fic: Hem (2/4)
-1-
The next date Jin meets up with royally blows him off in some fancy party within the first half an hour. It’s a bit of a shame, because Jin thinks he might’ve kind of really fancied her, and not only because of the gorgeous cleavage of her dress.
She’s gone now, though, tastefully flirting to a group of beefy men. Jin thinks he’s heard some people whispering that they’re sportsmen from some national league, maybe football or baseball. He’s content hiding away in a corner with his fifth cup of punch. The music is luring him in with its sultry saxophone and piano.
“Your swaying is starting to attract attention,” a familiar voice summons him back into reality. Jin’s knuckles shoot up to rub his eyes disbelievingly - it’s the auburn-haired man, although his hair isn’t auburn anymore but a cooler shade of brown. He looks sophisticated in his tuxedo, and Jin thinks that’s a glass of red wine in his hand. “Isn’t it about time to put the punch down?”
“Maybe,” Jin agrees with a grimace. He obediently hands his glass over to the man’s extended hand. “I might’ve gotten a bit carried away with it.”
The man chuckles. Jin studies the crook of his nose and the tiny moles on his chin. He’s quite attractive, he decides after a brief examination. The man meets his gaze and seems a bit uneasy under Jin’s watchful eyes. He really shouldn’t be looking.
His throat feels a bit dry as he stumbles to find words that would push the conversation onwards. He hasn't been in Japan for too many weeks yet and his language skills are admittedly rusty. He feels self-conscious because sometimes he ends up unknowingly speaking words or expressions in foreign languages - too many waiters have given him strange looks while he's attempted to order something and ended up mixing languages. It makes him feel so embarrassed that he’d rather not speak at all if he doesn’t feel like he’s on a roll with his Japanese.
He's taken flamenco lessons with his friend Shirota Yuu in Spain, ridden in a red double-decker bus in London and almost shat his pants when he had discovered that some strange bugs had nested in his cereal box during his first week in Australia. Experience-wise, he's quite content with his life, most of the time. It’s strange, that after all the things he’s done around the world, he feels the most nervous here in his own home country. Even a simple conversation can easily feel overpowering.
“Is no one looking after you?” the man asks curiously and looks around as if it would help him find a friend of Jin’s or something. He doesn’t even know who Jin’s friends are. It’s a bit funny. Jin snorts.
“I don’t really know anyone,” he admitted drunkenly. “The woman there, see, she invited me. Purple dress. She hasn’t talked to me for an hour now.”
The man laughs. It makes his eyes wrinkle a bit and almost disappear from sight. Jin feels a bit warmer. The laughter doesn’t feel too forced. He chuckles himself. “I know. Pathetic. I can’t compete with the muscles, y’know.”
“Athletes,” the man groans playfully. “The rest of us are just side dish. I’m Kamenashi Kazuya, by the way. In case you’ve forgotten.” Jin struggles a bit to aim his hand correctly to shake the man’s hand in greeting.
“Akanishi Jin,” he introduces himself. “Not really a part of the elites, in case you’re looking for connections. All I can do is give good travel tips.”
“Travel tips?” Kamenashi asks curiously. “Do you work in some travelling agency? Sounds nice.”
“Nah,” Jin moans and grimaces. “I travel,” he admits seriously. “I’ve been doing it ever since I finished high school. I just pick a destination, get some money together and go. Try to get a job where I go if I’m staying for a longer time. Stuff like that. I don’t really care what I do, I just want to see places. You only live once, you know.”
Kamenashi looks a bit dumbfounded. He nods slowly, trying to process Jin’s little speech. “You’re serious,” he says. Then he gives Jin a wonky smile. “I don’t know anyone else who would do that. You’re pretty gutsy.”
“Well, gutsy doesn’t always cut it with the ladies,” Jin jokes and motions at his date. Kamenashi grimaces in agreement. He’s quite expressive - Jin would call him easy to read, but he isn’t sure if the guy’s actually showing his true colours or if he’s just incredibly skilful in social interaction. It could be either, really.
Not everyone is as easily readable as he is. Being transparent isn’t exactly useful in life.
“Women work in mysterious ways,” Kamenashi joins in mischievously. “They say that they want something yet they go for something completely different. Those who manage to snatch one and keep her happy sure are lucky fellas.”
Jin laughs and almost stumbles on his feet but Kamenashi grabs his arm to steady him before he falls. It takes Jin a few seconds to realise that Kamenashi’s laughing too. Their laughter mixes together, sounding nicely bubbly and giddy.
“You’re single too then, huh?”
“Couldn’t even score a date here,” Kamenashi answers him honestly. “Come on, let’s get you out for a while. I think some fresh air could do some good for you.”
“Yes, please,” Jin croaks and lets himself be dragged. He smiles widely at everyone who keeps glancing at them on the way. So many eyes are on him. Well, at least he is attracting attention. He tries to look as adorable as possible, in case any of the ladies here has a thing for helpless, good-looking tipsy men.
“Trust me, that isn’t going to work on anybody,” Kamenashi snorts amusedly.
Jin blinks stupidly. How had he…?
“How did you know what I was thinking?” he asks, staring at the man stupidly. Kamenashi’s chuckles.
“God, you really are drunk… I can hardly make out what you’re saying.”
“Eh?” Jin mumbles stupidly and blushes.
“Stop thinking,” Kamenashi laughs as he pushes him through the backdoor to the veranda. The winter night is chilly, but the alcohol in Jin’s veins is keeping him warm, or at least it’s pretty good at tricking him. Some people are already out there, smoking and chuckling discreetly at Jin’s drunkenness. He has to be worse off than he’s originally thought.
“I actually think better when I’m drunk,” Jin slurs and gives Kamenashi a wonky smile. “Strange, I know. It’s just… when I’m sober I feel like something would be blocking my thoughts constantly and slowing me down. When I’m drunk everything is sort of… clear.”
“…You really have to be drunk to say that,” Kamenashi mumbles. “No one would ever think that…”
“I do,” Jin insists. “It’s true. I’m strange.”
“Well, I can’t argue against that,” Kamenashi admits politely and helps him to sit down on one of the chairs around a tiny round table. Jin sighs deeply and sees at the corner of his eyes how Kamenashi sits down opposite to him. He pouts uncaringly and throws his head back, looking up at the sky.
In a brightly lit city like this, the stars are hardly visible although there are no clouds in sight. He leans his elbow against the table and rests his head on his fist.
“What brings you to Japan?” Kamenashi asks with a serene voice, looking up the sky as well. Jin glances at him and comes to the conclusion that Kamenashi doesn’t mind the dimness of the stars. He shrugs and gulps, not really sure if he wants to share this with a stranger at a party.
They’ve met before, though. Somehow it seems that he can’t stop owing things to this guy. He keeps walking in Jin’s life when he’s in a dire situation and walks him out of it before he makes too much of a fool out of himself or something along those lines anyway.
The least Jin can do is offer him a nice conversation.
“I was thinking of settling down,” he admits slowly, feeling incredibly awkward. “Find a nice wife. Start a family. Grow my roots somewhere, you know.” He shrugs again, starting to feel really stupid. “It’s about time for me, I guess.”
“But wouldn’t you miss it?” Kamenashi asks him. “Travelling. Seeing the world. Being able to just… go off and do whatever you want.”
“There are laws abroad too, you know,” Jin points out cheekily. Kamenashi covers his mouth with his hand, his eyes sparkling in amusement. Jin feels accomplished. “Yeah, probably. But it doesn’t mean that I wouldn’t be able to travel, just that I’d spend most of my time somewhere. Get different kind of experiences.”
“Hmm, I guess it makes sense,” Kamenashi hums, looking up at the stars again with a distant look in his eyes. Jin studies the way the light from the lamps paints his face luminescent. He’s got a pretty nice complexion - it looks smooth and attractive although it’s full of bumps and dips.
“Do you travel?” Jin asks curiously. Kamenashi snorts and turns to look at him again, seemingly quite embarrassed.
“Not much,” he admits guiltily. “I’ve been to a few places. London, Paris, Seoul. I mostly go around Japan, but a lot of that is for work.” He shrugs. “There’s never time or when there is, I’m too stressed to plan a trip.”
“Ah, that sucks,” Jin sympathises. “Successful career and all, right? Since you didn’t need a date to sneak you in here with all the big names.” He waves his arm around expressively and ends up hitting a waitress in the stomach, making her stumble. He looks up, horrified. “Oh my god, I’m so sorry!”
Kamenashi shoots up to help the waitress to steady herself. She laughs nervously, looking a bit shaken. “I’m alright. Thank you,” she insists and bows her head a little. “It’s alright.”
An older man in a suit a few tables away waves his hand and calls out for the waitress. The glasses on the table look quite empty. She hurries off, glancing back at Kamenashi. Jin snickers.
“I’d make a good wingman.”
“No you wouldn’t,” Kamenashi laughs. “You’re so drunk no one’s approaching us at all. You might be cute, but I think that’s the extent of your appeal at this party.”
Jin shrugs. “What can I say… Not my usual hunting spot?”
“Obviously.” There he sits again, right in front of Jin, taking a sip of his fragrant red wine. As a contrast, Jin’s leaning against the table with his elbows, clearly not on par with the majority of the other attendees of the party. Kamenashi is kind to waste his time talking to him.
“So what do you do?” he asks curiously. “Sports?”
“Not exactly,” Kamenashi chuckles, but it’s more polite than actually amused. For a fleeting moment, he seems a bit lonely. “I used to play baseball at school but then I got an injury. That kind of ruined everything. I’m a newscaster.” The man licks his lips swiftly and looks up at Jin. “Ever seen Going! Sports & News?”
Jin takes a moment to think about it. “Hmm, I don’t think so. Japanese program, right?”
“Yes.”
“I might’ve seen something briefly but I haven’t really paid much attention to the program itself.” He shrugs. “I like football. Football’s cool.”
Kamenashi laughs again. “Whatever you fancy. Anyway, it has its perks. I get to see big games for free and meet people. For a sports fan it’s quite ideal, I think. I’m happy with my job.”
“Ahh, that is cool,” Jin agrees. “I hardly ever get to see actual games, they’re so costly. I kind of blow my money on other things. Not that I’d have many regrets, but.”
