Coupling (Jeff/Patrick): Blame Wilf
Fandom: Coupling
Pairing: Jeff Murdock/Patrick Maitland
Theme Set: Alpha
Rating/Warnings: G-Light R (slash, implied sex, and comments made in bad taste)
Notes: Sitcom fic is rare, and sitcom slash is rarer. Even so, these two are fun, and I hope you enjoy. Also, #9 and #15 sort of go together, as do #25 and #45.
#01 - Comfort - It was somewhat comforting to find Jeff already in his flat when he arrived after work, that is, until Patrick's mother stopped by for a surprise visit twenty minutes later.
#02 - Kiss - Their first kiss was drunken, clumsy, and not entirely unpleasant, as the act would be repeated quite often in the future.
#03 - Soft - Another difference between sleeping with Jeff and sleeping with a woman, Patrick noted, was that in places where he was used to soft cushion, there were hard angles, yet in other places softness was occasionally maintained, much to Patrick's disappointment.
#04 - Pain - Patrick wasn't sure what to expect when Jeff came in wearing the leather mask, but the result was anything but painful.
#05 - Potatoes - "I wonder what would it be like if potatoes could think, you know, would they have dreams, ambitions; would they fear the wrath of the almighty fry-cooker?" Jeff wondered aloud; Patrick just rolled his eyes at his partner's odd choices in post-coital conversation.
#06 - Rain - Jeff didn't mind the fact that it was pouring, not if it meant he got to spend all day inside playing video games with Patrick.
#07 - Chocolate - Sex between two men, Jeff had realized, was possibly the messiest, stickiest activity known to humankind; adding chocolate sauce to all that was almost out of the question.
#08 - Happiness - When Patrick announced his plan to start seriously dating Sally, Jeff did everything in his power to make it special; he wanted his friends to be happy, but even Patrick agreed the spider-dance was a bit much.
#09 - Telephone - Jeff knew he should really be getting on with phoning Steve, rescuing him even, but as 9:30 came and went, somehow his brain was still stuck on how easy it was to be Patrick's honest-to-God boyfriend, just for a little while.
#10 - Ears - Collecting women's ears in a bucket-Patrick certainly hadn't heard that one before, but then again nobody had ever said having Jeff Murdoch in one's life would be boring.
#11 - Name - It was the little things, like the way Jeff said Patrick's name in that odd, yet ridiculously sexy Welsh way of his, that made Patrick wonder whether the answers were right in front of him all along.
#12 - Sensual - Patrick wondered if there was something strangely sensual in the way Jeff moved and acted, both in and out of the bedroom, but soon realized it could be better described as 'twitchy'.
#13 - Death - The first time Jeff saw Patrick naked was at Jane's aunt's funeral, well, in his imagination at least; it took them quite a bit longer to do it properly.
#14 - Sex - "C'mere," said Patrick, reaching for the nearly full tube on the dresser; "I know something that will make you declench."
#15 - Touch - All it took was a strong arm looped through his and a cheeky grin hovering just behind his ear and for just a moment, Wilf Patrick forgot about everything but Jeff.
#16 - Weakness - At first, Jeff was intimidated by Patrick's near-legendary prowess with women, but was soon pleased to discover a few weaknesses no one, not even Patrick, had ever properly exploited.
#17 - Tears - One day, completely out of the blue, Jeff asked "So, if we could, you know, find ourselves a willing woman, would you be up for a threesome sometime?"; Patrick nearly cried from joy.
#18 - Speed - Jeff was surprisingly fond of Patrick's car (it was a very nice car), but the way Patrick flattened the accelerator when Jeff's hand was on his thigh did prove to be a bit nerve wracking.
#19 - Wind - Patrick was amused to note that both English weather and fantastic sex had the exact same effect on Jeff's hair: none.
#20 - Freedom - Jeff appreciated the freedom of being with Patrick; there was nothing to hide, no one to impress, just a pair of close friends with some extracurricular squelching every once in a while.
#21 - Life - Patrick will be looking to settle down before too long (Sally won't wait forever), and Jeff will finally be ready to leave without looking back; they'll always stay friends, but life marches on.
#22 - Jealousy - Patrick took the news about Julia extremely well, too well even, but when he started calling the gorgeous bisexual he was seeing his girlfriend, Jeff knew he was doing it out of spite.
#23 - Hands - Patrick was pleased to discover that for once in his life, Jeff knew exactly what to do with his hands.
#24 - Taste - Patrick liked to think he had good taste in beer, cars, and women, but when it came to Jeff, Patrick felt as if somewhere, something had gone horribly wrong, and he wouldn't change it for the world.
