fic: Perfume Fusion - 7. High on Clouds

[prologuesized]

Perfume Fusion

7. High on Clouds

Jin felt like he was one of the happiest men on the entire universe. And damn it felt good, he decided as he smiled widely and laughed, the voice echoing in the air and getting mimicked by Pi, earning laughers from Ryo’s and Kame’s parts as well.

He loved it when his friends laughed and smiled, when they looked like there were no worries in the world and just were, were there with him. Just wasting some time with pointless things. Pointless things like filling a thermostat with hot coffee and going out to the park to drink it. Just to waste some time and take a small break from work.

Kame had been staying with them for two whole weeks now and Jin couldn’t help but feel proud as he saw the man quickly settling in. He laughed, he joked, took care of the others and spent time with everyone. The day before he had signed his work contract and was due to start the next day. So they were celebrating, mocking Kame for his last days of freedom.

Kame was a productive person though, that was also a thing Jin had learned to see. Instead of just taking it easy with one job at their small company on the marketing area, he had also managed to write letters of application and CVs to several local newspapers and magazines looking for jobs like his previous ones. He had actually received two answers asking him for an interview. Jin was proud but worried, for he didn’t want Kame to overwork himself. But there wasn’t much he could do. It was Kame’s choice after all.

Kame hadn’t been sleeping much lately either, he had noticed. Or maybe he never had, he wasn’t actually quite sure. But now Jin noticed that he really liked listening to the other man’s breathing and the rustling sound his bed sheets made as he moved on his bed. He really did, for it was a calming and soothing sound. But Kame wasn’t really asleep, he never fell asleep before Jin and in the morning when he finally woke up, Kame was either already up doing something or still lying in his bed almost motionlessly, dark bags under his exhausted eyes, clearly visible on his pale skin.

Several times Jin had woken up in the middle of the night for a few comatose minutes to realise that Kame was still awake, sometimes even sitting quietly on his bed. Sometimes he seemed to have his earphones on and Jin could see the blinding luminance of his iPod screen. Sometimes he could hear a quiet sound of the running computer as he typed something under his bedcovers.

He was worried because lack of sleep wasn’t good. Stress wasn’t good, it did nasty things to people, but if Kame refused to sleep or simply couldn’t, there wasn’t really much he could do. He just hoped that maybe with time things would change. But Kame needed time right now and Jin knew he had to give it to him. Kame was healing fast, way too fast - it was unnatural. He was afraid it was just a sudden high before everything would come crashing down again.

One didn’t simply heal from something so strong so easily. Kame couldn’t keep it up for too long, especially if he kept stressing himself like he did.

But then again, maybe that was one of the reasons why he did manage to keep his head up so well for the moment. He didn’t leave himself much time to just be and think, he was always occupied with something. Whether it was about work, exercise or adapting to his new lifestyle and friends, it didn’t matter. There was always something going on with him.

He would wear himself out and come crashing down harder than before, Jin was sure about it. And it scared him. But there wasn’t much he could do, because trying to invade his space and put his nose in Kame’s things was probably just going to speed up the process.

So he stayed silent and made sure to keep an eye on Kame to see the signs. To make sure he would be there for him when it would happen. Because he was definitely going to need someone there for him, and who could do better job in that than Jin who had already saved his life twice even if the attempts had been quite pathetic? Kame brought his carton coffee mug to his lips and blew air to it gently in order to cool the hot liquid down, a steam rising from it gently, obviously tickling the young man’s nose. And Jin chuckled, listening to Pi’s babbling only with one ear. And when he watched Ryo throwing a small rock that Pi managed to dodge at him and saw it ending up in his mug, he couldn’t help stealing a glance at the laughing Kame who was yelling and trying to calm the two of them down as Pi’s coffee got poured to the ground when the mug fell from his hands as he attacked Ryo, getting the hot coffee on both of them, leaving nasty burning marks.

No, he couldn’t resist. Because he had to look after Kame. He had to look out for the signs, he had to be wary thanks to them on each fraction of a second during the days. Because Kame lied. If he would start feeling bad again, he would just pull that smile on his face and go on like nothing was happening.

