A rare occurence
I do not feel terribly good today.
In fact, I actually am a bit melancholy.
I'm going to go ahead and leave this in a link, I doubt many people want to read about it.
I went to a job interview today that actually went pretty well - in till I saw the other applicants, older gentleman with resume's that looked like school text books. I'm not cutting myself short here, but honestly, my lack of experience probably means I'm not going to get that job. This sucks because I took off work today to go to this interview, which means that is easily money down the toilet.
I've gotten pretty used to this. Anyone looking for a job my age will tell you - its really, really hard. We've come right from out of school and the experience we do have is not what they want. I've office work under my belt, but that's only good if I'm applying to work at, you know, an office. I'd like to do something else at this point.
After lunch, I decide to take a walk as part of my routine and to give me a chance to clear my head, and feel a bit less down. I'm tempted to tell others about how I'm feeling, but in fear of seeming so noodley that I have to announce "I HAS A BAD DAY HUGS PLZ" for a few desperate moments of succor, I decide against it.
I have a brief exchange with someone over something (I am so mysterious oh-ho) and they suggest how they want to do something nice for someone else (There I go again, nyhoo) because they had such a bad day. Of course, I tell them I think they should do it - after all, its a very nice thing to do for someone and everyone reasonable feels a bit better when someone thinks about them, even if they do something small.
Of course, in my day of weakness, I wonder if anyone thinks of me like this. No no, this isn't me saying "Oh boo-hoo, no one likes me" because I know that's not true. People fucking adore me. (Well, they do at least, in a magical world where adore is a synonym for tolerate for extended periods of time.) But I wonder, truly wonder, if anyone has ever in recent years, randomly gone "Aww, we should do something nice for Rey."
Because I don't know if anyone has. Sure, people remember my birthday, they remember me on Christmas and any number of other holidays that come to mind. But I don't think people think about me in terms as someone they need to look out for.
Now, the reason I'm kvetching about this on Live journal and not real life is because I think I'm at fault for this. While I'm generally a happy person, I do have a lot of moments like this where I just feel like crap. ( To Quoth REH from a Conan Story; "He was a man of great mirth, and of great melancholy...") but I don't reach out to people. I fight my demons on my own. Most of them are CR 1 (D&D Joke, kiddies) anyway, so its no big deal. I will admit though, it can be awfully lonely at times.Its not so much I feel i need the help - but it is nice to know someone is thinking about you.
I'm at an impasse on this, but I don't see my general strategy changing any time soon. OK, wuss-boy rant over. I apologize to everyone who does read this. I will present you with a pithy one-liner in exchange if you so request it.
On a happier note, I'm about two lbs away from being the lightest I've ever been in my adult life. If I can keep up this pace, I should be at my goal weight in about a month or so. I've been working really hard at this, because I've got a really great thing I want to do when I've hit the number I want. I honestly can't wait.
In fact, I actually am a bit melancholy.
I'm going to go ahead and leave this in a link, I doubt many people want to read about it.
I went to a job interview today that actually went pretty well - in till I saw the other applicants, older gentleman with resume's that looked like school text books. I'm not cutting myself short here, but honestly, my lack of experience probably means I'm not going to get that job. This sucks because I took off work today to go to this interview, which means that is easily money down the toilet.
I've gotten pretty used to this. Anyone looking for a job my age will tell you - its really, really hard. We've come right from out of school and the experience we do have is not what they want. I've office work under my belt, but that's only good if I'm applying to work at, you know, an office. I'd like to do something else at this point.
After lunch, I decide to take a walk as part of my routine and to give me a chance to clear my head, and feel a bit less down. I'm tempted to tell others about how I'm feeling, but in fear of seeming so noodley that I have to announce "I HAS A BAD DAY HUGS PLZ" for a few desperate moments of succor, I decide against it.
I have a brief exchange with someone over something (I am so mysterious oh-ho) and they suggest how they want to do something nice for someone else (There I go again, nyhoo) because they had such a bad day. Of course, I tell them I think they should do it - after all, its a very nice thing to do for someone and everyone reasonable feels a bit better when someone thinks about them, even if they do something small.
Of course, in my day of weakness, I wonder if anyone thinks of me like this. No no, this isn't me saying "Oh boo-hoo, no one likes me" because I know that's not true. People fucking adore me. (Well, they do at least, in a magical world where adore is a synonym for tolerate for extended periods of time.) But I wonder, truly wonder, if anyone has ever in recent years, randomly gone "Aww, we should do something nice for Rey."
Because I don't know if anyone has. Sure, people remember my birthday, they remember me on Christmas and any number of other holidays that come to mind. But I don't think people think about me in terms as someone they need to look out for.
Now, the reason I'm kvetching about this on Live journal and not real life is because I think I'm at fault for this. While I'm generally a happy person, I do have a lot of moments like this where I just feel like crap. ( To Quoth REH from a Conan Story; "He was a man of great mirth, and of great melancholy...") but I don't reach out to people. I fight my demons on my own. Most of them are CR 1 (D&D Joke, kiddies) anyway, so its no big deal. I will admit though, it can be awfully lonely at times.Its not so much I feel i need the help - but it is nice to know someone is thinking about you.
I'm at an impasse on this, but I don't see my general strategy changing any time soon. OK, wuss-boy rant over. I apologize to everyone who does read this. I will present you with a pithy one-liner in exchange if you so request it.
On a happier note, I'm about two lbs away from being the lightest I've ever been in my adult life. If I can keep up this pace, I should be at my goal weight in about a month or so. I've been working really hard at this, because I've got a really great thing I want to do when I've hit the number I want. I honestly can't wait.