Cold Comfort
The last few moments were still as amazing as it all had been, but I wasn't so lost that I couldn't feel something change. The tears on Faith's cheeks flowed too freely, and there was something she said that I couldn't make out, but there was nothing in the way it sounded that was right
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I managed to hear his quiet words through my stupid fucking tears and it stopped me cold. I shoved the pillow away from me angrily until it landed on the ground, and I ran a hand through my mess of hair as I turned and stared at the ceiling. What the hell was he talking about?
I nodded a few times silently before finally speaking. "Sure. You're sorry, you're fucking sorry for what, exactly, Wes? You're sorry for fucking me?" God, if that was it, then I was so outta here. Pack up my shit and just be on my own. Whatev, wasn't like I hadn't done that before anyways.
I just hadn't ever done it with cops on my tail.
I felt Wes' hand on me and wasn't really sure what he was up to until I felt his whole body pressed against me... not snuggling or nothing, just... I dunno. I wasn't sure. I was pissed, and hurt, and mad at myself all at once and nothing made sense right now.
"Do you... do you want me to go?""WHAT ( ... )
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"Of course not," I snapped back. The moment the words were out, I regretted the sharp tone of them, wished I could bite them back. Unable to do that, I moved myself closer to Faith, placing a light kiss on her shoulder. It, well, it seemed something right to do.
"I don't regret it at all, Faith, not at all." I stammered. "There's-- there's something sort of... right? about it..."
I squeezed my eyes shut, praying indiscrimnately to whatever forces shaped the world that I'd somehow find a way to reach the girl. I'd failed her, let her down so many times, that I desperately needed to be able to help her.
When I asked her if she wanted me to leave, thinking that I'd pressed her too far, forced her to go where she didn't want, Faith's reaction was sudden and strident. She turned 'round to face me, and now was in the circle of my arms, her face an inch or two away from mine.
"WHAT? No. No, I don't, I... shit, Wes, don't you think I' ( ... )
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"I don't regret it at all, Faith, not at all. There's-- there's something sort of... right? about it..."
Yeah, I could maybe see that point. Maybe. If I wasn't so fucked up and not deserving any of this sweet shit from him. My hand went to the place on my shoulder where he'd kissed me and I kept touching it, like... if my fingers touched it enough, it'd be real. And there, like, forever. One tiny fucking piece of kindness I didn't deserve but somehow got.
"Good Lord, Faith, you've changed. Remarkably."
Yeah, but into what? A reformed killer? It's all I would ever be - to anyone, to him... fuck, what did I care about Wes anyways?
"Doesn't really matter that I've fucking changed, I guess, when all I can think about is how I hurt you." I shut my eyes and my fingers were working hard on his cock cuz I needed something, anything, and kindness wasn't gonna do it. But he pulled my hand away, and I kept my eyes shut so I wouldn't see that sad fucking ( ... )
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"Doesn't really matter that I've fucking changed, I guess, when all I can think about is how I hurt you."It had taken nearly all my concentration to pull her hand away and make her stop, so it had taken a breath or two for my mind to clear enough to start considering her words. Again and again, every time that I imagined I had discovered some insight into Faith, I was caught by surprise. When I had assured myself days before that although I knew being Faith's Watcher would be a complicated proposition, I'd had no idea how truly complex it could prove ( ... )
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