fic: Perfume Fusion - 6. Esthetique (1/2)

[prologuesized]

Perfume Fusion

6. Esthetique

It wasn’t a bad place, Kame had decided. No, it wasn’t a bad place at all. Jin’s hometown was actually really nice. It wasn’t too small, yet it wasn’t as big as Tokyo either. And it had a different feeling in the air. The scenery was different, the buildings were different.

It was just simply a bit different than what he was used to. But maybe that was one of the reasons why it felt so incredibly nice. As ridiculous as it managed to sound to Kame’s own inner ear.

The coffee had been good. When he had been touring with Yamapi they had ended up deciding not to stop by at a café but grab take-away coffees for both of them on their little walk around the centre. Now Kame was aware of where the library existed, the clothing stores, several good and bad cafés and restaurants, the post office and quite a few other places. He knew the best benches to sit on, knew the calmest and most quiet places and the places always filled with people screaming, laughing and running around.

It felt good. Getting to know the place, adapting to it slowly. It wasn’t bad at all, he had decided. It was actually a good thing. Of course it was. He just missed Tokyo, he missed Koki, his favourite places and everything he was familiar with. Of course he missed them. But this wasn’t a bad change.

It just wasn’t. Kame was certain about it. It was a good change and many good things would come out of it. Maybe he could change as a person. With Ryo and Yamapi not knowing about his past but assuming he was just fine, he actually felt a bit better. Like he wasn’t as deep in depression as he was.

Although he was, he acknowledged it. He was depressed. And yes, it did affect him. It mostly held him back. At times it made him feel out of place.

But it was alright. He had learned to live with it, he concluded. It was just something that was. And it was fine like that. It wasn’t enjoyable, it caused troubles and it did take away many opportunities. But it was fine. And sometimes it did go away, at least for some moments. Lately very much so.

On their way back, Pi had insisted for them to eat at the local ramen place and Kame had hesitantly complied. He had watched Pi eat with a good appetite, stirring his own dish with his chopsticks. He ate slowly and chewed well, hesitant as he watched Pi who was practically pouring his own dish down his throat.

“Something wrong?” Pi asked and Kame smiled and shook his head, putting some of the noodles and fish in his mouth. Pi set his empty bowl down and let out a content burp, making Kame snort a bit, trying hard not to end up getting the noodles up his nose.

In the end Pi ended up eating probably over half of his order as well before they headed back home, stuffed and carrying Kame’s plastic bags filled with books and other personal and practical stuff he still lacked.

“We’re back!” Pi informed as they stepped back in, kicking their shoes from their feet before heading to the kitchen where Jin and Ryo were both enjoying steaming cups of tea before them. Kame brushed his cold hands against each others and Jin motioned him over with a wide smile.

“There’s still hot water left if you want to,” he said, motioning to the boiler. “Go ahead!”

Kame smiled as he put his plastic bags down and walked over to the shelves to pull out a cup for himself to fill with hot water. He took a teabag and set it in, enjoying the fragrance of blackcurrant as he sat down to the seat next to Jin’s.

“It took you long,” Jin complained with his lips pursed, looking away as a way of stating his opinion about it. “Really, really long.”

“At least you seem to have gotten your work done,” Kame answered as he blew air gently to his cup, trying to cool it down for a bit to make it drinkable without burning his tongue. Jin snorted a bit and Kame felt the corner of his lips pulling up. “Come on, don’t act like a child.”

“But I would’ve wanted to spend your first day in here with you,” Jin muttered and pursed his lips again, playing with his teacup in his hands. “I wanted to show you around.”

“Child,” Kame mocked him with the smile still on his lips as he took a sip. Ryo stood up and grabbed Yamapi from his arm, muttering something about work-issues as he yanked him elsewhere, making Kame stare after them suspiciously.

“They don’t still think we’re together or anything, do they?” he asked Jin, making the older man laugh for a bit, his expression lightening up.

“They’ll come around. Ryo’s a bit of a player. He likes trying to push me into things,” Jin said, grinning for some memories that rose to his mind. “I bet he’s done some of those times on purpose to make me suffer.”

Kame kept smiling as he took another sip from his tea and leaned his head back to the top of the backside of the chair, enjoying the warmth of the house compared to the cool air of the late autumn outside. His eyes didn’t really focus in anything in particular as he thought about things. “…I like them. They’re fine,” he finally stated before looking back at Jin. “They have their quirks, but in the end they’re really nice people.”

Jin nodded with a happy smile on his lips, making Kame wonder what was so likeable about the fact that he so far didn’t hate Jin’s friends. Yet it seemed as if it would’ve meant the world for Jin.

“So you’re going to stick around? We talked with Ryo for a bit, I haven’t really asked Pi yet but we could use a marketing man, you know. Of course the company will take care of the production and most of the commercial thingies but we still do get our say in here, we get to say what kind of image we want to put across. It’s serious work. Want to join our team?” he asked enthusiastically. “I’m sure you’d be great!”

