Leaning over you here, cold and catatonic
TITLE: In Disguise
AUTHOR: Ashe; promisethesun
FANDOM(S): Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic
CHARACTER(S): Carth Onasi and Revan
PROMPT: #46 Monster
RECIPIENT: Anne, crescent_fall
RATING: PG
WARNINGS: Angst. Carth likes to angst. A lot.
SPOILERS?: Nada, unless you've never discovered the glory of Bioware's beautiful achievement.
PREVIEW/SUMMARY:
“Doesn’t it get tiresome, being mistrustful all the time?” Revan sighed, unfolding herself and standing up. Power flowed off of her as she did so, making her look far more elegant than he wished her to.
Or maybe he was imagining it all, and he really did wish for it. The twist in his gut told him that was the case.
“What am I supposed to do? Suddenly start calling you Revan and forget that all of this is your fault in the first place?”
WORD COUNT: 1,383
“I’m a monster.”
Carth paused, startled by the sudden voice as he watched the woman come into view, stepping out from beneath the shadows of the building. Taking a deep breath, he turned around to get a good look at her. It was strange; it was still the same woman he’d been watching and fighting alongside for months now, but there was something different about her now. A sleekness to her movements that reminded him of a sandpanther, a hard edge to her jaw that hadn’t been there before.
“What are you doing out here?” He asked instead of touching on the subject she brought up, but she fixed him with that stare of hers, something familiar and something new that sent chills down his spine.
“Thinking,” the abomination that was Revan-and is someone wholly new-said with indifference to her tone. “I do that a lot.”
“R-right. I… I wasn’t saying that you didn’t,” Carth grumbled, running his fingers through his hair.
She went quiet again, frowning at him before taking a seat on a rock, her body indecisive on whether it should slump or sit stiffly, and he tucked all of this information away for later as he continued to watch her. He shifted uncomfortably, finally tearing his gaze away from her. All he had to do was look at anything but her. That was simple enough. His head turned and instead he surveyed the area they were in.
“You’re not even going to talk to me?” She was tired; he could hear it in her voice. Tired of what, exactly? What did she have to be tired about?
The soldier scowled. He was the one who was tired. Tired of this whole charade and of her and of the entire crew acting so nonchalant over the existence of Revan amongst them and Bastila gone. He shot her a glance full of heated anger, but he couldn’t even summon up the urge to make it hateful.
He couldn’t hate her.
Maybe that was what tired him out the most. She was Revan, and then again, she really wasn’t. Not anymore. She was some shell of a person that the Jedi Council had created in all their great wisdom.
His scowl deepened even further, finding his anger falling onto the Council. What right did they have to make Revan atone for her sins, and what right did they have to strip someone of their very person? So that they could mold the perfect Jedi shell from it? All the power of Revan, but none of the desires.
Revan leaned forward, her elbows resting on her knees as she watched him, and he realized that he had spent too long thinking, too long allowing the anger to boil over. Of course she could feel that. She was Revan, after all. A Sith Lord. A…
“Monster,” she supplied for him with that tired voice again, and he flushed with embarrassment and shame.
“Don’t do that,” he told her, glaring.
She smirked, the corner of her mouth twisting up, and his mouth went dry in a way that he wished it hadn’t. How was he supposed to think and put his feelings together when she went and did something like that? How was he supposed to do anything when she was supposed to be his enemy? “I don’t have to read your kriffing thoughts to know what you’re thinking, Onasi. I’ve had a lot of time to pick you apart, and it’s not as though you’re exactly subtle with the looks you’ve been giving me ever since we escaped from the Leviathan.”
“Well… Still don’t do that,” Carth muttered miserably, feeling stupid that his first conclusion had been that she entered his mind.
“Doesn’t it get tiresome, being mistrustful all the time?” Revan sighed, unfolding herself and standing up. Power flowed off of her as she did so, making her look far more elegant than he wished her to.
Or maybe he was imagining it all, and he really did wish for it. The twist in his gut told him that was the case.
“What am I supposed to do? Suddenly start calling you Revan and forget that all of this is your fault in the first place?”
Her lips parted, but no words were uttered. She only stared, eyebrows lifted high, but there was a look of shock in her eyes. Well, he had a long time to read her also, and he could see that she had thought that there was no problem with knowing her identity. The only problem was that he also knew that Revan would not hesitate to speak with a sharp tongue. This part of her was still Cara, still that smuggler the Order had programmed her to believe she was.
She shook her head solemnly, her shoulders lifting and falling all in one graceful movement. “You have to decide what to think, Carth. I can’t do it for you. Just remember exactly who it was that has had your back since the beginning, who has taken blaster bolts for you and who has slain those tainted by the dark side with you all this time,” she said in a gentle tone, her own natural persuasion coming through. “I’ve been nothing but a loyal friend to you, Carth.”
Carth knew that was true, his dark brows knitted together in uncertainty. “That doesn’t wipe away what you have done before!”
