Hurt
Title: Hurt
Pairing: Xabi Alonso x Steven Gerrard
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 1.221
Disclaimer: All lies. They’re not mine. Sadly.
Warning: English is not my first language, so sometimes I’m not sure if the expressions I use are correct since I don’t have a beta.
He couldn’t recall all the reasons why he decided to go to Real Madrid. He knew that there were a lot of pro-Madrid arguments. After all, he created a detailed pro-and-contra-list. The only thing against Madrid was Steven.
And now he also knew why he should have valued that point a lot more than all the others together. Because without Steven, he was nothing. Without Steven, he barely lived. They belonged together. Steven Gerrard and Xabi Alonso. Forever.
Then there have been problems and Xabi decided to run away instead of facing them. And now, he was here in Madrid. He felt bad, no, absolutely crappy was how he felt. It was like a part of him was missing, like without Steven, he wasn’t complete. His new teammates have already asked him what was going on, but he just said he still had to adjust.
Since he was in Madrid, he didn’t dare calling Steven. He was afraid of hearing his voice, full of sorrow and anger about Xabi running away-but in the meantime, he also craved Steven’s voice. But he just couldn’t take it anymore. In the past, everything had been so easy with Steven and Xabi didn’t feel guilty because of what they did. But then Steven married and everything became different. Steven was married now, a serious relationship. A marriage.
That was when Xabi just couldn’t take it anymore. The years before, he always could make himself believe, that it was his Steven, his one and only. But after the wedding, Xabi realized that it was not only his Steven anymore, but also Alex’ Steven. There were no differences in Steven’s behavior towards Xabi, but he felt them anyway, the differences. Even though Steven didn’t wear his wedding ring when he was with Xabi, Xabi could always nearly feel it, the silver ring on Steven’s left ring finger, when his hand softly caressed Xabi’s skin. It just wasn’t the same anymore.
Xabi backed down more and more; previously, they had often met in private and did things together, but now Xabi avoided every meeting outside of training or matches, and when he couldn’t evade it, he took special care of them not being alone.
Eventually, Steven noticed that Xabi avoided him and he questioned the Spaniard about it: “Xabi… what’s wrong? Why do you seem to avoid me?”
“I… I just can’t anymore. It doesn’t work anymore. It’s over“, Xabi answered quietly, turned around and went away with tears in his eyes.
That evening, he signed the contract with Real Madrid.
When Steven heard about it, he was beside himself. “Why do you run away now, why? You can’t just leave us here, alone!”
Xabi answered with a sad smile: “It’s over, Steven. It’s too late.”
Two weeks later, the transfer was made official. Xabi moved to Madrid, leaving everything important to him in Liverpool. Because he decided to end it for good. He wanted to put an end on it, never being able to go back. He never wanted to be tempted to restart the thing with Steven.
Even though it had been so nice, especially at the beginning. It all started that one night in Istanbul, after they won the Champions League. In the flush of victory, Steven kissed Xabi and later, when they were alone in their room, Xabi gathered all his courage and kissed his teammate once more. At first, they didn’t talk about it; they just slept with each other. It was their little secret, not to be talked about by anyone, not even them.
Their friendship and with that also their relationship got closer, and at some point, they started talking about things. Starting then, they were together for real and nothing could stop them. They both felt good and when Xabi was injured, Steven was the one to cheer him up again. They didn’t care about them both having girlfriends and children. It was nothing serious between them, so they didn’t have to bother.
Until Steven married. In that exact moment, when Steven said ‘I do’, Xabi’s heart was torn into a million pieces. In that exact moment, he realized how much Steven meant to him. But it was too late. He couldn’t do anything against it, Steven belonged to Alex.
Now Xabi was also married to Nagore. He loved her, but only like a good friend. The person he really loved was Steven. Steven Gerrard.
And it was too late. Xabi couldn’t change anything anymore, no decision could be changed. He lived in Madrid, Steven in Liverpool. Too late.
Xabi sighed. On the one hand, he liked remembering Steven and their time together in Liverpool, on the other hand, it made him sad. He wanted to be back together with him, but at the moment, they didn’t even talk to each other. Slowly, Xabi reached for his cellphone, tool it in his Hand. Should he or shouldn’t he? This call could change everything.