Jin had decided that he wasn’t going to fall for that trick. His friends would not manage to make a fool of him. He knew, he always knew. He sensed people’s motives and somewhat the inner workings of their minds, even if he couldn’t quite understand them. But he still knew.

Like he knew that Ryo liked Pi. Ryo had never said so, he had never actually even clearly implied it. But Jin couldn’t help but see it in his eyes, in the little movements and touches he shared with the other man. The way he behaved around him. It was obvious even if it was very subtle.

He also knew that Pi was actually more than the childish jokes, more than the camouflage he had build for himself. He wasn’t all that shallow, not that stupid and arrogant. No, Pi actually had a very soft and intelligent side. He was partly an adult, even though he did appear to be on the mental status of a hormone ridden teenager. Maybe he was in a way, yes, but it wasn’t only so.

Jin knew his friends, and of that he was proud. And Kame would not be an exception.

Pi and Ryo were now stumbling on their feet and having a half-serious fight with annoyed and angry looks on their faces, brows burrowed as they both tried to dominate the other one. They somehow managed to run into Kame who was sitting about a metre to Jin’s right and he felt his hair suddenly stand at the edge and instincts and adrenaline kicking in as Kame let out a pained gasp when his coffee splashed over him, ruining his light blue coat. Jin grabbed a hold of Pi’s shirt and pulled them further away, sending them running down the road, Pi running quickly from an angry Ryo for a change. He chuckled.

“You alright?” he asked Kame who had set his mug down and was trying to wipe his coat with some paper napkins. He gave Jin a tense smile without sparing a glance at him as he kept furiously rubbing the dark stain.

“I am, but the coat is not,” he complained. “I look ridiculous walking around with this. Jerks.”

But the insult was only half-hearted. And Jin could tell that even though he actually was seriously pissed about his week-old coat he had been wearing for four days in a row now, he wasn’t actually too upset about it. He looked after Ryo and Pi who were now somehow stumbling in a circle, Pi trying to drag Ryo down from his coat and Ryo trying to force Yamapi to let go by twisting his head from his hair as far as he could. Kame laughed and shook his head amusedly and Jin smiled at the sight as well.

“I used to have friends like that too,” Kame said after a while, the smile still on his face but the look in his eyes somehow distant and withdrawn, locked even. “Well, not that childish. But I used to have a circle of friends where we all just messed around. Acted like kids. Had fun.”

Jin nodded, moving closer to Kame with the excuse of filling his coffee mug. “It’s crazy, isn’t it? But it’s all too good. They’re the ones that help you get by.”

Kame nodded, starting to open his coat and pulling it off, obviously bothered by the stain. Jin felt worried as he exposed his slim and bony frame to the cold air, rubbing his arms covered with a long sleeved white dress-shirt and a warm dark blue chequered pullover over it.

“Two of them died,” he stated simply, reaching out for the coffee after Jin had filled his own. Jin stared at him in shock, trying to read the calm man.

But the calmness was just a façade. In the inside, Kame was storming. But he kept his appearance in check, his mind in check. Jin wasn’t even sure if he let himself fully think into what he was saying. He just talked. Like he was telling a story completely unrelated to him.

He probably didn’t deal with it. Like he didn’t deal with many other things. And it was driving him crazy.

“What happened?” Jin asked, not caring about being polite. “An accident?”

Kame nodded, taking a sip from his coffee and grimacing as he burned his tongue. “Yes. A car-accident. We were coming from a road trip with the whole class. Our ‘gang’ came with one car. Koki, me, Maru and Junno,” Kame said, his voice strained. “There was this stupid couple having a fight in the car as they drove. Hit us. Only Koki and I made it. See, I have scars,” Kame said and raised his shirt, revealing nasty-looking old and fainted burn marks and something that looked like he had had major bruises and stitches. Jin grimaced.

“Ouch,” he said, mocking himself. Of all the things he could say, he should say and he chose ‘ouch’. Seriously! He knew he wasn’t good at expressing himself verbally but this was obviously not the right way to go about it. Kame laughed at him.

