Let's Play Homestuck
Act 5 Act 2: He Is Already Here.
Part 27: Do You Remem8er Me
Link back to comic: Page 3874
Try to make sense of this mess yourself.
I have another interruption to deal with.
Human Session, Land of Light and Rain
AC: :33 < jaspers i guess i should say furwell to you now :((
JASPERSPRITE: Why nepeta?
AC: :33 < beclaws this is the end of your timeline and i dont know what catpuns to you after this
AC: :33 < i mean happens to you after this, heheh, that one was kind of obtuse, sorry
JASPERSPRITE: Whats a timeline? :3
AC: :33 < ok imagine a long tempting strand of yarn
AC: :33 < now imagine instead of being made of wiggly enticing stuff, its made of what lets you exist
AC: :33 < and you are right at the twitching tip of it, dont you s33? look at the sky!
JASPERSPRITE: Meow yes i see the sky and can tell that indeed something is going on.
AC: :33 < thats fine, you dont have to try too hard
AC: :33 < all you have to know is its the scratch and im not a hundred purrcent sure what happens next fur you
JASPERSPRITE: Purr purr i still think its nice how you slip cat things in the things you say youre so clever and wonderful nepeta!
JASPERSPRITE: Whats the scratch? :3
AC: :33 < well you know roses friend john?
AC: :33 < imagine that he is using this great big circle like a really fun scratching post, and it makes all this light come out that changes everything
AC: :33 < thats what it is
JASPERSPRITE: I think i understand that completely!
AC: :33 < im a bit nervous for you, especially since you remind me so much of someone i already lost
AC: :33 < but maybe youll be ok? i dont know
AC: :33 < you are a brave kitty, just like pounce was <33
JASPERSPRITE: Pounce was a cat like me?
JASPERSPRITE: Was she nice to sniff?
AC: :33 < yes she smelled really good, and also, she was SUPER beautyifful.
AC: :33 < did you ever have someone nice back on earth who you loved?
JASPERSPRITE: There was a time i remember i was thinking about girl cats a lot for some reason.
JASPERSPRITE: I would saunter around the house making all these big meows and looking out the windows with my nose touching the glass.
JASPERSPRITE: But then roses mom took me to this place where i was scared to be for a while and then when i was at home again i didnt do the meows anymore.
JASPERSPRITE: I guess i didnt think about the girl cats after that which is just as well because none ever came to the windows really not even when i did my biggest meows.
AC: :33 < thats too bad
AC: :33 < but i bet lots of girl cats would have loved to be with you, if only there had b33n some around to hear your lovely meows :33
JASPERSPRITE: Youre really nice to say so nepeta what about you though?
AC: :33 < i have never told anybody this not even my moirail
AC: :33 < heh, actually hes the LAST guy i might tell, he so wouldnt appurrve X33
AC: :33 < but yes i have liked somebody for quite some time, but alas he doesnt know it
JASPERSPRITE: Maybe you can win his affection by rubbing your cheek against him thats what i would do.
AC: :33 < ohhh no no no, im too shy even for that!
AC: :33 < and he is so adorably grumpy all the time, it probably wouldnt go over well
JASPERSPRITE: I think you should tell him that you like him you might not get the chance if you dont.
JASPERSPRITE: For instance i think instead of meowing at windows i should have just scurried out a door before it could close!
JASPERSPRITE: Then i might have found a girl cat to sniff oh well. :3
AC: :33 < i know, but its just not that simple. i could make someone else jealous i think, and what if he doesnt f33l the same way, and, urrgh, its so complickated
AC: :33 < maybe i just n33d to let go of the silly infatuation
AC: :33 < i think its never going to happen honestly
JASPERSPRITE: You shouldnt lose hope!
JASPERSPRITE: I have another story that might give you hope even though it should be noted again that im only a cat.
JASPERSPRITE: One time i was with rose and i was sitting there dressed up in my suit with her as happy as can be.
JASPERSPRITE: But then she disappeared!
JASPERSPRITE: The whole place disappeared and i was in another place. There was no rose there was someone else.
JASPERSPRITE: I kept waiting to see rose again but never did and finally i lost hope that i would and then i died.
JASPERSPRITE: But then i became alive again and i got to see her and i was so happy! Purr purr purr purr purr.
