TOO MUCH THINKY THOUGHTS
THIS IS SO MUCH MORE SELF-INDULGENT THAN ANYTHING YOU WANT TO READ, GUYS. Having said that, here are some thoughts about fandom and what it is to be a lurker vs. a fangirl.
I am a seriously long-time lurker. I got into fanfic about … five? years ago and in that stretch of time I have written exactly three pieces of fanfiction, only one of which I finished. For the most part, I think that’s been a good thing for fandom - there’s a reason ff.net has a bad rep, ok.
But that doesn’t mean I don’t love fandom. Fanfiction is written mostly by women (sorry gents, I know you’re out there and you get overlooked a lot, WE LOVE YOU TOO) and, at least in the fanfiction I read, women who write about men who love men. (Or occasionally, women who love women.) Note how that is two things? That means I get to break out my list:
1) I have grown so much as a feminist, guys. I don’t comment nearly as much as I ought to, but please take this as a general post towards all the writers out there: you have made me so much stronger and prouder to be a woman. I look up to you because fandom is a women-dominated community, and as I have learned, when a bunch of women band together, they kick ass. I am proud to be a part of that, however small.
2) That thing where guys get it on with guys? Yeah, I didn’t have that in my life before I stumbled across my first SasuNaru amv and was like, “… wut?” I grew up in a super-Christian environment (seriously, most of my friends were missionary kids), and teh gay was so far out of left field I didn’t rightly know what to do with myself. Read more, obviously. And I think I can honestly say that fanfiction was a huge influence on my decision to go to a liberal arts school. I didn’t feel strongly about gay rights until fandom (hell, I barely knew homosexuality existed). I didn’t feel strongly about my role in life as a woman, but now I know that little voice that tells me I should shy away from the technological stuff cuz I’m just no good at it - cuz I’m a girl - is never going to stop me. I didn’t feel strongly about checking my white privilege and guys, two of my siblings are coloured. I probably wouldn’t even have had the background to realize I’m bi, which lol would have been awkward somewhere down the line.
Basically fandom has made me so much wiser. I’m not just a better writer because of you guys, I’m a better person, and I have learned so, so much from you. I know a lot of people don’t like to admit to writing fanfiction, and even among ourselves we dismiss it as porn. Me, I do not object to porn. BRING ON THE PORN, PEOPLE. But please know that some of the best writing I have ever read has been fanfiction (and believe you me, I have read a LOT of books to compare with), and some of the most inspiring people I know of are on lj. Please don’t sell yourselves short. You’re an inspiration.
Tl;dr version: I love fandom, guys. And while personally I could just read all this wonderful stuff for the rest of my life and be happy as a clam in a shell, it has occurred to me lately that my relationship with fandom is, er. Decidedly one-sided? I mean, no one knows better than me that there are far better writers than me out there. But I’ve been thinking (this is where you run for cover, boys and girls), and the way I figure, fanfiction has made my life a LOT better than it would have been without. So, while the chances are slim, I have decided to start writing stuff in the hope that somebody somewhere out there will experience a better day than they would have otherwise for reading it.
I AM CLIMBING OFF MY PEDESTAL NOW, YOU CAN STOP INVENTING WHOLE NEW PAGAN GODS TO PRAY TO THAT I’LL SHUT UP.
I am a seriously long-time lurker. I got into fanfic about … five? years ago and in that stretch of time I have written exactly three pieces of fanfiction, only one of which I finished. For the most part, I think that’s been a good thing for fandom - there’s a reason ff.net has a bad rep, ok.
But that doesn’t mean I don’t love fandom. Fanfiction is written mostly by women (sorry gents, I know you’re out there and you get overlooked a lot, WE LOVE YOU TOO) and, at least in the fanfiction I read, women who write about men who love men. (Or occasionally, women who love women.) Note how that is two things? That means I get to break out my list:
1) I have grown so much as a feminist, guys. I don’t comment nearly as much as I ought to, but please take this as a general post towards all the writers out there: you have made me so much stronger and prouder to be a woman. I look up to you because fandom is a women-dominated community, and as I have learned, when a bunch of women band together, they kick ass. I am proud to be a part of that, however small.
2) That thing where guys get it on with guys? Yeah, I didn’t have that in my life before I stumbled across my first SasuNaru amv and was like, “… wut?” I grew up in a super-Christian environment (seriously, most of my friends were missionary kids), and teh gay was so far out of left field I didn’t rightly know what to do with myself. Read more, obviously. And I think I can honestly say that fanfiction was a huge influence on my decision to go to a liberal arts school. I didn’t feel strongly about gay rights until fandom (hell, I barely knew homosexuality existed). I didn’t feel strongly about my role in life as a woman, but now I know that little voice that tells me I should shy away from the technological stuff cuz I’m just no good at it - cuz I’m a girl - is never going to stop me. I didn’t feel strongly about checking my white privilege and guys, two of my siblings are coloured. I probably wouldn’t even have had the background to realize I’m bi, which lol would have been awkward somewhere down the line.
Basically fandom has made me so much wiser. I’m not just a better writer because of you guys, I’m a better person, and I have learned so, so much from you. I know a lot of people don’t like to admit to writing fanfiction, and even among ourselves we dismiss it as porn. Me, I do not object to porn. BRING ON THE PORN, PEOPLE. But please know that some of the best writing I have ever read has been fanfiction (and believe you me, I have read a LOT of books to compare with), and some of the most inspiring people I know of are on lj. Please don’t sell yourselves short. You’re an inspiration.
Tl;dr version: I love fandom, guys. And while personally I could just read all this wonderful stuff for the rest of my life and be happy as a clam in a shell, it has occurred to me lately that my relationship with fandom is, er. Decidedly one-sided? I mean, no one knows better than me that there are far better writers than me out there. But I’ve been thinking (this is where you run for cover, boys and girls), and the way I figure, fanfiction has made my life a LOT better than it would have been without. So, while the chances are slim, I have decided to start writing stuff in the hope that somebody somewhere out there will experience a better day than they would have otherwise for reading it.
I AM CLIMBING OFF MY PEDESTAL NOW, YOU CAN STOP INVENTING WHOLE NEW PAGAN GODS TO PRAY TO THAT I’LL SHUT UP.