Lawyers Melted My Brain
So I got one of these little legal notices in my most recent credit card statement. Normally I just glance at them and toss them, but this one was about a class action suit brought against Citibank, so I decided to read it and see if I was going to get a piece of the pie. I got as far as this bit and gave up:
RELEASE AND DISMISSAL Under the terms of the Settlement, all members of the Settlement Class who do not properly and timely exclude themselves from the Settlement Class, their respective heirs, executors, administrators, representatives, agents, attorneys, partners, successors, predecessors-in-interest, assigns, and any authorized users of their accounts, will be deemed to have fully released and forever discharged Citibank, Does 1-100, their present, former and future direct and indirect par- ent companies, affiliates, subsidiaries, agents, representatives, successors, predecessors-in-interest, and/or any financial institutions, corporations, trusts or other entities that may hold or have held any interest in any account or any receiv- ables relating to any account, or any interest in any receiv- ables or group of receivables, or any interest in the operation or ownership of Citibank, and/or any persons or entities to whom Citibank card holder information allegedly or actually has been provided, and each of the aforementioned's respec- tive officers, directors, employees, agents, representatives, attorneys, vendors (including, without limitation, processing facilities) and assigns, from any and all rights, duties, obliga- tions, claims, actions, causes of action or liabilities, including claims for attorneys' fees, costs and interest, whether arising under local, state or federal law, whether by Constitution, statute, contract, common law or equity, whether known or unknown, suspected or unsuspected, asserted or unasserted, foreseen or unforeseen, actual or contingent, liquidated or unliquidated, that arise out of or are related in any way to any or all of the acts, omissions, facts, matters, transactions or occurrences that were or could have been directly or indirect- ly alleged, asserted, described, set forth or referred to in the Action (including but not limited to claims for invasion of privacy, unjust enrichment, violation of California Civil Code Sections 2223 and 2224, and violation of California Business & Professions Code Sections 17200, et seq.) regarding the subject matter of the Action.
Do you suppose the guys in the legal department have contests to see who can write the longest/worst sentence?
RELEASE AND DISMISSAL Under the terms of the Settlement, all members of the Settlement Class who do not properly and timely exclude themselves from the Settlement Class, their respective heirs, executors, administrators, representatives, agents, attorneys, partners, successors, predecessors-in-interest, assigns, and any authorized users of their accounts, will be deemed to have fully released and forever discharged Citibank, Does 1-100, their present, former and future direct and indirect par- ent companies, affiliates, subsidiaries, agents, representatives, successors, predecessors-in-interest, and/or any financial institutions, corporations, trusts or other entities that may hold or have held any interest in any account or any receiv- ables relating to any account, or any interest in any receiv- ables or group of receivables, or any interest in the operation or ownership of Citibank, and/or any persons or entities to whom Citibank card holder information allegedly or actually has been provided, and each of the aforementioned's respec- tive officers, directors, employees, agents, representatives, attorneys, vendors (including, without limitation, processing facilities) and assigns, from any and all rights, duties, obliga- tions, claims, actions, causes of action or liabilities, including claims for attorneys' fees, costs and interest, whether arising under local, state or federal law, whether by Constitution, statute, contract, common law or equity, whether known or unknown, suspected or unsuspected, asserted or unasserted, foreseen or unforeseen, actual or contingent, liquidated or unliquidated, that arise out of or are related in any way to any or all of the acts, omissions, facts, matters, transactions or occurrences that were or could have been directly or indirect- ly alleged, asserted, described, set forth or referred to in the Action (including but not limited to claims for invasion of privacy, unjust enrichment, violation of California Civil Code Sections 2223 and 2224, and violation of California Business & Professions Code Sections 17200, et seq.) regarding the subject matter of the Action.
Do you suppose the guys in the legal department have contests to see who can write the longest/worst sentence?