AC: :33 < so, youre saying that maybe i will have to die to get to be with him?
AC: :33 < i hope thats not the case!
AC: :33 < but i guess you just have a different way of looking at things
AC: :33 < thank you for the advice jaspers!
JASPERSPRITE: Purrrrr.
Human Session, John's House
AG: Hi, John human.
GT: auuugh!
GT: excuse me, alien time troll, but i am TRYING to wrap a present.
AG: Yes, I can see that. Two ugly garments, and seeds for some kind of strange earth vegeta8le? Pretty lame present, John!!!!!!!!
GT: uh oh, my mouse is hovering dangerously close to the block button!
GT: it always does that when i talk to trolls, it is the dangdest thing.
AG: Calm down, I just thought I would foreshadow my existence to you at this quaint moment on your timeline.
AG: It is way too tempting not to let you know I have taken gr8 care to 8ecome a very important feature of your life.
AG: Or for that matter, to let you know that I will 8e giving you a present so much 8etter than the useless crap you're shoving in that 8ox.
AG: I will 8e giving you the gift of immortality!
GT: oh sweet, that has been on my wish list, ranking just below a mint condition little monsters poster, starring hollywood superstar, howie mandel.
GT: can i expect it to arrive on my next birthday??
AG: Yes, as a matter of fact. Nice guess!
AG: In order for you to claim it, you will have to 8e quite gulli8le and allow me to arrange your murder.
AG: And then, once I have completely earned your trust, I will kill you John. ::::)
GT: the other troll i just talked to was way better, if a tad grumpy, at least she was down with talking about cool movies, sort of.
AG: You will die. I will lead you into a trap, and watch you 8leed to death on a 8ig stone sla8 with a sword stuck in your chest.
AG: There is nothing you can do a8out it. In fact, it has already happened!
AG: I was just feeling pretty pleased with myself, a8out all the 8rilliant plans I made for you and your friends.
AG: Stopping 8y in your past to mess with your head is really just a courtesy, 8ecause I like to think we're pretty good friends 8y the time I get around to killing you. ::::D
GT: ok, you got me!
GT: my feathers are all ruffled, and i can no longer tell my ass apart from a big orange earth vegetable!
GT: now can you leave me alone?
AG: I guess so.
AG: 8ut my inevita8le grisly murder of you notwithstanding, you're a pretty fun guy to hassle. It'll 8e difficult sparing you from the privilege of my company until your game 8egins.
GT: that is basically the worst pickup line i have ever heard.
GT: weren't you leaving?
AG: Yes.
AG: I mean, I was going to.
AG: 8ut now I guess I'm not.
AG: 8ecause this isn't really happening.
GT: it isn't?
AG: It did, once.
AG: 8ut now it's just a memory.
AG: I guess I must 8e dead.
AG: The conversation as it went 8efore is already over. I said good8ye, and you 8locked me. Don't you remem8er?
GT: i was going to block you. but then...
GT: i didn't for some reason.
AG: Exactly. 8ecause we've already 8een through this. You're either asleep, or dead like me.
AG: Do you have any recollection at all of the last message I sent you 8efore I died?
GT: i don't even know who you are!!!
AG: Yeah, I figured. Just as well. I made some pretty em8arrassing confessions to you.
AG: I guess I'm getting what I asked for in a way. Even though it's not what I pictured.
AG: I asked you if you wanted to........
AG: You know.
AG: Hang out.
GT: was this after you killed me, and gave me immortality?
GT: oh god, this is so ridiculous. you are just a crazy troll on the internet, and i need to get back to packing up this present for my friend! we are not going to hang out, i'm sorry.
AG: John, there is no present! You are not in your hive, and you don't have anything to send. She received it a long time ago. None of this matters anymore.
AG: If you don't 8elieve me, you are free to look out your window.
AG: It might help you remem8er.
GT: so.
GT: it seems that you are, in fact, an alien. with horns and everything.
AG: Yes, John. Horns and all. That totally proves I am an alien 8eyond a shadow of a dou8t!
AG: So you don't remem8er anything a8out the game at all, then? The destruction of your planet? 8ringing your ancestor 8ack to life as a clown woman?
AG: Putting a huge flaming ocean out with your magical wind? Jack Noir? Dying, resurrecting, and possi8ly dying again? Is any of this tickling your sponge?
