Too Complex

[procne]

My English essay was returned today. Apparently (and I wasn't expecting this at all) my sentences are too complex and too lengthy. Quoting my teacher, they are "on the brink of being unwieldly". Which is interesting, since I was always under the impression that my sentences weren't long enough. I really don't know. I don't much care for short,

Comments

[marithyn]

Could I read it? Then I could have sense of this unwiedliness.

I've done that before... it made me try and flip and try to pack as much meaning into as few words as possible without becoming pure minimalism (as I tend to despise most of it). It has its own way of playing with language, and one very different. It was curtly pointed out to me by Zanna that I sometimes use too much description, too little action, hehehe.

I also have been told I talk like I write. Once I read a story of mine out loud and they said my punctuation suddenly made much more sense.

I find it beneficial to keep the audience in mind. As in, try to convey information effectively while keeping interest. One author specifically told would-be submitters to her magazine "stop showing me how beautifully you write!"

[procne]

If you'd like to read it I can certainly send it to you. It's not very good, though.

Yeah, in grade eight I was told I was too descriptive. I was even docked marks for it, so I described less and it seemed to work well. I know I can fix my sentences, it'll just be a hassle to do so.

It depends on how you want to look at it, though. I would prefer to write for myself than an audience only because if I write for an audience I have to be mindful at all times. But that's me. I've never really written for anybody, per se. And when I do write something that I would like to share, I only then specify who the audience should be.

I'm odd, though.

[marithyn]

Even so, I would like to know the source of the comment, and perhaps put it gentler and more precise terms. Teachers can be harsh and follow a very closed set of critique.

By writing for an audience, it simply means that you strive for your writing to be understood. If they haven't a clue what's going on and it's all referencing stuff in your head, then only those who know what you're referring to will understand or want to read it. It's a harsh truth, sometimes.

However, that's what editting is for. First you make your soul-story, then you make it so others know your soul-story. It's an interesting catch-and-play, and almost all writers edit many, many times before publication.

[procne]

You can find everything if you click this link/paste it into your address bar: http://mind-crash.com/shadow/prose/essay.htm

True, but for the time being I would rather write for myself more than others. From what I have experienced, people generally understand, although I do realize that writing for an audience is very important. But, like you said, that is what editting is ultimately for.

[lilly_hime]

Wow o_o; My teacher yelled at me about that once, she said I should only use two or three comas max per sentence. e_e;