love is confusing.

[prinzessinasuka]

i don't know if i've actually ever loved anyone other than my mother. i don't know if i even know how to describe what i felt for her, more so when she was in the eva than i ever did when she was alive - i mean i don't know how to put "love" into words, pin it into a definition that i can hold up to other people and see if it applies to them too. i

Comments

[andra_mari]

No one can really replace your mother and father. At least, you are looking for some sort of love, even if it was subconsciously trying to replace the love you had from either of them. Mmm, sorry...your musings really...they really make sense to me. Can't speak much on love because sometimes I really believe I'll never love anyone more than my own mother. You're trying, at least. It will never be easy to understand. Just...baby steps, I guess?

[prinzessinasuka]

hey thanks. you sound the same as me.

i don't know why i admit this to people, i don't know why i say these things, why should i even care what others think?? why should i even write about this? it's just because i'm alone... i do want love but i'm selfish and i screw up and i can't handle it and i don't wanna be close to people, i just want the world to go away but i don't, really... i want to destroy myself. i don't want to go on existing. i...

sorry. i'm sorry. baby steps. yeah. huh.

[andra_mari]

No, it's fine. You have every right to rant and whine about it, no matter what anyone says to you. Believe me, there's nothing worse than holding it in. I really don't think it's selfish; it's what we're looking for, right? That bond we had with our mothers? It's not selfish...it's pretty normal and you're certainly not alone in that regard.

Don't be sorry. Don't ever be sorry for being like this.

[prinzessinasuka]

thank you....

the bond i had with her. wasn't like anything else. she was, her soul was in a being i was symbiotic with. we fought together, she protected me. like she never had done when she was alive. and i miss that now, i feel small and alone but i'm afraid to say, i'm afraid what people will think of me cause i don;t want them to see me like this. i don't want this to be what they think of me.

huh, here i am pouring words out to just the first person who comes along and offers me comfort. you see, i'm so pathetic.

but thank you, thank you for listening to me