I don't want to make it. I just want [to be seen for what I am]
I've been having this persistent thought, and I wanted to share it, even though it may not be as much of a revelation to the rest of you as it was to me.
So, you remember when MCR's Desolation Row video first came out, and everyone in bandom was watching and discussing it? One thing I remember from that time was us collectively realizing that it was a Watchmen AU video, and the way we realized was because the audience they were playing for was so tough. In particular, the audience was not teenage girls--I feel like that was said several times with much humor on all sides. "Haha, yeah, when I saw [an MCR show in real life] the audience was only teenage girls!" "Yeah, they only wish that tough dudes like those punks in the video wanted to see them that much!" "Are they trying to rework their image or something, pretending that it's not only girls who'd be in the audience?"
That last one was me; I remember it distinctly. I'm not sure whether I wrote it down or whether I just thought it--either way, the sentiment is the same--that one way you can tell MCR isn't as cool as they wish they were is because the people they attract are teenage girls. If they were a better / cooler / tougher band, they'd have better / cooler / tougher fans, i.e. not teenage girls.
So the discussion around Desolation Row put that part of my unconscious assumptions on display. And I don't know that it was only me, although it may have been. My internalized sexism is deep like the ocean; that much should be obvious to those of you who know me. But still, I feel like there's plenty of this sentiment in the air around bandom: hahahaha, teenage girls, they suck. One thing I hate about being in bandom is all the teenage girls, I hate being lumped in with them. Etc, etc, etc.
And so my big realization was this:
Teenage girls get to have this music. They get to have it and enjoy it and love it; hell, they get to define the whole fucking demographic if they want. Teenage girls get to listen to punk if they want to, or pop-punk, or emo, or whatever the hell genre MCR is. Teenage girls get to listen to WHATEVER THEY WANT, and more power to them. They get to have strong music, they get to have loud music, they get to have music with angry screaming in it. There are two reasons for this:
First, and most fundamentally, teenage girls get to have good, quality music because they deserve good things, just like everyone deserves good things.
But second, and uniquely important to their situaiton, teenage girls get to have powerful, quality, worthwhile music because how are you supposed to grow up to be big and strong and confident if you don't consume strong, healthy things? How? Music is a crucial part of the adolescent diet, and MCR definitely meets my nutritional standards. I'm not saying you shouldn't also consume Sleater-Kinney and Ani Difranco and Dar Williams and Eve, but I believe that MCR can definitely be part of the nutritionally balanced diet of a young girl.
In fact, teenage girls probably actually deserve something strong and beautiful like this more than most people--do you remember what it was like to be a teenage girl? Do you remember the thumbscrews that were getting turned at that juncture in your life about how to behave, how to relate to men, how to relate to yourself? I mean, I know we all responded to this pressure in different ways, many of them pretty healthy and heroic, but that doesn't mean the pressure wasn't there or didn't suck.
So you know what? Even if MCR's primary audience IS teenaged girls, that's okay. It does not make them a frivolous band; it does not diminish their worth AT ALL.
But in bandom discussions, it seems like it kind of does. Overall, I think it diminishes bandom's worth in our eyes, because we [bandom fans who are not teenage girls] partly see ourselves as acting like teenage girls, fantasizing about pretty boys. Or we fear that we are like this. We feel ashamed of ourselves because we fear we are acting like teenage girls and we take great lengths to disassociate ourselves from them.
That's not cool, I realized. It took me a while to sort out all the layers of this in myself, but now I realize it's not cool at all. So now I'm trying to let my brain and my assumptions and my biases re-sort themselves with the help of a little tender examination. I'm starting to rethink who I think this music belongs to and to let myself notice that it really does belong to teenage girls in a big way. I get to be part of their demographic when I listen to this music. And that's not a bad or a shameful demographic to be part of. Remember the girl you were when you were a teenager? She was okay; in fact, she was probably pretty cool if who you are now is any indication. The girls we [older bandom fans] share this music with are probably just as good, don't you think?
I don't know how much MCR thinks about these things. I don't know if they imagine themselves speaking primarily to women. I don't know if they feel bad about themselves and their following and secretly wish they had more fans like the knotheads in the Desolation Row video. I don't know if they love all their girl fans as much as they should.*
But I do remember an interview where Gerard Way was talking about MCR and how he felt they were situated relative to other genres in contemporary music. He said [and I'm paraphrasing from memory here] that he felt like rock music had basically handed the microphone to nu metal for the past couple of years and there were no alternate voices questioning the unexamined sexism that is such a huge part of nu metal.
I really fucking respect that he said that. He didn't have to, and god knows you don't get a lot of coolness points for bringing up sexism or women in pop culture these days.** But he said it. And I feel like their music bears it out. Maybe I'm making this up, or maybe I'm blinded by their pretty faces, but in general I don't feel like I have to overlook sexism to enjoy My Chemical Romance music, and I'm grateful for that. I have to do that in so much of my consumption of culture--turn a blind eye to sexism that should upset me more than I let it--it's just a relief not to have to do it with them. I wish I could fold this post up and mail it to Gerard Way, just to say thank you for not being inhospitable to women. Thank you. It matters. To all of us, and most particularly to the beautiful, tough young women who are listening to you during their teenage years.
* But they probably do. All the pictures I see from concerts and stuff, them posing with their arms around fans and big smiles all around, it looks real. They look sincere.
** I think I would feel the same surprise and relief if a TV writer were to say, "It's time there was an alternate voice to the creepy sexism and racism of TV conceptualists like Eric Kripke and Joss Whedon." I'm still waiting for that one.
