Fic: The Snuggling Job, Crossover Angel/Leverage
Title: The Snuggling Job or Revenge is a dish that's best served cold
Author: elebridith
Rating: PG-13
Genre: Crossover, slightly cracky.
Pairing: Lindsey/Eliot
Summary: Discovering soft spots in some people can be dangerous. Really.
Disclaimer: Not mine, no one, nothing of it. Just playing.
Posted here, because it was originally written for comment_fic , diverse prompts but one big story. Part of my Face Value!Verse.
Alec Hardison tilted his head and grinned widely as he watched the two men at the kitchen table. "Aw, folks, you two are so adorable. I bet you even cuddle and snuggle."
Eliot's head whipped around. He had been bandaging Lindsey's arm wound, refusing to let anyone else do it. And his face had shown a soft expression of concern that was totally different to the grimy mask he wore when he patched up other people. Obviously, Alec found that cute. Very obviously, Eliot disagreed. "I. Don't. Cuddle." he growled, and Alec took a step back.
"Hey, it's not... not that there's anything wrong with it, I, I, I think it's cute..." His voice trailed off at the death glare Eliot threw at him. He slowly took more steps back and stuttered "I, um, forgot something... back... uh, see you later." He made vague hand motions in the direction of his office and hastily retreated.
Lindsey quickly looked down on the table to hide his grin. Eliot huffed and finished bandaging. "I don't cuddle," he repeated, making the word sound like he had tasted a foul egg.
Lindsey looked up. "Course you don't."
His voice had a soothing tone, and Eliot looked at him sharply, narrowing his eyes and trying to detect a hint of sarcasm. He couldn't find any, but wasn't entirely convinced. He crossed his arms and looked sternly at his partner. "I don't."
Lindsey shook his head and smiled, maybe a tad too innocent. "Nope. That would be me, doin' the cuddling, right? And the snuggling, whatever the difference is."
Eliot snorted, but looked a little mollified. "Damn right you are." Then he remembered that the whole insult really wasn't Lindsey's fault and his expression softened. "Sorry. How 'bout some tea?"
Lindsey's smile was genuinely grateful now. "Yeah. Please."
Eliot nodded and wandered off to the kitchen.
Lindsey watched him disappear, carefully keeping his face straight. Tricky subject. Been there, done that - poor Hardison. As soon as the door was closed he fidgeted his cell phone out of his pocket and flipped it open. He went through some files, pulled up a picture and looked at it, grinning cheerfully at the memory of the night before.
They had been watching TV together, and Eliot had fallen asleep. The adrenaline rush of the con (and of the celebratory sex in the shower afterwards) had worn off and within minutes into the movie he had dozed off. That had happened before, but tonight? Stars must have been aligned, Jupiter with Mars or something. First Eliot's head only had fallen on Lindsey's shoulder, but then he had shifted, slowly pulling up his feet. With a sound that could only be described as purring he'd suddenly curled up like a cat and had wrapped his arm around Lindsey's thighs. His face had nuzzled a bit at Lindsey's hip and then Eliot had slept on, blissfully unaware of his... position. And he looked so fucking adorable with his mussed hair and that content little smile he wore that Lindsey had carefully reached for his cell phone and made a few pictures.
Lindsey slid the phone back in his pocket with a satisfied smirk. Defendant declares himself innocent, but this lawyer has convincing evidence. I rest my case. You're pronounced guilty of snuggling, Mr. Spencer.
Four weeks later
Lindsey had propped himself up in an office chair, sitting cross-legged with a heap of files in his lap. His forehead was furrowed with concentration as he worked his way through them, taking notes here and there, looking for connections. Every once in a while he looked up and threw a question at Sophie or Parker who were sitting at the table, working with their laptops. He was so focused on his work that he didn't even notice Alec standing next to him, waiting patiently. Finally the hacker tapped him on his shoulder.
"Lindsey? Sorry to interrupt, but I need your cell phone. New tracking system and some maintenance."
"Huh?" Lindsey looked up, blinking and a little confused. Alec patiently held out his hand.
"Cell phone, Lindsey. Maintenance."
"Oh. Oh, yes. Of course. Sorry." Eyes already on the papers again, Lindsey absently pulled his phone out of his pocket and handed it over. He didn't even hear Alec's amused comment about tunnel vision as he flipped through his stash of paper again. A good while later he looked up again. "Sophie, what's the status on..."
Sophie interrupted him with a wave of her hand. "One moment." She turned to Parker. "No, you can't. It's a password-protected file and who knows what kind of alarm it sets off if you get the password wrong. It could even destroy the pictures. Leave it to Hardison."
Lindsey stared at her, frowning. Password protection. Hardison. Something began to nag at the back of his mind. Password. Files. Pictures. Hardison. Cell phone... His eyes flew wide open. "Holy fuckin' shit on a stick!"
