Cutting My Losses
Cutting My Losses 13/14
The Battle
Summary: When things get too hard to handle in Vegas, Greg runs to Pittsburgh and the person that knows him best, his longtime friend, Justin Taylor. Little does he know, running away will have serious consequences.
Cutting My Losses
Chapter 13
Greg closed the door behind him and tossed his bag on the floor to the left before walking further into the small hotel room. The curtains on the floor-to-ceiling windows were wide open. City lights gave the room a soft glow and Greg could just make out the details of the room. There was a medium-sized television, a small nightstand in the corner, and the hottest man Greg had ever seen lying on a full-size bed. His eyes had to be fooling him. Greg walked closer to the bed and sure enough, there was Warrick Brown, close enough to touch. He was lying on his stomach. His right arm was hanging off the side of the bed, his fingers an inch away from touching the ground. The blanket was in a ball at the foot of the bed. And the sheet was covering Warrick's waist and legs. Greg watched the city lights play off of Warrick's skin, and he had to smile. Warrick always slept with the windows uncovered and open. He liked hearing the noise and having the sunlight or city lights streaming in through the window. He loved living in the city. Vegas was in Warrick's blood more than he'd ever care to admit.
Greg sat down on the floor next to the bed and watched Warrick sleep. He couldn't believe Warrick was right in front of him. He didn't understand how it happened and he knew he should just leave. Warrick didn't want anything to do with him. But he wanted this so bad. For the past few days all he thought about was seeing Warrick...touching him. Warrick's all hard muscle and sharp lines, but he knew from experience that Warrick had the softest skin he'd ever felt. Greg could never keep his hands to himself when they were in bed. He just wanted to touch him one more time. He knew he shouldn't, but he'd never been very good at resisting Warrick. He lifted his hand and let his fingertips ghost over Warrick's cheekbones softly. Down his cheekbones to his lips. Greg loved Warrick's lips. He felt Warrick stir and pulled his hand away before he could get caught in the act.
Warrick opened his eyes, not quite sure of what woke him up. He looked in front of him and saw Greg. He figured he had to still be asleep, still be dreaming. Greg looked so much younger than Warrick had ever seen him. He was in jeans and a hoodie, and he looked so sad. Warrick just wanted to comfort him. He reached up, bringing his hand against Greg's cheek. It was warm and real and solid. "Greg?"
Greg wasn't sure what he was expecting to happen when Warrick woke up, but the soft touch from Warrick was the last thing he could have imagined. "Uh...hey." He tried for a grin, but it fell flat.
Warrick was suddenly wide awake. He pulled his hand away from Greg and sat up to turn on the lamp sitting on the nightstand. "What're you doing here?"
"This...uh, this is my room." Greg reached into his jeans pocket and held up the plastic keycard Justin had given him.
"No, it isn't. I checked in this morning." Warrick pulled the card key from Greg's hand. "Where'd you get this?"
Greg took the card back from Warrick. "My friends rented this room for me."
"Your friends? Your friends wouldn't happen to be friends with Nick would they? I'm gonna fucking kill him."
"What are you talking about?" Greg wasn't following. "Brian and Justin rented this room for me so they could get some alone time. And as far as I know, Nick is in Vegas...where I thought you were. What are you doing here, Warrick?"
"There's a forensics conference downtown. Someone from day shift was supposed to go, but at the last minute they were sending me. Nick said he pulled a favor, said I needed a vacation. And here we end up in the same city, in the same hotel, in the same room. It's not a coincidence."
"I had nothing to do with this, I swear!"
Warrick threw the sheet from his body and stood up before walking to his duffle bag in the corner of the room. He pulled out a pair of jeans and slid them on over his boxers. There was no way he was doing this in just his shorts. "I know you didn't, Greg. This has Nick Stokes written all over it. He just can't mind his own fucking business." Warrick pulled out a t-shirt to put on as well and sat back down on the bed. He took a good look at Greg, taking in his appearance. He looked just about as bad as Warrick felt.
Greg fiddled with the hem of his jeans, not knowing what to say but knowing he should say something. He went with the truth. "I'm glad you're here." He said it so quietly, he wasn't even sure Warrick heard him.
Warrick heard him and he didn't know what to say. Yeah, he'd missed Greg. No doubt. But being this close to him without being able to touch him or kiss him...knowing that Greg wasn't his anymore literally hurt. Breaking up made a lot more sense when Greg halfway across the country. Being this close to him was messing with his head. "I don't wanna be here." He mumbled it under his breath before he could stop himself.
"Yeah, I get it. It's over, you don't love me, you can't stand to be near me. I don't blame you for hating me. I'm kinda hating myself right now too."
"Don't do that. Don't try to be funny. Just be real with me."