“Tell me about some cool place,” Kamenashi insists. He seems to be on a good mood. “If there was one place that I should visit during my lifetime, where should I go? Your personal recommendation.”
Jin looks Kamenashi up and down with narrowed eyes. “Hmm. That’s a hard one,” he groans and listens to the vibrato of Kamenashi’s laughter. “It’s hard to say without knowing you so well. Can I get back to you with that?”
“Fine.” Kamenashi sets his wine glass on the table. “I guess I’ll need to give you my number then so that you can inform me of the answer.” He pulls out his business card from his breast pocket and slides it across the table to Jin.
“Wow. A business card. It looks so fancy,” Jin teases him with a grin and picks it up. “I’ve never had one of these to myself.”
“You could use one. ‘Akanishi Jin’s Travelling Advice’.”
“Or maybe not,” Jin snorts. “I think it makes me more memorable if I just write my name and number on napkins.”
“Memorable, yes… Not necessarily in a good sense, though,” Kamenashi laughs at him. His eyes are sparkling a bit. He snatches the card from Jin’s hand, leaving the man dumbfounded.
“Hey, I thought you gave that to me,” Jin complains. Kamenashi gives him a crooked smirk.
“Wait.” He pulls out a pen and scribbles another number on the backside of the card before handing it back. “That’s my personal number. I have two phones, so. I’ve really enjoyed talking to you today.”
Jin beams at him as he pushes the card in the pocket of his slacks. “Wow, you make me feel honoured.”
“I know a few places where you might get a bit luckier with the ladies,” Kamenashi tempts him. “Something that would maybe be a bit more you.”
“You sound like you know me.”
“I’m just good with people.” Kamenashi tilts his head. “If you’re interested, you have my number. I’d be glad to offer a helping hand with your little mission.”
“I’m not sure if I should take advice from someone who came here alone,” Jin laughs at the man and straightens up on his seat. “I’ll keep the offer in mind, though. I have time to kill.” He thinks of the cherry blossom season which is still some time ahead. He thinks he wants to see it this year and let nostalgia flush over him. He’ll be around for a while.
“I’m a good wingman,” Kamenashi winks at him. “We’ll find something.”
When Jin looks at Kamenashi, he can’t help but believe him.
-2-
“Did you go and see my parents, Jin!?” Kame’s furious voice greets him from his phone’s speakers. Jin licks his lips nervously. He doesn’t really want to explain himself, not after the disastrous outcome of his good intents. Kame reads into the silence disbelievingly. “What the fuck, Jin.”
“Calm down,” he grunts and squeezes the bridge of his nose anxiously. For some reason burying himself in his pillows doesn’t feel like it’ll soften any of the upcoming blows at all. “I’m sorry. I thought I could help. Or something.”
Kame’s laughter sounds hollow. It makes Jin feel like he betrayed him, and maybe he really did. There is a reason why he did what he did behind Kame’s back - his boyfriend would never have approved his intentions.
“And how exactly does putting my mum and dad at my throat about this help me?!”
“I don’t know!” Jin snarls. “I’m sorry.”
“I don’t need this,” Kame disregards his apology harshly. “I thought we were good like this. I thought we could just be this way, that we could keep low profile. Why would you go and tell my parents?!”
“They’re family!” Jin defends himself. “I thought they should know! That if they knew then maybe they’d accept it with time. I’m not trying to yell around about this, it’s just that I thought they should know.”
“But you knew that they disapprove,” Kame chokes out shakily. He sounds weak and tired. He doesn’t need any of the unnecessary drama that Jin throws his way on top of his other worries and workload.
“Hey,” Jin speaks, softer. “I’m sorry. I won’t do it again,” he promises. “I love you.”
“I know,” Kame sighs and Jin hears a thud from Kame’s end of the line.
It’s quiet, but it’s not the bad kind of quiet. Jin lets his eyes slide closed as he stares at the white ceiling of his bedroom. Kame’s breathing sounds so different when it comes from the phone. He wishes he’d be there, or that Kame would be here, with him.
He’s utterly lovesick.
“Remember when you asked me about one place you should definitely see before you die?” he asks quietly, thinking back. Kame’s designer suit, his dark hair that brought out the lovely brown of his eyes, a glass of red wine and a dazzling smile to make anyone feel comfortable.
Kame snorts tiredly. “Barely.”
“I have an answer for you now,” he speaks gently to the silence. Kame hums at him, urging him to go on. Jin allows himself to smile, just a little bit. “Sweden. Endless forests and white mountains. All the four seasons are unimaginably different - the freezing white of the winter, brown and green spring, brightly colourful summer and orange autumn,” he tells Kame, recalling his memories of the place and pictures others have shown him.
“…It sounds beautiful.”
“It’s far, far away,” Jin murmurs softly. “Somewhere out there, a world so vastly different than this right here. Different architecture, different nature… different kind of people,” Jin presses. Kame hums in acknowledgement. “I should take you there sometime, Sunshine. In there you wouldn’t feel so wrong.”
There’s a long pause. There’s a lump in Jin’s throat and tears swell in his eyes. He tries to keep his breathing steady. He’s clearly overreacting.
“I’m alright, Jin,” Kame tries to convince him quietly.
“No,” Jin gasps anxiously. “You’re not.”
“I’m not as tragic as you make me sound. I’m happy, alright?” Kame insists stubbornly. “I have a good life. I have a family, I have a damn nice job, I have money and I have you. I have everything I could possibly want. Don’t pity me.”
“But everything’s against you. You have to hide yourself under all of those pretences to keep it all up, it’s not fair. You’re wonderful yet all that you get from showing that is someone spitting at you. Even your parents-”
“Stop that,” Kame snaps at him. “Just stop, okay? I’m not hiding myself. I’m keeping things private. This is Japan we’re talking about; it’s not that strange to keep your relationship and sex life private.”
It’s not the same, though, not in Jin’s opinion. Kame doesn’t choose to keep things private only because he genuinely enjoys it that way. He guards his private life like it’s a legendary treasure and some greedy and gruesome pirates would be sailing the waters, surrounding him and slowly closing in.
The world isn’t going to be oblivious forever, and deep down they both know that. Jin has accepted it, but he’s the one who doesn’t have that much to lose. Kame, on another hand, is frightened and attempting the impossible.
It wouldn’t be fair to force Kame to put him before his job, family and friends, though, and Jin doesn’t want to expect that from him if it isn’t what he wants. He doesn’t mind their arrangement, not really. It’s just that he has this feeling that it isn’t going to be this easy forever. Sooner or later, someone’s going to realise what’s going on and feed them to the wolves.
“I’ll take you on a longer trip when you get a proper break from work,” Jin promises Kame. “I’ll take you somewhere where no one cares who you are.”
“Except for you, I presume,” Kame tries to crack a joke. Jin chuckles, admittedly amused.
“Yeah, except for me. I’ll still be your overbearing number one fan,” he teases Kame playfully. “But other than that you won’t have to watch out.”
“You just want to go on a trip yourself,” Kame sighs. Jin feels a bit guilty.
“You got me…” he laughs. “But it’s not just that. I want to take you with me. Give you a little break, you know.”
“Worrywart.”
Jin snorts. “Aren’t you offensive today,” he snarls and pouts. “And I was trying to be sweet.”
“Sorry,” Kame sighs, sounding really tired. Jin kind of wants to ask him how much he’s been sleeping lately, but he doesn’t dare to ask. He has a feeling that he wouldn’t like the answer. “But really, you can go off for a few weeks if you want, I won’t mind. Just… take me with you someday,” he murmurs, his voice fading out tiredly. “But before that, you can go. Just as long as you come back, I really won’t hold it against you. I don’t want you to cage yourself like this. You’re giving up far more for me than I’m giving up for you.”
“That’s not true,” Jin argues, because Kame’s the one with everything on the line. “And I know, it’s not like I never go anywhere.”
“But for a longer trip,” Kame insists. “Not just an extended weekend in Korea or something.”
“I like Korea,” Jin hums happily. “I don’t want you to be alone,” he ends up admitting anyway. “You’re lonely and stressed and someone needs to help you relax a little. I’m enjoying it here with you. You’re my little adventure,” he teases, and thinks about the piling photographs in his stash. He should do something about those. “I can wait until I can take you with me.”
“To Sweden?” Kame asks, and the depressed tone of his voice steals Jin’s tongue for a while. He thinks about it and feels a need for shared comfort spreading inside of him, warming him up like a cup of tea on a cold winter day.
“Yeah. To Sweden,” he tells Kame gently and smiles. “I promise,” he adds and pulls his covers over himself.
“I’m glad,” Kame hums and then they fall silent again.
-3-
Reio and Yuri’s wedding takes place on a midsummer afternoon, but half of the time it ends up raining. They manage to hold the ceremony in the venue’s luscious garden, but soon afterwards everyone escapes the dark clouds indoors. It doesn’t take even ten minutes for the rain to start pouring, but thankfully the planners have been prepared for the weather and the party ends up being a lovely success anyway.
Attending his younger brother’s wedding makes Jin feel awkwardly surreal. He doesn’t get to be the best man, which doesn’t really offend him, but he does get the best seats with the rest of the immediate family. He’s always known that he’s gone a lot of the time, but he thinks he truly understands his absence only now that he sees his brother marry a girl he’s loved for years and whom Jin honestly hardly even knows. A part of him is thrilled for his brother, but the other part feels jealous and lost because after his breakup with Kame he’s gone back to having occasional meaningless flings with people and he acknowledges that at his age he should do better than that.
The least he can do is pick up the slack and do his best to be a better brother. He makes sure to take an active part in the celebration and spends a significant amount of time chatting with Yuri and her family because he wants to make them feel welcome join his. Generally speaking they aren’t as eccentric as Jin’s family, but it doesn’t really come as a surprise - his mother has moulded them all into a rather exceptional bunch with a mismatched liberal culture that sometimes defies normal family standards.
Although he feels awkward at times, he still finds them nice people. Yuri has an older brother and a small niece whom Jin finds absolutely adorable. He gives his pastries to her without a question and keeps her company when the adults get busy because there are no other kids of her age in the party. Reio seems glad that he’s turned up, even if he had barely made it to the rehearsals. It’s just that spending time in Japan still feels like a bit of a sore spot for Jin who can’t help but remember his year with Kame anywhere he goes.