#25 - Devotion - Ever the devoted husband, Patrick was more than happy to clean out his video closet; at Sally's request he tossed 'Lisa' and 'Summer' and those much like them into a large box, but when he reached a tape hidden in a dusty corner marked 'Jeff', he just tucked it securely away behind some old workout tapes and smiled to himself.
#26 - Forever - And when Patrick winked lasciviously at them, sticking his tongue out, it was almost as if Jeff had never really left.
#27 - Blood - "That's another upside to being gay, Patrick," began Jeff in an attempt to continue their earlier conversation, "you don't have to avoid her four days out of every month, you know, with the-"; "Just stop, Jeff; I get it, really," Patrick replied.
#28 - Sickness - Jeff had been called sick many, many times in his life, but never with the mix of arousal and awe displayed by the man currently tied to his bed.
#29 - Melody - Catching Jeff's boxers with ease, Patrick was moderately impressed by the striptease; it wasn't anything he hadn't seen before, but the singing was certainly new.
#30 - Star - One night, after a particularly enthusiastic session, Jeff asked if he had secured a place in the Cupboard of Patrick's Love; Patrick just smiled enigmatically before giving a quick wink to a high corner.
#31 - Home - Jeff appreciated not having to go the extra mile to impress Patrick; Patrick was just grateful he got to go home afterwards.
#32 - Confusion - Patrick would have been confused about wanting to shag someone who also happened to be one of his best mates, but that was a little too much like thinking for his taste.
#33 - Fear - Patrick's biggest fear is the others finding out, not because it would damage his reputation (the fact that he's thirty, single, and has neat hair has already done that nicely), but because Jeff really doesn't deserve any further isolation.
#34 - Lightning/Thunder - Steve was determined to hunt down and destroy whatever prompted Jeff and Patrick to start drunkenly belting out Bohemian Rhapsody at two in the morning (no matter how well Patrick could do the high bits).
#35 - Bonds - They took turns with the handcuffs (always Jeff's though, they chafed less), but always made sure the key was safely on the dresser.
#36 - Market - Wendy just shrugged and gift-wrapped the vibrator as amusingly requested; after all, their denial really wasn't her problem.
#37 - Technology - Jeff accidentally leaving his mobile at Patrick's was a common occurrence and generally not a problem; Jeff accidentally leaving Susan's mobile at Patrick's, on the other hand, made all Hell break loose.
#38 - Gift - Jeff was only slightly disappointed with Patrick's insistence that they got the Junior Patrick gift wrapped and gave it to Susan; after all, he had the real thing.
#39 - Smile - The thing about Jeff's smile was that its perfect mix of sweetness and pure, kinky evil occasionally gave Patrick the urge to, er, hug him; this was quite worrying indeed.
#40 - Innocence - Patrick came to the conclusion that Susan's coworker was nice enough, if mildly insane, and agreed to meet up with him and Steve for drinks sometime.
#41 - Completion - Jeff wished he could see the look on Lynda's face if she realized he could indeed take Patrick (mostly).
#42 - Clouds - At first, the whole thing could be blamed on the clouded judgement and drastically lowered inhibitions stemming from getting exceptionally pissed, but by the third night they were cold sober and it didn't change a thing.
#43 - Sky - Sally didn't let him get away with it often, but the excruciating "discussions" (generally accompanied by lots of crying), followed by the hassle of flying economy class to Greece, were more than worth it for the chance to catch up with an old friend.
#44 - Heaven - Patrick hated to admit it, especially to women, but the thing he tended to notice most when having sex was a woman's breasts; however, as Jeff was significantly lacking in the breast department, Patrick found himself seeing heaven reflected back in the bluest eyes he'd ever encountered.
#45 - Hell - Hell may have no fury like a woman scorned, but that woman has nothing on Sally when she is feeling all forty thirty-nine of her years and goes to look for some of her old workout tapes.
#46 - Sun - Life was simple, almost routine, for a while: laughing at old tabloids together over breakfast (when one of them ended up staying the night), hearing about Steve's latest unfortunate situation over drinks in the evenings, and long nights that were anything but lonesome.
#47 - Moon - Neither one of them had realized the drapes were left open until it was too late, and Jeff had to put up with "full moon" comments from the woman across the courtyard for weeks.
#48 - Waves - Life was blissful on the island of Lesbos, but in the back of his mind, Jeff couldn't help hoping to spot a message in a bottle amidst the gentle waves.
#49 - Hair - Patrick's new haircut was starting to confuse more than just the occasional passing lesbian.
#50 - Supernova - "I just kept talking, and it was getting worse and worse until finally the conversation just exploded, like some kind of volcano, or a supernova even, and then she slapped me!" Jeff ended with a groan, hanging his head in defeat; Patrick just squeezed Jeff's hand and tried very, very hard to keep a straight face at Jeff's latest colossal failure with the opposite sex.