“Jin, I’m a journalist,” Kame reminded him hesitantly. “I don’t write witty phrases that get stuck in your head and make you want to buy things. I write about things I see around me, things that are current hot topics. Or I try to make them like that.”

“But isn’t that a good thing?” Jin asked him, setting his cup down as he turned on his seat to face him straight forward. “You’re aware of the people. The real people. You know what they like and hate, you can see this from a normal person’s point of view yet you have the ability to make something out of it. And you’ll be doing mostly drafts, it’ll all get edited in the company in the end. Pleaaase?”

Jin leaned forward and made a puppy face, causing Kame to roll his eyes.

“I guess I’ll soon be unemployed because I still have to quit my job back in Tokyo. And I would feel more comfortable with an income,” Kame replied, making Jin strike his fist to the air in accomplishment, an excited grin on his face. Kame nudged his shoulder. “Oh, don’t get too cocky about it or I’ll take it back! And if I cause troubles, you better throw me out and find someone better. Okay?”

“Sure thing, Kame,” Jin replied happily and Kame got the impression that his words had just gone for deaf ears. “Do you want to go out?”

“Jin, I just came inside,” Kame grunted and showed him his tea cup. “And I’m still drinking.”

Jin fidgeted in his seat uncomfortably, looking like he could jump up any second and go running around the streets to get rid of the suppressed delight in him. He tapped his knees with his hands to a jumpy rhythm, desperately trying to think of something else for the two of them to do.

It was a pathetic sight. Somehow heart-catching, though. Kame sighed.

“Fine. Let’s go out. Not for long, though,” he said. “It’s cold in there.”

Jin’s face was like a child’s at Christmas Eve when he had just been told that he could open the biggest present from his pile. And Kame couldn’t help but laugh at the sight when he got up, leaving his unfinished teacup to the table as he pulled his coat and scarf back on.

Child, he mocked in his mind and shook his head as he followed the happily walking man before him who bounced slightly with each of his steps. A child in a grown man’s attire.

And he liked him like that.

***

Since it was already quite late autumn, it didn’t take long for the sun to set. The sky was overtaken by darkness in a matter of a mere half an hour. Kame kept following the happily chirping Jin around as he kept showing him his favourite places, dragging him to the roofs of some buildings, looking slightly hesitant as he did, showing him small boutiques filled with unnecessary rubbish and finally leading them to walk in a park with pretty flower potting.

“The three of us used to come here a lot as kids,” Jin babbled happily as he walked slightly ahead, looking behind his shoulder to see Kame following him slowly with his hands stuffed in his pockets, looking at the starlit sky. “Especially in winter. This was an ideal place for snowball fights. But somehow it’s dropped. Maybe it’s because we’ve grown.”

Kame would’ve liked to told the sad Jin that no, they hadn’t grown. On a mental status, the three of them had certainly not grown. But he didn’t bother, because he didn’t really feel like insulting Jin and picking up a fight at the moment at hand. Nor was he sure about it - maybe Jin and his two friends had grown mentally. Maybe they’d just been really, really retarded before that. It wasn’t an impossible mental image.

“You like this place?” he asked instead, looking back down at Jin as a gentle breeze caressed his form. Jin nodded as an answer, sitting down to a bench with his legs spread at ease, head back as he looked at the stars above them. Kame stopped next to him, looking at there too.

“There’s a funny scent in here too,” Jin noted. “Especially in spring, you should come in here in spring. When the flowers bloom. It’s the best.”

Kame smiled a bit and let out a ghost of a small laughter. “I guess I’d like that. You have to show me one day.”

When Jin smiled, even his eyes lit up. And Kame couldn’t help but watch him quietly, examining the way his face muscles worked. And he wondered if he ever looked like that.

So happy and so free. Careless, childish and in perfect harmony with everything around him.

But it was a bit like Jin, Kame concluded. Jin was like the nature. He was everywhere and all the time, refusing to be suppressed by others. He bloomed beautifully and yes, he smelled nice, fresh and sweet like lilies after the morning rain. Kame closed his eyes as he breathed in. Yes, it could be smelled even from afar.

Jin was everywhere. He was playful and his laughter was genuine, the thoughts he said aloud were genuine, every expression in his damn face was genuine. And it was something that Kame found scarily beautiful and overwhelming, having a friend like that to occupy his mind with.

He was snapped out of his thoughts as Jin suddenly sat up properly again, smiling up at him widely. “I think you fit in here. In this scenery.”

“How so?” he asked, glancing around himself with a small smile on his lips. And he knew it wasn’t as genuine as Jin’s, and for that he was envious. “I don’t think I do. I stuck out.”