“Can I have a dance?” Yuri’s voice pipes up from behind Jin who’s just finishing up his drink. He gulps it down, smiles and firmly grasps the bride’s hand.
“It’s your day. Anything you want,” he laughs and lets her pull him to the dance floor. Yuri’s brother and his wife are dancing as well, and Jin’s father is dancing with Yuri’s mother. There are also a few friends fooling around the dance floor, and Jin feels a bit intimidated to find that he can only name about half of them.
“You like dancing, huh?” he voices out his observation to Yuri who looks down a bit. Her cheeks are flushed and she looks happy when she nods.
“Yes,” she admits and raises her head again. “I took classes for most of my youth, to be honest. For some time it just felt like work, but then I learned to love it again.”
“Did your parents make you?” Jin laughs and she nods. “Ouch. My mum made me play piano. Now I can only play a few tunes. I wish I wouldn’t have given it up.”
“You can learn it again if you try,” she encourages him. “Maybe one day you’ll give it another go.”
“Maybe,” Jin agrees, playing with the idea. He sees himself sitting in front of a large, black piano as an old, greying man. It’s a pretty hilarious mental image.
Yuri cocks her head, studying Jin who feels a little vulnerable. He notices that she has quite short, stubby fingers. They’re painted with a sheer shade of girly pink, and suddenly Jin remembers Kame’s small and callused hands more clearly than he has in years. His smile falters a little but he doesn’t stop dancing, determined not to let his feelings interfere with his life any more than necessary.
“Are you alright?” Yuri asks him gently as they sway, and Jin feels a little pang at his heart. He smiles at her playfully and purses his lips, pretending to think.
“Hmm. I’m dancing with the prettiest girl in the party. I don’t think I’m doing too badly,” he jokes, and although Yuri chuckles, she doesn’t let Jin brush her off.
“I’m serious,” she tells Jin, and the look in her eyes is so nice and lovely that Jin can’t imagine a better girl for his brother to marry. “Your family is worried. We’re all worried,” she decides to correct herself, because just a few hours ago she became a part of the family. She has the right to count herself in. “Do you still miss him?”
“Who?” Jin laughs, trying to avoid talking about Kame, but he knows that it’s clear that there’s no one else she’d ask about. “Kame?”
“Do you think you should try to find him?” Yuri suggests helpfully. “You could succeed. It could be worth the chance.”
She’s so kind and straightforward to Jin that it stings like a disinfectant poured on an open wound. Jin feels some of the humour leaving his system as he keeps looking at her and swaying to the music.
“Sometimes I think about it,” he admits awkwardly, and it feels strange because he hasn’t talked about this with anyone. “I don’t think it’s a good idea. It’s been a long time. He’s probably got a new life now and I’d hate myself if I just walked in and screwed it over.”
“You’re thoughtful.”
Jin shrugs. “Maybe,” he hums, not entirely convinced. “Or maybe I’m just scared that he isn’t even bothered by it.”
They fall silent for a while. Jin spins Yuri around and her wedding dress flutters in an enchanting way. She’s like a goddess of some old mythology that Jin can’t quite remember. He’s always just thought of her as a nice woman, as some girl his brother’s been going out with. Before this day, he thinks, he hasn’t really truly seen her as a complete person. She’s just been a product of tell-tale.
“You’ll be alright,” Yuri tells him with an encouraging smile as they head back towards Reio after the dance. Jin breaks into an embarrassed smile. “If you really love someone, maybe they aren’t meant to leave your system. It doesn’t mean that it’s the end of your life, though. There are other things and people you can love. It’ll just take awhile to open up your heart to them.”
Jin wants to ruffle her hair but he doesn’t dare to because it looks like someone professional has put it up and women can get a bit freaky if you ruin their things. Instead, he elbows her side gently.
“Enough about me,” he tells her. “It’s your day. Go and make my little brother happy.”
She takes up Jin’s suggestion and forces an embarrassedly groaning Reio back on the dance floor with her. Jin watches them for a while, smiling at the naturalness of the couple. It feels like his brother would’ve married someone out of his league, and he’s really damn proud of him.
He tears his gaze away from them when his mother stops to stand beside him and gives him a tall glass of champagne. She doesn’t say anything, but she doesn’t really have to as she wraps her arm around Jin’s back. They both watch Reio and Yuri dance away, and maybe Jin can shake off some of his anxiety to come back home more often and let Japan become a setting for something else other than his failed relationship.
He’s missed his family, and they seem to have missed him as well.
-1-
Kamenashi turns out to be a fairly interesting new acquaintance. He’s a busy man so they don’t meet up very often, but when they do it’s guaranteed fun. They mostly go to places with an opportunity to meet women, such as pubs, a nearby gym (his mother would be proud) and an open mic bar once Kame realises that Jin can actually sing. Sometimes they go to restaurants, and even less frequently they actually end up forgetting all about women and just hang out and talk. All in all, Jin enjoys himself immensely in Kame’s quirky company.
Kame talks to some acquaintance of his at a club in Roppongi Hills and drags Jin to the VIP section, just because he can and Kame prefers everything fancy if possible. Jin follows him, feeling a bit underdressed in his typical black V-neck and baggy jeans. Kame’s rocking mystic black eyeliner and clothing that hugs his body in all the right places and he looks so damn stunning that Jin feels like tonight isn’t going to be his night at all.
“You’re not that great of a wingman,” he accuses Kame nervously as they head towards the bar counter. “You’re supposed to look good but not that much better than me… I don’t want to be the less good-looking one!”
“Not my fault that you don’t know how to dress yourself,” Kame defends himself. “You’re totally wasting your potential!” He pushes his elbow on the counter through the crowd. The place is crowded, which feels strange because Jin has always had this mental image of VIP sections being quiet and fancy like the people who supposedly attended them. How could a high class individual go all out in public after all?
He pouts as he looks at Kame, still a bit accusing. “Are you telling me that I look ugly?”
“No, I’m telling you that you’re hiding your assets,” Kame replies smoothly. “Come on, come here,” he beckons Jin who obeys warily. Kame’s free hand pulls out his ponytail.
“Hey!”
“What, I thought you wanted me to help you,” Kame barks back and pushes the little hair tie in the pocket of his tastefully ripped jeans. “Trust me, I clearly have more fashion sense than you do. You’ve got a nice haircut, you make long hair look good so own that instead of hiding it. Could we get two beers, plea-”
Jin snorts and pushes his way next to Kame, shaking his head at the bartender. “Make that two tequilas,” he insists and gives Kame a smug sideways glance. “I thought we came here to party.”
“Two tequilas coming right up,” the bartender repeats the order, making eye contact with Kame to make sure that it’s alright. Kame scrunches up his nose but nods before glaring up at Jin whose smile is spreading wider and wider triumphantly.
“I don’t really like tequila,” Kame tells him. Jin laughs.
“Oh come on, no one really likes tequila. It does the job, though!” he insists as the bartender fills up their shot glasses. He reaches out a bit further to grab them lime wedges and salt, after which he nods at them and Kame pays for the drinks, swatting Jin’s hand when he tries to reach for his own wallet. Jin rolls his eyes but doesn’t argue - he’s sure that Kame has more than enough anyway with his designer outfits and all. He’s barely earning enough for his rent, food and social life.
They down the shots and Kame’s face morphs into disgust while his teeth are desperately bitten in the lime. Jin drops his used lime in the tiny glass after he’s done and snickers.
“Another one?” he suggests teasingly. Kame shakes his head, still visibly nauseated.
“No way.”
They run into a small group of Kame’s acquaintances and decide to join them for the rest of the night. There’s one girl in the group who looks quite stunning in her little black dress and platform pumps. Jin chats with her a little bit, but later on when he’s getting another shot at the bar with Kame the man tells him that she’s recently broken up with a long-term boyfriend and their relationship is all over the place for the time being, so it’s not smart to take it a step further. Jin feels pretty disappointed, but it doesn’t last for long when Kame drags him to the dance floor to cheer him up and keeps pointing out girls for him to hit on.
After one more tequila, some whiskey and a sake bomb which got Kame and his friends all excited, his inhibitions flush away. He briefly makes out with a girl who barely has something to fill her bra but knows how to work her yummy plump lips before he loses her somewhere in the crowd and lets Kame pull him back on the dance floor. The artificial smoke in the air captures the colourful lights and makes it hard to see very far, but he can feel a fingernail gently scratching his hip, urging him to turn around, and he does. He sees Kame from the corner of his eye pull some woman closer to him and then he can just forget about worrying for him and focus on the woman who’s trying to snatch him up, her hand burying itself into his hair, which Kame had previously called an asset of his.
The night is well past young and the club is packed, even the VIP section which is admittedly far from Jin’s expectations. A few songs in, he’s dripping sweat, grinding instinctively and enjoying himself beyond belief. He feels someone bump against his back and glances over his shoulder enough to realise that it’s Kame, not that he wouldn’t look busy. They acknowledge each other and somehow end up switching partners for a while and then having fun in a group instead of just one-on-one dancing. They get a bottle of water from the bar that they share after which Jin’s partner slips away, complaining something about her heels and friends.
When they hit the dance floor again, feeling euphoric with the music and the end of the night approaching and all, it’s two guys and one girl which allows them to have some fun. Things get more intense and Jin feels his hair standing on edge as he buries his head in the woman’s shoulder from behind, his fingers brushing Kame’s ever so slightly at her hips. Kame laughs, looking a little breathless, which is completely reasonable considering the amount of dancing they’ve been doing and the late hour.
When the night comes to an end, the girl seems to be more into Kame than Jin, which is a bit of a shame, really. Kame takes her number but brushes her off otherwise, and he must be kind of crazy because she seemed like a nice catch to Jin, who’s feeling a little frisky after all the dancing he’s been doing and after the unexplainable sexual tension.
“You gonna call her?” Jin slurs at Kame when they hop on a taxi. Kame offers his phone to Jin with a dark look in his eyes.
“You want it?”
“Dude, she gave it to you,” Jin groans. “There’s no way I’m taking it from you, she’s not into me.”
Kame shrugs. “Alright then,” he mumbles and coolly deletes the number. Jin leans forward to talk to the driver about directions to his place. Sometimes there are times when he really doesn’t understand his friend.