Pairing: Jeff Murdock/Patrick Maitland
Theme Set: Alpha
Rating/Warnings: G-Light R (slash, implied sex, and comments made in bad taste)
Notes: Sitcom fic is rare, and sitcom slash is rarer. Even so, these two are fun, and I hope you enjoy. Also, #9 and #15 sort of go together, as do #25 and #45.
#01 - Comfort - It was somewhat comforting to find Jeff already in his flat when he arrived after work, that is, until Patrick's mother stopped by for a surprise visit twenty minutes later.
#02 - Kiss - Their first kiss was drunken, clumsy, and not entirely unpleasant, as the act would be repeated quite often in the future.
#03 - Soft - Another difference between sleeping with Jeff and sleeping with a woman, Patrick noted, was that in places where he was used to soft cushion, there were hard angles, yet in other places softness was occasionally maintained, much to Patrick's disappointment.
#04 - Pain - Patrick wasn't sure what to expect when Jeff came in wearing the leather mask, but the result was anything but painful.
#05 - Potatoes - "I wonder what would it be like if potatoes could think, you know, would they have dreams, ambitions; would they fear the wrath of the almighty fry-cooker?" Jeff wondered aloud; Patrick just rolled his eyes at his partner's odd choices in post-coital conversation.
#06 - Rain - Jeff didn't mind the fact that it was pouring, not if it meant he got to spend all day inside playing video games with Patrick.
#07 - Chocolate - Sex between two men, Jeff had realized, was possibly the messiest, stickiest activity known to humankind; adding chocolate sauce to all that was almost out of the question.
#08 - Happiness - When Patrick announced his plan to start seriously dating Sally, Jeff did everything in his power to make it special; he wanted his friends to be happy, but even Patrick agreed the spider-dance was a bit much.
#09 - Telephone - Jeff knew he should really be getting on with phoning Steve, rescuing him even, but as 9:30 came and went, somehow his brain was still stuck on how easy it was to be Patrick's honest-to-God boyfriend, just for a little while.
#10 - Ears - Collecting women's ears in a bucket-Patrick certainly hadn't heard that one before, but then again nobody had ever said having Jeff Murdoch in one's life would be boring.
#11 - Name - It was the little things, like the way Jeff said Patrick's name in that odd, yet ridiculously sexy Welsh way of his, that made Patrick wonder whether the answers were right in front of him all along.
#12 - Sensual - Patrick wondered if there was something strangely sensual in the way Jeff moved and acted, both in and out of the bedroom, but soon realized it could be better described as 'twitchy'.
#13 - Death - The first time Jeff saw Patrick naked was at Jane's aunt's funeral, well, in his imagination at least; it took them quite a bit longer to do it properly.
#14 - Sex - "C'mere," said Patrick, reaching for the nearly full tube on the dresser; "I know something that will make you declench."
#15 - Touch - All it took was a strong arm looped through his and a cheeky grin hovering just behind his ear and for just a moment, Wilf Patrick forgot about everything but Jeff.
#16 - Weakness - At first, Jeff was intimidated by Patrick's near-legendary prowess with women, but was soon pleased to discover a few weaknesses no one, not even Patrick, had ever properly exploited.
#17 - Tears - One day, completely out of the blue, Jeff asked "So, if we could, you know, find ourselves a willing woman, would you be up for a threesome sometime?"; Patrick nearly cried from joy.
#18 - Speed - Jeff was surprisingly fond of Patrick's car (it was a very nice car), but the way Patrick flattened the accelerator when Jeff's hand was on his thigh did prove to be a bit nerve wracking.
#19 - Wind - Patrick was amused to note that both English weather and fantastic sex had the exact same effect on Jeff's hair: none.
#20 - Freedom - Jeff appreciated the freedom of being with Patrick; there was nothing to hide, no one to impress, just a pair of close friends with some extracurricular squelching every once in a while.
#21 - Life - Patrick will be looking to settle down before too long (Sally won't wait forever), and Jeff will finally be ready to leave without looking back; they'll always stay friends, but life marches on.
#22 - Jealousy - Patrick took the news about Julia extremely well, too well even, but when he started calling the gorgeous bisexual he was seeing his girlfriend, Jeff knew he was doing it out of spite.
#23 - Hands - Patrick was pleased to discover that for once in his life, Jeff knew exactly what to do with his hands.
#24 - Taste - Patrick liked to think he had good taste in beer, cars, and women, but when it came to Jeff, Patrick felt as if somewhere, something had gone horribly wrong, and he wouldn't change it for the world.