"I am being real with you. It's over, you don't love me, you can't stand to be near me. You've made your feelings pretty clear."
"Would you stop being so melodramatic? I never said I hated you. I'll never hate you. Things just didn't work out."
"Because of me. Because I ran away."
"Well...yeah, what'd you expect to happen?" Warrick almost wanted to take the words back when he saw Greg flinch. He hated seeing Greg so broken up over this, blaming himself. He kept thinking about his conversation with Nick. He couldn't put it all on Greg. He had a part in it too. "You know it would've ended sooner or later. I mean it just...it's not all your fault...we're so different...and work...there's just no way it could've worked. It's better that we just end things now and move on."
"That's a lot easier said than done. I can't make myself stop loving you, Warrick." Greg didn't want to do this anymore. He knew none of it was going to make a difference and it just...hurt. He stood up to leave. "Look, I'm going to go, okay?"
"Don't go." Warrick never wanted to hurt Greg. He just had to make him understand. He reached out to Greg. "Come here."
Greg didn't move. "You've already made up your mind. You don't want me, you want this...us to be over. Did it even occur to you that maybe I didn't want us to be over? That maybe I loved you enough to want to fight for this relationship and try to fix it?"
Warrick dropped his hand and looked away. "Shut up, Greg. You don't love me. You don't."
"Oh, don't even go there."
"You think you do, but you don't." Warrick's voice was firm. "You wouldn't have left if you did. You would have came to me with your problems if you did."
"How do you know what I think? How do you know what I feel? You've never bothered asking before. How was I supposed to know that you'd even notice that I was gone?"
"What the fuck are you talking about? How could I not notice you were gone?" Warrick was sure that Greg had lost his fucking mind.
Greg didn't respond. Maybe Warrick was right. It was time to move on. If Warrick didn't understand now, he never would. He couldn't stop himself, couldn't let himself give up though. "I may have left physically, and yes, that was a huge fuck up, but you checked out emotionally a long time ago. I was honest and open with you from the beginning. I told you everything and got nothing in return. But you know what? I didn't care. I took what I could get because I loved you that much. So don't you fucking tell me that I never loved you, Warrick Brown, because I do."
"I gave you everything you could ever want, everything I could give you. And it wasn't enough. It was never enough. This past month has been hell, and I know you haven't happy. I saw this coming. I knew you were going to end it. I tried, I tried like fucking hell, and it still happened. I don't give a fuck what you say, Greg. You don't love me. I was just the first guy that fucked you and actually gave a damn about you too. But I couldn't make you happy. I couldn't do that, so you left."
"Exactly. You don't give a fuck what I say. You never have and you never will. I don't matter. I get it." Greg didn't think there was any fight left in him.
"How can you even say that?" Warrick genuinely didn't get it. There was no way Greg could be serious. "I've listened to every single thing you've ever told me. I practically begged for you to tell me more."
"That's bullshit and you know it. But you know what? I didn't care about that, just like I didn't care about playing second fiddle to everyone else. I loved you anyway."
"'I loved you despite of it all.' That's such a bullshit thing to say. I loved everything about you. You never played second fiddle. There was only you. I loved you."
Greg couldn't stop himself from laughing at that. Of course he played second fiddle. "You actually believe that. Whatever. It's not like it matters now, right?"
"I believe it because it's the truth. What, were you just that fucking jealous? You couldn't handle my relationship with Grams, or Nick, or Cath? Or maybe it was work or music? Believe it or not, Greg, I have a life. A very healthy, full life. And you were part of it, just like everyone else, everything else. I never thought I'd have to say something like this to you. You of all people should know. You understand my job, you understand my relationship with my Grandmother, you're friends with Nick."
Greg gave up. He stepped back and put both of his hands in front of him, palms facing Warrick. "Look, I'm sorry, okay? I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I ran away from you. I'm sorry that I couldn't be everything that you want and deserve. I'm sorry for being 'jealous' and wanting to spend more time with you. I'm sorry for all of it...except falling in love with you. Because regardless of what you think, loving you was the most amazing, wonderful thing that has ever happened to me." Greg was done. Time to leave. He gave Warrick one last look and walked to the door.
Warrick didn't think he could watch Greg physically leave him. And in that moment he realized exactly what he'd done. Greg was leaving him. Greg would never be his again. And that...that was all on Warrick, because right now, Greg wanted to make this work. Warrick was at the door in a few strides and holding on to Greg's wrist. "Please...please, don't leave." His hand moved to Greg's hip to turn the younger man around. He lifted his other hand to cup Greg's cheek. He wanted this. Wanted it more than anything, and he made sure Greg knew it. "You're everything I want, way more than I deserve. I just...I just don't get why I wasn't enough for you. Explain it to me, and I promise I'll listen. No more arguing. Okay?"