“What a wingman you are, stealing the attention,” he mumbles when he crushes back on his seat and buckles his seatbelt. Kame snorts and looks out of the window, lost in thought and a little bit tense.
“Sorry,” he mumbles but leaves it at that. Jin doesn’t mind, because surprisingly he isn’t all that mad. It isn’t like he wouldn’t have had a busy and fun night.
Jin giggles when they stumble to the tiny hallway where his shoes clutter the floor. Kame runs into him when he stops right in the middle, groans at him to move his large behind and starts jumping on one foot to open the laces from his shoes. Jin pulls the door closed behind them and checks that it’s locked. The keys easily slip into the pocket of his jacket which he casts carelessly on the corner, even though it earns him a glare from Kame. “Shit, I’m still wasted,” he breathes as he kicks his shoes off his feet and has to take support from the walls to survive past the corridor further into his apartment. Kame snorts and finally resorts to sitting on the floor in order to get his shoes off.
The water is chilly and it wets the front of Jin’s shirt. He drinks straight from the faucet, not bothering with a glass - with his luck, he’d just knock a good bunch of them off the cupboard if he even tried to get one. Kame sighs tiredly as he slouches to the open area. He’s running his fingers through his sticky hair. “Want water?” Jin offers, but Kame declines with a yawn and a shake of his head.
“I just want to sleep this off.”
Jin closes the faucet and walks past Kame to the couch. He drops the pillows to the floor and pulls the fabric handle to extend the seat into a bed. “Neat,” Kame notes with an approving nod when Jin crushes on it, fishing up a pillow from the floor. Kame fixes the partly detached sheet before lying down as well with a happy whine. Jin throws a pillow at him. There’s a thud followed by a grumble. Jin chuckles and flexes his body lazily.
For some time, they just lie in bed. Jin’s fists grip the sheets in a helpless attempt to make the world stop spinning quite so much. He’d known that he was drunk, but it’s already been a while since his last drink. Obviously, closing his eyes isn’t doing any good to him for the time being.
He gets up to turn the lights off before crawling back to bed. Kame turns to look at him with exhausted eyes and for once he isn’t a picture dictionary’s definition of perfection. His foundation is uneven and he has round eyeliner smudges under his eyes. His hair is sticking out ridiculously and there’s this sweaty scent that penetrates his perfume.
Kame closes his eyes and rolls on his back, grunting. Jin buries his own cheek in his feather pillow and breathes out deeply. When he closes his eyes, the world spins again, making it impossible to sleep.
The silhouette of Kame’s crooked nose looks fascinating at the early hour. Jin stares at it for a long while and listens to the man’s breathing. Kame twists his body, his torso still facing upwards but hips turned so that his bent legs lie on his side. It’s an odd position, both confident and weak.
He’s strange, but he’s beautiful nonetheless in his own odd, natural and quirky way.
Jin can smell Kame’s zesty shampoo. It overwhelms his senses for a moment. So assaulting.
“Why don’t you want anyone?” Jin wonders out loud. The alcohol pleasantly buzzes in his veins, urging him to think, because for some strange reason Jin finds alcohol liberating. The corners of Kame’s lips are tugged into an ashamed smile. When Jin peers at Kame, he hears the man’s even breathing. “Kame?” he murmurs softly, almost afraid to reach out and touch.
“I’m happy. Content,” Kame tells him. A tiny smile tugs his lips and he lets out a long exhale, chest falling. “I’ve got my job. I love doing it. I have friends and family, and I’m quite close with all of them. It’s all I need. It’s as much as I can have,” he sighs and his eyes fall closed. Jin’s fingers slowly brush the back of Kame’s hand, making it twitch. Kame isn’t looking at him.
“But there’s love out there,” he reminds Kame. “And sex,” he adds and jabs his finger between the younger man’s ribs, making him flinch. “It’s different. Something that is just for you. Don’t you want that?”
“I can’t,” Kame mumbles and finally looks at Jin, who just doesn’t understand. “It would just make me unhappy.”
“Why?” Jin questions. He feels like a little child, prying an adult for questions to some deep thoughts he’s far too young to comprehend. Kame’s mind is somehow above his own, a respectable thing that he yearns to catch up with.
There’s a shadow over him, Kame’s looming form as his clammy hand presses against Jin’s cheek. Jin blushes, the alcohol making everything feel so smooth and comfortable. It makes him think and wonder, notice the longing hidden deep in Kame’s eyes. He doesn’t realise it when he lifts his head from the pillow curiously and it takes time for him to understand that Kame’s lips have been pressed to his. They’re not invasive, nor are they prying him open - they’re simply there, and then there’s a faint suction that gives Jin goose flesh.
“Because,” Kame whispers to him, like it’s the end of some bed time story. Jin’s fingers curl around his wrist and his lips stay parted as he stares up at Kame, processing the situation. He tilts his head a little in wonder and Kame tries to withdraw, but Jin tightens his hold on Kame’s wrist and raises his other hand to clasp the neckline of Kame’s shirt.
“Do it again,” he pleads and realises that his heart is hammering in his chest. Kame hesitates but Jin tugs on his collar slightly and prods his chin upwards, calling out for him quietly. When their lips interlock, Jin closes his eyes and trembles slightly at the spreading warm sensation under his skin. He parts his lips a little more and slides the tip of his tongue along the curve of Kame’s upper lip. Kame takes it in, gently, and then there’s a more urgent press that makes Jin go a little breathless. Kame’s mouth is hot and soft, so very soft. He breaks the kiss and lets his eyes open again, listens to the tiny whimper that comes from Kame’s mouth, and then Kame is there again, his head tilted as he pushes into Jin’s mouth, dying for more.
Jin lets go of Kame’s wrist and wraps his arms behind Kame’s neck, clinging to him as they exchange hasty kisses. The yearning doesn’t ease, only builds up, and Jin’s chin and neck soon get slick and clammy from the kisses and there’s arousal building up in his groin. He pulls on Kame’s ear with his teeth and feels Kame’s hips grind against his in response. Their breaths are coming out in short and raspy gasps, like there’s too much adrenaline and too little time.
“You can’t tell anyone,” Kame musters up the courage to whisper to him anxiously, his fingers shakily brushing Jin’s fringe back. “Please don’t tell anyone,” he repeats his desperate wish, eyes sliding closed. He looks shameful and broken, like his overwhelming arousal would be fighting with his sense of reason. Jin hugs him close and buries his face in the crook of Kame’s neck, breathing in the comforting and familiar scent of his nutty perfume.
“Okay,” he promises. “My lips are sealed.”
Kame’s touch burns. Maybe Jin is a little too close to the sun. He has no shield, no sunscreen on his skin as Kame’s lips travel across it, shaky but determined. They strip off their clothing, garment by garment, and the dips and lumps of Kame’s shoulders taste salty from sweat when Jin presses open-mouthed kisses on them. It’s been a while for Jin, feeling a man pressed against him, flesh to flesh. It’s a welcome feeling, the erection that digs into his hip and the faint hair that brushes his skin. Kame smells zesty yet sweaty under his nutty perfume.
The stubby fingers that wrap around him are experienced. Jin’s nails claw at Kame’s inner thigh and he lets out a whimper at the sensation. Kame helps him sit up, kisses his lips and breathes hotly against his face while Jin hastily gathers the pillows behind his back to support him. He reaches out for Kame and the man presses his sweaty forehead against Jin’s shoulder. If they’d be standing, Jin thinks he’d be weak at the knees. He wonders how long Kame’s gone without and lifts Kame’s chin up with his free hand to kiss him again. It’s like waves, forward and backward, deep and shallow with a gentle breeze of Kame’s breathing against his face. Jin’s hand feels slick around Kame’s erection.
Jin thinks he’s in love. It could be just the flood of hormones, but then again, it could be real. They’ve become friends, and now they’re here, somehow unexplainably. Kame stirs him up, makes his entire body go haywire and strings him along like a true companion. For the first time in his life, he really wants to stay.
He comes with a choked cry, head thrown back and hips bucking. Kame’s lips hover over his throat, occasionally brushing. His hair is sticking to his skin and Jin runs his fingers through the locks as he comes down from the high. When Kame finds release, he flexes against Jin and gasps, eyes closed and skin flushed.
“Stay,” Jin tries to tempt him, fingers tangled in the short hairs growing on Kame’s nape. Kame isn’t meeting his gaze. Now, after the act, he’s unresponsive and withdrawn. Jin leans forward to press a kiss on his forehead. “Kame…”
“I’m sorry,” Kame interrupts him unwillingly. His fingers slide into the spaces between Jin’s and squeeze. The contradictions he makes are confusing, Jin thinks as he squeezes back, his grip hard and desperate. “We’ll find you someone. I’ll find you someone.”
“Can’t I have you?” Jin wheezes anxiously, his heart strained with the intense want. Kame licks his lips and shakes his head. Panic flashes briefly in his eyes and Jin lets go of Kame’s hair to brush his temple gently. “So… you really don’t want anything…?”
“No,” Kame insists with a stronger voice. “I don’t.”
“…Okay,” Jin wills himself to agree, his voice strained. Kame lowers his head. His forehead presses against Jin’s collarbones.
“I’m sorry,” he speaks quietly. “I screwed this up. I’m so sorry.”
“It’s okay,” Jin assures him, feeling pretty uneasy because the nerve-endings around his collarbone are pretty hypersensitive. “It’s not screwed up. We’re cool. We’re friends.” They used to be, at least. Now the word tastes wrong in his mouth. It feels like a lie.
Kame gets off the bed with his back turned against Jin. He dresses up quietly and Jin watches him. The layers of clothing hide the mess, the stains and the angry red and purple marks imprinted on his skin. “I’m going home now. I need to sort out my head. I’ll see you later,” Kame speaks, but he doesn’t sound like he’s really there. Jin sniffs and hums in agreement.
“Off you go, sunshine,” he speaks to the heavy silence, words gentle and comforting in the air. Kame looks at him, his face blank. He nods awkwardly before he turns on his heels and hurries to leave, struck speechless.
Jin sinks into his covers and listens to his slowly calming heartbeat. A faint scent of lemon from Kame’s shampoo lingers in the sheets.