“Ouch indeed,” he chuckled and shook his head slightly, glancing after Pi and Ryo again who had ended up on the ground, Ryo on top of Pi as they fought loudly with each others. Jin glanced at them briefly as well before turning his gaze back to Kame.

But Kame was talking. As unexpected as it was, Kame was actually sharing something personal with him. Trusting his nightmares in Jin’s hands.

“Anyway, it’s been three years,” Kame finally continued briskly, taking another sip from his coffee before setting the mug down and stretching himself, trying to get rid of the building tenseness. “It was a long time ago.”

Jin nodded and watched Kame shivering slightly, grabbing a napkin and wiping his reddish nose in it. And Kame didn’t cease smiling, trying to keep himself under control and look well to the eyes of the others, still keeping them distant.

Jin pulled his own coat off and threw it over Kame’s shoulders, watching as his head snapped to Jin quickly as the too-big coat was wrapped around him.

“You’ll get cold. You need it more than me,” Jin stated as Kame opened his mouth to a loud protest. “You’re too thin, it isn’t like that body can keep you warm. And I don’t care if you’re used to being cold, I really don’t give a shit. So you better keep that coat on so that you won’t get sick and be unable to work tomorrow. Get it?” he continued as he started buttoning up the buttons, Kame pushing his hands away before doing it himself.

“Fine. Fine. Whatever you say, Jin,” he growled. “Happy now, mother hen?”

“Very happy, actually,” Jin answered, pinching Kame’s cheek and pouting as the other one slapped his hand away. “I’m happy, happier, the happiest right now!”

“Stop being a child,” Kame mocked him with a playful smile on his lips as he nudged his shoulder. “You have no idea how annoying you are. And stupid. Simple-minded. Since you’re doing so well with business, I just have to wonder what kind of kindergarten meetings those were in Tokyo -“

“They were serious meetings filled with serious talking and planning!” Jin defended himself, nudging Kame so hard that he fell over to his side. ”I can be versatile and surprising, you know! Don’t judge the book by its cover! You’re supposed to be a book critic!”

Kame rolled his eyes. Jin pouted. Kame wasn’t taking him seriously enough! That was straightforward mocking!

“Stop mocking me, Kame! I mean what I’m saying!” he growled, watching as Kame’s eyes lit up even more. He was starting to return back to earth now that the conversation was changing to safer grounds.

Jin knew he probably should’ve held on to the previous subject, but would it have been right anyway? Kame was happier like this, he looked so much better and non-relapsing like this. And in the end he had told Jin about something. He shouldn’t be pushed too far. He had done it once, he would surely do it again. When he was ready. Jin would wait until he was ready and take care of him till the time came.

Kame started laughing at him, his voice melodic and mesmerising. Jin felt heat rushing to his face as he pouted.

“Stop it, Kame! I said stop it! It’s not funny, I’m trying to be serious in here!” he started yelling and lunged forwards, attacking Kame and pushing him down again right after he had just gotten up, climbing over him and pressing his body to the ground from his shoulders. He could feel Kame’s body shaking with violent laughter. Kame’s eyes were watering and his hands grabbed the fabric of Jin’s shirt’s collar and tried to push him away.

“Stop laughing, Kame! Or do I have to make you stop? Or make you laugh so hard that you wish you’d never laugh again because for the rest of the night you’ll have nasty stomach and cheek cramps! Your pick!” he threatened angrily, sneaking his hand under the coat he had pulled over Kame and starting to tickle him from under his shirt, making Kame gasp and arch up quickly and violently. He leaned down to crush Kame against the ground with his body and felt his hands hysterically trying to get him off, loud screams and pained laughter making his ears ring.

“STOP IT JIN, STOP IT STOP IT!” Kame screamed wildly, trying to push him away desperately, his laughter making Jin smile smugly and proudly. “GOD, CAN’T YOU BEHAVE AT LEAST PUBLICALLY?!”

“Nooo,” Jin snickered his answer to Kame’s ear and slipped his hands under Kame to tickle his back, earning an even more violent reaction. Kame started pulling his hair violently, making him hiss in pain and try to twist his head away.