GT: nope. sounds cool though.
AG: Fuck, I cannot 8elieeeeeeeeve how cold it is on this planet. How can any species possi8ly 8e a8le to survive somewhere like this?
GT: yeah, i thought you looked pretty cold out here.
GT: so i brought you this jacket.
GT: you look pretty cool in more normal clothes. not that your space boots and pixie outfit weren't neat.
AG: So, is this how humans 8egin an earth d8?
AG: With simple acts of flattery and kindness?
GT: um, i don't know about that, really.
GT: is this a date?
AG: No. I've decided this definitely will not 8e a d8.
AG: Not until you remem8er something, at least.
GT: ok, that's probably for the best.
GT: i would probably be pretty nervous on a date with a normal girl, let alone on a...
GT: DATE WITH AN ALIEN SPACE GHOST!!!
AG: Now that you mention it, me too, pro8a8ly. Your goofy awkwardness is a 8it contagious, frankly.
AG: So now what do we do?
GT: i could show you around the place.
GT: these are my neighbors, who live in a lot of same looking houses as mine.
GT: i never see them. i think they're all really busy people with a lot of serious business to attend to.
GT: hey, look.
GT: the snow is melted over here.
AG: Does your planet usually have these kind of temper8ture swings?
GT: no, this is pretty unusual december weather.
GT: there is not really much to see in this town...
GT: but there are these lakes.
GT: this lake here did not used to be a lake. a long time ago, before i was born, there was a factory here.
GT: my dad says there was a huge explosion. he was walking by with my nanna when he saw it.
AG: I 8elieve this lake is where Jade landed. You landed a little ways over there, a8out where your hive is now. You clo88ered your nanna to death with the aforementioned joke 8ook. 8ut it wasn't your fault. You were 8oth just little wigglers, riding meteors from the future.
AG: You cre8ted yourself, your nanna, Jade, her grandpa, not to mention Dave and Rose and their guardians, all in a la8 using paradox slime, and sent them 8ack in time as the silly gru8s with arms and legs you call 8a8ies. And here you were dou8ting the usefulness of slime!
GT: wow, really?
GT: that all sounds incredible if true, but i don't have even the foggiest memory of that happening!
AG: Yeah. I figured as much.
AG: Since you seem 8ent on staying in your dream 8u88le coma, why don't I continue the tour?
GT: how is this happening?
GT: is this through the advanced alien technologies?
GT: like holograms, or teleportations?
AG: If that's what you want to think to keep you comfy in your stupor, sure.
AG: This is my home planet 8efore it was destroyed.
AG: It's called Alternia.
AG: That is my hive, which is a thing that you refer to as a house.
GT: it's a castle!!!
AG: No shit!
AG: I still find it interesting what sort of mundane facts humans tend to 8e impressed 8y.
AG: Anyway, my design kind of got 8oring as I got older. A huge castle hive sounds great, 8ut it starts feeling pretty cavernous and lonely after a while. There were so many 8locks I never even used!
AG: Your tastes change, 8ut you get stuck with growing up in a place suited to your earliest, most juvenile inclin8ions.
GT: i think i know what you mean.
GT: i feel like a long time ago, i might have given my dad the impression i really liked clowns?
GT: and now there are clowns everywhere, his stupid collection just keeps growing and growing, and it drives me CRAZY.
AG: John........
AG: That 8arely compara8le example is so cute, I don't even know what to say.
GT: holy shit, look at these glittering space riches!
GT: What's with the broken eight balls?
AG: Never mind those!
AG: This was my respite8lock.
AG: From kind of an em8arrassing memory, actually.
GT: what are you wearing?
GT: is that a rocket car stuck in the web over there?
AG: Don't worry a8out it! Man, this would 8e such an awkward moment on a d8. Again, if it was one.
AG: Let's keep going.
GT: oh yeah.
GT: i remember this.
GT: there were these imps all over my house, acting all rambunctious.
GT: but... why?
GT: it's all so hazy.
GT: where is my dad?
AG: Sounds like some things are coming 8ack to you.
AG: Any chance you remem8er me yet?
GT: no.
GT: sorry.
GT: hey, look!
GT: that's my dad.
GT: what's he doing here?
AG: ........
GT: i've missed the heck out of him.
