i put my hand to my face and was overwhelmed by the warmth of skin on skin, and realized how desperately i want to feel skin on my skin and be close to someone.

i am hot as a fever and feeling volatile. i want to run rampant and my thoughts are racing dangerously. i am remembering so many things, rambunctious brawls and desperate sex and things that are inappropriate to write about. i hate myself for allowing my heart to get the best of me. it's so easy to only remember good things. my reality is liquid ( Read more... )

it's easy to wish for a life without sadness. but how can you appreciate what happiness is? i wish i had been able to look into the future when this began. i wish i hadn't been so ready to invest emotions and time into something that when it reached fruition was just, not even there. there is a palpable cloud of bitterness around each of my ( Read more... )

but these are beautiful and incredibly befitting of where i'm at now ( Read more... )

i am filled with the impossible urge to laugh my guts out. i was thinking of all the many times i have seen someone do something funny in day-to-day life and laughed hysterically about it. is it wrong to find people's quirks and odd mannerisms humorous? i guess i don't think so. i notice little things that people do, and i realized it's something ( Read more... )

i catch my reflection sometimes and i'm not always sure who is looking back. is it strange that how i feel on the inside is not always what is translated on the outside? last night i had an instant message conversation with allie, and she asked me how i felt about god and religion. i realized as i was trying to explain my thoughts that i don't have ( Read more... )

i cannot expect to find the happiness i crave anyplace but in myself. i know there's joy in solitude, so why can't i find it? oh, to be able to let everything go and be free of longing, jealousy, and loneliness. to embrace every morning and thank god for planting me amidst the freshness and zest of this terribly exhilarating journey. this summer is ( Read more... )

jeff buckley has a voice like honey and i've got an addiction to the song "mojo pin." made some money today caring for 88 year old larry and 2 year old ryan. larry, or mr beil as i call him, said he was pleased to meet me for the second day in a row. i was sad he didn't remember me, although i don't know what i expected ( Read more... )

i sat at the piano for a while plinking around. i think i wrote something, but it's not very good and the piano line is simple. also my voice is not very good. i might record it anyway.

i feel the weight of a thousand years pressing tight against the oceans of my heart. each one as vast and unprecedented as the last. i never meant to imprison you in one of the tiny toy ships, a knotted string tied fast to your mast and with a wish i set you down on the pebbly shore. each small wave beckoned you with its tiny golden fists, and you ( Read more... )