With another sigh, he put it away again, leaving his hand hovering for a few seconds over it. He couldn’t. Not now. But would there be another chance?
He pulled himself together, took the cellphone again and dialed #1 on speed dial.
“Gerrard”, he heard Steven say, picking up the phone.
Xabi breathed deeply in again and whispered: “Steven? It’s me. I-”
“Xabi?” Steven sounded taken aback and surprised. “I didn’t think… I didn’t think you’d call.” Xabi could also hear the disappointment in his voice.
„I just wanted to know… how are you all in Liverpool?“ Xabi asked cautious.
“We miss you. I miss you. Without you, it doesn’t work well, we don’t find our rhythm anymore”, Steven said quietly. “Why did you transfer? I wish you were still here.”
“I wish that too”, Xabi murmured, but Steven understood him anyway.
“But why did you transfer?”
“It just didn’t work anymore. I couldn’t anymore. But here, it doesn’t get better. I miss you, Steven“, Xabi said and felt his eyes starting to burn.
“Xabi… everything’s going to turn out well”, Steven tried to sooth Xabi. “We’re going to meet again soon.”
Now, tears were finally streaming down his face. “I miss you so much. I don’t know why I thought it was going to be better here. I want to be back together with you.” The last sentence was only whispered.
„Me too, Xabi. Me too“, Steven murmured reassuringly. “We’re going to sort things out. I love you, Xabi.” Even though Steven also talked in a low voice, you could clearly hear that he put all his feelings for Xabi in this simple sentence. Steven was serious about every single word, and Xabi knew that.
“I love you too, Steven. I love you”, Xabi whispered. “I am so sorry that I ran away, but I just couldn’t take it anymore. The thing with you and Alex, it was too much. I just couldn’t anymore. I just can’t anymore. I can’t.”
Xabi hung up. Tears were streaming down his face; he didn’t even try stopping them anymore. It had been a bad idea, calling Steven. A mistake which ripped open all of his wounds again and rubbed salt into them. It just hurt more now.
But he couldn’t stop it. Only hoping, that it would get better over the years, that it would hurt less.
---
Pairing: Xabi Alonso x Steven Gerrard
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 1.221
Disclaimer: All lies. They’re not mine. Sadly.
Warning: English is not my first language, so sometimes I’m not sure if the expressions I use are correct since I don’t have a beta.
He couldn’t recall all the reasons why he decided to go to Real Madrid. He knew that there were a lot of pro-Madrid arguments. After all, he created a detailed pro-and-contra-list. The only thing against Madrid was Steven.
And now he also knew why he should have valued that point a lot more than all the others together. Because without Steven, he was nothing. Without Steven, he barely lived. They belonged together. Steven Gerrard and Xabi Alonso. Forever.
Then there have been problems and Xabi decided to run away instead of facing them. And now, he was here in Madrid. He felt bad, no, absolutely crappy was how he felt. It was like a part of him was missing, like without Steven, he wasn’t complete. His new teammates have already asked him what was going on, but he just said he still had to adjust.
Since he was in Madrid, he didn’t dare calling Steven. He was afraid of hearing his voice, full of sorrow and anger about Xabi running away-but in the meantime, he also craved Steven’s voice. But he just couldn’t take it anymore. In the past, everything had been so easy with Steven and Xabi didn’t feel guilty because of what they did. But then Steven married and everything became different. Steven was married now, a serious relationship. A marriage.
That was when Xabi just couldn’t take it anymore. The years before, he always could make himself believe, that it was his Steven, his one and only. But after the wedding, Xabi realized that it was not only his Steven anymore, but also Alex’ Steven. There were no differences in Steven’s behavior towards Xabi, but he felt them anyway, the differences. Even though Steven didn’t wear his wedding ring when he was with Xabi, Xabi could always nearly feel it, the silver ring on Steven’s left ring finger, when his hand softly caressed Xabi’s skin. It just wasn’t the same anymore.
Xabi backed down more and more; previously, they had often met in private and did things together, but now Xabi avoided every meeting outside of training or matches, and when he couldn’t evade it, he took special care of them not being alone.
Eventually, Steven noticed that Xabi avoided him and he questioned the Spaniard about it: “Xabi… what’s wrong? Why do you seem to avoid me?”