GT: though i'm not sure why. he should be safe at home right now.
GT: i guess i must have lost track of him. but i don't remember how.
GT: all i know is i have this feeling like i should run over and give him a hug.
AG: Well, just so you know, he is pro8a8ly not actually there.
AG: These are our memories, and we are in the afterlife. I keep trying to tell you, and it's starting to get frustr8ing.
GT: i see. so it is not me who is jodie foster. it's more like you are jodie, because nobody believed her when she came home and had amazing tales to tell.
GT: except matthew mcconaughey.
GT: but it's ok. i will be your matt mcconaughey.
AG: Does that mean you'll 8elieve me now?
GT: i guess i always did, sort of.
GT: so if this isn't my dad, then where is he?
AG: He died too. You saw his 8ody. Don't you at least remem8er that?
AG: Do you remem8er me yet?
GT: i only remember when you contacted me and said you'd kill me a little earlier.
GT: but that was months ago.
GT: i do remember talking to some other trolls like you.
GT: and playing this game. it was on my 13th birthday. i was really looking forward to playing it, but it was late in the mail.
GT: i got some presents from my dad. like this big weird clown doll that i didn't like much.
GT: he also gave me this suit, which i remember wearing for a while.
GT: actually...
GT: i remember dying in a suit.
GT: but
GT: this was not the suit i was wearing when i died.
EB: this was.
EB: i remember now.
EB: i was tricked by a troll into flying up to the last gate, using this rocket pack.
EB: she said i could take a shortcut and go kill my denizen while he was sleeping.
EB: it...
EB: did not quite work out that way.
AG: This sounds like Terezi's handiwork.
AG: I guess she got 8oth of us then. Un8elieva8le.
AG: She was easily the most underhanded and villainous mem8er of our group.
AG: 8ut I did let my guard down. And even when she sta88ed me, I sure didn't think I was going to die.
EB: so i guess you never got around to giving me immortality like you said? or killing me, for that matter.
AG: No, I did! 8ut........
AG: Ugh, this will 8e hard to explain to you.
AG: Haha. I guess in her own sick way, she actually set us up on this d8 together.
EB: so...
EB: now it is a date?
AG: I don't know.
AG: I said it wouldn't 8e unless you remem8ered. And now you remem8er.
AG: 8ut you still don't remem8er me, do you?
AG: This version of you died 8efore I started messing with you. Not that I expect you to understand what that means.
AG: I still can't 8elieve I'm meeting a version of you that doesn't remem8er a thing a8out me. None of my gr8 exploits, or any of the ways I helped you. Only that one stupid time I taunted you!
EB: sorry... not sure what to tell you!
EB: but who says we can't get to know each other again?
AG: You wouldn't find that 8oring?
EB: no way! not if you wouldn't.
EB: you said the name of the blind troll who killed us, but you have not told me yours yet.
AG: ........
AG: It's Vriska.
EB: nice to meet you, vriska.
EB: i am john! even though you know that.
EB: so now what do we do? aside from be dead for probably ever.
AG: May8e,
AG: You could tell me a8out how you died?
EB: it brought me inside the palace.
EB: it was huge, and it took a long time to explore. it was eerily empty too.
EB: i had that weird feeling of getting to a place in a video game you are not supposed to be yet, because you don't have the right powerups and such.
EB: so, i started getting crazy nervous the longer i was down here, and i was starting to wonder if my silly iron pogo hammer would even do any damage against the monster.
EB: he was wide awake when i found him. i practically crapped my pants!
AG: Well, that explains your quick death. If your denizen was anything like mine, it wouldn't have wasted much time 8efore unleashing a huge shitstorm of devast8ing monster magic.
AG: I'm not sure how our hero of 8reath did it. May8e the monster just released the hoard for him out of pity????????
EB: maybe he just talked to his denizen?
AG: John, are you saying you had a nice friendly chat with this hideous, 8loodthirsty creature 8efore he killed you?
EB: yes!
EB: typheus may not be pretty to look at...
EB: but he is not a bad guy at all!
Human Session, The Battlefield
JADESPRITE: dave?
DAVESPRITE: hey
JADESPRITE: what happened to you?
DAVESPRITE: what happened to you
JADESPRITE: i died in my dream and came back as a dog
DAVESPRITE: i turned into a bird and got in a fight
JADESPRITE: what is that?