1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | Ficlets
The next date Jin meets up with royally blows him off in some fancy party within the first half an hour. It’s a bit of a shame, because Jin thinks he might’ve kind of really fancied her, and not only because of the gorgeous cleavage of her dress.
She’s gone now, though, tastefully flirting to a group of beefy men. Jin thinks he’s heard some people whispering that they’re sportsmen from some national league, maybe football or baseball. He’s content hiding away in a corner with his fifth cup of punch. The music is luring him in with its sultry saxophone and piano.
“Your swaying is starting to attract attention,” a familiar voice summons him back into reality. Jin’s knuckles shoot up to rub his eyes disbelievingly - it’s the auburn-haired man, although his hair isn’t auburn anymore but a cooler shade of brown. He looks sophisticated in his tuxedo, and Jin thinks that’s a glass of red wine in his hand. “Isn’t it about time to put the punch down?”
“Maybe,” Jin agrees with a grimace. He obediently hands his glass over to the man’s extended hand. “I might’ve gotten a bit carried away with it.”
The man chuckles. Jin studies the crook of his nose and the tiny moles on his chin. He’s quite attractive, he decides after a brief examination. The man meets his gaze and seems a bit uneasy under Jin’s watchful eyes. He really shouldn’t be looking.
His throat feels a bit dry as he stumbles to find words that would push the conversation onwards. He hasn't been in Japan for too many weeks yet and his language skills are admittedly rusty. He feels self-conscious because sometimes he ends up unknowingly speaking words or expressions in foreign languages - too many waiters have given him strange looks while he's attempted to order something and ended up mixing languages. It makes him feel so embarrassed that he’d rather not speak at all if he doesn’t feel like he’s on a roll with his Japanese.
He's taken flamenco lessons with his friend Shirota Yuu in Spain, ridden in a red double-decker bus in London and almost shat his pants when he had discovered that some strange bugs had nested in his cereal box during his first week in Australia. Experience-wise, he's quite content with his life, most of the time. It’s strange, that after all the things he’s done around the world, he feels the most nervous here in his own home country. Even a simple conversation can easily feel overpowering.
“Is no one looking after you?” the man asks curiously and looks around as if it would help him find a friend of Jin’s or something. He doesn’t even know who Jin’s friends are. It’s a bit funny. Jin snorts.
“I don’t really know anyone,” he admitted drunkenly. “The woman there, see, she invited me. Purple dress. She hasn’t talked to me for an hour now.”
The man laughs. It makes his eyes wrinkle a bit and almost disappear from sight. Jin feels a bit warmer. The laughter doesn’t feel too forced. He chuckles himself. “I know. Pathetic. I can’t compete with the muscles, y’know.”
“Athletes,” the man groans playfully. “The rest of us are just side dish. I’m Kamenashi Kazuya, by the way. In case you’ve forgotten.” Jin struggles a bit to aim his hand correctly to shake the man’s hand in greeting.
“Akanishi Jin,” he introduces himself. “Not really a part of the elites, in case you’re looking for connections. All I can do is give good travel tips.”
“Travel tips?” Kamenashi asks curiously. “Do you work in some travelling agency? Sounds nice.”
“Nah,” Jin moans and grimaces. “I travel,” he admits seriously. “I’ve been doing it ever since I finished high school. I just pick a destination, get some money together and go. Try to get a job where I go if I’m staying for a longer time. Stuff like that. I don’t really care what I do, I just want to see places. You only live once, you know.”
Kamenashi looks a bit dumbfounded. He nods slowly, trying to process Jin’s little speech. “You’re serious,” he says. Then he gives Jin a wonky smile. “I don’t know anyone else who would do that. You’re pretty gutsy.”
“Well, gutsy doesn’t always cut it with the ladies,” Jin jokes and motions at his date. Kamenashi grimaces in agreement. He’s quite expressive - Jin would call him easy to read, but he isn’t sure if the guy’s actually showing his true colours or if he’s just incredibly skilful in social interaction. It could be either, really.
Not everyone is as easily readable as he is. Being transparent isn’t exactly useful in life.
“Women work in mysterious ways,” Kamenashi joins in mischievously. “They say that they want something yet they go for something completely different. Those who manage to snatch one and keep her happy sure are lucky fellas.”
Jin laughs and almost stumbles on his feet but Kamenashi grabs his arm to steady him before he falls. It takes Jin a few seconds to realise that Kamenashi’s laughing too. Their laughter mixes together, sounding nicely bubbly and giddy.
“You’re single too then, huh?”
“Couldn’t even score a date here,” Kamenashi answers him honestly. “Come on, let’s get you out for a while. I think some fresh air could do some good for you.”
“Yes, please,” Jin croaks and lets himself be dragged. He smiles widely at everyone who keeps glancing at them on the way. So many eyes are on him. Well, at least he is attracting attention. He tries to look as adorable as possible, in case any of the ladies here has a thing for helpless, good-looking tipsy men.
“Trust me, that isn’t going to work on anybody,” Kamenashi snorts amusedly.
Jin blinks stupidly. How had he…?
“How did you know what I was thinking?” he asks, staring at the man stupidly. Kamenashi’s chuckles.
“God, you really are drunk… I can hardly make out what you’re saying.”
“Eh?” Jin mumbles stupidly and blushes.
“Stop thinking,” Kamenashi laughs as he pushes him through the backdoor to the veranda. The winter night is chilly, but the alcohol in Jin’s veins is keeping him warm, or at least it’s pretty good at tricking him. Some people are already out there, smoking and chuckling discreetly at Jin’s drunkenness. He has to be worse off than he’s originally thought.
“I actually think better when I’m drunk,” Jin slurs and gives Kamenashi a wonky smile. “Strange, I know. It’s just… when I’m sober I feel like something would be blocking my thoughts constantly and slowing me down. When I’m drunk everything is sort of… clear.”
“…You really have to be drunk to say that,” Kamenashi mumbles. “No one would ever think that…”
“I do,” Jin insists. “It’s true. I’m strange.”
“Well, I can’t argue against that,” Kamenashi admits politely and helps him to sit down on one of the chairs around a tiny round table. Jin sighs deeply and sees at the corner of his eyes how Kamenashi sits down opposite to him. He pouts uncaringly and throws his head back, looking up at the sky.
In a brightly lit city like this, the stars are hardly visible although there are no clouds in sight. He leans his elbow against the table and rests his head on his fist.
“What brings you to Japan?” Kamenashi asks with a serene voice, looking up the sky as well. Jin glances at him and comes to the conclusion that Kamenashi doesn’t mind the dimness of the stars. He shrugs and gulps, not really sure if he wants to share this with a stranger at a party.
They’ve met before, though. Somehow it seems that he can’t stop owing things to this guy. He keeps walking in Jin’s life when he’s in a dire situation and walks him out of it before he makes too much of a fool out of himself or something along those lines anyway.
The least Jin can do is offer him a nice conversation.
“I was thinking of settling down,” he admits slowly, feeling incredibly awkward. “Find a nice wife. Start a family. Grow my roots somewhere, you know.” He shrugs again, starting to feel really stupid. “It’s about time for me, I guess.”
“But wouldn’t you miss it?” Kamenashi asks him. “Travelling. Seeing the world. Being able to just… go off and do whatever you want.”
“There are laws abroad too, you know,” Jin points out cheekily. Kamenashi covers his mouth with his hand, his eyes sparkling in amusement. Jin feels accomplished. “Yeah, probably. But it doesn’t mean that I wouldn’t be able to travel, just that I’d spend most of my time somewhere. Get different kind of experiences.”
“Hmm, I guess it makes sense,” Kamenashi hums, looking up at the stars again with a distant look in his eyes. Jin studies the way the light from the lamps paints his face luminescent. He’s got a pretty nice complexion - it looks smooth and attractive although it’s full of bumps and dips.
“Do you travel?” Jin asks curiously. Kamenashi snorts and turns to look at him again, seemingly quite embarrassed.
“Not much,” he admits guiltily. “I’ve been to a few places. London, Paris, Seoul. I mostly go around Japan, but a lot of that is for work.” He shrugs. “There’s never time or when there is, I’m too stressed to plan a trip.”
“Ah, that sucks,” Jin sympathises. “Successful career and all, right? Since you didn’t need a date to sneak you in here with all the big names.” He waves his arm around expressively and ends up hitting a waitress in the stomach, making her stumble. He looks up, horrified. “Oh my god, I’m so sorry!”
Kamenashi shoots up to help the waitress to steady herself. She laughs nervously, looking a bit shaken. “I’m alright. Thank you,” she insists and bows her head a little. “It’s alright.”
An older man in a suit a few tables away waves his hand and calls out for the waitress. The glasses on the table look quite empty. She hurries off, glancing back at Kamenashi. Jin snickers.
“I’d make a good wingman.”
“No you wouldn’t,” Kamenashi laughs. “You’re so drunk no one’s approaching us at all. You might be cute, but I think that’s the extent of your appeal at this party.”
Jin shrugs. “What can I say… Not my usual hunting spot?”
“Obviously.” There he sits again, right in front of Jin, taking a sip of his fragrant red wine. As a contrast, Jin’s leaning against the table with his elbows, clearly not on par with the majority of the other attendees of the party. Kamenashi is kind to waste his time talking to him.
“So what do you do?” he asks curiously. “Sports?”
“Not exactly,” Kamenashi chuckles, but it’s more polite than actually amused. For a fleeting moment, he seems a bit lonely. “I used to play baseball at school but then I got an injury. That kind of ruined everything. I’m a newscaster.” The man licks his lips swiftly and looks up at Jin. “Ever seen Going! Sports & News?”
Jin takes a moment to think about it. “Hmm, I don’t think so. Japanese program, right?”
“Yes.”
“I might’ve seen something briefly but I haven’t really paid much attention to the program itself.” He shrugs. “I like football. Football’s cool.”
Kamenashi laughs again. “Whatever you fancy. Anyway, it has its perks. I get to see big games for free and meet people. For a sports fan it’s quite ideal, I think. I’m happy with my job.”
“Ahh, that is cool,” Jin agrees. “I hardly ever get to see actual games, they’re so costly. I kind of blow my money on other things. Not that I’d have many regrets, but.”