Greg wasn't sure he could handle anymore. "I don't think that's a good idea."
"Please, Greg. I'm asking you to stay. You can't leave me again. I'll do whatever you want. Just stay and talk to me."
Greg looked at Warrick with those big sad eyes. He didn't know what to say so he let Warrick lead him back to the bed to sit down. He looked down at his hands and fiddled with the hem of his borrowed hoodie. "What do you want me to say?" he finally broke the silence.
"Tell me everything I did wrong. Because we were really happy, right? I mean, we were good together. Then there was the explosion...and that was all kinds of fucked up. And I know you were dealing with that, but it wasn't just that. It felt like you didn't want to be with me anymore, or I wasn't enough for you, or...I don't know. Things were just different."
"You've always been enough for me...everything I could possibly want. And I know I've said this a million times, but I truly am sorry for everything. You're right. The lab explosion did fuck me up. I mean, it...I don't know. I had nightmares every night, vivd ones, and they wouldn't stop. The ugly scars on my back don't help. It's tough to be constantly reminded of something that almost killed you, you know? I know that it happened really fast, but it's something that I'm not ever going to forget. I remember everything about it." Greg felt stupid. He shouldn't feel that way. The explosion was over, he was still alive, he should be over it. "I guess after that happened I didn't feel safe anymore and I wanted you..." He trailed off, not finishing his sentence.
Warrick prodded. "Wanted me... what?"
"I just wanted you. With me, around me. I know it was a selfish thing, but that's the only way I really felt good...happy...safe, when I was with you. And it hurt so bad because it was like...that's when you really pulled away from me. You were spending all your time with Nick and Catherine and your other friends...you would forget about plans that we made and it just really hurt."
"God, babe, I wasn't trying to pull away from you. You just wouldn't talk to me. I knew you were dealing with it all, but you wouldn't share any of it with me. I kept asking. And after awhile it felt like hovering. I just thought you needed more space."
Greg couldn't help but grin a little bit at the term of affection, but it was short-lived. He shrugged. "I was just being selfish. You're right, you do have a very full and enjoyable life. You had it before you met me and you'll have it after I'm gone. I'm sorry that I...you know. The world doesn't revolve around me. I just...this is all so stupid, but I wanted to feel safe so bad. Justin...I've known him for so long and he's probably the only person in the world who understands me so I came out here."
"I get that. I do. I would have understood if you had just told me. Why didn't you?"
"I was going to, but you had forgotten our plans and when I called, you were with Nick. I honestly didn't think you'd care if I left."
"I was just picking up breakfast for both of us, you. I even bought those nasty-ass chocolate chip pancakes you love so much."
"Why didn't you call me?"
"I got called into work that night and just completely forgot. This little kid killed in a park, and by the time I was done, it was early morning. Nick and I went to pick up some breakfast. I wanted to surprise you. I even had this little weekend trip planned. There's a small bed and breakfast outside of town." Warrick smiled a little at the thought of the plans he had made. But he remembered where they were and why they were there, and the smile quickly disappeared. "We would have had fun."
"Yeah, we would have."
"We could...uh...maybe go sometime still, if you want to, I mean." Warrick was grasping at straws and he didn't know when their roles were reversed. When he wanted this more than Greg.
Greg just shook is head. "I doubt I'll go back to Vegas."
"What are you talking about?"
"I don't think I could go back there."
"What are you talking about?" And Warrick knew he was repeating himself. "You're in one of the best labs in the country. You couldn't find a better job. And everyone would miss you. Nick'll kick my ass if you leave Vegas because of me, Gris'll be pissed if he loses his best lab rat, Cath will miss the baby of the lab, and Sara won't have anyone left to flirt with her. Because God knows you're the only one that does. You can't leave."
"I can't stay there. Do you have any idea just how bad it'll hurt seeing you everyday, being constantly reminded of how I fucked up the one thing in this world that made me happiest? I can't do it."
"You didn't fuck up anything. We both did. If I can stick it out, so can you. And our rel...our friendship isn't beyond repair." Warrick took Greg's hand in his, interlacing their fingers. "We were friends first, you know. And even though it may not be the same, you'll always be a part of my life."
"And you'll always be part of mine. You're my first love and I'll never forget that, but I can't be 'just your friend.' I love you too much."
Warrick brought his other hand to Greg's chin and turned his face so they were facing each other. "Didn't you learn anything from all of this? Running away isn't a solution. Leaving isn't going to change anything, Greg. It never does. It just makes things worse. Just because it's out of sight, doesn't mean it's out of mind. In addition to dealing with everything, you also won't have any friends close by." Warrick dropped his hand. "That'd just be stupid, and you're ''not'' stupid."