Sophie's and Parker's head flew up simultaneously at Lindsey's outburst and they watched wide-eyed as he jumped from his chair, almost tripped over his own feet and bolted out of the office, leaving the papers whirling. The two women looked at each other. "What was that?" Sophie asked astonished. Parker shrugged. "Stomach bug?"
Lindsey burst into Alec's office. "Hardison? Uhh... can I...?" The words died on his lips as he saw the wide grin that had spread over Alec's face. Oh shit. He sagged against the door frame and buried his face in his hands. Alec looked up, saw him and grinned even broader.
"Lindsey. Did you just want to tell me not to look at... those?" He waved Lindsey's phone.
Lindsey groaned and stepped up to Alec's desk. "I'm dead. Hardison, please..."
Alec's grin now threatened to split his face in two. He practically hopped in chair with excited joy. "Pictures. Eliot. Snuggling. Just waiting to be put on all laptops in this office!"
Lindsey felt like banging his head on Alec's desk. "Hardison... you want me dead, do you? Eliot's going to kill me. What can I do? Can't you just... forget you ever saw those?"
Alec's eyes widened with mock hurt. "Forget? Nuh-uh. These are now carved in my brain." He grinned cheerfully. "Oh Lindsey, I so owe your ass now! We might work something out, though..."
Lindsey nodded enthusiastically. "Whatever. Anything. I'll polish your action figure collection with a toothbrush if you want to."
Alec looked very satisfied. "That might be a start. And then..."
A soft voice coming from the door interrupted them. "Hardison. You're not trying to blackmail my boy, are you?"
The voice sounded sweet as honey and not a little bit threatening, but Alec paled as he caught sight of its owner. "Uhh... hello Eliot..."
Lindsey froze, then gave in to temptation and dropped his head on the desk. I'm not here. This is not happening.
Eliot was leaning in the door frame, posture completely relaxed and smiling very sweetly. "Hardison? Still waiting here. Are you. Trying. To blackmail. Lindsey?"
Eliot's tone was cheerful, almost happy, but Alec's face clearly showed that the way Eliot accentuated every word was the most threatening thing he'd ever heard. Including the voice of Jim Sterling and the sound of a rattlesnake. He swallowed and tried to speak. "I... uhh... "
Eliot moved and suddenly was in front of the desk, his face only inches away from Alec's. "You weren't, right? 'cause if you were..." He tilted his head and grinned, showing way too much teeth. "I'd have to get back to you on that. Can't let that slide, you understand?" He reached out and patted Alec's cheek.
Alec couldn't completely stifle a squeal. "I... reallywasn'tseriousreallyIwasjustjoking!" he babbled out, face now pale with a little green shade added to it. "Lindsey, tell him Iwasn'tseriouspleaseman!"
Lindsey's head still rested on Alec's desk. He had squeezed his eyes shut and now just shook his head, refusing to talk.
"Yes, yes." Eliot patted Alec's shoulder, clearly enjoying Alec's panicked look. He picked up Lindsey's phone, looked at the pictures in question and started to laugh. "Those? Lindsey, you wanted to keep those hidden from me? Didya really think I didn't know them?"
What? Lindsey slowly rose his head, opened his eyes and felt his jaw drop. He looked at Eliot. "You... knew? But... for how long? How?"
Eliot grinned. "Remember I had to borrow your phone two weeks ago? When mine broke down? I accidentally pressed a wrong button and found a file called 'Eliot'. There ya go." He shrugged.
Lindsey gaped. "But... it was..."
Eliot gave him a smug grin. "Password protected. Yeah. Next time you're in my apartment, take a closer look at my bookshelves. I do read poetry sometimes, ya know. Especially if the author has my name. And writes damn good stuff."
Lindsey dropped his head in his hands. His shoulders started to shake as he tried to stifle his laughter and failed in the end. Finally he looked up. "And I thought it was clever."
Alec chimed in. "Oh it was, totally. I used my little baby here to crack it, hell, I don't even know what it means, so..." His voice trailed off as Eliot gave him a pointedly questioning look. "I... uhh... I'll just shut up now, okay?"
Eliot gave him that sweet smile again and nodded. "Very good idea, Hardison." He turned back to Lindsey who still looked incredulous.
"Eliot... if you knew all along... I thought... why didn't you say something?"
Eliot smirked. He leaned forward and whispered in Lindsey's ear "Because you were so darn cute when you looked at them, thinking you got a secret." He kissed Lindsey's cheek and had to laugh as Lindsey's face turned beet red. He kissed him again, full on his lips this time and then turned around to face Alec. "And you..." He narrowed his eyes. "You better watch out. I won't forget this." He scoffed. "Blackmail. Really." He didn't wait for an answer, just wrapped his arm around Lindsey's shoulders and dragged him out. Lindsey had barely time to turn his head and throw Alec an apologizing look before they were out of the door.
