that mesmerized daehyun about him.
(but he’s so, so, so red)
“hyung,” he starts, “are we almost there?”
he doesn’t get a reply. he really isn’t expecting one. they go farther up the hill (it’s nice and grassy and there’s a clear view of the sky). himchan plops down on the grass, legs spread out. daehyun sits down next to him. no words are exchanged. just the comfortable silence between them again.
“the stars.” himchan points to the sky, almost dark now.
daehyun can see the soft glows of stars, the oncoming darkness (the sky’s and what’s about to come). his stomach’s churning because everything is so beautiful and so finite, just like himself, just like himchan.
(but maybe himchan’s not so finite, maybe he’s some sort of unearthly being)
“aren’t the stars beautiful? they kinda remind me of you.”
the younger boy blushes. beautiful? him? it’s a little weird hearing that from someone he’s barely spoken to, but it means the world to him. he whispers a thank you.
they sit in silence once more. it’s dark enough to see the stars now. they twinkle in the sky, giving himchan a sort of angelic (maybe even ghostly) kind of glow. daehyun stares. himchan doesn’t seem fazed by it.
“this is the last time we’ll see each other,” the dark haired boy says.
it’s a bit sudden; daehyun was expecting something like this, but the pain hits him like a truck. the gnawing’s gone, but it’s replaced with some kind of pain (daehyun doesn’t know what to call it).
“but we still have two more months of school left,” daehyun replies (hope is telling him to say so).
“i love you, daehyun-ah.”
daehyun. his name. not country bumpkin. before he can react, himchan pulls him closer; their lips meet. it’s messy, it’s sloppy, it’s filled with inexperience, but daehyun loves it. he loves every second of it.
(because himchan said his name and they’re kissing)
they pull away; daehyun’s eyes still closed. himchan’s presence is gone; a cool breeze brushes past his face, hair. daehyun opens his eyes.
himchan’s gone and he left an emptiness in his wake. daehyun curls up on the grass and cries because himchan isn’t there.
he was never there.
i love you too, himchan hyung.
-
i was going for sad and angsty. i don’t think it worked out very well. and the title doesn’t even make sense, oh god this is terrible.
web counter