DAVESPRITE: legendary sword
JADESPRITE: how did you get it?
DAVESPRITE: basically im from another timeline
DAVESPRITE: we couldnt win the game there so i came back to help dave
DAVESPRITE: as a sprite im supposed to help him with his quest
JADESPRITE: im supposed to help jade too, but......
JADESPRITE: *sniffle*
DAVESPRITE: so things kind of became even more crazy in this timeline than the one i was from
DAVESPRITE: and it was clear dave was never gonna do the quest i didnt get the chance to finish
DAVESPRITE: so
DAVESPRITE: after laying low for a while
DAVESPRITE: i just went and did whatever i could myself
DAVESPRITE: got caledfwlch
DAVESPRITE: the fuckin welsh sword dave broke
DAVESPRITE: went to look for hephaestus again
DAVESPRITE: thats when you lit the forge somehow
JADESPRITE: i did?
DAVESPRITE: not you other jade
JADESPRITE: shes a lot more brave than me i think
JADESPRITE: she brought me back thinking i could help her and all i did was disappoint her and everyone else
DAVESPRITE: sounds like you came back because jade made the decision for you
DAVESPRITE: i made the decision to come back myself maybe itd be different if you had the same chance
DAVESPRITE: theres not much for us to do anymore
JADESPRITE: what about your sword? isnt it important?
JADESPRITE: what does it have to do with my volcano?
DAVESPRITE: thats a bit complicated
DAVESPRITE: see it turns out
DAVESPRITE: i had no idea how the denizens worked at all
DAVESPRITE: it seems like if you try to go fight them too soon
DAVESPRITE: you find them awake and theyre like
DAVESPRITE: what the fuck are you doing here already
DAVESPRITE: which is what happened last time i saw him
DAVESPRITE: before i became a sprite
DAVESPRITE: and i stupidly tried to fight him which was a bad idea because hes hella strong
DAVESPRITE: he wasnt actually trying to kill me he was giving me the choice
JADESPRITE: what choice
DAVESPRITE: i guess i made an unwitting choice
DAVESPRITE: by deciding to flee
DAVESPRITE: i figured he was unbeatable so i decided to get the fuck out of there
DAVESPRITE: so i snapped a quick captcha to get his huge hammers code and then gtfo
DAVESPRITE: but this time i wasnt in any condition to fight
DAVESPRITE: so i didnt
DAVESPRITE: and thats what i didnt get
DAVESPRITE: hes this terrible angry monstrous guy but theres no need to fight him
DAVESPRITE: so he looked me up and down all hard
DAVESPRITE: saw the broken sword
DAVESPRITE: and like before gave me the choice
JADESPRITE: so it was the same choice?
DAVESPRITE: no
DAVESPRITE: he sees i got his sword and its busted and you can tell hes pissed
DAVESPRITE: but like before its like restrained anger
DAVESPRITE: like hes always about to just fucking flip but still keeps it together
DAVESPRITE: so he can tell me
DAVESPRITE: he can repair it
DAVESPRITE: and make the deringer with the forge lit
DAVESPRITE: he says he can repair anything
DAVESPRITE: but only one thing
DAVESPRITE: and i had to choose
DAVESPRITE: i just thought making the sword felt like the right thing
DAVESPRITE: so i gave him the sword
DAVESPRITE: so jade must have done something right
JADESPRITE: she is still working so hard to help everyone
JADESPRITE: i guess i used to be that way...
JADESPRITE: whats happening?
DAVESPRITE: reckoning
DAVESPRITE: the battlefield will probably be wiped out soon
JADESPRITE: the meteors
JADESPRITE: and all the fire...
JADESPRITE: it reminds me of when i died
JADESPRITE: what is there to do?
DAVESPRITE: i was going to bring this sword to dave
DAVESPRITE: but maybe this is a way you can help
JADESPRITE: you mean...
JADESPRITE: that i should give him the sword?
JADESPRITE: but i dont want to leave you here either
DAVESPRITE: maybe you dont have to actually go anywhere
DAVESPRITE: you oughta have a lot of special powers remember
DAVESPRITE: i mean not to sound condescending or anything but its got to be like borderline omnipotence pretty much
JADESPRITE: alright, i will try.....