“I… I just can’t anymore. It doesn’t work anymore. It’s over“, Xabi answered quietly, turned around and went away with tears in his eyes.
That evening, he signed the contract with Real Madrid.
When Steven heard about it, he was beside himself. “Why do you run away now, why? You can’t just leave us here, alone!”
Xabi answered with a sad smile: “It’s over, Steven. It’s too late.”
Two weeks later, the transfer was made official. Xabi moved to Madrid, leaving everything important to him in Liverpool. Because he decided to end it for good. He wanted to put an end on it, never being able to go back. He never wanted to be tempted to restart the thing with Steven.
Even though it had been so nice, especially at the beginning. It all started that one night in Istanbul, after they won the Champions League. In the flush of victory, Steven kissed Xabi and later, when they were alone in their room, Xabi gathered all his courage and kissed his teammate once more. At first, they didn’t talk about it; they just slept with each other. It was their little secret, not to be talked about by anyone, not even them.
Their friendship and with that also their relationship got closer, and at some point, they started talking about things. Starting then, they were together for real and nothing could stop them. They both felt good and when Xabi was injured, Steven was the one to cheer him up again. They didn’t care about them both having girlfriends and children. It was nothing serious between them, so they didn’t have to bother.
Until Steven married. In that exact moment, when Steven said ‘I do’, Xabi’s heart was torn into a million pieces. In that exact moment, he realized how much Steven meant to him. But it was too late. He couldn’t do anything against it, Steven belonged to Alex.
Now Xabi was also married to Nagore. He loved her, but only like a good friend. The person he really loved was Steven. Steven Gerrard.
And it was too late. Xabi couldn’t change anything anymore, no decision could be changed. He lived in Madrid, Steven in Liverpool. Too late.
Xabi sighed. On the one hand, he liked remembering Steven and their time together in Liverpool, on the other hand, it made him sad. He wanted to be back together with him, but at the moment, they didn’t even talk to each other. Slowly, Xabi reached for his cellphone, tool it in his Hand. Should he or shouldn’t he? This call could change everything.
With another sigh, he put it away again, leaving his hand hovering for a few seconds over it. He couldn’t. Not now. But would there be another chance?
He pulled himself together, took the cellphone again and dialed #1 on speed dial.
“Gerrard”, he heard Steven say, picking up the phone.
Xabi breathed deeply in again and whispered: “Steven? It’s me. I-”
“Xabi?” Steven sounded taken aback and surprised. “I didn’t think… I didn’t think you’d call.” Xabi could also hear the disappointment in his voice.
„I just wanted to know… how are you all in Liverpool?“ Xabi asked cautious.
“We miss you. I miss you. Without you, it doesn’t work well, we don’t find our rhythm anymore”, Steven said quietly. “Why did you transfer? I wish you were still here.”
“I wish that too”, Xabi murmured, but Steven understood him anyway.
“But why did you transfer?”
“It just didn’t work anymore. I couldn’t anymore. But here, it doesn’t get better. I miss you, Steven“, Xabi said and felt his eyes starting to burn.
“Xabi… everything’s going to turn out well”, Steven tried to sooth Xabi. “We’re going to meet again soon.”
Now, tears were finally streaming down his face. “I miss you so much. I don’t know why I thought it was going to be better here. I want to be back together with you.” The last sentence was only whispered.
„Me too, Xabi. Me too“, Steven murmured reassuringly. “We’re going to sort things out. I love you, Xabi.” Even though Steven also talked in a low voice, you could clearly hear that he put all his feelings for Xabi in this simple sentence. Steven was serious about every single word, and Xabi knew that.
“I love you too, Steven. I love you”, Xabi whispered. “I am so sorry that I ran away, but I just couldn’t take it anymore. The thing with you and Alex, it was too much. I just couldn’t anymore. I just can’t anymore. I can’t.”
Xabi hung up. Tears were streaming down his face; he didn’t even try stopping them anymore. It had been a bad idea, calling Steven. A mistake which ripped open all of his wounds again and rubbed salt into them. It just hurt more now.
But he couldn’t stop it. Only hoping, that it would get better over the years, that it would hurt less.
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