“STOP IT!” he screamed hysterically, terrified for the condition of his well-valued locks. “NO, YOU STOP IT!” Kame bellowed back, his body jolting again as Jin’s nails scratched the small of his back. “YOU STOP IT AND I STOP IT AND WE CAN FORGET ABOUT IT. BUT IF YOU WANT THAT TO BE THE CASE, YOU BETTER STOP RIGHT NOW OR I WILL GET BACK TO YOU!”

They both simultaneously let go and panted, Jin still sitting on him. Both of them looked all ruffled up as they glared at each others angrily, Jin’s lips pursed as his eyes kept narrowing even more and more. Kame snorted mockingly. “Can’t you do that anywhere else?” Ryo asked from behind of them, making Jin jump up and stumble as he fell over on his back, backing up with wide eyes. Pi was standing next to Ryo with wide eyes, body all tense as he stared at the two of them. Heat rushed to Kame’s cheeks and Jin grumbled as he sat up properly again.

“Do what? It isn’t like you two weren’t acting all foolish just half a minute ago,” Jin shot back at Ryo who smirked back at him, raising his eyebrows as he crossed his arms.

“We weren’t actually going for it on a public park. There’s a difference, Jin. And damn you two were loud,” Ryo mocked, kicking Jin back to his back teasingly. “You might scar some innocent children, Jin! You wouldn’t want that, would you?”

“Ah, stop it! And Kame started it -!”

“NO I DIDN’T!” the younger one disagreed, jumping on his feet simultaneously with Jin, both of them glaring at each others cockily. “You started, you attacked me!”

“After you had mocked me! You should know better than try to bring me down, I don’t like it!” Jin shot back, cracking his knuckles. “Are you purposefully picking up a fight?!”

“No I’m not, but you clearly are!” Kame mocked. “Child!”

“Guys -“ Pi tried to calm them down but the two of them were already wrestling on their feet, yanking them from each others’ clothing and letting out angry growls, shrieks and even amused laughter. Pi glanced at Ryo who shrugged with a smug smile on his face, pulling Pi to his arms and starting to clap, yelling ‘Fight, fight, fight!’

It did good for Kame, letting out some of his stamina like that, of that Jin was sure.

And that’s why he still tried to keep up with the other one even when he got exhausted, sweaty and his attacks became mostly pathetic. But there was laughter in the air. In fifteen minutes, all four of them were lying on the ground, panting and laughing. Pi and Ryo had joined the fight after they had accidentally knocked both of them down and landed a few missed punches on them.

Kame’s rapidly pounding heart felt good as Jin’s head lied on his chest. And he closed his eyes and breathed in the early-winter’s fresh scent.

Coffee, damp flower petals, sweat and the sensual scent of vanilla.

He turned to his side and buried his face in Kame’s stomach, breathing in the scent from his coat. Kame didn’t push him away, just shivered tiredly under him. Ryo and Pi were too busy laughing and pointing out weird cloud shapes to notice.

And the next morning when he took the trashes out wearing the very same coat, the scent was still there.

And damn it smelled good.

***

Jin liked him. Jin liked him so obviously that it wasn’t even funny. And Kame was starting to be afraid of the power he was building over him. It really made him nervous and anxious. He fidgeted with his morning coffee at four in the morning, looking out of the window to the mist that made the darkness even more impermeable.

He twirled the coffee in his mug, glancing at the hot cup again, its steam finding its way up his nose. It was good coffee. He should ask what brand from Ryo, he was the one buying and stuffing it in that small, steel-made coffee box they used.

But Jin liked him. And it was a problem. And hell, he was starting to like Jin as well. He didn’t know whether it was just an automatic reaction to being flattered by it or if he really had started to like Jin like that.

It was possible. And hell, it scared the hell out of him. And he couldn’t sleep. Dreams communicated with the unconsciousness - what if he’d found out something he preferably wouldn’t have been aware of? He wasn’t quite ready to know yet. Just wasn’t.

…He liked Jin. Hell, he liked Jin. But he didn’t want things to get complicated. He had seen relationships ruin many good friendships and he didn’t want to drive them apart. He needed Jin. Jin was a necessity. He couldn’t ruin it.