“Why do you think I said what I did?” She yelled, taking a step forward and shoving her hands at his chest. “Don’t you think I feel terrible knowing what I’ve done? But I don’t remember any of it, Carth!” Revan buried her face in her hands, a groan of rage and irritation coming from her. Suddenly, her hands dropped, and she glared back up at him, moving closer until they were chest to chest. “I can’t fix what has already been done. All I can do is keep moving forward instead of being anchored in the past. I’m trying to fix what I’ve started, and I don’t need you to remind me of the things that were done with my name, my very hands.”
He grabbed her by the shoulders, shoving her back. “Just… Just stay away from me.”
She growled, lips pulling back in a fairly feral expression, but he wouldn’t be moved by it. “You’re not so innocent yourself, flyboy. At least I can admit that I’m a monster.”
“I didn’t destroy a whole planet!”
“I’m sorry about your wife, but it’s been five years, Carth. Would she want you to hold on to your hurt and anger? Look at where it’s gotten you.” Revan laughed, a brittle sound, edged with blades. A grin had squirmed onto her lips, and a sickening feeling sunk into the pit of his stomach. “You’re traveling with Revan. You’re traveling with a Mandalorian. There’s an assassin droid stomping around the cargo hold, followed by a stolen droid. Not to mention our stolen ship. Oh, yes. You’re a fine example of integrity.”
“That’s different,” but it was a weak response, and Carth knew that Revan knew she had won this.
“Only on a very fine scale, Carth. We’re in this together, remember?” She paused, her eyes cast towards the Korriban sky. “I need you, you know. As irritating as you’ve been, I need you.”
“Like you’re any easier to deal with,” he said, a hard edge to his voice. She grinned, and he glowered.
“Hey, you two lovebirds! This guy says the academy is this way!” A chirpy voice called out, and the Twi’lek popped her head out from behind a building, her hairy friend growling in agreement.
“How long were you listening to us, Mission?” Carth asked her, stepping past Revan and hoping to leave the awkward turn of their conversation behind him.
“The entire time,” Mission grinned, shrugging her blue shoulders before slapping the Wookiee on the back. “C’mon, Big Z. We’ve got a little blending in to do.”
Revan chuckled, walking next to him as they followed the two out. “We’re the most conspicuous group in this galaxy.”
A pack of monsters in disguise, Carth thought, finding it hard to keep his eyes off Revan’s swaying hips as she walked faster to catch up with Mission and Zalbaar.
AUTHOR: Ashe; promisethesun
FANDOM(S): Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic
CHARACTER(S): Carth Onasi and Revan
PROMPT: #46 Monster
RECIPIENT: Anne, crescent_fall
RATING: PG
WARNINGS: Angst. Carth likes to angst. A lot.
SPOILERS?: Nada, unless you've never discovered the glory of Bioware's beautiful achievement.
PREVIEW/SUMMARY:
“Doesn’t it get tiresome, being mistrustful all the time?” Revan sighed, unfolding herself and standing up. Power flowed off of her as she did so, making her look far more elegant than he wished her to.
Or maybe he was imagining it all, and he really did wish for it. The twist in his gut told him that was the case.
“What am I supposed to do? Suddenly start calling you Revan and forget that all of this is your fault in the first place?”
WORD COUNT: 1,383
“I’m a monster.”
Carth paused, startled by the sudden voice as he watched the woman come into view, stepping out from beneath the shadows of the building. Taking a deep breath, he turned around to get a good look at her. It was strange; it was still the same woman he’d been watching and fighting alongside for months now, but there was something different about her now. A sleekness to her movements that reminded him of a sandpanther, a hard edge to her jaw that hadn’t been there before.
“What are you doing out here?” He asked instead of touching on the subject she brought up, but she fixed him with that stare of hers, something familiar and something new that sent chills down his spine.
“Thinking,” the abomination that was Revan-and is someone wholly new-said with indifference to her tone. “I do that a lot.”
“R-right. I… I wasn’t saying that you didn’t,” Carth grumbled, running his fingers through his hair.
She went quiet again, frowning at him before taking a seat on a rock, her body indecisive on whether it should slump or sit stiffly, and he tucked all of this information away for later as he continued to watch her. He shifted uncomfortably, finally tearing his gaze away from her. All he had to do was look at anything but her. That was simple enough. His head turned and instead he surveyed the area they were in.
“You’re not even going to talk to me?” She was tired; he could hear it in her voice. Tired of what, exactly? What did she have to be tired about?
The soldier scowled. He was the one who was tired. Tired of this whole charade and of her and of the entire crew acting so nonchalant over the existence of Revan amongst them and Bastila gone. He shot her a glance full of heated anger, but he couldn’t even summon up the urge to make it hateful.
He couldn’t hate her.
Maybe that was what tired him out the most. She was Revan, and then again, she really wasn’t. Not anymore. She was some shell of a person that the Jedi Council had created in all their great wisdom.
