[OOC] App
Character name: Supervisory Special Agent Dr. Spencer Reid
Series: Criminal Minds
Character Age: mid- to late twenties
Job: Resident Expert on Everything
Canon: Criminal Minds centers around the members of the FBI’s Behavioral Analysis Unit. Based out of Quantico, Virginia, the BAU travels around the country, usually at the behest of local law enforcement departments, to assist them in solving particularly difficult crimes. As the name of the show implies, they do this by attempting to get into the head of the unsub (short for unknown subject) believed responsible, creating a psychological profile of the unsub that will hopefully aid in finding him or her. Yes, they fight crime.
The youngest, and arguably the most danger-prone, member of his team, Reid is an autodidact with an IQ of 187, an eidetic memory, multiple college degrees (three PhDs by age twenty, plus two additional BAs, with a third BA in progress) and the ability to read 20,000 words per minute. Unfortunately, his vast array of knowledge doesn’t really extend to social skills, which can make his interactions with others very awkward; he stammers, he babbles, he has a tendency to go off on odd conversational tangents and he frequently doesn’t know when to shut up. He’s not necessarily trying to be annoying; he just doesn’t always remember that not everyone wants to hear a mini-dissertation on whatever topic has caught his attention. Still, his garrulousness has worked in his favor at times, as he has successfully talked down or distracted more than one unsub without a fight... although his knack for getting into situations where he has to talk down an unsub is somewhat less helpful. Then again, Reid has said he does "some of [his] best work under intense terror."
Note: Reid is an inveterate coffee drinker who spends an estimated $50 on the stuff per week.
Sample Entry: Historically speaking, the consumption of brains is a relatively new addition to zombie lore. Actually, much of what we would term "zombie lore" is quite recent; the majority stems from either George Romero's film Night of the Living Dead or Dan O'Bannon’s Return of the Living Dead, although those zombies in the former film were referred to mostly as ghouls, and indeed, flesh-eating has traditionally been associated with mythological ghouls rather than zombies, who historically speaking were simply the reanimated dead. Romero was more interested in zombies as a metaphor for various social issues - rampant consumerism, for example.
...O-of course, none of you look particularly metaphorical, although you do resemble Romero's zombies in a number of ways. The slow shambling, for one, and the, uh, the lack of standard conversational skills. Oddly enough, while Romero zombies do consume human flesh, brain-eating as a concept is specifically tied to O'Bannon zombies; Romero zombies merely consume flesh as an echo of things they did in life - not cannibalism specifically, but food consumption in general. O'Bannon zombies, on the other hand, require brain matter as a means of alleviating the constant pain of decomposition. Obviously, it may be different for you -
...E-excuse me? My brain? You - you want to eat my brain?
Ah, no - I really don’t think consuming my brain would be a good idea for you. I-I-I mean, I do tend to drink large amounts of coffee, and excessive consumption of caffeine frequently leads to side effects such as high blood pressure - which admittedly shouldn't be something you specifically would have to worry about, given your lack of heartbeat, but it can also lead to tremors, which I would think would be a concern for someone whose extremities are as - as precariously attached as yours. You might also be prone to bouts of anxiety and insomnia, assuming you're capable of sleep, and there may be an outside chance of you developing osteoporosis, because studies have shown a link between that and heavy caffeine consumption and like I said, I really, really drink a lot of coffee. And that’s not even getting into the possibility of caffeine addiction and withdrawal symptoms, or side effects from the coffee itself or the sugar I add to it - granted, some of those effects might be mitigated by your deceased state and your general lack of nutritional requirements, brains aside, of course, but...
Do your eyes fall out like that often? Because I don't think I've ever seen a case of spontaneous unassisted enucleation before; it's actually kind of... Where are you going? You, uh, you left your eyes...
Hmm. I feel vaguely insulted somehow.
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