Jin shook his head. “I think you do. You have that kind of features, you know? I don’t know. Something about your appearance. You fit in here, I can see you in here,” he tried to assure him. “Come here, sit on this bench!” he suddenly exclaimed happily, jumped up and pushed Kame forcibly down with that wide and innocent smile and overly excited look on his face. Kame felt uneasy.

“What are you doing, Jin?” he asked as Jin took several steps back, simply staring.

“I’m burning it in my memory. You sitting in here. I want to have memories about you,” Jin said. “Memories are important, you know, especially the simple ones. They’re the best to look back to. Like that pitch Pi has when he yells something after being surprised. Or how Ryo laughs. He has a freakish laugh, you know, like he’s some maniac taught to look adorable…”

Kame couldn’t help chuckling. “Just a bit.”

Jin pulled him back up from the bench, throwing him over his shoulder. Kame cried out of surprised and started hitting Jin’s back with his fists.

“Let me down! What the fuck is wrong with you, Jin, don’t pick me up like that!” he yelled furiously as Jin held him in place, laughing all the while. Damn, there was nothing funny about it!

“You make it so easy, being that light and skinny. Put on some weight,” Jin bullied, patting his back like trying to make a small baby burp. Kame’s face got flustered out of embarrassment as he hit Jin to the small of his back. Hard.

“Let me down, Jin. NOW. I’m not asking. Put me down,” he threatened, sinking his nails in Jin’s sides, making him squeal loudly and let go, body jolting as he took a few steps away from him, a pout forming on his face.

“That was unnecessary! You’re being mean, I was just joking around!” He complained and Kame snorted.

“That seems to be your favourite line, Jin. I did give you a warning,” Kame defended himself, crossing his arms. “Don’t pick me up, I’m not a child. Or a girl. You can’t go picking me up, I don’t like it. I like keeping my feet on the solid ground, thank you very much.”

For some reason Kame still got the impression that the words coming out of his mouth had not fully registered in Jin’s brains as he started dragging him forward from his sleeve again.

It was pathetic, being dragged around like that. He just tried to keep up with Jin, the enthusiastic, stupid Jin who couldn’t stay put for a stupid small while.

He was always on the move, always everywhere. And for some reason, he was dragging Kame with him.

Maybe he was everywhere as well. At least for Jin. Under those stars, maybe they were all around the world for each others.

Hell, even the thought was so ridiculous. It would’ve sounded more like Jin’s. It was all Jin’s fault, all Jin’s stupid, affectionate and passionate atmosphere’s fault.

“Let’s go and eat dinner!” Jin chirped happily. “Somewhere where you can get some fat under that skin to keep you warm. The winter’s coming, you know.”

Kame grinned. “Jin. I just ate dinner with Yamapi.”

“But you didn’t eat dinner with me,” Jin insisted with a pout on his face, turning around to fluff his hair, making Kame try to back down but being yanked back by Jin’s hold of his arm. “And some extra dinner won’t hurt you.”

“I’m not hungry…” Kame muttered but his words seemed to be echoing for thin air yet again as Jin took a hold of his shoulders and started pushing him forwards, pointing at different places and thinking where they should eat.

Kame felt like groaning and telling Jin to look a bit after his own appetite and body build. But he didn’t.

Some things were just better left unsaid with Jin. Otherwise he would have to be complaining probably every other minute. And he could pick up an argument and it could turn to every single minute.

Jin just needed some patience. Patience and approval for his little quirks.

Thank god Kame was a patient person.

In the end they had ended up just picking something up from a takoyaki stand and walking around, munching their little snacks as they walked under the city lights on the busy streets. And it wasn’t that bad. It wasn’t that bad, doing something impulsive and stupid like this with Jin. Maybe he should loosen up a little.

He swept strands of his hair behind his ear and closed his eyes in a relaxed manner, stretching his neck. And when he cracked his eye, he could see Jin throwing the empty package in a nearby trash container and coming back with a playful smile, forcing him to start getting ready to what was ahead. Because that look did not promise anything good.

“What?” he mumbled. “Stop looking like an excited child. It’s nerving.”

Jin just laughed as he threw his arm around Kame’s shoulders and pulled him closer to himself, starting to walk forwards again, looking at the flashy neon signs around them cheerfully. Kame kept looking up at him, still slightly uneasy thanks to his affectionate behaviour.

Jin was different than what he was used to. He was always invading his personal place, always acting so oddly around him. Maybe it was what he was like around his friends in general, but Kame couldn’t help but wonder if it was really the truth.

Kame had had friends, yes. Since he had been a kid he had actually been quite a popular boy. Still, he couldn’t really remember having any friends like Jin, not in childhood or adulthood. Especially in adulthood.

People were always so withdrawn, minding their own business. But Jin was different - it was like he was trying to fuse their lives into one messy piece that was for both of them to take care of. Like there wouldn’t be just Jin and Kame - there would be Jinkame. If that made any sense.

