Let's Play Homestuck

[professor_prof]

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Act 3: Insane Corkscrew Haymakers

Part 4: Enter

Link back to comic: Page 1076



That dream suggested to you that you need to get to those ruins.

Can you find a way to sneak past Bec?



Harpoon gun!

PCHOOOOO





John's house is complete.

The gate is within reach!



Later, Lil' Cal.



In addition to kicking your ass, Bro has totally ruined your Strife Specibus.

It looks like you can only wield broken swords now.



Onward and upward. Beta get!

Months in the past...



dear rose,



happy birthday!!!

thanks for being such a great friend all these years. i know you like to make it out like you're playing it cool and don't care much about the people in your life, but i know deep down you really do. hell, not even that deep down. it's like, um, like your subconscious is having a wet t-shirt contest, and you being all aloof is this totally soggy shirt doing no good at all at hiding nothin'. oh wait, it looks like two can play at this game of cracking all these high falutin psychology books! AW SNAP!!!

but yeah, i got you this because i think you're really creative and you could make something nice with it if you put your mind to it. and it might help you take your mind off a lot of all this serious business you're always absorbed in. you know, all this weirdo pseudo-gothy stuff or whatever. frankly it's kind of depressing.

anyway you're the best rose! have a rad 13th! (i will catch up with you guys soon. god you're all so old.)

~ghostyTrickster
(john)



Uh oh. One of those assholes.

-- grimAuxiliatrix [GA] began trolling tentacleTherapist [TT] --



GA: Why Is It That When The Subject Of Temporal Mechanics Is Broached Your Sparing Human Intellects Instantly Assume The Most Ingratiating Posture Of Surrender Imaginable
GA: Time Is Not That Difficult To Understand
GA: Its All Pretty Pedestrian
GA: But No
GA: When Time Travel Comes Up You Present The Face That A Man Shows When The Breeze Gradually Alerts Him To His Absence Of Netherdressings


TT: Have we spoken before?


GA: Yes
GA: In The Future


TT: You and your friends never cease to invent ways to strengthen the credibility of your assertions.


GA: Oh My It Is Your Human Sarcasm Again
GA: I Enjoy Listening To It And I Wish Doing So Could Serve As My Primary Form Of Recreation
GA: There See I Just Did It Too


TT: I would admire the sophistication of you and your fellow future-dwellers a little more if you seemed to be aware the word "human" only functions as that sort of adjective in bad science fiction.
TT: But I won't be rude and change the subject.


GA: No We Arent From "The Future"
GA: But We Are All Already In Agreement That You Dont Get It And Never Will


TT: I thought you said we spoke in the future.


GA: We Did
GA: Your Future
GA: For Me It Was Only A Couple Minutes Ago


TT: I understand.
TT: You exist in some temporal stratum through which you have communication access to various points of my timeline.
TT: But you see, it's not that I don't understand you.
TT: It's just that I don't believe you.
TT: Why would a bunch of temporally dislocated trolls want to harass a group of friends throughout completely random points in time?


GA: I Will Admit This Campaign Of Provocation Wasnt All That Well Thought Out


TT: Maybe you should get some trolling tips from us humans.
TT: Our sparing intellects are probably better suited to it.


GA: Yeah Maybe
GA: Why Dont We Be Friends


TT: You want to be my friend?


GA: You Suggested As Much Earlier


TT: You mean I did in the future?
TT: Probably because I remembered you mentioning it in the conversation we're having now?


GA: Thats Likely


TT: Hmm.
TT: Your commitment to this roleplaying scenario is intriguing.
TT: What choice do I have but to accept?



dear dave,



happy birthday!!!

i just wanted to take a break from telling you how much your gay butt stinks all the time and say what an awesome friend you are. seriously, on any other day i would be downplaying how you aren't really as cool as you think you are, but just between you and me i think you might actually be that cool. i think you just gotta get out of your bro's shadow and spread your wings dude!!!

so i got you these. they're totally authentic! they actually touched ben stiller's weird, sort of gaunt face at some point. i'm sure you'll dig them because i know you lolled so hard at that movie. ok so for real, this is sort of a shitty present, but it is an ironic present because i know you wouldn't have it any other way. maybe you can wear them ironically some time. they MIGHT even be more ironic than you and your bro's dumb pointy anime shades.

anyway, have a good one buddy! and stay busy being totally sweet!

~ghostyTrickster
(john)



Who's this douchebag?

-- adiosToreador [GA] began trolling turntechGodhead [TG] --



AT: hEYYY,
AT: fIRST, oK, i THINK YOU'RE AWFUL,
AT: lET'S PUT THAT FACT ON THE TABLE WHERE WE CAN BOTH SEE IT,
AT: nOW YOU HAVE BEEN PRIMED FOR THE DIGESTIVE RUINATION THAT'S ABOUT TO TAKE PLACE, aND THE COMPREHENSIVE SOILING OF THE LAUNDRY ENVELOPING YOUR PERSON,


TG: oh my god you type like a tool


AT: aRE YOU READY TO BE TROLLLLLED,
AT: wITHIN AN INCH OF YOUR MISERABLE HUMAN CORTEX,


TG: this is so weak im almost getting tired of wasting good material on you guys
TG: youve got nothing
TG: its always one of you sprouting up and ranting about how hard im about to get trolled
TG: with no ensuing substance
TG: one of you fuckers thought i was a girl


