I can't be bothered to get you alone in this world.
I find it interesting how, as we grow, we see less and less in terms of what we can do for others, but in terms of what others do to us. I, myself, am horribly guilty of this and will not begin to deny that in fact, things are done to me and not vice versa, because clearly, I am awesome and how the hell could I, the incredible Professor Shoe, ever do wrong? All lies and slander, I tell you. And I do not use too many commas, you comma-nazi.
But then we must consider how many kernels of truth come from the root of all these manifestations that we sometimes need in order to heal. I think I needed to build people like Harrison up to be a villain before I could forgive him and move on. And that's why I think anger is so important in healing-- we need to be vulnerable and victimized in order to reinvent ourselves for the next go around. It's not fair to others, but there are healthy outlets.
I think we're put in interesting positions where we're not really taught how to behave in relation to our emotions, but in relation to the tangible and mental. I can teach how to learn, but how can I teach how to forgive? Or show how to grieve? They are taboo subjects and we don't like to speak about them because, let's face it, they hurt. We are taught that hurt is bad, and here's how to avoid it:
1) To act hurt is to be hurt. To act okay is to be okay.
2) To hurt is to be weak. So be strong, and increasingly distant.
3) Suspension of disbelief; I deny your reality and substitute my own.
4) Avoid pain at all costs.
5) Do not attempt to consume coca cola and pop rocks.
Okay, so that last one has nothing to do with this, but the other four I believe are relevant in so far as they exist. However, I believe they are more detrimental than helpful due to the fact that they do not allow us to move on to the holistic healing-- yes, anger and grief exist, but so do other aspects of healing. Yin and yang-- internal, external, intrinsic, extrinsic, break, and repair. This is how it works; it is not all one or the other, and we mustn't treat it as such.
I propose we look at this from a different angle. Hurt is not bad and it should not be avoided. But it's also not meant to be indulged. Let's try it like this:
1) To be hurt is to be hurt. There are times, places and people in which to reveal this to. These times, places, and people ought to be sought out when hurting because "no man is a rock". We all feel this pain-- we are human because we can empathize. Use your outlets, be hurt, and as such, you can better believe you are okay when you are forced to act as such.
(I believe this to be essential as THIS is what teaches us to trust and love again. If it were not for these people who reach out to us in this time, we would be increasingly more removed in our relationships, our standards would dip, and we would become cynical. Speaking as someone who is already cynical and bitter, I think that I need to avoid additional cynicism at all possible costs at risk of imploding and becoming an emotional black hole. It's true; you may be sucked in and nobody likes an emo kid.)
2) To hurt is to learn strength. A strong man is not one who never hurts or never gives in to the hurt, but one who has learned from it and tries again despite the pain it caused.
3) Everyone operates on their own reality-- this pencil is a pencil because I say it is, not because it embodies the essence of pencil. As such, I cannot expect my reality to effectively impose upon anyone else's, no matter how badly I want it for them and/or myself. We cannot always understand the influences behind people's decisions and it is wrong to believe that we can have immediate influence-- it will not manifest itself until years down the line. The best we can do is hope they have loved and been changed by us, as we have loved and been changed by them.
4) To avoid pain is to avoid essential human experience. I stated earlier today that in no religious text that I have encountered has it insisted that God will grant us a heaven on earth in our lifetime. Heaven is beyond this plane, and that's okay. We strive to be all we can, but God does not expect perfection. If he did, we wouldn't have been given the opportunity to live in the first place.
5) Pop rocks and coca cola are interesting, but mentos and diet coke are SO much cooler.
I'm not going to deny that I'm still hurting and healing. And there are days in which I struggle to find a way to rebuild myself. But I also must remember patience and my value in those ideals of love, trust and rebirth. We are not born with a certain number of points, and see our lives in a series of demerits and gold stars. It is more ethereal than that. The old adage, "When God closes a door, he opens a window", is true. Unfortunately, people do not necessarily see that window because they expect it to be on the same wall or in the same room as the door. If I had not hurt, I would not have become the educator I am today, and I am proud of the educator I am because I am good, exciting and encompassing. I embody the qualities I want in my students. If I had not hurt, I would not have discovered those who are truly my friends, versus those who are my friends of convenience. I would not have made new, surprising friends, and I would not have been able to offer any of them the help they needed. If I had not hurt, I would not be able to feel that underlying sense of hope that it can and will be better than it is today. I would not feel full up when I see or hear something beautiful. I wouldn't rock out in my car to "Paradise by the Dashboard Lights".
It's true... Meatloaf would be so much less fulfilling.
