(Untitled)

[prometheus818]

This has got to stop, she thought as she began clearing the counter so she could start making dinner.  He’s going to find out before too long.  Her thoughts that night were a ball of tension hidden somewhere in her stomach.  She put some water on to boil, and as the plate began to grow red, she heard a key in the lock and jumped, startled.

Shit,

Comments

[celticdruid]

do you want criticism? here's mine:

"and as the plate began to grow red,"
what does this mean..should you really call it a "plate" or a burner?

"and she thought the look sad. "
sounds a bit pretensious and not as "real" as the rest of the speech.

some of the dialogue goes on in a way that confused me about who was actually speaking at which point.

interesting. is this for a class? or personal writing?

[prometheus818]

thank you. for a class. "plate" is regional. changed the pretentious bit before turning it in.

[celticdruid]

groovy.