And he was good with handling his emotions, his crushes. He was good at ignoring them, waiting patiently until they passed by if he didn’t want to get involved. He just had to wait for it to happen again. Because he knew he could pull it off.

But Jin was making it so hard by sneakily getting closer and closer to him and messing up with his mind with all that crap of his. With all of those strong and passionate beliefs and emotions, with the way he acted that made Kame somehow weirdly look up to him. Which was ridiculous because Jin wasn’t really a person he should’ve looked up to.

Kame just wanted a taste of what he held. He wanted to understand Jin, feel what he felt and know why he did what he did. Jin was fascinating. He wasn’t ordinary for some silly reason. He looked like it, he looked like a typical immature and cocky young man but he wasn’t. There was so much to him. So much that Kame was left tempted to figure it out.

He was still a bit scared. What if Jin would make a straightforward move on him? How should he respond when he didn’t know what he wanted? Should he just strongly turn him down? What if he’d regret it? He would probably turn Jin down. It was a ninety percent possibility that he couldn’t get around with. He would turn Jin down, whether he’d regret it or not. Because he wasn’t ready for it. And he couldn’t play with people so cruelly. Dating was like a promise. Promise of ‘I’ll try to see if I can spend my lifetime with you and fall in love with you’. And in their age… well… dating was serious. It wasn’t a child’s play anymore. For Kame it was dead serious.

And he wasn’t ready to get involved with it quite yet. As simple as that.

Ryo walked in, rubbing his tired eyes, looking at him in surprise.

“Morning,” he said as he poured himself a cup of coffee as well and sat opposite to him, stretching his back backwards and grumbling loudly as he squeezed his eyes shut. “Do you ever sleep?”

“I do,” Kame answered with a smile as he took another sip of his coffee. “I just wake up early. You in another hand aren’t usually up at this time of the morning.”

“Couldn’t sleep,” Ryo mumbled his answer as he put his head on the table tiredly. Kame made an understanding sound as he started twirling his coffee in his mug again. Ryo grumbled more as he put his head so that his chin was still touching the wooden surface as he looked up to Kame with his tired eyes.

“I like your ponytail,” he said and Kame jumped up on his feet like he had gotten hit by an electric shock, pulling off the ponytail holding his front hair off his face. No one was supposed to ever see that, damn it…

Ryo merely laughed and Pi yelled ‘Shut up the two of you, people are trying to get some sleep in here!’ from his room, making them chuckle even louder.

The atmosphere was nice. Comfortable. Homey. Kame liked it like this. It didn’t feel bad. He had expected it to be a lot worse and uncomfortable, he had assumed it’d probably take years to really get in their close circle. But actually now that he stopped to look around, he realised that he was already in it. And it wasn’t bad. He wasn’t invading anything, he was a part of it, as miraculous as it was.

Maybe these people really just simply had big hearts. Maybe they did it for Jin. Maybe they did it for him. He didn’t know, not really. But it was all too good for him anyway. And for once, he was willing to just take it without hesitation. Take his part in this household, this new life of his.

And it was all thanks to Jin as well. Damn that man.

Ryo yawned and rose straight again, stretching his neck as his nails tapped his mug with a soft and clinging noise. “So, why can’t you sleep? What’s wrong?”

…Was Ryo actually worried about him? It was absurd. It was really, really absurd. Usually people kept their eyes closed and saw just what they wanted to see. Kame was left dumbfounded, simply staring at Ryo in a slight shock. Ryo smiled at him. “Come on. Jin doesn’t make friends just like that and he especially won’t bring them home. And you don’t look too good. In other words, he has a reason to be fixated to you. He’s Jin, you know. Always overreacting to everything and caring too much. Hell, I’m sure if I wouldn’t tell him off he’d start bringing stray cats and dogs in here.”

“I guess you’re right,” Kame answered, smiling a bit. The mental image didn’t seem all that impossible, as ridiculous as it was… “He’s interesting.”

“He’s just a child who can’t take care of himself either, yet he still tries to help others. He’s plain stupid,” Ryo stated his opinion. Although he didn’t seem mad about it. He took a sip of his coffee and closed his eyes, sucking a drop from his lips contently.