AT: oK, yEAH, bUT,
AT: tHE THING IS, tHAT i DON'T CARE,
AT: aBOUT YOUR ANATOMICAL DETAILS, aND THINGS LIKE THAT,
AT: i KNOW WHAT YOU'VE DONE,
AT: oR WILL DO, aCTUALLY,
AT: iT'S THE MOST AWFUL THING, tHE WORST YOU CAN EVER DO,


TG: sorry i wouldnt cyber with you dude


AT: wHAT, wAIT,


TG: so at what point in the future am i supposed to look forward to you whipping up this titanic hankerin for my knob


AT: uH,


TG: cause im busy
TG: and i want to know exactly when i got to clear some space in my calendar for when some fuckwit blunders out of a magical phone booth and makes a ballad-inspiring play for my throbbing beef truncheon
TG: when the stars come into alignment and your flux capacitor lets you finally sate your meteoric greed for crotch-dachshund
TG: i wouldnt want to miss it and cause a paradox or something


AT: uHHH,
AT: oK, THIS IS SORT OF STARTING TO UPSET ME,


TG: oh no
TG: no dude
TG: you sassed me up
TG: we are in THE SHIT now
TG: welcome to nam
TG: now grab my hand and shimmy your soggy ass off that muddy bank before charlie gets the fuckin drop


AT: uHHH, wHO,
AT: wHO'S CHARLIE,


TG: hes the guy whos gonna read our vows
TG: im feeling pretty friggin MATRIMONIAL all a sudden


AT: oH MY GOD,


TG: bro look in my eyes
TG: that twinkle
TG: that be DEVOTION you herniated pro wrestlers sweaty purple taint
TG: shit be PURE AND TRUE
TG: a kaleidoscopic supernova of all your hopes and dreams all swishin together
TG: radially effevescing arms of more little boy peckers than you can imagine
TG: turning out insane corkscrew haymakers of a billion dancing vienna sausages strong

-- adiosToreador [AT] blocked turntechGodhead [TT] --

Years in the future, but not many...



You are now the Aimless Renegade.

You have sighted two EXTREMELY illegal intruders into your jurisdiction.



You're going to need some higher ordinance to deal with these tresspassers.

This should do the trick.



You are the judge, jury and executioner. Especially the judge.

YOU ARE THE LAW.



Meanwhile, a mail lady reads a letter from the past.

Seems straightforward enough.



Chaos! Rockets! Antics!

Once you arrive at the letter's destination, it has one more step for you to follow.



Liberty. Reason. Justice. Civility. Edification. Perfection.







You put the present exactly where it needs to be, at exactly the right time.

Years in the future, the Wayward Vagabond appearifies it.



You'd better leave this here for him, too, so that he can find it hundreds of years from now.

Years in the past, but not many...



While her grandfather hunts the shit out of a nearby butterfly, a young Jade wanders off with her dog.



Hey, look!

A present.



A shirt that's too big for you, and pumpkin seeds. Also, a letter!

dear jade,



happy birthday!!!

it's hard to thank you enough for your friendship over the years. heck, if it weren't for you i wouldn't even have met rose and dave, so that is like, THREE TIMES the friendship! that is almost like, TOO MUCH FRIENDSHIP. ha ha. i only wish i could get you something for your birthday that could remotely make up for what you've given me, but of course that's impossible. so here are a couple silly things anyway!

i went to a weird asian store the other day and saw this rad shirt, so i got it and i'm wearing it now! but there was a blue one too which was way more awesome, and i wanted you to have it. i know you like green a lot, but maybe you'd like to try wearing blue sometimes? i bet you'd look like a million bucks! also i know you've been frustrated lately about how your pumpkins keep disappearing. well, i can't begin to explain why that's happening! all i can do is give you these so you can plant some more. don't give up, jade! wherever those dumb old pumpkins went off to, i'm sure you know the fun is in growing them and taking care of them until they're ready!

whew, got to head out to the post office now so this doesn't get to you TOO late! talk to you soon!!!

~ghostyTrickster
(john)



On a distant planet, Jack Noir prepares to engage in a battle of stabs and murders with John's father.





...



You release the prisoner. He is free to go.



At last, you prepare to enter the ruins...





TG: alright im installing this game finally


TT: Where doing this man?


TG: yeah
TG: you could almost say
TG: where making this


TT: Go on.
TT: What is it where making this?


TG: TRANSPIRE
TG:



TT: Excellent.
TT: Let's make shit take place.



[S] Enter.

ANIMATION LOG:



While Sburb installs, Dave slams out the next Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff Comic, and Jade explores the ruins.



Installation complete! But time is not on their side.



Jade reaches the heart of the temple, and finds a strange device. The timer on it will end in a couple minutes.



Meanwhile, Dave, blitzes through the first tasks of Sburb with startling efficiency.



Rose's first prototyping is done with Jaspers.



Some unfortunate bullshit knocks Rose's pre-punched item off of her house.



A desperate leap. Can she reach it before it's too late?



At the same time, Nannasprite leaves a message for John inside a book, and casts it down below the clouds...



Using a tentacle princess doll, Rose's sprite receives its second prototyping.



Only seconds remain until the impact.

Batter up.



As the timer reaches zero, Jade's device opens up, revealing... Dave's original copy of Sburb?



John has no time to worry about his friends! He has a house to climb.



Wielding his ghost gauntlets, John tears a storm of violence through the suburban tower...



And our hero enters the first gate.



But where will it take him?



END OF ACT 3

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