Perhaps. That's a new start again and I don't really know if I am happy away from my family. But also I am not very "American" and so I am not happy in the States after a while. The question is more along the lines of what I want, and I don't know that so I am trying to figure it out based on throwing some ideas around. Aha.
That then is clearly the question, not California or Belgium, but instead as you say, what do you want.
And that is never an easy question. Most people want tomorrow to be more or less like today. For there to be shelter, food, and companionship. Children, the biological imperative. The burning satisfaction of creation. Art. Passion. Desire. Life. A safe space. A rewarding job. A mark on the world to remember us when we are gone.
I love what you bring up. Yes, I want all those things (especially the rewarding job part) but more recently and personally I think I have discovered that I want time & worry-free state of mind which means a bit of money in my bank account at all times. Which never happens. I want to relax in a safe place that I have created surrounded by my art, books & a fridge full of freshly plucked tree foods. I am a simple gal at times. & this I have atm, but not the worry free part.
I love my hobbit cave in the middle of Antwerpen so much that I am stressed out all the time to keep it. Part of me also worries that I have been so long away from California that I have forgotten if it could be easier there for me. When the Academy starts again, maybe things will be clearer. A lot of these things is mental. Trying to keep a good mental state of mind is difficult where there is not a lot of sun, as you may be aware of. =/
when you close your eyes and feel with your heart of hearts, what do you see?
earlier this year, prior to deciding upon moving, i saw nothing. it was this blank, opaque darkness. that's when i knew that my position at that time was leading nowhere. i didn't know where i was headed, though-i just knew it wasn't within this context of work, "love", and home.
building connections is probably key to your sense of confusion right now. i'm worried about that myself when i'll be in istanbul... will i be able to build real friendships at all? how important a factor will this be in my contentment?
i say keep meditating until the academy starts again. you will at least be more surrounded then.
Very tough decision. Maybe somewhere completely new? If anything, moving back to CA would give you proximity to family and as well as possibly saving some money. It might be easier financially to establish a 'home base' so to speak and travel to other places and stay for shorter periods versus moving there.
Or perhaps teach english abroad? Korea or Japan? I know people who do this, and they love it. I'm sure there are places in and around Belgium who do this as well though the pay would not be as high as in asian countries.
But those two options might have the effect of putting your art and passion on the back burner. Or maybe not.
Personally, at times, I get caught up in so many options, and my head spins, but I sort through them when I think in context of my artwork. If it helps me as an artist, I'm more willing to dive into (be it school, moving.. etc), and if it takes me farther way (as in keeps me busy, not enough time to devote to art), then I'm more hesitant to do it.
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The question is more along the lines of what I want, and I don't know that so I am trying to figure it out based on throwing some ideas around. Aha.
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And that is never an easy question. Most people want tomorrow to be more or less like today. For there to be shelter, food, and companionship. Children, the biological imperative. The burning satisfaction of creation. Art. Passion. Desire. Life. A safe space. A rewarding job. A mark on the world to remember us when we are gone.
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I love my hobbit cave in the middle of Antwerpen so much that I am stressed out all the time to keep it. Part of me also worries that I have been so long away from California that I have forgotten if it could be easier there for me. When the Academy starts again, maybe things will be clearer. A lot of these things is mental. Trying to keep a good mental state of mind is difficult where there is not a lot of sun, as you may be aware of. =/
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earlier this year, prior to deciding upon moving, i saw nothing. it was this blank, opaque darkness. that's when i knew that my position at that time was leading nowhere. i didn't know where i was headed, though-i just knew it wasn't within this context of work, "love", and home.
building connections is probably key to your sense of confusion right now. i'm worried about that myself when i'll be in istanbul... will i be able to build real friendships at all? how important a factor will this be in my contentment?
i say keep meditating until the academy starts again. you will at least be more surrounded then.
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Or perhaps teach english abroad? Korea or Japan? I know people who do this, and they love it. I'm sure there are places in and around Belgium who do this as well though the pay would not be as high as in asian countries.
Or maybe try wwoofing in countries? WWOOF.
But those two options might have the effect of putting your art and passion on the back burner. Or maybe not.
Personally, at times, I get caught up in so many options, and my head spins, but I sort through them when I think in context of my artwork. If it helps me as an artist, I'm more willing to dive into (be it school, moving.. etc), and if it takes me farther way (as in keeps me busy, not enough time to devote to art), then I'm more hesitant to do it.
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