(no subject)
i'm trying really hard to come to terms with how crazy i am about sex and romance but it's really hard to because??? i don't know what the issue is exactly idk
i get really uncomfortable around couples and i keep trying to figure out why??? like i know part of it is because i feel like i'm overstepping boundaries and i don't understand romance really so it's hard for me to know where to draw the line between romantic and platonic so i don't and just kind of avoid couples all together which i know that my friends don't want me to do but i wish i could explain WHY i have to
i remember when nico let me follow their private twitter and they talked about richie a lot and being in love with him i was like ahh... ok............ but really uncomfortable!!! like SO unbelievably uncomfortable but i just you know didn't say anything and tried to make myself just BE more comfortable!! but it's so!!! difficult!!! to do that
but like what really set me off was at metro i saw a picture of them kissing on nicos phone and another time on their private and still another time on instagram and i just!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! was physically nauseated for days!!! it was really cool i enjoyed every second of feeling like i was going to vomit bc of romance
like idk why i'm so fucked up about it i'm trying to get to the bottom of this scoob but i CANNOT it is so hard to understand!!!
and i want to be able to talk to them about that bc they're my best friend i want them to confide in me about those things but most times i just feel like i am going to actually fucking die because i get so stressed and sick from hearing about it like a huge weirdo!!!
and like what's been bothering me the most is that i sometimes look at friends as potential mates and it's like?? why do i even entertain these thoughts when i am SO fucked up about romance and have no genuine interest in dating these people
it's so confusing lmao
i just want to be there for my friends for everything including romance and not feel like my world is gonna crush me to death
idk!!!!!!!!!! it's hard bein crazy u feel