His scowl deepened even further, finding his anger falling onto the Council. What right did they have to make Revan atone for her sins, and what right did they have to strip someone of their very person? So that they could mold the perfect Jedi shell from it? All the power of Revan, but none of the desires.
Revan leaned forward, her elbows resting on her knees as she watched him, and he realized that he had spent too long thinking, too long allowing the anger to boil over. Of course she could feel that. She was Revan, after all. A Sith Lord. A…
“Monster,” she supplied for him with that tired voice again, and he flushed with embarrassment and shame.
“Don’t do that,” he told her, glaring.
She smirked, the corner of her mouth twisting up, and his mouth went dry in a way that he wished it hadn’t. How was he supposed to think and put his feelings together when she went and did something like that? How was he supposed to do anything when she was supposed to be his enemy? “I don’t have to read your kriffing thoughts to know what you’re thinking, Onasi. I’ve had a lot of time to pick you apart, and it’s not as though you’re exactly subtle with the looks you’ve been giving me ever since we escaped from the Leviathan.”
“Well… Still don’t do that,” Carth muttered miserably, feeling stupid that his first conclusion had been that she entered his mind.
“Doesn’t it get tiresome, being mistrustful all the time?” Revan sighed, unfolding herself and standing up. Power flowed off of her as she did so, making her look far more elegant than he wished her to.
Or maybe he was imagining it all, and he really did wish for it. The twist in his gut told him that was the case.
“What am I supposed to do? Suddenly start calling you Revan and forget that all of this is your fault in the first place?”
Her lips parted, but no words were uttered. She only stared, eyebrows lifted high, but there was a look of shock in her eyes. Well, he had a long time to read her also, and he could see that she had thought that there was no problem with knowing her identity. The only problem was that he also knew that Revan would not hesitate to speak with a sharp tongue. This part of her was still Cara, still that smuggler the Order had programmed her to believe she was.
She shook her head solemnly, her shoulders lifting and falling all in one graceful movement. “You have to decide what to think, Carth. I can’t do it for you. Just remember exactly who it was that has had your back since the beginning, who has taken blaster bolts for you and who has slain those tainted by the dark side with you all this time,” she said in a gentle tone, her own natural persuasion coming through. “I’ve been nothing but a loyal friend to you, Carth.”
Carth knew that was true, his dark brows knitted together in uncertainty. “That doesn’t wipe away what you have done before!”
“Why do you think I said what I did?” She yelled, taking a step forward and shoving her hands at his chest. “Don’t you think I feel terrible knowing what I’ve done? But I don’t remember any of it, Carth!” Revan buried her face in her hands, a groan of rage and irritation coming from her. Suddenly, her hands dropped, and she glared back up at him, moving closer until they were chest to chest. “I can’t fix what has already been done. All I can do is keep moving forward instead of being anchored in the past. I’m trying to fix what I’ve started, and I don’t need you to remind me of the things that were done with my name, my very hands.”
He grabbed her by the shoulders, shoving her back. “Just… Just stay away from me.”
She growled, lips pulling back in a fairly feral expression, but he wouldn’t be moved by it. “You’re not so innocent yourself, flyboy. At least I can admit that I’m a monster.”
“I didn’t destroy a whole planet!”
“I’m sorry about your wife, but it’s been five years, Carth. Would she want you to hold on to your hurt and anger? Look at where it’s gotten you.” Revan laughed, a brittle sound, edged with blades. A grin had squirmed onto her lips, and a sickening feeling sunk into the pit of his stomach. “You’re traveling with Revan. You’re traveling with a Mandalorian. There’s an assassin droid stomping around the cargo hold, followed by a stolen droid. Not to mention our stolen ship. Oh, yes. You’re a fine example of integrity.”
“That’s different,” but it was a weak response, and Carth knew that Revan knew she had won this.
“Only on a very fine scale, Carth. We’re in this together, remember?” She paused, her eyes cast towards the Korriban sky. “I need you, you know. As irritating as you’ve been, I need you.”
“Like you’re any easier to deal with,” he said, a hard edge to his voice. She grinned, and he glowered.
“Hey, you two lovebirds! This guy says the academy is this way!” A chirpy voice called out, and the Twi’lek popped her head out from behind a building, her hairy friend growling in agreement.
“How long were you listening to us, Mission?” Carth asked her, stepping past Revan and hoping to leave the awkward turn of their conversation behind him.
“The entire time,” Mission grinned, shrugging her blue shoulders before slapping the Wookiee on the back. “C’mon, Big Z. We’ve got a little blending in to do.”
Revan chuckled, walking next to him as they followed the two out. “We’re the most conspicuous group in this galaxy.”
A pack of monsters in disguise, Carth thought, finding it hard to keep his eyes off Revan’s swaying hips as she walked faster to catch up with Mission and Zalbaar.