“Tell me about some cool place,” Kamenashi insists. He seems to be on a good mood. “If there was one place that I should visit during my lifetime, where should I go? Your personal recommendation.”
Jin looks Kamenashi up and down with narrowed eyes. “Hmm. That’s a hard one,” he groans and listens to the vibrato of Kamenashi’s laughter. “It’s hard to say without knowing you so well. Can I get back to you with that?”
“Fine.” Kamenashi sets his wine glass on the table. “I guess I’ll need to give you my number then so that you can inform me of the answer.” He pulls out his business card from his breast pocket and slides it across the table to Jin.
“Wow. A business card. It looks so fancy,” Jin teases him with a grin and picks it up. “I’ve never had one of these to myself.”
“You could use one. ‘Akanishi Jin’s Travelling Advice’.”
“Or maybe not,” Jin snorts. “I think it makes me more memorable if I just write my name and number on napkins.”
“Memorable, yes… Not necessarily in a good sense, though,” Kamenashi laughs at him. His eyes are sparkling a bit. He snatches the card from Jin’s hand, leaving the man dumbfounded.
“Hey, I thought you gave that to me,” Jin complains. Kamenashi gives him a crooked smirk.
“Wait.” He pulls out a pen and scribbles another number on the backside of the card before handing it back. “That’s my personal number. I have two phones, so. I’ve really enjoyed talking to you today.”
Jin beams at him as he pushes the card in the pocket of his slacks. “Wow, you make me feel honoured.”
“I know a few places where you might get a bit luckier with the ladies,” Kamenashi tempts him. “Something that would maybe be a bit more you.”
“You sound like you know me.”
“I’m just good with people.” Kamenashi tilts his head. “If you’re interested, you have my number. I’d be glad to offer a helping hand with your little mission.”
“I’m not sure if I should take advice from someone who came here alone,” Jin laughs at the man and straightens up on his seat. “I’ll keep the offer in mind, though. I have time to kill.” He thinks of the cherry blossom season which is still some time ahead. He thinks he wants to see it this year and let nostalgia flush over him. He’ll be around for a while.
“I’m a good wingman,” Kamenashi winks at him. “We’ll find something.”
When Jin looks at Kamenashi, he can’t help but believe him.
-2-
“Did you go and see my parents, Jin!?” Kame’s furious voice greets him from his phone’s speakers. Jin licks his lips nervously. He doesn’t really want to explain himself, not after the disastrous outcome of his good intents. Kame reads into the silence disbelievingly. “What the fuck, Jin.”
“Calm down,” he grunts and squeezes the bridge of his nose anxiously. For some reason burying himself in his pillows doesn’t feel like it’ll soften any of the upcoming blows at all. “I’m sorry. I thought I could help. Or something.”
Kame’s laughter sounds hollow. It makes Jin feel like he betrayed him, and maybe he really did. There is a reason why he did what he did behind Kame’s back - his boyfriend would never have approved his intentions.
“And how exactly does putting my mum and dad at my throat about this help me?!”
“I don’t know!” Jin snarls. “I’m sorry.”
“I don’t need this,” Kame disregards his apology harshly. “I thought we were good like this. I thought we could just be this way, that we could keep low profile. Why would you go and tell my parents?!”
“They’re family!” Jin defends himself. “I thought they should know! That if they knew then maybe they’d accept it with time. I’m not trying to yell around about this, it’s just that I thought they should know.”
“But you knew that they disapprove,” Kame chokes out shakily. He sounds weak and tired. He doesn’t need any of the unnecessary drama that Jin throws his way on top of his other worries and workload.
“Hey,” Jin speaks, softer. “I’m sorry. I won’t do it again,” he promises. “I love you.”
“I know,” Kame sighs and Jin hears a thud from Kame’s end of the line.
It’s quiet, but it’s not the bad kind of quiet. Jin lets his eyes slide closed as he stares at the white ceiling of his bedroom. Kame’s breathing sounds so different when it comes from the phone. He wishes he’d be there, or that Kame would be here, with him.
He’s utterly lovesick.
“Remember when you asked me about one place you should definitely see before you die?” he asks quietly, thinking back. Kame’s designer suit, his dark hair that brought out the lovely brown of his eyes, a glass of red wine and a dazzling smile to make anyone feel comfortable.
Kame snorts tiredly. “Barely.”
“I have an answer for you now,” he speaks gently to the silence. Kame hums at him, urging him to go on. Jin allows himself to smile, just a little bit. “Sweden. Endless forests and white mountains. All the four seasons are unimaginably different - the freezing white of the winter, brown and green spring, brightly colourful summer and orange autumn,” he tells Kame, recalling his memories of the place and pictures others have shown him.
“…It sounds beautiful.”
“It’s far, far away,” Jin murmurs softly. “Somewhere out there, a world so vastly different than this right here. Different architecture, different nature… different kind of people,” Jin presses. Kame hums in acknowledgement. “I should take you there sometime, Sunshine. In there you wouldn’t feel so wrong.”
There’s a long pause. There’s a lump in Jin’s throat and tears swell in his eyes. He tries to keep his breathing steady. He’s clearly overreacting.
“I’m alright, Jin,” Kame tries to convince him quietly.
“No,” Jin gasps anxiously. “You’re not.”
“I’m not as tragic as you make me sound. I’m happy, alright?” Kame insists stubbornly. “I have a good life. I have a family, I have a damn nice job, I have money and I have you. I have everything I could possibly want. Don’t pity me.”
“But everything’s against you. You have to hide yourself under all of those pretences to keep it all up, it’s not fair. You’re wonderful yet all that you get from showing that is someone spitting at you. Even your parents-”
“Stop that,” Kame snaps at him. “Just stop, okay? I’m not hiding myself. I’m keeping things private. This is Japan we’re talking about; it’s not that strange to keep your relationship and sex life private.”
It’s not the same, though, not in Jin’s opinion. Kame doesn’t choose to keep things private only because he genuinely enjoys it that way. He guards his private life like it’s a legendary treasure and some greedy and gruesome pirates would be sailing the waters, surrounding him and slowly closing in.
The world isn’t going to be oblivious forever, and deep down they both know that. Jin has accepted it, but he’s the one who doesn’t have that much to lose. Kame, on another hand, is frightened and attempting the impossible.
It wouldn’t be fair to force Kame to put him before his job, family and friends, though, and Jin doesn’t want to expect that from him if it isn’t what he wants. He doesn’t mind their arrangement, not really. It’s just that he has this feeling that it isn’t going to be this easy forever. Sooner or later, someone’s going to realise what’s going on and feed them to the wolves.
“I’ll take you on a longer trip when you get a proper break from work,” Jin promises Kame. “I’ll take you somewhere where no one cares who you are.”
“Except for you, I presume,” Kame tries to crack a joke. Jin chuckles, admittedly amused.
“Yeah, except for me. I’ll still be your overbearing number one fan,” he teases Kame playfully. “But other than that you won’t have to watch out.”
“You just want to go on a trip yourself,” Kame sighs. Jin feels a bit guilty.
“You got me…” he laughs. “But it’s not just that. I want to take you with me. Give you a little break, you know.”
“Worrywart.”
Jin snorts. “Aren’t you offensive today,” he snarls and pouts. “And I was trying to be sweet.”
“Sorry,” Kame sighs, sounding really tired. Jin kind of wants to ask him how much he’s been sleeping lately, but he doesn’t dare to ask. He has a feeling that he wouldn’t like the answer. “But really, you can go off for a few weeks if you want, I won’t mind. Just… take me with you someday,” he murmurs, his voice fading out tiredly. “But before that, you can go. Just as long as you come back, I really won’t hold it against you. I don’t want you to cage yourself like this. You’re giving up far more for me than I’m giving up for you.”
“That’s not true,” Jin argues, because Kame’s the one with everything on the line. “And I know, it’s not like I never go anywhere.”
“But for a longer trip,” Kame insists. “Not just an extended weekend in Korea or something.”
“I like Korea,” Jin hums happily. “I don’t want you to be alone,” he ends up admitting anyway. “You’re lonely and stressed and someone needs to help you relax a little. I’m enjoying it here with you. You’re my little adventure,” he teases, and thinks about the piling photographs in his stash. He should do something about those. “I can wait until I can take you with me.”
“To Sweden?” Kame asks, and the depressed tone of his voice steals Jin’s tongue for a while. He thinks about it and feels a need for shared comfort spreading inside of him, warming him up like a cup of tea on a cold winter day.
“Yeah. To Sweden,” he tells Kame gently and smiles. “I promise,” he adds and pulls his covers over himself.
“I’m glad,” Kame hums and then they fall silent again.
-3-
Reio and Yuri’s wedding takes place on a midsummer afternoon, but half of the time it ends up raining. They manage to hold the ceremony in the venue’s luscious garden, but soon afterwards everyone escapes the dark clouds indoors. It doesn’t take even ten minutes for the rain to start pouring, but thankfully the planners have been prepared for the weather and the party ends up being a lovely success anyway.
Attending his younger brother’s wedding makes Jin feel awkwardly surreal. He doesn’t get to be the best man, which doesn’t really offend him, but he does get the best seats with the rest of the immediate family. He’s always known that he’s gone a lot of the time, but he thinks he truly understands his absence only now that he sees his brother marry a girl he’s loved for years and whom Jin honestly hardly even knows. A part of him is thrilled for his brother, but the other part feels jealous and lost because after his breakup with Kame he’s gone back to having occasional meaningless flings with people and he acknowledges that at his age he should do better than that.
The least he can do is pick up the slack and do his best to be a better brother. He makes sure to take an active part in the celebration and spends a significant amount of time chatting with Yuri and her family because he wants to make them feel welcome join his. Generally speaking they aren’t as eccentric as Jin’s family, but it doesn’t really come as a surprise - his mother has moulded them all into a rather exceptional bunch with a mismatched liberal culture that sometimes defies normal family standards.
Although he feels awkward at times, he still finds them nice people. Yuri has an older brother and a small niece whom Jin finds absolutely adorable. He gives his pastries to her without a question and keeps her company when the adults get busy because there are no other kids of her age in the party. Reio seems glad that he’s turned up, even if he had barely made it to the rehearsals. It’s just that spending time in Japan still feels like a bit of a sore spot for Jin who can’t help but remember his year with Kame anywhere he goes.
