FFS scheduled for Nov 9th... (cross posted to partners_of_tg)

[prtyldy]

I could type about this for days, but I want to keep this short. I am a cisgender female with a trans woman partner. She was out when we first met, but did not start transitioning until we had been together for 6 months. Fast forward 2 years: last week we booked for FFS with Dr Spiegel in Boston. She is pretty much getting the works

Comments

[prtyldy]

You are right, it is so tempting to try and only see her point of view, to not allow myself to grieve in the face of her happiness...

[brujaoscura]

Well, as you know I split with my transgendered partner. I tried very hard to understand and deal. I wasn't ALLOWED to grieve, I wasn't ALLOWEd to feel pain or heaven help me if I expressed confusion or distress.
I have maintained contact with several trangendered friends I made. I have talked to all of them and they told me- their partners grieved and hurt. They did go to counselling and therapy(and yes- if you feel you need it DO it. Explain that it is a way that you will be better able to cope/understand/relate. Therapy is something that might be helpful for BOTH of you.)

[outofsynch]

zoe and i were talking about old photos of her the other day. I've been taking pictures as the months go on so she can see how her face and body are changing because of the harmones. she brought up that she had some really old photos I'd be shocked to see, and we started talking about high school yearbook photos and how she thinks those would be hard for her to look at on her own, much less with someone else (maybe me, maybe). She feels like a different person than she felt back then. those pictures feel like a different life to her, even though she maintains that she's always been true to her inner self no matter what it looks like from the outside

[prtyldy]

=) It helps me so much talking to everyone on here. I don't know why I have neglected livejournal so much lately. I think I have just been withdrawing from everyone lately, trying to be as strong as I know Anna needs me to be...

[outofsynch]

well, then stop punishing yourself like that. you can't be strong if you don't take care of yourself. :) it's easy to withdraw and then to feel like you have no one to turn to. but really, all you need to do is reach out to those support networks and someone will be there, even if you've been m.i.a. for a while.

[nodesignation]

I've been thinking about this for a while. Perhaps I have a different experience, but I never really had any drastic shifts in my look or gender. I generally dressed and acted the same way before transition as I do now, with a few clear exceptions which snuck up over time. The closet thing I can point to is that I used to have 3 ft long hair and now I have 3 in long hair, and even that was a slow and gradual process.

I don't think it's inappropriate at all to appreciate a partner's past look, but I'm always a bit confused when some people use the language of mourning to describe it. I'm tempted to compare it to having a partner who used to be goth or had a really nice clubbing look but don't do that anymore. You might look at old pictures, think fondly of memories of the time, and appreciate how well they pulled off that look. Those are very legitimate feelings. It doesn't mean you want your partner to go back to that time, stop being who they are now, or even that you don't appreciate who they are now just as much if not

[1imaginarygirl]

Hey, long time no talk. I wonder how things are with you guys now?
Alice had her FFS and SRS. The FFS really freaked me out, I confess. It was the physical manifestation of all the personality changes she'd had. She didn't look like my girlfriend any more, and she didn't act like my girlfriend any more.
I found out that she'd started having a fling with someone at work before she even went for surgery. It developed into a full-blown affair once she was post-op, and she lied about it for months. It's a fucking tragic end to a relationship that started off with such hope.

[prtyldy]

Hey! It is nice to hear from you, though I wish you had happier things to relate. I am so sorry to hear of Alice's affair. What a betrayal! I understand what it feels like, though I am happy to say that Anna and I have had no troubles in that respect. In fact.... we are getting married in 2 weeks! The FFS was such a bonding experience for us, actually. She was so completely dependent on me, and I ran myself ragged taking care of her. I was honestly very proud of myself, which is a rare feeling for me, and I think it alleviated some of the fears she has had about whether or not I was truly okay with her "transness". Anyway, we should catch up. I have not had much time for livejournal what with the surgery recovery, followed by 6 months of wedding planning, but I do miss you and dont want to lose touch. :)