So, what would you say if I said I thought UVic reminded me of the farms (not that they are neccessarily alike, but that there are surface similarities at least to me) and that I wonder if that is why I keep wanting to come back here? (Besides the free computer access, and all.) You know, still being attached to "back then" & not wanting to face The Real World or whatever??
this heading says "reply to this" but that is hard to do a few years ago i went to a renowned professional Christian counsellor to get my head examined and he said that i was not crazy but i was dependent on the structure i had submitted to [matrix in the generic sense of the term, social structure devised for support] that i had an expectation in my psyche of a protective providing comforting etc system 'over' me and that i had the character qualities associated with that: loyalty, dedication, deference to leadership etc and these qualities are transferable, that is, if there were no structure for me to depend on it would not be out of character for me to be involved in building one just to have the sense of security that it offers me i would say that i have not completely come out from that yet, but i have thoroughly SEEN it, which is of course the first big step out of any form of slavery (began seeing it just 10 years ago now with the help of Brian and Carole)---post getting long, to be continued
that i had an expectation in my psyche of a protective providing comforting etc system 'over' me and that i had the character qualities associated with that: loyalty, dedication, deference to leadership etc and these qualities are transferable, that is, if there were no structure for me to depend on it would not be out of character for me to be involved in building one just to have the sense of security that it offers meYeah, that's pretty much what I was saying for me
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where to live (choose your depth)prophetpeterMarch 21 2005, 19:26:29 UTC
well thank you for reading this i'm not trying to get you to "worry" but this stuff is in fact down inside, and it is well known that ignoring it tends to drive it deeper (but not away!) this is ironic because my current (chosen?) lifestyle leaves me less than the minimum time required to develop a healthy inner life (you know, consistent, conscientious, etc) and yet i claim to believe that this is the primary thing and that the inner stuff is reality whereas the outer stuff is just a vapour sigh i don't have many people to share this kind of stuff with these days, but i don't want to dump on you any of my thoughts beyond what may continue to interest you. Mom is still the one i can share most with, and she understands a lot (though we don't agree on everything--and usually we agree that that's a good thing!). :)
my point was?prophetpeterFebruary 4 2005, 03:38:33 UTC
well i am doing a testimonial sort of thing rather than a finger-pointing thing--someone told me lately that i do less of that because of what i have been through and seen--so the point is whatever it is for you....i guess i could be one step more specific and say that the kind of 'closed' system that we boxed you up in from your infancy is something that needs to be grown out of, more or less violently--perhaps like a chrysalis
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maturity is painful. it includes conscious choice to suffer (root meaning: to allow stuff to happen to you, allow yourself to go through stuff) for the sake of a greater goal, what we used to call a "fruit." this is independent of our philosophy; it is a law of life like gravity or entropy: growth hurts
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a few years ago i went to a renowned professional Christian counsellor to get my head examined
and he said that i was not crazy but i was dependent on the structure i had submitted to
[matrix in the generic sense of the term, social structure devised for support]
that i had an expectation in my psyche of a protective providing comforting etc system 'over' me
and that i had the character qualities associated with that: loyalty, dedication, deference to leadership etc
and these qualities are transferable, that is, if there were no structure for me to depend on it would not be out of character for me to be involved in building one just to have the sense of security that it offers me
i would say that i have not completely come out from that yet, but i have thoroughly SEEN it, which is of course the first big step out of any form of slavery (began seeing it just 10 years ago now with the help of Brian and Carole)---post getting long, to be continued
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and that i had the character qualities associated with that: loyalty, dedication, deference to leadership etc
and these qualities are transferable, that is, if there were no structure for me to depend on it would not be out of character for me to be involved in building one just to have the sense of security that it offers meYeah, that's pretty much what I was saying for me ( ... )
Reply
i'm not trying to get you to "worry" but this stuff is in fact down inside, and it is well known that ignoring it tends to drive it deeper (but not away!)
this is ironic because my current (chosen?) lifestyle leaves me less than the minimum time required to develop a healthy inner life (you know, consistent, conscientious, etc) and yet i claim to believe that this is the primary thing and that the inner stuff is reality whereas the outer stuff is just a vapour
sigh
i don't have many people to share this kind of stuff with these days, but i don't want to dump on you any of my thoughts beyond what may continue to interest you. Mom is still the one i can share most with, and she understands a lot (though we don't agree on everything--and usually we agree that that's a good thing!). :)
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