“Can I have a dance?” Yuri’s voice pipes up from behind Jin who’s just finishing up his drink. He gulps it down, smiles and firmly grasps the bride’s hand.
“It’s your day. Anything you want,” he laughs and lets her pull him to the dance floor. Yuri’s brother and his wife are dancing as well, and Jin’s father is dancing with Yuri’s mother. There are also a few friends fooling around the dance floor, and Jin feels a bit intimidated to find that he can only name about half of them.
“You like dancing, huh?” he voices out his observation to Yuri who looks down a bit. Her cheeks are flushed and she looks happy when she nods.
“Yes,” she admits and raises her head again. “I took classes for most of my youth, to be honest. For some time it just felt like work, but then I learned to love it again.”
“Did your parents make you?” Jin laughs and she nods. “Ouch. My mum made me play piano. Now I can only play a few tunes. I wish I wouldn’t have given it up.”
“You can learn it again if you try,” she encourages him. “Maybe one day you’ll give it another go.”
“Maybe,” Jin agrees, playing with the idea. He sees himself sitting in front of a large, black piano as an old, greying man. It’s a pretty hilarious mental image.
Yuri cocks her head, studying Jin who feels a little vulnerable. He notices that she has quite short, stubby fingers. They’re painted with a sheer shade of girly pink, and suddenly Jin remembers Kame’s small and callused hands more clearly than he has in years. His smile falters a little but he doesn’t stop dancing, determined not to let his feelings interfere with his life any more than necessary.
“Are you alright?” Yuri asks him gently as they sway, and Jin feels a little pang at his heart. He smiles at her playfully and purses his lips, pretending to think.
“Hmm. I’m dancing with the prettiest girl in the party. I don’t think I’m doing too badly,” he jokes, and although Yuri chuckles, she doesn’t let Jin brush her off.
“I’m serious,” she tells Jin, and the look in her eyes is so nice and lovely that Jin can’t imagine a better girl for his brother to marry. “Your family is worried. We’re all worried,” she decides to correct herself, because just a few hours ago she became a part of the family. She has the right to count herself in. “Do you still miss him?”
“Who?” Jin laughs, trying to avoid talking about Kame, but he knows that it’s clear that there’s no one else she’d ask about. “Kame?”
“Do you think you should try to find him?” Yuri suggests helpfully. “You could succeed. It could be worth the chance.”
She’s so kind and straightforward to Jin that it stings like a disinfectant poured on an open wound. Jin feels some of the humour leaving his system as he keeps looking at her and swaying to the music.
“Sometimes I think about it,” he admits awkwardly, and it feels strange because he hasn’t talked about this with anyone. “I don’t think it’s a good idea. It’s been a long time. He’s probably got a new life now and I’d hate myself if I just walked in and screwed it over.”
“You’re thoughtful.”
Jin shrugs. “Maybe,” he hums, not entirely convinced. “Or maybe I’m just scared that he isn’t even bothered by it.”
They fall silent for a while. Jin spins Yuri around and her wedding dress flutters in an enchanting way. She’s like a goddess of some old mythology that Jin can’t quite remember. He’s always just thought of her as a nice woman, as some girl his brother’s been going out with. Before this day, he thinks, he hasn’t really truly seen her as a complete person. She’s just been a product of tell-tale.
“You’ll be alright,” Yuri tells him with an encouraging smile as they head back towards Reio after the dance. Jin breaks into an embarrassed smile. “If you really love someone, maybe they aren’t meant to leave your system. It doesn’t mean that it’s the end of your life, though. There are other things and people you can love. It’ll just take awhile to open up your heart to them.”
Jin wants to ruffle her hair but he doesn’t dare to because it looks like someone professional has put it up and women can get a bit freaky if you ruin their things. Instead, he elbows her side gently.
“Enough about me,” he tells her. “It’s your day. Go and make my little brother happy.”
She takes up Jin’s suggestion and forces an embarrassedly groaning Reio back on the dance floor with her. Jin watches them for a while, smiling at the naturalness of the couple. It feels like his brother would’ve married someone out of his league, and he’s really damn proud of him.
He tears his gaze away from them when his mother stops to stand beside him and gives him a tall glass of champagne. She doesn’t say anything, but she doesn’t really have to as she wraps her arm around Jin’s back. They both watch Reio and Yuri dance away, and maybe Jin can shake off some of his anxiety to come back home more often and let Japan become a setting for something else other than his failed relationship.
He’s missed his family, and they seem to have missed him as well.
-1-
Kamenashi turns out to be a fairly interesting new acquaintance. He’s a busy man so they don’t meet up very often, but when they do it’s guaranteed fun. They mostly go to places with an opportunity to meet women, such as pubs, a nearby gym (his mother would be proud) and an open mic bar once Kame realises that Jin can actually sing. Sometimes they go to restaurants, and even less frequently they actually end up forgetting all about women and just hang out and talk. All in all, Jin enjoys himself immensely in Kame’s quirky company.
Kame talks to some acquaintance of his at a club in Roppongi Hills and drags Jin to the VIP section, just because he can and Kame prefers everything fancy if possible. Jin follows him, feeling a bit underdressed in his typical black V-neck and baggy jeans. Kame’s rocking mystic black eyeliner and clothing that hugs his body in all the right places and he looks so damn stunning that Jin feels like tonight isn’t going to be his night at all.
“You’re not that great of a wingman,” he accuses Kame nervously as they head towards the bar counter. “You’re supposed to look good but not that much better than me… I don’t want to be the less good-looking one!”
“Not my fault that you don’t know how to dress yourself,” Kame defends himself. “You’re totally wasting your potential!” He pushes his elbow on the counter through the crowd. The place is crowded, which feels strange because Jin has always had this mental image of VIP sections being quiet and fancy like the people who supposedly attended them. How could a high class individual go all out in public after all?
He pouts as he looks at Kame, still a bit accusing. “Are you telling me that I look ugly?”
“No, I’m telling you that you’re hiding your assets,” Kame replies smoothly. “Come on, come here,” he beckons Jin who obeys warily. Kame’s free hand pulls out his ponytail.
“Hey!”
“What, I thought you wanted me to help you,” Kame barks back and pushes the little hair tie in the pocket of his tastefully ripped jeans. “Trust me, I clearly have more fashion sense than you do. You’ve got a nice haircut, you make long hair look good so own that instead of hiding it. Could we get two beers, plea-”
Jin snorts and pushes his way next to Kame, shaking his head at the bartender. “Make that two tequilas,” he insists and gives Kame a smug sideways glance. “I thought we came here to party.”
“Two tequilas coming right up,” the bartender repeats the order, making eye contact with Kame to make sure that it’s alright. Kame scrunches up his nose but nods before glaring up at Jin whose smile is spreading wider and wider triumphantly.
“I don’t really like tequila,” Kame tells him. Jin laughs.
“Oh come on, no one really likes tequila. It does the job, though!” he insists as the bartender fills up their shot glasses. He reaches out a bit further to grab them lime wedges and salt, after which he nods at them and Kame pays for the drinks, swatting Jin’s hand when he tries to reach for his own wallet. Jin rolls his eyes but doesn’t argue - he’s sure that Kame has more than enough anyway with his designer outfits and all. He’s barely earning enough for his rent, food and social life.
They down the shots and Kame’s face morphs into disgust while his teeth are desperately bitten in the lime. Jin drops his used lime in the tiny glass after he’s done and snickers.
“Another one?” he suggests teasingly. Kame shakes his head, still visibly nauseated.
“No way.”
They run into a small group of Kame’s acquaintances and decide to join them for the rest of the night. There’s one girl in the group who looks quite stunning in her little black dress and platform pumps. Jin chats with her a little bit, but later on when he’s getting another shot at the bar with Kame the man tells him that she’s recently broken up with a long-term boyfriend and their relationship is all over the place for the time being, so it’s not smart to take it a step further. Jin feels pretty disappointed, but it doesn’t last for long when Kame drags him to the dance floor to cheer him up and keeps pointing out girls for him to hit on.
After one more tequila, some whiskey and a sake bomb which got Kame and his friends all excited, his inhibitions flush away. He briefly makes out with a girl who barely has something to fill her bra but knows how to work her yummy plump lips before he loses her somewhere in the crowd and lets Kame pull him back on the dance floor. The artificial smoke in the air captures the colourful lights and makes it hard to see very far, but he can feel a fingernail gently scratching his hip, urging him to turn around, and he does. He sees Kame from the corner of his eye pull some woman closer to him and then he can just forget about worrying for him and focus on the woman who’s trying to snatch him up, her hand burying itself into his hair, which Kame had previously called an asset of his.
The night is well past young and the club is packed, even the VIP section which is admittedly far from Jin’s expectations. A few songs in, he’s dripping sweat, grinding instinctively and enjoying himself beyond belief. He feels someone bump against his back and glances over his shoulder enough to realise that it’s Kame, not that he wouldn’t look busy. They acknowledge each other and somehow end up switching partners for a while and then having fun in a group instead of just one-on-one dancing. They get a bottle of water from the bar that they share after which Jin’s partner slips away, complaining something about her heels and friends.
When they hit the dance floor again, feeling euphoric with the music and the end of the night approaching and all, it’s two guys and one girl which allows them to have some fun. Things get more intense and Jin feels his hair standing on edge as he buries his head in the woman’s shoulder from behind, his fingers brushing Kame’s ever so slightly at her hips. Kame laughs, looking a little breathless, which is completely reasonable considering the amount of dancing they’ve been doing and the late hour.
When the night comes to an end, the girl seems to be more into Kame than Jin, which is a bit of a shame, really. Kame takes her number but brushes her off otherwise, and he must be kind of crazy because she seemed like a nice catch to Jin, who’s feeling a little frisky after all the dancing he’s been doing and after the unexplainable sexual tension.
“You gonna call her?” Jin slurs at Kame when they hop on a taxi. Kame offers his phone to Jin with a dark look in his eyes.
“You want it?”
“Dude, she gave it to you,” Jin groans. “There’s no way I’m taking it from you, she’s not into me.”
Kame shrugs. “Alright then,” he mumbles and coolly deletes the number. Jin leans forward to talk to the driver about directions to his place. Sometimes there are times when he really doesn’t understand his friend.