Because I am human and my feelings can and will be base, does not mean that I cannot achieve better. Because I mess up does not mean that I have failed or that my status is forever lowered in this world. Because I am human, I am afforded the chance to rebuild and retrust and relove and retry. I can hurt, and that's okay. It means that I have lived fully, which is precisely what I have been put on this earth to do. To allow myself to hurt again means that I learned from it.
But then we must consider how many kernels of truth come from the root of all these manifestations that we sometimes need in order to heal. I think I needed to build people like Harrison up to be a villain before I could forgive him and move on. And that's why I think anger is so important in healing-- we need to be vulnerable and victimized in order to reinvent ourselves for the next go around. It's not fair to others, but there are healthy outlets.
I think we're put in interesting positions where we're not really taught how to behave in relation to our emotions, but in relation to the tangible and mental. I can teach how to learn, but how can I teach how to forgive? Or show how to grieve? They are taboo subjects and we don't like to speak about them because, let's face it, they hurt. We are taught that hurt is bad, and here's how to avoid it:
1) To act hurt is to be hurt. To act okay is to be okay.
2) To hurt is to be weak. So be strong, and increasingly distant.
3) Suspension of disbelief; I deny your reality and substitute my own.
4) Avoid pain at all costs.
5) Do not attempt to consume coca cola and pop rocks.
Okay, so that last one has nothing to do with this, but the other four I believe are relevant in so far as they exist. However, I believe they are more detrimental than helpful due to the fact that they do not allow us to move on to the holistic healing-- yes, anger and grief exist, but so do other aspects of healing. Yin and yang-- internal, external, intrinsic, extrinsic, break, and repair. This is how it works; it is not all one or the other, and we mustn't treat it as such.
I propose we look at this from a different angle. Hurt is not bad and it should not be avoided. But it's also not meant to be indulged. Let's try it like this:
1) To be hurt is to be hurt. There are times, places and people in which to reveal this to. These times, places, and people ought to be sought out when hurting because "no man is a rock". We all feel this pain-- we are human because we can empathize. Use your outlets, be hurt, and as such, you can better believe you are okay when you are forced to act as such.
(I believe this to be essential as THIS is what teaches us to trust and love again. If it were not for these people who reach out to us in this time, we would be increasingly more removed in our relationships, our standards would dip, and we would become cynical. Speaking as someone who is already cynical and bitter, I think that I need to avoid additional cynicism at all possible costs at risk of imploding and becoming an emotional black hole. It's true; you may be sucked in and nobody likes an emo kid.)
2) To hurt is to learn strength. A strong man is not one who never hurts or never gives in to the hurt, but one who has learned from it and tries again despite the pain it caused.
3) Everyone operates on their own reality-- this pencil is a pencil because I say it is, not because it embodies the essence of pencil. As such, I cannot expect my reality to effectively impose upon anyone else's, no matter how badly I want it for them and/or myself. We cannot always understand the influences behind people's decisions and it is wrong to believe that we can have immediate influence-- it will not manifest itself until years down the line. The best we can do is hope they have loved and been changed by us, as we have loved and been changed by them.
4) To avoid pain is to avoid essential human experience. I stated earlier today that in no religious text that I have encountered has it insisted that God will grant us a heaven on earth in our lifetime. Heaven is beyond this plane, and that's okay. We strive to be all we can, but God does not expect perfection. If he did, we wouldn't have been given the opportunity to live in the first place.
5) Pop rocks and coca cola are interesting, but mentos and diet coke are SO much cooler.
I'm not going to deny that I'm still hurting and healing. And there are days in which I struggle to find a way to rebuild myself. But I also must remember patience and my value in those ideals of love, trust and rebirth. We are not born with a certain number of points, and see our lives in a series of demerits and gold stars. It is more ethereal than that. The old adage, "When God closes a door, he opens a window", is true. Unfortunately, people do not necessarily see that window because they expect it to be on the same wall or in the same room as the door. If I had not hurt, I would not have become the educator I am today, and I am proud of the educator I am because I am good, exciting and encompassing. I embody the qualities I want in my students. If I had not hurt, I would not have discovered those who are truly my friends, versus those who are my friends of convenience. I would not have made new, surprising friends, and I would not have been able to offer any of them the help they needed. If I had not hurt, I would not be able to feel that underlying sense of hope that it can and will be better than it is today. I would not feel full up when I see or hear something beautiful. I wouldn't rock out in my car to "Paradise by the Dashboard Lights".
It's true... Meatloaf would be so much less fulfilling.
Because I am human and my feelings can and will be base, does not mean that I cannot achieve better. Because I mess up does not mean that I have failed or that my status is forever lowered in this world. Because I am human, I am afforded the chance to rebuild and retrust and relove and retry. I can hurt, and that's okay. It means that I have lived fully, which is precisely what I have been put on this earth to do. To allow myself to hurt again means that I learned from it.