"Nope, that's not true. I'm incredibly stupid and you know why. I ran away once and I ruined everything." They were both quiet for a few seconds before Greg blurted out, "I guess I'll never get to meet your grandmother, huh?" It was a very random thing for Greg to say and he realized that. He didn't even know where it came from...
"You wanted to?"
"Well, yeah...I mean, I've thought about it. You've mentioned her before and how she shaped the person you are so I figured she was a cool old lady. But I realize that she's a part of your life that never concerned me. Did she...did she even know about me?"
"Of course she did. I used to talk her ear off about you. She really wanted to meet you..."
Greg looks at Warrick with questioning eyes. "Really?"
"Yeah, I just...you know...I never introduce her to the people I'm dating. I mean, eventually, they leave, or dump me, or we break up, or I dump them. She's the only family I have left, the most important person in my life. The idea of introducing her to all these people that weren't going to be around for that long just seemed like a bad idea. It's funny. Out of all the people I dated, you were the only one she actually wanted to meet." And Warrick knew that had to mean something. "I don't think she likes my taste in women."
"I've gotta say that I agree with her on that one." Greg smiled at his own joke for a second, but Warrick's words definitely hurt. "So you knew we were doomed from the beginning? Maybe Nana Olaf isn't so psychic after all. She told me that you and I were going to last."
"I kinda thought we would too. You're everything I could want in a partner. And our first night together just felt so...right." Warrick couldn't stop himself from thinking about the night. "When we were in bed together, I just couldn't imagine ever being with anyone else." Warrick brought himself back to the present. "I didn't think we were doomed from the start, Greg. When it comes to relationships though, I tend to expect the worse. I think I would have introduced you to Grams eventually...I don't know."
"I guess it's a good thing you didn't," Greg said softly.
"I don't know. Maybe I should introduce you two. You are staying in Vegas aren't you?"
"I don't know."
"You should."
"Why?"
"Because everyone will miss you if you don't."
"Even you?"
"Especially me. I know it may be hard to believe, but I do care about you."
"Well, then I guess I'm staying in Vegas." He gave Warrick a small smile. "I really am glad you're here. This fight...talk, whatever it was...it needed to happen."
"Yeah it did." Warrick nodded his head and cleared his throat a bit. "I'm sorry for arguing with you before and not listening. I guess I can be a little stubborn at times."
"And I'm sorry for being a jealous, needy brat." Greg very gently pulled his hand out of Warrick's and stood. "I guess I better go find myself a room. I could always go back to Brian and Justin's loft, but I don't think Brian would appreciate that very much. Me being there has put a serious strain on their sex life. Brian even locked me out once."
"You should just stay here. The bed's plenty big for the both of us."
"You sure you don't mind?"
"Yeah."
"Yeah, you mind or yeah, you don't mind?" Greg wanted to be absolutely sure.
Warrick shook his head slightly, chuckling. He looked at Greg before answering. "Yeah, I don't mind."
Warrick took off his shirt and jeans, chucking the clothes into the corner near his duffle bag. He climbed into the bed and under the covers. He kept his eyes on the ceiling averted from the vision of Greg stripping.
"You want me to turn off the lamp?" Warrick looked at Greg, his eyes raking over Greg's lean form clad in a t-shirt and boxers. His gaze finally met Greg's.
"Yeah. That'd be good." Warrick's throat was dry. He swallowed before turning back to the ceiling. His eyes stayed on the ceiling as Greg climbed in the bed and under the covers.
Warrick's relationship with Greg was a lot like gambling. Greg was alluring...distracting...sexy...tempting. Within the same twenty-four hours, Greg could have him feeling like a king to feeling like shit. When they were together, Warrick would've spent his last dollar on Greg if he'd just ask. Above all, Greg was risky. Warrick had taken a big gamble when he kissed Greg in that crowded club so many months ago. Their first kiss. Warrick had known from that moment that he'd eventually have to give Greg up, just like he had gambling. Because wanting something so much you ached, needing something to get through a day, not caring about the consequences, just acting...that couldn't be good, right?
Warrick glanced at Greg. With all that, there was still the simple fact that like gambling, Greg was tempting. Greg was temptation personified. Being this close to him felt like the those first few weeks after he quit gambling. He'd watch a game and would have to stop himself from placing a bet. It'd be so easy. Just a simple phone call. He could end up losing it all. But placing that bet would feel so good, so fucking good. Putting himself on the line. Taking that chance, that risk. Making that jump, and just...falling. It could be euphoric. Now when it came to gambling, Warrick would start thinking about the consequences and how his actions would affect others. But here, in this hotel room, there was only Greg and Warrick. So Warrick took a deep breath and took his chance.
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Author's Notes: Co-written and beta'd by vanna12.