“What a wingman you are, stealing the attention,” he mumbles when he crushes back on his seat and buckles his seatbelt. Kame snorts and looks out of the window, lost in thought and a little bit tense.
“Sorry,” he mumbles but leaves it at that. Jin doesn’t mind, because surprisingly he isn’t all that mad. It isn’t like he wouldn’t have had a busy and fun night.
Jin giggles when they stumble to the tiny hallway where his shoes clutter the floor. Kame runs into him when he stops right in the middle, groans at him to move his large behind and starts jumping on one foot to open the laces from his shoes. Jin pulls the door closed behind them and checks that it’s locked. The keys easily slip into the pocket of his jacket which he casts carelessly on the corner, even though it earns him a glare from Kame. “Shit, I’m still wasted,” he breathes as he kicks his shoes off his feet and has to take support from the walls to survive past the corridor further into his apartment. Kame snorts and finally resorts to sitting on the floor in order to get his shoes off.
The water is chilly and it wets the front of Jin’s shirt. He drinks straight from the faucet, not bothering with a glass - with his luck, he’d just knock a good bunch of them off the cupboard if he even tried to get one. Kame sighs tiredly as he slouches to the open area. He’s running his fingers through his sticky hair. “Want water?” Jin offers, but Kame declines with a yawn and a shake of his head.
“I just want to sleep this off.”
Jin closes the faucet and walks past Kame to the couch. He drops the pillows to the floor and pulls the fabric handle to extend the seat into a bed. “Neat,” Kame notes with an approving nod when Jin crushes on it, fishing up a pillow from the floor. Kame fixes the partly detached sheet before lying down as well with a happy whine. Jin throws a pillow at him. There’s a thud followed by a grumble. Jin chuckles and flexes his body lazily.
For some time, they just lie in bed. Jin’s fists grip the sheets in a helpless attempt to make the world stop spinning quite so much. He’d known that he was drunk, but it’s already been a while since his last drink. Obviously, closing his eyes isn’t doing any good to him for the time being.
He gets up to turn the lights off before crawling back to bed. Kame turns to look at him with exhausted eyes and for once he isn’t a picture dictionary’s definition of perfection. His foundation is uneven and he has round eyeliner smudges under his eyes. His hair is sticking out ridiculously and there’s this sweaty scent that penetrates his perfume.
Kame closes his eyes and rolls on his back, grunting. Jin buries his own cheek in his feather pillow and breathes out deeply. When he closes his eyes, the world spins again, making it impossible to sleep.
The silhouette of Kame’s crooked nose looks fascinating at the early hour. Jin stares at it for a long while and listens to the man’s breathing. Kame twists his body, his torso still facing upwards but hips turned so that his bent legs lie on his side. It’s an odd position, both confident and weak.
He’s strange, but he’s beautiful nonetheless in his own odd, natural and quirky way.
Jin can smell Kame’s zesty shampoo. It overwhelms his senses for a moment. So assaulting.
“Why don’t you want anyone?” Jin wonders out loud. The alcohol pleasantly buzzes in his veins, urging him to think, because for some strange reason Jin finds alcohol liberating. The corners of Kame’s lips are tugged into an ashamed smile. When Jin peers at Kame, he hears the man’s even breathing. “Kame?” he murmurs softly, almost afraid to reach out and touch.
“I’m happy. Content,” Kame tells him. A tiny smile tugs his lips and he lets out a long exhale, chest falling. “I’ve got my job. I love doing it. I have friends and family, and I’m quite close with all of them. It’s all I need. It’s as much as I can have,” he sighs and his eyes fall closed. Jin’s fingers slowly brush the back of Kame’s hand, making it twitch. Kame isn’t looking at him.
“But there’s love out there,” he reminds Kame. “And sex,” he adds and jabs his finger between the younger man’s ribs, making him flinch. “It’s different. Something that is just for you. Don’t you want that?”
“I can’t,” Kame mumbles and finally looks at Jin, who just doesn’t understand. “It would just make me unhappy.”
“Why?” Jin questions. He feels like a little child, prying an adult for questions to some deep thoughts he’s far too young to comprehend. Kame’s mind is somehow above his own, a respectable thing that he yearns to catch up with.
There’s a shadow over him, Kame’s looming form as his clammy hand presses against Jin’s cheek. Jin blushes, the alcohol making everything feel so smooth and comfortable. It makes him think and wonder, notice the longing hidden deep in Kame’s eyes. He doesn’t realise it when he lifts his head from the pillow curiously and it takes time for him to understand that Kame’s lips have been pressed to his. They’re not invasive, nor are they prying him open - they’re simply there, and then there’s a faint suction that gives Jin goose flesh.
“Because,” Kame whispers to him, like it’s the end of some bed time story. Jin’s fingers curl around his wrist and his lips stay parted as he stares up at Kame, processing the situation. He tilts his head a little in wonder and Kame tries to withdraw, but Jin tightens his hold on Kame’s wrist and raises his other hand to clasp the neckline of Kame’s shirt.
“Do it again,” he pleads and realises that his heart is hammering in his chest. Kame hesitates but Jin tugs on his collar slightly and prods his chin upwards, calling out for him quietly. When their lips interlock, Jin closes his eyes and trembles slightly at the spreading warm sensation under his skin. He parts his lips a little more and slides the tip of his tongue along the curve of Kame’s upper lip. Kame takes it in, gently, and then there’s a more urgent press that makes Jin go a little breathless. Kame’s mouth is hot and soft, so very soft. He breaks the kiss and lets his eyes open again, listens to the tiny whimper that comes from Kame’s mouth, and then Kame is there again, his head tilted as he pushes into Jin’s mouth, dying for more.
Jin lets go of Kame’s wrist and wraps his arms behind Kame’s neck, clinging to him as they exchange hasty kisses. The yearning doesn’t ease, only builds up, and Jin’s chin and neck soon get slick and clammy from the kisses and there’s arousal building up in his groin. He pulls on Kame’s ear with his teeth and feels Kame’s hips grind against his in response. Their breaths are coming out in short and raspy gasps, like there’s too much adrenaline and too little time.
“You can’t tell anyone,” Kame musters up the courage to whisper to him anxiously, his fingers shakily brushing Jin’s fringe back. “Please don’t tell anyone,” he repeats his desperate wish, eyes sliding closed. He looks shameful and broken, like his overwhelming arousal would be fighting with his sense of reason. Jin hugs him close and buries his face in the crook of Kame’s neck, breathing in the comforting and familiar scent of his nutty perfume.
“Okay,” he promises. “My lips are sealed.”
Kame’s touch burns. Maybe Jin is a little too close to the sun. He has no shield, no sunscreen on his skin as Kame’s lips travel across it, shaky but determined. They strip off their clothing, garment by garment, and the dips and lumps of Kame’s shoulders taste salty from sweat when Jin presses open-mouthed kisses on them. It’s been a while for Jin, feeling a man pressed against him, flesh to flesh. It’s a welcome feeling, the erection that digs into his hip and the faint hair that brushes his skin. Kame smells zesty yet sweaty under his nutty perfume.
The stubby fingers that wrap around him are experienced. Jin’s nails claw at Kame’s inner thigh and he lets out a whimper at the sensation. Kame helps him sit up, kisses his lips and breathes hotly against his face while Jin hastily gathers the pillows behind his back to support him. He reaches out for Kame and the man presses his sweaty forehead against Jin’s shoulder. If they’d be standing, Jin thinks he’d be weak at the knees. He wonders how long Kame’s gone without and lifts Kame’s chin up with his free hand to kiss him again. It’s like waves, forward and backward, deep and shallow with a gentle breeze of Kame’s breathing against his face. Jin’s hand feels slick around Kame’s erection.
Jin thinks he’s in love. It could be just the flood of hormones, but then again, it could be real. They’ve become friends, and now they’re here, somehow unexplainably. Kame stirs him up, makes his entire body go haywire and strings him along like a true companion. For the first time in his life, he really wants to stay.
He comes with a choked cry, head thrown back and hips bucking. Kame’s lips hover over his throat, occasionally brushing. His hair is sticking to his skin and Jin runs his fingers through the locks as he comes down from the high. When Kame finds release, he flexes against Jin and gasps, eyes closed and skin flushed.
“Stay,” Jin tries to tempt him, fingers tangled in the short hairs growing on Kame’s nape. Kame isn’t meeting his gaze. Now, after the act, he’s unresponsive and withdrawn. Jin leans forward to press a kiss on his forehead. “Kame…”
“I’m sorry,” Kame interrupts him unwillingly. His fingers slide into the spaces between Jin’s and squeeze. The contradictions he makes are confusing, Jin thinks as he squeezes back, his grip hard and desperate. “We’ll find you someone. I’ll find you someone.”
“Can’t I have you?” Jin wheezes anxiously, his heart strained with the intense want. Kame licks his lips and shakes his head. Panic flashes briefly in his eyes and Jin lets go of Kame’s hair to brush his temple gently. “So… you really don’t want anything…?”
“No,” Kame insists with a stronger voice. “I don’t.”
“…Okay,” Jin wills himself to agree, his voice strained. Kame lowers his head. His forehead presses against Jin’s collarbones.
“I’m sorry,” he speaks quietly. “I screwed this up. I’m so sorry.”
“It’s okay,” Jin assures him, feeling pretty uneasy because the nerve-endings around his collarbone are pretty hypersensitive. “It’s not screwed up. We’re cool. We’re friends.” They used to be, at least. Now the word tastes wrong in his mouth. It feels like a lie.
Kame gets off the bed with his back turned against Jin. He dresses up quietly and Jin watches him. The layers of clothing hide the mess, the stains and the angry red and purple marks imprinted on his skin. “I’m going home now. I need to sort out my head. I’ll see you later,” Kame speaks, but he doesn’t sound like he’s really there. Jin sniffs and hums in agreement.
“Off you go, sunshine,” he speaks to the heavy silence, words gentle and comforting in the air. Kame looks at him, his face blank. He nods awkwardly before he turns on his heels and hurries to leave, struck speechless.
Jin sinks into his covers and listens to his slowly calming heartbeat. A faint scent of lemon from Kame’s shampoo lingers in the sheets.
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