SPN Fic/Art: I Need Your Grace (To Remind Me To Find My Own)

[prufrock_26]

Title: I Need Your Grace (To Remind Me To Find My Own)
Characters: Sam, Dean
Genre: Gen, hurt/comfort
Rating: PG-13 for language and troublesome subject matter (see warnings)
Word-count: 3610
Spoilers: Very vague spoilers for seasons 4 and 5.
Warnings: Depression and self-destructive behavior.
Summary: After pulling out of the life full stop, they're

Comments

[galwithglasses]

I can smell the woodsmoke and hear rakes and crunching leaves. I love the apple picking detail, especially the physics-defying plywood roof. The bit about Sam reliving everything he did wrong in the last ten years is awful but so accurate. Both of these guys are so depressed. They are still keeping their heads above water and that's something. The little pictures are lovely and do a wonderful job of adding atmosphere to the piece all around. Wonderful work.

[prufrock_26]

Thank you! As it came into my head, this fic was as much about fall and the atmosphere of decay as it was about the boys and their situation, so I'm immensely pleased that those feelings and sensory details came through for you.

I'm glad the psychology rang true for you, too. Depression is such a difficult subject, and one that's never directly faced in canon, so I felt a little like I was blundering around in the dark at some points.

Lastly - I haven't picked up a paintbrush in years, and I had deep misgivings about posting art at all, so your comments mean quite a lot. Thank you. ♥

[sparrow_lately]

Oh my lord, oh my goodness gracious, I like this a lot. I mean...wow, okay, I just love it when Sam's life circles around and he gets what he wanted, he gets a regular mortgage-and-raking type of life and he finds it's really not so simple, or in his DNA, at all, and poor Dean, who never had a yard to rake and never wanted one, and doesn't know how to live in a world where he isn't a martyr. These poor boys, and of course after all those years of Dean doing everything to keep them together and make sure they're okay, Sam's going to pick up the slack when he can't anymore, because Sam learned how to be a good person, a caretaker, the holder-together-of-broken-people from Dean, so when Dean needs it, there he is. But of course neither of them is really accustomed to thinking in the long term, or to imagining themselves living into old age (and gah, I loved the bit about Dean not knowing how to think more than a few days in advance--very accurate

[prufrock_26]

Don't worry, I love your incoherence. Though I hope you're feeling better now, because fevers are dreadful in real life. Also, I approve of the phrase "cold as a witch's tit."

Sorry about the painful New England nostalgia - I gave it to myself first, and it sort of became the driving force behind this fic, because nothing is more depressing than fall in New England (with the possible exception of early spring in New England). Which, of course, makes it the perfect backdrop for unseemly amounts of post-retirement depression. This - doesn't know how to live in a world where he isn't a martyr - is so terribly true of Dean, and I love the brutal way you put it.

I also love this: Sam learned how to be a good person, a caretaker, the holder-together-of-broken-people from Dean, so when Dean needs it, there he is. YES. I had never thought of it that way before, and....gahhh, yes. I think I love you.

[sparrow_lately]

I may or may not work that phrase into conversation as often as possible because it is amazing. I'm glad my incoherence got a smile out you.

Hey now, I love fall in New England...but it's a bittersweet love, I suppose. Or maybe that's just homesickness talking. :P In any case I couldn't agree more it makes a good backdrop for stark, stagnant depression. But it's so pretty! So, you know, literary contrast and whatnot, I suppose.

Love! *throws confetti*

[prufrock_26]

Oh, fall's my favorite season here (I say here; I actually live near New England, not in it, but the climate's basically the same). Partly I always associate fall with really depressing medieval ballads. *shrugs* My mind, she is weird.

[tabaqui]

Oh, boys.

They both went from full-tilt, screaming, raging, fighting for their life to static, null - nothing.

Is it any wonder their both floundering? Makes your heart ache. I love the setting, this isolated little space that takes them out of any real time or place, just them, just these autumnal woods.

Beautiful and bittersweet.

[prufrock_26]

Thank you so much - I'm glad you enjoyed it.

[etoile_etiolee]

This is so sad, full of melancholy, atmospheric and very sweet at the same time.

The art is gorgeous, particularly the one of Dean's hands.

Very, very well done! Loved it.

<3

[prufrock_26]

Thank you! I was rather nervous about posting art for the first time, so I'm especially grateful for the feedback. ♥

[cece_away]

What a difficult adjustment for both of them. Your phrasing is near poetic and poignant.

[prufrock_26]

Thank you! It's basically a no-win situation for them, I think...