#25 - Devotion - Ever the devoted husband, Patrick was more than happy to clean out his video closet; at Sally's request he tossed 'Lisa' and 'Summer' and those much like them into a large box, but when he reached a tape hidden in a dusty corner marked 'Jeff', he just tucked it securely away behind some old workout tapes and smiled to himself.
#26 - Forever - And when Patrick winked lasciviously at them, sticking his tongue out, it was almost as if Jeff had never really left.
#27 - Blood - "That's another upside to being gay, Patrick," began Jeff in an attempt to continue their earlier conversation, "you don't have to avoid her four days out of every month, you know, with the-"; "Just stop, Jeff; I get it, really," Patrick replied.
#28 - Sickness - Jeff had been called sick many, many times in his life, but never with the mix of arousal and awe displayed by the man currently tied to his bed.
#29 - Melody - Catching Jeff's boxers with ease, Patrick was moderately impressed by the striptease; it wasn't anything he hadn't seen before, but the singing was certainly new.
#30 - Star - One night, after a particularly enthusiastic session, Jeff asked if he had secured a place in the Cupboard of Patrick's Love; Patrick just smiled enigmatically before giving a quick wink to a high corner.
#31 - Home - Jeff appreciated not having to go the extra mile to impress Patrick; Patrick was just grateful he got to go home afterwards.
#32 - Confusion - Patrick would have been confused about wanting to shag someone who also happened to be one of his best mates, but that was a little too much like thinking for his taste.
#33 - Fear - Patrick's biggest fear is the others finding out, not because it would damage his reputation (the fact that he's thirty, single, and has neat hair has already done that nicely), but because Jeff really doesn't deserve any further isolation.
#34 - Lightning/Thunder - Steve was determined to hunt down and destroy whatever prompted Jeff and Patrick to start drunkenly belting out Bohemian Rhapsody at two in the morning (no matter how well Patrick could do the high bits).
#35 - Bonds - They took turns with the handcuffs (always Jeff's though, they chafed less), but always made sure the key was safely on the dresser.
#36 - Market - Wendy just shrugged and gift-wrapped the vibrator as amusingly requested; after all, their denial really wasn't her problem.
#37 - Technology - Jeff accidentally leaving his mobile at Patrick's was a common occurrence and generally not a problem; Jeff accidentally leaving Susan's mobile at Patrick's, on the other hand, made all Hell break loose.
#38 - Gift - Jeff was only slightly disappointed with Patrick's insistence that they got the Junior Patrick gift wrapped and gave it to Susan; after all, he had the real thing.
#39 - Smile - The thing about Jeff's smile was that its perfect mix of sweetness and pure, kinky evil occasionally gave Patrick the urge to, er, hug him; this was quite worrying indeed.
#40 - Innocence - Patrick came to the conclusion that Susan's coworker was nice enough, if mildly insane, and agreed to meet up with him and Steve for drinks sometime.
#41 - Completion - Jeff wished he could see the look on Lynda's face if she realized he could indeed take Patrick (mostly).
#42 - Clouds - At first, the whole thing could be blamed on the clouded judgement and drastically lowered inhibitions stemming from getting exceptionally pissed, but by the third night they were cold sober and it didn't change a thing.
#43 - Sky - Sally didn't let him get away with it often, but the excruciating "discussions" (generally accompanied by lots of crying), followed by the hassle of flying economy class to Greece, were more than worth it for the chance to catch up with an old friend.
#44 - Heaven - Patrick hated to admit it, especially to women, but the thing he tended to notice most when having sex was a woman's breasts; however, as Jeff was significantly lacking in the breast department, Patrick found himself seeing heaven reflected back in the bluest eyes he'd ever encountered.
#45 - Hell - Hell may have no fury like a woman scorned, but that woman has nothing on Sally when she is feeling all forty thirty-nine of her years and goes to look for some of her old workout tapes.
#46 - Sun - Life was simple, almost routine, for a while: laughing at old tabloids together over breakfast (when one of them ended up staying the night), hearing about Steve's latest unfortunate situation over drinks in the evenings, and long nights that were anything but lonesome.
#47 - Moon - Neither one of them had realized the drapes were left open until it was too late, and Jeff had to put up with "full moon" comments from the woman across the courtyard for weeks.
#48 - Waves - Life was blissful on the island of Lesbos, but in the back of his mind, Jeff couldn't help hoping to spot a message in a bottle amidst the gentle waves.
#49 - Hair - Patrick's new haircut was starting to confuse more than just the occasional passing lesbian.
#50 - Supernova - "I just kept talking, and it was getting worse and worse until finally the conversation just exploded, like some kind of volcano, or a supernova even, and then she slapped me!" Jeff ended with a groan, hanging his head in defeat; Patrick just squeezed Jeff's hand and tried very, very hard to keep a straight face at Jeff's latest colossal failure with the opposite sex.