It was an odd feeling. Having someone give himself to him like that and expecting the same. It was odd how naïve Jin could be, how foolish.

What if they would fuse together with time? What if they would form the strongest fusion he ever could’ve even imagined and then something would happen to the other part?

It wasn’t like a human could live with his head split in two. It wasn’t possible, of that he was sure. It was risky business.

Kame wasn’t too fond of throwing himself in risks. It was a habit he was trying to get rid of with Jin’s assistance, but it was still a habit. He wasn’t ready for new things, he wasn’t ready to leave his secured ground.

“Have you ever really thought of different scents, Kame?” Jin asked him as they passed a closed beauty store, his eyes fixated on a perfume advert attached to the window. Kame shrugged as an answer, pursing his lips slightly. Jin’s lips tucked into a small smile.

“There are scents people generally like. Then there are scents very, very rare people like,” he said wonderingly, his fingers slightly tugging Kame’s hair as they played with it absent-mindedly. “Everything smells. Everything. There’s no such thing as a clear and scentless substance. Like there’s no such thing as ‘nothing’ in the world.”

“You’re overanalyzing it,” Kame stated, his skin tingling as it sensed Jin’s hand’s closeness. Jin shook his head with a small laughter, burying his face in Kame’s hair.

“Everything smells. Everyone smells. And when someone’s gone, that’s what you’ll find yourself missing. The scent. Whether it’s unconsciously or consciously, it’s their scent that you’ll miss,” Jin stated, breathing in Kame’s scent through his nose, enjoying the vanilla-like trace. “Did you know that when people get excited for sex, they start exuding smells thanks to their hormonal working which is actually the thing people find themselves the most drawn to-“

“I did not need to hear that,” Kame mumbled, pushing Jin’s face away from his hair. “So what are you trying to tell me?”

“Nothing much, really. Just random chatting,” Jin said, that smile on his lips again as he pulled Kame closer, wrapping his arms around his torso and capturing his arms so that he wasn’t able to do other than grab a hold of Jin’s arms and try to twist them in a pathetic attempt to escape his hold. “You smell really nice. One of my favourite scents. Did you know that it sticks around everywhere? Everywhere you’ve been, everything you’ve touched. I can smell you.”

“Or maybe you just have a very vivid imagination and a damn sensitive nose,” Kame grumbled back, trying to step on Jin’s feet to get him off but failing with the speed Jin was walking, barely holding on to stay up on his own feet. Jin laughed.

“I actually do. Ever since I was a child I had a sensitive nose. But it’s an enrichment, you know. Being able to smell so many things so strongly.”

“You should apply for a real job. Like a police dog tracking criminals down by following their scent. I’m sure you’d be pretty good at that,” Kame mocked him, making Jin pick him up so that his feet were hanging a few centimetres from the ground, making him kick and struggle angrily. “Jin, what have I said about -!”

“Vanilla’s a much loved scent. It’s smooth and elegant. It’s one of those smells that actually bring a sort of a flavour on your tongue,” Jin babbled on, ignoring his demands and struggling happily. “Vanilla extract has been used to a lot of things. There’s ice cream, vanilla sugar, cream, yoghurt, tea and so on. It really draws people in. Maybe that’s why people naturally like you. Your scent.”

“Not everyone has an overly sensitive nose like you, Jin,” Kame grumbled, sinking his nails in Jin’s sleeves, unable to harm him through the thick fabric. “We’re not all freaks in that like you, you know.”

“But it’s an unconscious process. People don’t notice, but their unconsciousness does. Vanilla triggers warm and good memories, you know? That makes people feel naturally good and warm around you,” Jin insisted.

Kame sighed in defeat, feeling Jin finally put him down. He straightened his coat grumpily and glared at Jin to make sure he didn’t miss his dislike for his manhandling.

“So what does vanilla make you think?” he asked challengingly. “Since you seem to like me so much.”

“Esthetique,” Jin replied. “The perfume.”

Kame snorted. “When you think of me, you think of a perfume and that makes you like me so much?”

“Yes. It’s the biggest compliment you can probably ever get from me,” Jin laughed back, ruffling his hair and making him smack his hand angrily away and fix his hair. “Scents are important to me. And your scent is much related to the one perfume I’ve made to take over the world as the most beautiful fragrance anyone has ever smelled.”

He buried his fingers in Kame’s hair and drew him closer to press his nose against the crook of Kame’s neck, making him shiver in confusion.

“You’re one of my three favourite smells in the whole world.”

And as if it wouldn’t have been able to get any more ridiculous, Kame smelled a faint smell of lilies emerging from Jin’s side.

‘That makes two of us,’ he would’ve wanted to say, but he kept his mouth shut.

Still, he could feel the danger of the fusion in the air.

His lips trembled from the cold.

( PART II )