Alec stared at the closed door for a while, trying to get his breathing under control again. Then he hit the intercom.
"Nate? I just pissed off Eliot big time. Like my-life's-in-danger big time. You have a job for me in, say, Abu Dhabi?"
Two months later
Lindsey had thought that this would be the hardest part, had thought that the hacker would still be suspicious. But obviously Alec had forgotten about the picture incident two months ago. At least he had left his office without hesitation as Lindsey had called him for help. And he either didn't notice or didn't make the connection as Eliot entered Lindsey's office a few minutes later, looking very smug. As Alec had left again, Lindsey looked up at his partner. "Done?"
"Done." Eliot replied, smug grin getting wider. "Everything's set."
Lindsey shook his head with an amused smile. "Remember me never to piss you off, okay? Your revenge is a terrible thing!"
Eliot grinned, satisfied. "No one blackmails my boy and gets away with it. No one."
***
Alec Hardison got the first inkling that something was wrong when he entered the office the next morning and Parker got a serious giggle fit at the sight of him. He frowned. "What??" Parker didn't or better couldn't say a word because she laughed so hard that there were tears in her eyes. Alec looked down on himself. "What's going on? Am I wearing my shirt inside out? Do I have pink spots or something?"
Sophie appeared behind him, also grinning. "Don't worry, Hardison. She's just admiring your, ah, fashion sense."
That remark caused another giggle fit and Alec could swear that Parker had mumbled the word "corset". His eyebrows shot up and his suspicions grew. "Fashion sense?"
Sophie just grinned, patted his back and left the room. Taking one last look at Parker who slowly caught her breath again, Alec followed her. "Sophie!"
Sophie grinned even wider. "As I said. Fashion. I didn't picture you for... that kind, but hey..."
Alec felt a strong sensation of horror creeping up his spine. Something was definitely off. Very off. He stood in the corridor, not sure if he wanted to enter his office or if it would be a wiser move to head back home. Then he shook his head. Maybe they are just having me on. Maybe I just missed April Fool's or the local version of it. Maybe...
He opened the door to his office and carefully peeked inside. Everything looked normal. He let out a sigh of relief and fell on his chair. Automatically he reached for the switch of his laptop to power it up, expecting to be greeted by the Doctor Who theme as usual. Instead he nearly fell out of his chair as "Time Warp" blasted out of his speakers at full volume.
"Whoa! Whoa!" He frantically pushed a few buttons to turn the volume down. "What the hell..."
His intercom beeped. "Hardison? In my office. NOW." Nate's voice wasn't bellowing, but it was close. Alec bolted from his chair and rushed over to Nate. He was greeted with an icy glare.
"Hardison. I don't know why the hell you felt the exhibitionistic need to put those... embarrassing picture on all of our laptops. And I don't care how you dress up in your free time, but I want to have my old wallpaper back. Now."
Alec gaped and stared at Nate, then heard a giggle behind him. He whirled around and saw Parker in the door frame, almost collapsing with laughter. He turned back to Nate who tried to keep his outraged look, but slowly started to fail. Embarrassing... on all of the laptops...? What the... He blinked slowly, turned on his heels and ran back to his office. He practically jumped at his laptop that had now completely booted.
And there it was, set up as wallpaper. A picture of himself, dressed up as Frank N. Furter, completely with corset, lipstick, fishnet stockings, garters and high heels. Or better, since he was fairly certain that he'd never dressed up like that, his face on a very fancy picture manipulation.
He stared in horror for a good while, unable to close his mouth. Everyone saw this? A weak squealing sound escaped his mouth. "What the... seriously? Who... what...?" He looked up and found Parker, Sophie and Nate lined up like chicken on a stick, peeking into his office, grinning like lunatics.
"Folks? What's this? Who...?" And then it dawned on him. "You better watch out. I won't forget this." He took a deep breath and screamed: "ELIOT!!!"
Lindsey, still in his office, looked up at Eliot. "He found it."
Eliot grinned and stood up. "Yup. I heard."
They both went over to Alec's office. Alec stared at Eliot with an incredulous expression. "You... did you..." It was hard to say what had shaken him more - the fact that Eliot had made good on his threat at all or the fact that he obviously had touched a computer for it.
Eliot grinned happily. "Remember, 't was you who told me I had to get used to use computers? And ya know, 's true. So I took your advice. Learned the fun stuff. I can now set up sounds and I can change wallpapers. And I really practiced this Photoshop thing." He tilted his head and gave Alec that brilliant self-satisfied smile of his.
"Aren't ya proud of me?"