private
updating from psp
i am seriously the worlds biggest douchebag.
akira turned me down or whatever. i thought you know that maybe i could just avoid all of this shit if i could just go out with akari and do stuff with her and at least make someone happy you know? because what the fuck is the point if akari and me are both upset. i mean i know that doesnt makes sense- lying to myself- but thats what i wanted to try. i went to meet her and i told her id try it again and she was so happy and i really thought wed work out and i could go tell akira that he doesnt need to freak out about me and he could go do whatever it is he wants and i dont know what else but it was better than being sad.
until i found out i am the worlds biggest douchebag.
i wanted to know. i wanted to know if maybe kissing akira had felt so good because you know i havent gone out with anyone in a while and maybe id gotten over some things after my confession and i dont know. maybe an emotional block that affected my hormones too. something. anyway i wanted to know if shed be just as nice to kiss and so i asked her right there if i could kiss her and of course of course she said yes and she looked so fucking happy. so fucking happy. i could almost hear the wedding bells because she was very pretty and i was convincing myself i could live vicariously through her happiness forever and ever. who cares about akira and everything.
so i kissed her. she was wearing strawberry lip gloss. i know this because that is really all i noticed that didnt suck ass. she tasted like strawberry but oh my god it was just gross aside from that. even aside from how slimy and plasticy lip gloss feels it was just like why? why am i doing this?? akira is like a different species or something i dont know. or maybe love is like mind over matter and i dont like kisses but kisses with akira are just something else. i think about that kiss with akari and i just want to brush my teeth again. with akira i fuck myself in the shower while hes two rooms away and its good. and that is just from two fucking kisses that he didnt even want apparently
what was i saying. oh yeah. biggest douchebag ever. its already obvious.
what the hell am i writing
maybe talking to akira pays off somehow
tl;dr kiss sucks. for some stupid fucking reason- impulse maybe idk- i decide to tell her that. and not only that but i namedropped akira right to her face. right there.
she isnt stupid and she hits pretty hard for a girl. just a slap but there are cuts by my eye if you look hard enough where her nails kind of caught me. she said lots of things and she cried a lot. and you know whats sick- i wanted to tell her to get some waterproof mascara because it was running all over. i didnt.
guess im not gonna marry akari. i really thought i could fix everything that way. so i come back to akiras and he acts like everything is normal and im just tired and a douchebag so i go along with everything and we watch death note and dont talk much and he still manages to fall asleep on me somehow so i take him to bed and stay up some studying go and now im back next to him writing this and hoping ill pass out soon
its like 4 am and these fucking drug
lololo
akira grabbed me dont think hes awake yet stopping b4 light wakes him
i am seriously the worlds biggest douchebag.
akira turned me down or whatever. i thought you know that maybe i could just avoid all of this shit if i could just go out with akari and do stuff with her and at least make someone happy you know? because what the fuck is the point if akari and me are both upset. i mean i know that doesnt makes sense- lying to myself- but thats what i wanted to try. i went to meet her and i told her id try it again and she was so happy and i really thought wed work out and i could go tell akira that he doesnt need to freak out about me and he could go do whatever it is he wants and i dont know what else but it was better than being sad.
until i found out i am the worlds biggest douchebag.
i wanted to know. i wanted to know if maybe kissing akira had felt so good because you know i havent gone out with anyone in a while and maybe id gotten over some things after my confession and i dont know. maybe an emotional block that affected my hormones too. something. anyway i wanted to know if shed be just as nice to kiss and so i asked her right there if i could kiss her and of course of course she said yes and she looked so fucking happy. so fucking happy. i could almost hear the wedding bells because she was very pretty and i was convincing myself i could live vicariously through her happiness forever and ever. who cares about akira and everything.
so i kissed her. she was wearing strawberry lip gloss. i know this because that is really all i noticed that didnt suck ass. she tasted like strawberry but oh my god it was just gross aside from that. even aside from how slimy and plasticy lip gloss feels it was just like why? why am i doing this?? akira is like a different species or something i dont know. or maybe love is like mind over matter and i dont like kisses but kisses with akira are just something else. i think about that kiss with akari and i just want to brush my teeth again. with akira i fuck myself in the shower while hes two rooms away and its good. and that is just from two fucking kisses that he didnt even want apparently
what was i saying. oh yeah. biggest douchebag ever. its already obvious.
what the hell am i writing
maybe talking to akira pays off somehow
tl;dr kiss sucks. for some stupid fucking reason- impulse maybe idk- i decide to tell her that. and not only that but i namedropped akira right to her face. right there.
she isnt stupid and she hits pretty hard for a girl. just a slap but there are cuts by my eye if you look hard enough where her nails kind of caught me. she said lots of things and she cried a lot. and you know whats sick- i wanted to tell her to get some waterproof mascara because it was running all over. i didnt.
guess im not gonna marry akari. i really thought i could fix everything that way. so i come back to akiras and he acts like everything is normal and im just tired and a douchebag so i go along with everything and we watch death note and dont talk much and he still manages to fall asleep on me somehow so i take him to bed and stay up some studying go and now im back next to him writing this and hoping ill pass out soon
its like 4 am and these fucking drug
lololo
akira grabbed me dont think hes awake yet stopping b4 light wakes him