ups and downs, and spending away my guilt

[problematika]

I think I only burst into tears twice today, and I got through a Target trip with very little emotion, largely thanks to the understandably cranky Bubla. I'm happiest when I find a new victim, someone who's not in the department (which is almost completely off-limits for now until the job search is over) and can be subjected to my photo-flashing.

Comments

[lissande]

Where is she? An orphanage/something in the Czech Republic, I've gathered, but where, if I can ask?

[problematika]

In the same Prague orphanage Bubla was in. Not bad as far as orphanages go (much as it rubs me the wrong way to say that), but also not cooperative with requests like "can I send someone over every other day (or even once a week) to be with my daughter until I come?" And that's frustating, too, because "I" _could_ be taking much better care of her by proxy than if I do nothing...

[lissande]

So I guess that means they wouldn't let me go and visit/hold her before you get here? There went that idea...

[problematika]

That is so sweet of you! I really appreciate it. But no, I don't think they'd let you visit. I have a good friend who can move in with her grandmother and could pretty much be with Inka every day. She was already thinking of becoming a volunteer at the orphanage, and what she has going for her in terms of access is impeccable credentials from past volunteering with institutionalized children. But it looks like she'd have to go through the official volunteer training anyway, which happens twice a year and I'm guessing now is not one of those two times. And then, I'm not at all sure they'd let her "pick" Inka, even with my endorsement (it's possible my intervention would even hurt). It's remotely possible that Inka already has a volunteer, but that's a once-a-week-for-two-hours situation at most. Anyway, I'm about to write a post about how I desperately want to become involved in her life somehow before I come, but about how I'm getting paranoid we might lose her that way... Anyway, thanks again for your support and interest!!