[He has passed the point of panic when the video clicks on, has gone past the point of searching and hoping that the stupid device is lying, it has to beAnd he has hit the point of devastation
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Finally, after some time, he realizes that he can't just shut himself off, not with the stupid device recording...and so he takes a deep breath, but he doesn't look up.]
...Yeah. I'm fine.
[He's not. But this is too much for him to deal with, and he can't talk to people right now.]
[He doesn't say anything in response to that, which should explain everything about the state he is in now; he simply takes a deep breath and falls silent, because this is too much for him to deal with right now--
He had found a life and a family and it was gone again...like his life is just one cruel joke.
So he says nothing; Touka can do what she wants. He just...doesn't care. Can't bring himself to care.]
.... you weren't ready for them to leave, I take it.
[She takes some time to weigh her words, but...]
It's a risk you take. You've gotta put yourself out there to rely on people and to trust them. So maybe it didn't completely pay off this time, but... You can't give up hope. It's not over here.
[She's such a hypocrite, but that doesn't really register right now.]
It'll be okay. Take youre time getting back on your feet though. You need anything?
It's hard to deal with strangers seeing this, especially because he is so clearly vulnerable here, and yet he can't quite bring himself to care. Why care? It doesn't even matter.
What does matter?]
Why are you...
[Helping me? Caring? Saying something? Either way, he trails off into silence, still not looking into the screen.]
[Hmmm... a good question. One that she's been asked many times but has yet to find an acceptable answer to.]
Because most people can't leave another person alone if they're hurting. Or maybe there's just something weird in my wiring that makes it happen for me.
But you know, being alone at a time like this won't do any good. You start thinking weird things when you're in a bad mood and left alone.
[Weird things? Yeah. Like how perhaps it would be easier if he just gave up here and now. That maybe it isn't worth trying so damn hard for absolutely nothing.
But he's used to being alone.]
I'll be fine.
[It's pretty clear he doesn't want to talk; words aren't getting through to him, not now. He's too numb, too devastated.]
[he smiled a little, he can recognize that kind of eyes. it's the set of confusion and loss. not that the other stopped trusting, but because he's pained and blinded...]
But while I'm here and present, I can still talk to you and try to make things better.
Even for the tiniest bit... even if I don't matter, that isn't a reason why I should just ignore what I saw today.
You're not much different from me in the end. We're all stuck here out of our will and forced to face different kinds of trial everyday.
[that's right, probably one day none of these will matter if they will just keep disappearing. but they don't know what lies ahead... it's best to just do what everyone can for each other. in order to make it together in this underwater trap.]
Alice. [ Aziraphale isn't taking this well at all; he's already tried sending messages to Sanae but, of course, they failed. Miserably. ] Where are you?
It is blank, the look on his face, when he looks up. Blank, in emotional exhaustion and in a simple inability to understand. Mr. H can't be gone, not really. This world is just...messing with him, lying to him, it has to be--
But Alice? has never been good with lies, even (especially) to himself.
And he knows, deep down, that Mr. H is gone.
Aziraphale's voice jolts him out of that, and he blinks, as if out of a daze.]
Aziraphale...?
[After a moment--he bites his lip and struggles to keep it together and not break down--he reaches over and picks up the SFC, for a moment just looking into it, clearly devastated.]
I--
[He falls silent, taking a shuddering breath. This is just...so unfair. Why do things have to happen this way?]
video. BETTER ICONS 8(buysclothesSeptember 17 2010, 20:25:04 UTC
[ The angel stares at Alice through the SFC. This was hard for him (he could feel the pain in his heart as though there was someone continually twisting a knife backwards and forwards) but he knew it was nothing compared to what Alice was feeling, and his selfless, empathetic nature took over.
Doing his best to be stern, but not harsh, Aziraphale takes a deep breath. ]
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[Obviously not but she doesn't know what else to say and she's worried]
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Finally, after some time, he realizes that he can't just shut himself off, not with the stupid device recording...and so he takes a deep breath, but he doesn't look up.]
...Yeah. I'm fine.
[He's not. But this is too much for him to deal with, and he can't talk to people right now.]
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I'm sorry...I-I understand if you don't want to talk about it.
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They had just talked about this. She...she had lost someone too. Maybe--]
...Does it ever...get better?
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Alice-san?
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He doesn't want to worry her, but...
And he cares about her, too, and she'll leave eventually too, won't she? So what's the point?
This has hit him hard, and for a long moment, he is silent. He does respond...but he doesn't lift his face from where he has buried it in his knees.]
...Touka. I'm fine. It's...I'm. Fine.
[And his voice fades away. He isn't fine, not in the least.]
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He had found a life and a family and it was gone again...like his life is just one cruel joke.
So he says nothing; Touka can do what she wants. He just...doesn't care. Can't bring himself to care.]
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[She takes some time to weigh her words, but...]
It's a risk you take. You've gotta put yourself out there to rely on people and to trust them. So maybe it didn't completely pay off this time, but... You can't give up hope. It's not over here.
[She's such a hypocrite, but that doesn't really register right now.]
It'll be okay. Take youre time getting back on your feet though. You need anything?
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It's hard to deal with strangers seeing this, especially because he is so clearly vulnerable here, and yet he can't quite bring himself to care. Why care? It doesn't even matter.
What does matter?]
Why are you...
[Helping me? Caring? Saying something? Either way, he trails off into silence, still not looking into the screen.]
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Because most people can't leave another person alone if they're hurting. Or maybe there's just something weird in my wiring that makes it happen for me.
But you know, being alone at a time like this won't do any good. You start thinking weird things when you're in a bad mood and left alone.
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But he's used to being alone.]
I'll be fine.
[It's pretty clear he doesn't want to talk; words aren't getting through to him, not now. He's too numb, too devastated.]
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I'm sorry...
[awkward pause, but he feels terrible for the guy. he knows the feeling of losing someone.]
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Why do they care?
Clearly their only fate is to be separated and to go back to their lives and none of this will matter in the end--]
...Why?
[...Why care?]
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[he smiled a little, he can recognize that kind of eyes. it's the set of confusion and loss. not that the other stopped trusting, but because he's pained and blinded...]
But while I'm here and present, I can still talk to you and try to make things better.
Even for the tiniest bit... even if I don't matter, that isn't a reason why I should just ignore what I saw today.
You're not much different from me in the end. We're all stuck here out of our will and forced to face different kinds of trial everyday.
[that's right, probably one day none of these will matter if they will just keep disappearing. but they don't know what lies ahead... it's best to just do what everyone can for each other. in order to make it together in this underwater trap.]
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He lifts his head, looking at the screen, eyes tired.]
But we're all going to just go back eventually. So why...?
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It is blank, the look on his face, when he looks up. Blank, in emotional exhaustion and in a simple inability to understand. Mr. H can't be gone, not really. This world is just...messing with him, lying to him, it has to be--
But Alice? has never been good with lies, even (especially) to himself.
And he knows, deep down, that Mr. H is gone.
Aziraphale's voice jolts him out of that, and he blinks, as if out of a daze.]
Aziraphale...?
[After a moment--he bites his lip and struggles to keep it together and not break down--he reaches over and picks up the SFC, for a moment just looking into it, clearly devastated.]
I--
[He falls silent, taking a shuddering breath. This is just...so unfair. Why do things have to happen this way?]
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Doing his best to be stern, but not harsh, Aziraphale takes a deep breath. ]
Please. Where are you?
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I'm...I'm here, in our home--
[...h-haha home no, it wasn't anymore, was it? Not without Mr. H. He didn't have a home anymore...again.
Maybe he simply wasn't meant to have one.]
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