So, you remember when MCR's Desolation Row video first came out, and everyone in bandom was watching and discussing it? One thing I remember from that time was us collectively realizing that it was a Watchmen AU video, and the way we realized was because the audience they were playing for was so tough. In particular, the audience was not teenage girls--I feel like that was said several times with much humor on all sides. "Haha, yeah, when I saw [an MCR show in real life] the audience was only teenage girls!" "Yeah, they only wish that tough dudes like those punks in the video wanted to see them that much!" "Are they trying to rework their image or something, pretending that it's not only girls who'd be in the audience?"
That last one was me; I remember it distinctly. I'm not sure whether I wrote it down or whether I just thought it--either way, the sentiment is the same--that one way you can tell MCR isn't as cool as they wish they were is because the people they attract are teenage girls. If they were a better / cooler / tougher band, they'd have better / cooler / tougher fans, i.e. not teenage girls.
So the discussion around Desolation Row put that part of my unconscious assumptions on display. And I don't know that it was only me, although it may have been. My internalized sexism is deep like the ocean; that much should be obvious to those of you who know me. But still, I feel like there's plenty of this sentiment in the air around bandom: hahahaha, teenage girls, they suck. One thing I hate about being in bandom is all the teenage girls, I hate being lumped in with them. Etc, etc, etc.
And so my big realization was this:
Teenage girls get to have this music. They get to have it and enjoy it and love it; hell, they get to define the whole fucking demographic if they want. Teenage girls get to listen to punk if they want to, or pop-punk, or emo, or whatever the hell genre MCR is. Teenage girls get to listen to WHATEVER THEY WANT, and more power to them. They get to have strong music, they get to have loud music, they get to have music with angry screaming in it. There are two reasons for this:
First, and most fundamentally, teenage girls get to have good, quality music because they deserve good things, just like everyone deserves good things.
But second, and uniquely important to their situaiton, teenage girls get to have powerful, quality, worthwhile music because how are you supposed to grow up to be big and strong and confident if you don't consume strong, healthy things? How? Music is a crucial part of the adolescent diet, and MCR definitely meets my nutritional standards. I'm not saying you shouldn't also consume Sleater-Kinney and Ani Difranco and Dar Williams and Eve, but I believe that MCR can definitely be part of the nutritionally balanced diet of a young girl.
In fact, teenage girls probably actually deserve something strong and beautiful like this more than most people--do you remember what it was like to be a teenage girl? Do you remember the thumbscrews that were getting turned at that juncture in your life about how to behave, how to relate to men, how to relate to yourself? I mean, I know we all responded to this pressure in different ways, many of them pretty healthy and heroic, but that doesn't mean the pressure wasn't there or didn't suck.
So you know what? Even if MCR's primary audience IS teenaged girls, that's okay. It does not make them a frivolous band; it does not diminish their worth AT ALL.
But in bandom discussions, it seems like it kind of does. Overall, I think it diminishes bandom's worth in our eyes, because we [bandom fans who are not teenage girls] partly see ourselves as acting like teenage girls, fantasizing about pretty boys. Or we fear that we are like this. We feel ashamed of ourselves because we fear we are acting like teenage girls and we take great lengths to disassociate ourselves from them.
That's not cool, I realized. It took me a while to sort out all the layers of this in myself, but now I realize it's not cool at all. So now I'm trying to let my brain and my assumptions and my biases re-sort themselves with the help of a little tender examination. I'm starting to rethink who I think this music belongs to and to let myself notice that it really does belong to teenage girls in a big way. I get to be part of their demographic when I listen to this music. And that's not a bad or a shameful demographic to be part of. Remember the girl you were when you were a teenager? She was okay; in fact, she was probably pretty cool if who you are now is any indication. The girls we [older bandom fans] share this music with are probably just as good, don't you think?
I don't know how much MCR thinks about these things. I don't know if they imagine themselves speaking primarily to women. I don't know if they feel bad about themselves and their following and secretly wish they had more fans like the knotheads in the Desolation Row video. I don't know if they love all their girl fans as much as they should.*
But I do remember an interview where Gerard Way was talking about MCR and how he felt they were situated relative to other genres in contemporary music. He said [and I'm paraphrasing from memory here] that he felt like rock music had basically handed the microphone to nu metal for the past couple of years and there were no alternate voices questioning the unexamined sexism that is such a huge part of nu metal.
I really fucking respect that he said that. He didn't have to, and god knows you don't get a lot of coolness points for bringing up sexism or women in pop culture these days.** But he said it. And I feel like their music bears it out. Maybe I'm making this up, or maybe I'm blinded by their pretty faces, but in general I don't feel like I have to overlook sexism to enjoy My Chemical Romance music, and I'm grateful for that. I have to do that in so much of my consumption of culture--turn a blind eye to sexism that should upset me more than I let it--it's just a relief not to have to do it with them. I wish I could fold this post up and mail it to Gerard Way, just to say thank you for not being inhospitable to women. Thank you. It matters. To all of us, and most particularly to the beautiful, tough young women who are listening to you during their teenage years.
* But they probably do. All the pictures I see from concerts and stuff, them posing with their arms around fans and big smiles all around, it looks real. They look sincere.
** I think I would feel the same surprise and relief if a TV writer were to say, "It's time there was an alternate voice to the creepy sexism and racism of TV conceptualists like Eric Kripke and Joss Whedon." I'm still waiting for that one.