“He’s always been like that, you know. A hero,” Ryo said, lost somewhere in his thoughts. “The three of us met as children. Pi was getting bullied but Jin stood up for him, taking him under his protection. It was ridiculous and stupid and they both got beaten up for it but I could tell he was still proud of what he did.”

Kame nodded. “I knew you had known him since childhood, but I never heard of that.”

Ryo laughed with his eyes lit up at the memory, clearly amused. “It’s because he doesn’t want to share that story since it doesn’t show him all that heroic thanks to his failure of actually getting Pi un-bullied. It was me in the end that got tired of watching it and beat those stupid kids’ asses. No one dared to say a bad word for them after that.”

Kame laughed. For some reason he could see that. And he could imagine Jin’s face if he would’ve been present there, hearing Kame hear what he heard. He would probably start arguing something and try to save his pride. It was so easy to see.

“I see,” he said with a stupid smile on his face. “So your conclusion is that he gets to know people through troubles?”

“My conclusion is that he gets to know the people close to him through hard times,” Ryo corrected. “He knows a lot of people. But the ones he’s close to… well, he’s experienced things with them. He’s been in the situation where there’s been need for support and close friendship.”

Kame nodded. “I guess so. He seems like the type.”

“So you aren’t going to tell me your story just yet?” Ryo asked with a faint smirk on his lips. “I’m not saying you have to, at least not now. But there’s more to it, isn’t there?”

“Yes. Yes, there’s more to it,” Kame agreed with a sigh. “But it’s getting better. So there’s nothing to worry about.”

Because it felt like it was getting better. It felt like the world was blooming and everything was rolling just fine for the moment. No, better than just fine. Everything was wonderful. It was intoxicating. And he was getting too strongly fixated to the pillars of his new life.

He was getting too fixated on Jin. On Ryo and Pi. Friendships, his belongings and routines in here.

“Eat something,” Ryo said as he got up and threw him an apple from the fruit bowl. “You’re so skinny it isn’t even funny. And you need some energy for work today. If I were you, I wouldn’t want to screw up or we might have to reconsider your hiring.”

Kame smiled and nodded. “Will do.”

He took a bite of the apple as Ryo gulped down the rest of his hot coffee with a grimace and set the cup on the draining board.

“Jin’s a lousy saver, by the way,” Ryo said, turning back at him. “But he tries his best and puts his everything in his tries. He just has a habit of screwing up and panicking.” Kame nodded. “I’ll put that behind my ear.”

“It doesn’t mean he doesn’t care, it doesn’t mean he isn’t strong. He is strong. He just keeps getting uncertain of what to do and how to react to things. His mind doesn’t really run normally like others’. Sometimes I wonder if he understands it even by himself,” Ryo continued. “But let me tell you, when he makes friends, those stay forever. If not by his side then somewhere in his mind at least. He never lets go.”

Kame took another bite from his apple, wiping his chin as the juice started dripping down it. “…He’s quite a case, isn’t he? Too childish to act like an adult and too much of an adult to take everything like a child?”

Ryo nodded. “Sounds like Jin. He’s a stupid kid but he can take responsibility.”

For a while they simply were there surrounded by silence, Ryo leaning against the kitchen counter and Kame twirling his coffee in his mug, both lost in their thoughts. After some time Kame sighed, biting his lip.

“So why can’t you sleep?” he asked. Ryo smirked, tapping his temple with his forefinger.

“Keeping things bottled up and not dealing with them or talking about them can cause mean things like sleep deprivation. At least occasionally,” he answered with a hint of laughter in his voice. “And lifestyle changes.”

Kame nodded. Because he understood.

Maybe the two of them weren’t really that much different.

“I’ll tell you. Later,” Kame promised, leaving the time unspecified. But he would. Ryo nodded, not pressing for more.

“I’ll tell you too one day,” he stated simply. “Then we can laugh at each others.”

“It’s a promise,” Kame said and took a bite out of his apple again with a crunchy sound.

And maybe he wouldn’t have only Jin to lean onto.